Situation
by Crowsnight66
Summary: Allen has been sentenced to death. Komui is making him and Kanda share a room to see if it will help problem exorcists perform better together. But in all this, Allen's nightmares continue about his secrets, and it's becoming harder to hide them from the samurai. Will Kanda be able to save him, or will it be too late? Yullen! No lemons. Warnings inside. Mpreg!Allen!
1. New Room

**Author Note: This fanfic is rated T for the following: cutting, suicidal thoughts, and Yullen. Also, I'll be updating ever Monday.**

**Kanda: This is the worst story ever!**

**Me: No, you love it. Allen, will you do the honors?**

**Allen: Sure, Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, only the plot.**

**Me: Then, let the story begin!**

_**Situations**_

_Chapter 1: New Room_

I walk to Komui's office with Timcampy flying around beside me. As I was walking out of the cafeteria after dinner, Komui called Kanda and me to his office over the intercom. _Probably another mission, but why did he have to put me with that jerk?_

I grumble to Tim about how Lenalee and Lavi were both here, and available to the task. Unfortunately, no matter how much I complain, I'm still having to on a mission with the bluenette. I push open Komui's office door and see Kanda is already there with the ever present sour look plastered to his face. I sit on the couch, trying to get as much distance between the two of us as possible.

"Well then," the deranged scientist began, "I guess you're wondering why you're here." Silence filled the air.

He continued, unfazed, "First off, this isn't a mission."

I sucked in a breath in unison as the ill-tempered samurai. I get a creeping suspicion that the lunatic is about to condemn one of us to death. "Reever and I are conducting an experiment on putting together enemy exorcists as roommates to see if it helps performan-"

Kanda stood and drew Mugen, pointing the katana at Komui, "There's no way in heck that I'm sharing a room with the Moyashi!"

Komui puts his hands up, "You have no choice." With that, he holds up two jingling keys. I don't need to check my pockets to know that the keys belong to me and Kanda. "My Lenalee is an excellent key stealer. Wouldn't you agree?"

I'm truly amazed that the scientist hasn't been skewered by the furious bluenette. I give him ten words before he is, though. Komui then pulls out two more keys, tossing one to me and one to Kanda, "These are the keys to your new room. Your things have already been taken there. You are dismissed."

As he sits in his chair, Kanda yells, "And why would we submit to that?!"

I stand and grab the screeching samurai's hood, pulling him out the door. He rounds on me once we're in the hall, but I've already blocked the attack with my sleek, black Innocence arm. Kanda's dark eyes are blazing, "Are you happy about this?"

I shake my head, "No, heck no, but we have no other option. Just come on."

Though I know he hates being ordered around, Kanda sheathes Mugen and walks in the opposite direction of our new room. I watch him go, his beautiful long hair trailing behind him, and his muscular shoulders tensed. He may think it's the end of the world, but it's a lot harder on me.

I sullenly walk to room 149, one of the rooms on the top floor. By the time I reach the door, a light coat of sweat covers my body. I decided to get some exercise and take the stairs instead of the elevator. I unlock the door, opening it to a quite spacious room. I close the black door behind me and look around. Mine and Kanda's belongings were neatly placed in two suitcases by the door. Along the right wall was a bunk-bed, covered by deep purple comforters, and a nightstand accompanying it. From there, the far wall had the sliding glass door that goes out to a small balcony, complete with two plastic chairs. Then, the left wall had the door to the bathroom, a small dresser on either side.

I was amazed by the room. It really was very nice, but the fact that I would be sharing it with Kanda….

I sigh heavily, and stroll to the bathroom. I gasp at the large room, a two-sink vanity with a gigantic mirror, and a Jacuzzi bath tub connected to a shower. Confused that there was no toilet, I peek around the vanity back wall and find it there. My next thought was why did they do such an elaborate job? I shiver and exit the bathroom, slightly surprised to see Kanda unpacking his things into the dresser closest to the balcony.

He doesn't even glance at me as I walk to the beds again, jumping onto the top bunk. I had never been in a bunk-bed, so it was pretty cool to have a view over the entire room. I also can see Kanda standing with his hygienic supplies, and carry them into the bathroom. He sets them down on the vanity directly across from the door, but when he turns his head to the right, he stops dead. After cursing that he would kill Komui and Reever, he arranges his things the way he wants them. He vanishes towards the shower with two bottles of what I'm guessing are shampoo and conditioner in hand.

I lay back on the pillows, imagining my hands running through the bluenette's silky hair. I've felt his hair before, but only once. I don't think he noticed, but I remember it like it was yesterday. We had had yet another fight, and when he turned, his hair whipped me across the face. It stung like crap, but so worth it. I'm snapped back to reality when I hear water running. Kanda walks back into my view, his hair loose from its hair tie and cascading down his bare back. He runs his brush through it a few times before he catches me staring through the mirror. The jerk kicks his foot out behind him, closing the door, but I could have sworn I was a smirk on his full lips.

I shake my head. Yu Kanda doesn't like anyone, especially not me. Forcing myself up, I hop off the bed, landing on my feet and Innocence arm. I purposely try to land like this, wishing that maybe the sexy samurai look with lust in his dark orbs. I know it will never happen, but I can dream, right?

I grab my belongings, and set the suitcase on the dresser. I put away my clothes, leaving my personal supplies out to take into the bathroom later. I place the picture of Mana and I on the corner, making it secure enough so it won't fall off.

Finally, I come to the bottom of the case. Two items lay there: a razor and journal. I'm glad that the last time I used the razor I rinsed my blood off of it. I would be getting plagued with questions right now if I hadn't. I wrapped my clean clothes around the razor and journal, and place it among my other things. That's when I realize it. I won't be able to wear only sweatpants to bed anymore. I groan at the sudden realization. I add a turtleneck to my clean clothes, and trudge to my bed. Once I'm on the top bunk again, I lay back and stare at the looming ceiling.

I have no problem having my shirt off, especially around the showering bluenette. The problem with this is that I have too many scars on my body to explain. I nearly was doomed when Fou brought it up that time she disguised herself as Lou Fa. She knew I was cutting the moment she met me, but never told anyone. I was so thankful. If someone found out, I'd probably get kicked out of the Order. That scared me.

Lenalee would cry for days, trying to help me. Lavi would stay away from me, and when we did meet, he'd act like nothing happened. Everyone else would be disgusted, Kanda more than anyone. As if on cue, the samurai opens the door, the steam spirits bursting free from their restraints. He had on pants, but no shirt, his tattoo prominent against his wet skin. Running his long fingers through his damp hair, he glanced at me, "Who said you get to be on top?"

I nearly choke on my own saliva. He couldn't have worded that better? From the odd look of satisfaction on his chiseled features, I get a weird feeling that he meant it to sound that way. I straighten defiantly, "Because I want to be."

He mutters something along the lines of "Stupid Moyashi", and sits on the bottom bunk. I lean over the edge of the bed, my eyes seeing an upside down image of Kanda pulling his hair up into its normal ponytail, his midnight eyes meeting my silver ones, "What, Moyashi?"

"It's Allen, BaKanda!" I say. Then, I flip forwards off the bed, executing a perfect landing. I stand, not turning around as I walk to my dresser, though I want to see his expression. I gather my things, and close the bathroom door as I enter. I had always wanted to do that! Though, when I thought about it, it always ended in the bluenette kissing me. I immediately flush at the thought. I arrange my things on the vanity, putting my razor and soap bar on the side of the Jacuzzi-shower hybrid.

I pull off my exorcist coat, leaving my scars visible. I strip the rest of my clothing off, and twist the faucet. The water came out of the shower head straight down from the ceiling, still steaming from Kanda's shower. I can still smell the faint traces of moonlight, and yes, I think Kanda smells like moonlight. I step into the shower, letting the water run down my marred body. I pull the curtain across the rounded beam, thankful for the isolation. I see Kanda's hair products in the corner, feeling so proud of myself when I realize the label reads "Moonlight Mist".

I trace the cut across my abs. The cut I had made two days ago. I was going to have to get a new first aid kit. The last one was used up when I made the cut much deeper than I should have.

That means I can't cut tonight. I really needed to with what's happening at the moment. I can't though. I shudder, also coming to the realization that I used the rest of my shampoo. I glance at Kanda's two inviting bottles. He might kill me if I used them, but he couldn't tell if I used just a little, right?

I step out of the shower a few minutes later. I dry my white hair. I was trying to grow it out to see if Kanda liked it better that way…jeez, does my life revolve around the cranky samurai? _Yes._

I sigh, pulling on my clothes, nearly forgetting my shirt, but remembering at the last second. I open the door, the coolness making me shiver slightly. Kanda was reading what looked to be a pretty decent sized novel. That surprised me a little. I didn't think the bluenette liked to read. I hop up into my bed, and I hear the book close, "Why did you use my shampoo, Moyashi?"

I wriggled under the covers before freezing. "It's Allen! Al-len!" I growl. "And I ran out. I only used a little though."

"Don't use my things," he orders, the sound of the book opening again following.

I sigh. I guess it was wishful thinking that he wouldn't notice. I kick the sheets and comforter off me. I was going to die of heatstroke in this thing! I curse under my breath, silently wishing that I didn't have to wear the uncomfortable turtleneck.

I turn to my side, trying to cool down, but failing. I roll to my stomach, and regret it as the pain from the cut sears through me. I gasp in painful misery, and flop to my back, clutching my stomach. I feel Kanda kick my mattress, "Oi, Moyashi, stop thrashing around."

I bite back a retort and say, "Sorry, just hurts."

"What hurts?" Whoops! I feel like such an idiot, but then wonder why Kanda would give a crap. "Why would you care?" I ask.

Silence. After a moment, he replies, "I don't."

Careful not to irritate the wound more, I peer at the samurai, my hair probably falling and making me look stupid. I didn't care, though. I just wanted an answer, "Then why ask?"

He closed his book once again, looking me in the eyes, the darkness piercing me. Though he had an annoyed look, it seemed to me that he was confused. He sighed, "Because if you're going to keeping flopping around like that, then I don't want you to keep me up all night."

I pull myself back up, and then slide off the bed. I move to the thermostat by the door, setting it down to sixty-five before lying back down, again. I close my eyes, trying to sleep, and eventually drifting off into an uneasy slumber.

_Broken. Worthless. Freak. Incompetent. _

_The whispers crossed the Order, all the exorcists, finders, and scientist knew about my secret, not just Kanda, but cutting, too. I sit in my bed, head in my hands with tears streaming down my face. I hear the door open and involuntarily glance up, tears blurring my vision. Through the blurriness, I still knew from the dark eyes and waist length ponytail who it was. _

_Kanda silently walked over to the bed, "See, I knew this was going to happen."_

_I shake my head, confused, "But…"_

_He laughs at my misery, "It was obvious. I just liked to see you suffer, pathetic filth."_

_He grabs a hold of my shirt, roughly dragging me to the floor. The breath is knocked out of me as he kicks me against the wall. I cough, and look up to see the sharp tip of Mugen in my face, "You don't deserve to live as an exorcist. You don't deserve to live at all."_

"_No, please don't Kanda!" I scream, feeling the end of his katana prick the skin between my eyes. I screech in pain as it goes deeper…._

"Moyashi! Wake up!" I feel myself being shaken. I open my eyes to see Kanda on top of me, jerking me awake. My eyes widen and crawl back, putting my hands over my face, trying to protect myself.

The tears bubble over my eyes, and I shut them. "What the heck are you doing?"

I move my hands to see a confused look on the bluenette's face. I open my mouth, trying to say something, but nothing comes out. I quickly wipe away the tears, "Just a nightmare." I slide off the bed, making my way to the balcony door. I open the glass door, stepping outside and closing it behind me. I lean over the edge of the railing, casting my gaze elsewhere. The view was beautiful, though it was dark. I let a tear drip off my flushed cheek. Stupid nightmares. I get them more and more often now, and one of these times, I'm going to have to explain to the samurai why I was calling out his name in my sleep. I allow my eyes to wander the sky and distant trees, the mountains arching to the sky. I don't know how long I was out there, but I didn't sleep anymore. I didn't even enter the room again until dawn's colors were bleeding into the sky.

When I decided to return to the room, Kanda had woken up and was brushing his hair, the long locks falling out of the bristles and cascading down his muscled back. As I wander to my dresser, I pull out my iPod, put in the ear buds, and clicked it on. _Living in a world so cold, wasting away. Living in a shell with no soul, since you gone away. _I lose myself in the music as I slip into the bathroom. After I've changed, I exit the bathroom. I walk past Kanda, though I desperately wanted to watch him continue to brush his luscious hair. I take my wallet and head out of the room, heading to the Dollar General.

**Author Note: So that's chapter 1! I really have no clue if there is a Dollar General near the Order, but, oh well! Please, Please, PLEASE review!**


	2. Showers, Dollar General, and Lollipops

**Author Note: Hey, I'm back with chapter 2! Warnings are the same.**

**Me: Kanda, will you do the honors?**

**Kanda: Che, why the heck would I do that?**

**Me: I'll turn you into a girl, dye your hair pink, and make you wear pigtails like Lenalee.**

**Kanda: Crowsnightdoesn'townDGMorthecharacters,justtheplot !**

**Me: Thank you. On to chapter 2!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 2: Showers, Dollar General, and Lollipops_

After I eat my normal breakfast, I begin to head out to the dollar store. I'm nearly to the gigantic doors when I hear Lenalee call, "Allen, wait up!"

I pop out my ear buds, and stuff them in the inside pocket of my exorcist coat. I turn to see the pigtailed girl running towards me, a smile across her face. Once she caught up with me, she asked, "Where are you going?"

"I have to go to the dollar store and grab a few things," I explain. She nods, "Do you mind if I tag along? I need to get some hair stuff, and I haven't seen you in _forever_!"

I smile, "I'd love it, and maybe you can help me with that plan."

Lenalee knows about the whole Kanda thing I have going on, and since she's his closest friend (that doesn't annoy the living crap out of him. Stupid usagi.), she asks him innocent questions to help me out. I never had time to put together anything that he would notice, like tight shirts to show off my muscle, or _something_. Truly, until Lenalee and I started plotting together, I thought the sexy bluenette had no weakness.

"Definitely, this is the perfect opportunity to get the coconut stuff! He'll notice for sure, even if he doesn't acknowledge it. He's got a keen nose."

I grin a little, "I've noticed."

She opened her mouth then closed it again. Instead, she began to pull me out the door that was conveniently open already. She flew us down the floating piece of land that Headquarters sat on using her Dark Boots. The air hitting my face felt soothing as I clung to her waist. The sun had barely risen, so most people were still asleep, which was perfect in our case. Once we landed, we started to discuss strategies. The street lights were still on and flooding the sidewalk with yellow light. We past several different stores and I was tempted to go into the pet store for Timcampy. I said, "Yeah, but I think he's already interested…"

Lenalee immediately perked up, and almost face planted in a telephone pole, "Why? I want details!"

I blush, "You know how I said the room has a bunk bed?"

She nodded. I continued, "I got the top bunk and was sitting on it when he came out of the bathroom. When he saw me, he said, 'Who said you get to be on top?'"

She squealed, the yaoi fangirl popping out of her like a balloon falling on grass, "This is a great sign! Did he do anything afterwards?"

My face was the color of blood, "No, but he was shirtless and was running his fingers through his hair. Oh, and he had a smirk on his face."

Another squeal escaped the green haired girl, "Kanda plays with his hair when he's nervous, I know that for a fact."

"Why?" I asked, confused by the concept.

She shrugs, "It's a girl thing, and apparently a long hair thing. He does it a lot when you're not looking."

I smile, happy that this means he probably feels the way I do. In one sense at least….

"We're here," Lenalee says, veering us into the small store. "It's time for a makeover."

"Wah?" I'm cut off by the excited girl pulling me to the face care section. She had snagged a basket from who knows where and was looking at acne treatments. "Let's see…Proactive looks good, but Clearasil is on sale…"

"I don't have acne!" I say, wondering what was wrong with my complexion.

She shakes her head, "No, but your skin is grainy."

I feel slightly embarrassed by the comment, but am glad that I can get the advice from Lenalee. She's not afraid to tell me things, and I'm grateful since I need all the advice I can get. After all, Kanda has a gazillion fangirls.

She eventually went with Proactive X-Out, and continued down the aisle. I groan and turn around as she starts comparing tampons. I'm not the guy that gets turned on by that, and rather put nail polish on than have to be seen looking at the offensive things. I feel my arm being jerked, and am thankful that she pulls me to the deodorant. Confused, I'm tempted to smell my armpits, but would look stupid doing so, and refrain. "Hawaiian Paradise or Lavender?" she asks.

I sigh, "Something not so girly, maybe?"

Lenalee grumbles something and picks a new one, but keeps the lavender for herself, tossing them in the basket. She continues to pull me along, buying some shaving cream and perfume. I got the new gauze, telling Lenalee that it was in case something happened, and that they must have thrown the other away from my old room. I feel horrible for lying, but knew the consequences of the truth would be much worse.

We snagged the shampoo, conditioner, and body wash in coconut flavor, and Lenalee got her stuff, too. She said that I should see if the conditioner would make a difference in my hair. I'm guessing the unspoken part of that was if Kanda would like the feel of it…

"Hello? Earth to Allen," Lenalee waved a hand in front of my face, trying to snap me out of my daydream.

"What?" I ask, blushing slightly. She giggled, holding a blue shirt to me, "I asked if you had a personal preference."

"It has to have long sleeved," I say, trying not to rush it out. She tilts her head in confusion, but says nothing.

As she continues to browse the clothes, I walk around. I haven't had time to explore the store since most things involved personal care in a rush. I pick out a small bottle of cat treats for Timcampy. I think the reason he gets eaten by felines so much is because he loves anything to do with them. I mean, he eats cat food and treats, and gets drunk on catnip. He's yet to fail to amaze me.

As I walk past the disappearing Halloween decorations from a week ago, something green catches my eyes. Lollipops. Carmel apple flavored lollipops. Okay, so I'm a little gay, but my biggest weakness is the sweet, colorful swirls. I grab the rest of them, which was probably close to a dozen, and walk back to where Lenalee was. I dump them into the small basket, taking her off guard, and nearly making her fall over. She eyes me and I grin sheepishly, "I love lollipops."

"I noticed," as she said the words, an evil look crossed her face. I realized what she was thinking, and wasn't sure to be happy or terrified. On one hand, this could make Kanda snap and maybe finally confess his feelings. On the other, it could be a death sentence. I shiver, this would be interesting.

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

I open the door to mine and Kanda's room, happy he wasn't there. It's time to put the plan to work.

I set down the bags on my bed, sorting through what goes where. We had bought a pair of skinny jeans (it was _not_ my idea) and two very formfitting shirts in black and dark blue. I pulled them out, putting the blue one, Tim's treats, and my lollipops in my dresser.

I hauled everything else into the bathroom, locking the door behind me, and set the bags on the vanity. I arranged everything the way I wanted, and moved the hair and body washes to the shower.

I start to wonder if the crazy plan would work. If it did great, but if it didn't….

"Do you want Kanda to notice you?" I asked my reflection in the mirror, trying to pep talk myself. I took a deep breath, and started to strip. After that, I wet my face, squirting the Proactive into my hand, and following the directions. Lenalee was right; my skin was very grainy. As I continue the treatment, I turn on the shower.

After the water started steaming, I stepped into the tub, pulling the curtain with me. The water ran down my body, and I washed off the acne treatment. I exhaled a breath that I didn't realize I was holding, and grabbed the razor. It doesn't take me long to take out my stress on myself. I slice the blade down my arm, making it as deep as I could without hitting something important. I gasp at the pain, and remove the tool, watching the blood well and wash away. I feel the numbness spread over the wound and down my arm. The water dripped off the ends of my growing white hair and long eyelashes. I can't remember when I started cutting, but it was sometime after I came to the Order and met the long haired samurai.

It was at least two years ago, and though I don't remember when I started exactly, I know that it soon became an addiction. I'm not even sure if I want to stop, but something would happen between then and now, I know. An akuma. A Noah. But the most likely was suicide. I get the thoughts every day. I put on the brave face, and fight. I only live for my friends anyways, not that they'd be my friends after they saw the scars. I've held a bottle of pills, and put one of the claws on my left arm to my throat. I attempted it once by overdosing sleeping pills, but I didn't take enough.

I feel a tear slide down my cheek. I shake my head. I wasn't going to start.

I silently went through my new shower routine, fantasizing about what the bluenette might do when he saw me. His lips on mine, rough, but soft at the same time. His hair falling out of its ponytail, and my hand running through the silky locks. He'd lift my shirt, exploring my body until….

My eyes flash open, and I push the thought away. I was going through with this no matter what.

I step out of the shower, and I dry off. My cut had clogged itself and I was thankful that I would have to deal with a gauze bulge on my arm. I apply some deodorant, and pull on the new clothes. The shirt complimented my hair and eyes, and outlined my muscle perfectly. Though, the jeans did make me feel self-conscious. _Suck it up, Allen!_

Stepping out of the bathroom, I glance around the bedroom. It was empty. I take a lollipop out of my dresser, unwrap it, and begin to lick it. It was about the size of a flat donut, so putting it in my mouth was out of the question. I continue to lick its sweet surface, and walk to the cafeteria.

Lenalee had promised to drag Kanda and Lavi (why?) to the cafeteria for lunch, but I wasn't allowed to eat. The demon with pigtails. I still had a lollipop though. I peeked into the large room, my eyes wandering it until I spotted the three of them sitting at a table in the back.

I make my way to their table, more than aware of the eyes glued to my body as I licked the candy. Lenalee noticed me first, followed by Lavi, though Kanda didn't look up from his soba. I sat across from Lenalee, and next to the hot bluenette, who I think was purposefully not looking up.

She winks. "Hey, I want a lollipop, too!" she whined. I shook my head, "Nope, I got plenty back at the room, but I'm saving them for later."

Lavi chuckled at the girl's whining, but instead said, "Aw, Yu, why are you so down today?"

The samurai death glared at the rabbit and growled, "Don't use my first name, or do you have a death wish?"

Lenalee interrupted the building fight by saying, "Allen, have you read any good mangas lately? I'm trying to find a new one, but am empty-handed at the moment."

I nod, "Yeah, it's called 'The Uke Discussion', but I can't figure out what uke and seme mean." I see Kanda ever so slightly stiffen, and I continue to lick the lollipop as seductively as I can. This would be very interesting.

Lavi bursts out laughing, "Let me give you an example. If it was between you and Kanda, Kanda would be seme and you would be uke."

Kanda simply punches the rabbit in the face, knocking him out cold instantly, and then returns to his soba. I knew full well what it meant, and was very happy by the effect it had on the bluenette. I refuse to blush at the images going through my mind, and press onward.

I shake my head, "I still don't understand." I reach out and start twirling Kanda's hair that frames his face, the silky strand sliding easily through my fingers. I innocently run my extra fingers down his face, asking, "Can you explain it to me, Kandy? I mean, Kanda."

I was having a field day with the guy. I put my elbow on the table and lean down slightly, looking at his face while I lick the "other" candy. His eyes were glazed over from the touch, and he swallowed hard when I called him "Kandy".

The samurai suddenly stands, brushing away my fingers, and walks away. I exhale deeply, thank goodness that was over. I was very pleased with the result, watching him make a getaway. I _never_ am doing that again. Lenalee jumped up once Kanda was out of the room and hugged me, "You did it! He's going to have a long explanation when you get back."

I nod, knowing that I was blushing like mad. I wobbled up from the seat, knowing I needed to follow while the effect was still there.

After leaving the crime scene, I walk down the hall, throwing away the lollipop as I went. I was grinning like a lunatic, but for good reason. Kanda likes me! He actually likes me! I continue to smile until I get to the door. I unlock it and step inside. I immediately see the abused bluenette sitting on his bed, reading his book.

I walk to the bed, but before hopping onto the top bunk, I say innocently, "You never told me what the wor-"

I'm cut off by Kanda as he throws the book to the side and grabs my waist lightning fast, throwing me onto his bed. I had closed my eyes, and when I open them, they meet dark, lust filled ones. He's straddling me now, pinning me down under his weight. He leans down until I feel his breath on my ear. "Kanda?" I ask, slightly scared.

"Kanda? What happened to Kandy?" he rasps before licking my right ear lobe. I shudder at the touch, and he moves so his lips are just brushing mine. _Finally, _I think. _This is what I've dreamed of._

I push up on my elbows, closing the tiny gap. My lips move against his, and he almost immediately shoves me back down, holding my hands hostage above my head. He nips my lip and I gasp, his tongue taking advantage of the moment and darting in my mouth. He explores my moist cavern, meeting my tongue, and we battle for dominance. We break apart for air, but soon Kanda attacks my jaw, kissing and licking down my neck. I close my eyes and moan, "Kandy…"

I feel his lips curve up at the new name. I grab at his hair, pulling it loose from the hair tie, and tugging on it slightly. Large hands crawl up under my shirt, and I melt under the touch. I've wanted this for so long. But when Kanda's hand skims over my older wound, I jolt with fear and pain. I pull away quickly, jerking my shirt down. I can't explain this. I whisper, "I…I…c-can't…"

Hurt fills the bluenette's eyes, but it was soon replaced by an unbreakable wall. The wall he has up over his emotions constantly. The wall that had come down over me. Kanda had let me in and expressed the mutual feeling, but I ruined it. He nods before getting up from the bed, grabs Mugen, and walks out the door. I reach out my hand, but yank it back as the door slams. I feel the tears bubble over my eyes, and I bring my knees to my chest. My one chance. My one chance and I blew it!

My vision blurred, I grasp the covers at the end of the bed, and pull them over me, the sweet smell of Kanda wafting around me. I lay there, tears running down my burning cheeks. I eventually fall asleep, somehow, wallowing in the sorrow from my stupid incompetence.

**Author Note: There's chapter 2! I didn't have internet for a couple days, but got it out just in time for Jerry's birthday! Next chapter will be recap in Kanda's POV and I know that everyone's gonna be excited about that! Please, Please, PLEASE R/R! **


	3. Irresistible

**Author Note: So, this is a recap of everything in Kanda's POV. Warnings are the same. I know it isn't detailed in a lot of parts, but this is revolving around Kanda's emotions instead of retelling the story. Did that make sense? Oh well!**

**Kanda: Why torture me?**

**Me: Because it's fun. Lenalee?**

**Lenalee: Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, just the plot.**

**Me: Thank you. And on to chapter three.**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 3: Irresistible_

I look up as Allen walks into Komui's office. I pull off the "I hate the world" expression, even though I was delighted to see my Moyashi._ Since when is he _my _Moyashi?_

After the lunatic scientist tells us we'll be sharing a room, I draw Mugen on him, "And why would we submit to that?!"

I feel my collar being tugged as the whitette, and am dragged out into the hall. I try to slash him with my katana, but he blocks it, his growing hair slightly wavering from the fast movement. "Are you happy about this?" I ask, trying to sound like a jerk. _Yes! Please, say yes!_

He shakes his head, "No, heck no, but we don't have another option. Just come on." I nearly whine at the answer, but Yu Kanda doesn't whine. I sheath Mugen, but walk off in the other direction. I needed time to think, but if I was sharing a room with the hot teen, I needed a shower. And that meant I was going to have some fun.

After finding the room, I begin putting my things away. The Moyashi exits the bathroom, but I try not to look at him, the light sheen of sweat on his face. I hear him jump, and imagine that he's claimed the top bunk. I inwardly smirk, a perfect way to start his torture. I walk into the bathroom with my personal supplies, and begin arranging them. I knew Allen had feelings for me, though he tried to hide it. The feeling was totally mutual, though it's taken about a year and a half to realize it. I was always so worried that the person I let in would hurt me, but I decided that Allen wouldn't do that. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't over night, but I had come to that conclusion.

I turn my head to right, faced with a Jacuzzi-shower hybrid and curse under my breath. I will kill the deranged scientists. I walk to the shower and out of the staring Moyashi's sight. Instead, I remove my deep blue shirt and hair tie, letting the waves crash down my exposed back. Let's see him not drool.

Slipping back into Allen's line of view, I bring my hairbrush through the blue locks. I see the lust-filled, silver eyes gazing at me, and I kick my foot out to close the door, smiling. This was priceless. I don't feel bad for tormenting the boy, and it was hysterically entertaining to watch.

I take a quick shower, and put on some sweatpants before opening the door again. The whitette's eyes were glued to my wet, bare skin of my chest. Self-consciously, I run my fingers through my hair, "Who said you get to be on top?"

The Moyashi nearly choked, and I try to refrain from laughing at his state. He straightens, and says, "Because I want to be."

I mutter, "Stupid Moyashi." I sit on my bed and start pulling my hair up. Half-way through tying my hair, my eyes meet Allen's. He's dangling his head over the edge and his hair is falling, making him look like a winter elf that over used his hairspray.

"What, Moyashi?" I ask. Slight annoyance fills his silver orbs and he huffs, "It's Allen, BaKanda!"

Then, he flips off the bed, landing on his feet and Innocence arm. I must say it was impressive, and I liked the view of his butt in the air. Without looking back, he gathers his things and slips into the bathroom.

I smirk at the attempt to get my attention. He was going to have to do much better than that if he wanted to be mine.

After reading for a good half-hour, I see Allen return from the bathroom wearing sweatpants and a turtleneck. I brush it off, but the whole turtleneck thing seemed weird.

As soon as he walks past me and leaps to his bed, the smell of Moonlight Mist hit me. "Why did you use my shampoo, Moyashi?" I ask, closing my book.

He continues to move then freezes, "It's Allen! Al-len! And I ran out. I only used a little, though."

The innocence in his voice was amusing, but in order to keep my sternness, I reply harshly, "Don't use my things."

Reopening my book, I hear him try to get comfortable, and then he moved again. This time he sharply gasps in pain. I kick his mattress, "Oi, Moyashi, stop thrashing around."

He whines, "Sorry, just hurts."

This gets my attention. If he was in pain, someone was going to answer to me, "What hurts?"

"Why would you care?" he asks, still sounding as if he was in pain.

I try to think of a response, but can't get anything except, "I don't."

He leans over the bed again, his hair was much worse now, and hope filled his eyes, "Then why ask?"

I close my book again, wishing he would stop asking, "Because if you're going to keep flopping around like that, then I don't want you to keep me up all night."

His silver pools flood with hurt and despair, and it worries me when they soon go blank as he pulls himself up, just to get down and change the temperature on the thermostat. I'm tempted to ask why he didn't just put on a different shirt or take it off, but refrain. Whatever the reason, the boy was starting to worry me. He hasn't gotten injured lately, or else I would have noticed. Unless….

I brushed the thought away, and after the whitette went to sleep, closed my book and turned out the light.

I'm a light sleeper, so it didn't surprise me when I woke up from Allen flopping around in his sleep. What did surprise me is that he was hyperventilating. I immediately kick the blankets off my shirtless body and jump up. I was right. Tears were running down his cheeks and he was struggling to breath.

I leap onto the bed next to him, shaking him. "No, please don't Kanda!" he screams, and I nearly fall off the bed. The dream was about me? If it was, then what was causing him to do this? He continues screeching as I get on top of him, jerking him awake and shouting, "Moyashi! Wake up!"

He blinks his eyes open, and scrambles backwards. He shuts his eyes and raises his hands in front of his face. Allen's still crying, and seems terrified.

Confused, I ask, "What the heck are you doing?"

He slowly opens his eyes and wipes the tears away. It takes a minute for him to form words, and says, "Just a nightmare." He slides off the bed and walks onto the balcony, never looking back.

As I get back into my own bed, I was wondering what I was doing to him in the dream. The way he had his hands up, he looked like I was going to attack him. I slowly fall into a restless sleep, questions running through my mind.

I wake up the next morning and sit up, nearly hitting my head on the mattress above me. That's right…I was in a new room. I stand wearily, and cross the room to my dresser, picking up the brush and pulling through my long hair. I hear the balcony door open, but don't turn. He didn't sleep at all last night? The nightmare must have been pretty bad if he never went back to bed.

The whitette walks into the bathroom with some clothes, ear buds in his ears, and humming to "World So Cold" by Three Days Grace. I'm not sure he realized he was doing it, but I didn't think he listened to that kind of music. When I see Allen, I picture a bubbly, cute guy fighting for what he thinks is right. I've never seen this side of him before.

Everyone has secrets, I guess. _But is it for better or worse?_

I push the recurring thought away. I continue to brush my cobalt hair, watching the Moyashi walk back out of the bathroom. He seemed fine now. A faint smile was on his lips as it always was, and was his vivacious self again. I set my brush down on my dresser again, and turn my head in time to see his ivory hair disappear out the door.

I sigh. I really hated the Allen I saw last night, the terror reflected in his silver orbs, and the tremors racking his body. The kid's bipolar.

I shake my head and pull my hair up into its tie. I read the rest of the morning, except for a quick breakfast. Eventually, I figured it was time for lunch. When I leave, I run into the usagi and Lenalee. She suggests we all eat together, and I agree irritably. It takes fifteen minutes to get to the cafeteria, order, and receive our food. After twenty, we finally sit. "So, where's Allen?" Lavi asks me.

"Che, why would I give a crap?" I grumble, wondering the same thing.

"I saw him earlier heading back to your all's room," Lenalee said, trying to lighten the mood in her perky voice. Not long after she said that, the center of the conversation walked into cafeteria. I didn't look up, but saw him out of the corner of my eye. I hold in a gasp as I see the tight shirt and skinny jeans he was wearing, leaving very little to the imagination. He was also licking a bright green lollipop.

I didn't say the whole "try harder to get my attention" thing aloud, did I? The whitette sits in the vacant seat next to mine, still licking the lollipop with his long tongue, intent evident in his eyes. He was absolutely irresistible.

Komui's sister says, "Hey, I want a lollipop, too!" I hear Lavi chuckle as Allen shakes his head, the sweet smell of coconut washing over me, "Nope, I got plenty back at the room, but I'm saving them for later."

I refuse to let my eyes widen at the statement. Lavi interrupts my state, "Aw, Yu, why are you so down today?" _Because the sexy Moyashi is on his knees, begging me to pin him to the wall and rape him, that's why!_

I send him a death glare, "Don't use my first name, or do you have a death wish?"

Lenalee purposely cuts into the building battle and instead starts a new conversation, "Allen, have you read any good mangas lately? I'm trying to find a new one, but am empty-handed at the moment."

He nods and says, "Yeah, it's called 'The Uke Discussion', but I can't figure out what uke and seme mean."

I try not to, but still stiffen. _What's this boy reading? More like how will he apply it…shut up, Kanda!_ He continues to lick the swirled candy as seductively as he could.

The rabbit starts laughing his head off. _Usagi, if you say it, I'll murder you!_ Despite my silent threat, Lavi said it anyways, "Let me give you an example. If it was between you and Kanda, Kanda would be seme and you would be uke."

I swiftly punch him between the eyes, and he's out cold before he hits the floor. No one notices though, and I return to my precious soba.

Allen puts his elbow on the table, licking the lollipop and trying to look at my eyes. He shakes his head, "I still don't understand." He reaches out his extra hand and starts to twirl the hair that frames my face. I freeze. The touch felt so good, and I melted as he stroked my face as well, his fingers like feathers. "Can you explain it to me, Kandy? I mean, Kanda." I swallow at the new name.

I wasn't going to play this game, even though I wanted to. I stand, brush away the whitette's soft fingers from my hair, and walk out of the cafeteria. Though I missed his touch, I still began to run once I got in the hallway. I didn't stop until I was in my bed.

I knew the Moyashi would follow, so I needed time to calm myself. I run my fingers though my hair, trying to untangle it slightly, but mostly from nerves. Opening my book, I lay back against the pillow. I try to concentrate and I don't look up as the door opens.

Allen was about to jump onto his bunk when he made the mistake of saying, "You never told me what the wor-"

_That's it! You asked for it!_ I cut him off as throw my book to the side, grab his waist, and toss him onto the bed. I straddle him, making sure he can't get out of his punishment. He had closed his eyes, and when he opened them they were flooded with so many emotions, I couldn't make any out. I lean down and he says with slight fear in his voice, "Kanda?"

I whisper in his ear, "Kanda? What happened to Kandy?" I begin to nibble on his right earlobe, and he shudders. I move to his face so my lips are hardly brushing his. Desire must've taken over the teen, because he pushes up to press our lips together. I shove him back down, and hold his hands above his head. I bite his lip lightly, and he gasps. I dart my tongue into his mouth and explore until I find his, and we battle for dominance. Of course, I win just before we break apart for air.

It takes much less time for me to catch my breath, and I begin ravishing his jaw and neck. I'd waited to do this for so long and I smirk as he groans, "Kandy…."

I feel his small hands tugging on my hair tie, and before I knew it, my hair was everywhere and my Moyashi couldn't get enough of it. I begin to trail my hands under his shirt, tracing over his well carved abs, but I feel something crusty, and he intakes a sharp breath. He pulls away, and yanks his shirt down. Pain and terror were evident in his silver pools, and they were shining with unshed tears, "I…I…c-can't."

I didn't understand what had overcome him, but I nodded and stood. After I grabbed Mugen, I was out of there, slamming the door behind me. I walked to the training room. I shouldn't have done that. I was completely wrong about the whole thing, thinking he'd care.

I began training with my beloved katana, but knew that it was still going to be awkward when I got back. I was a fool for letting someone in. I cared about him too much. Heck, I'm man enough to admit I was falling in love with the Moyashi.

But I was stupid. I was an idiot, an utter dim-wit, for thinking that he cared in the same way. Maybe I wasn't me though. Maybe he just thought we were moving too fast. Maybe it was because he was hurt there. I stop my mental babble.

I've nearly unlocked the door to our room when I hear it. The Moyashi was screaming. Bursting through the door, I dash to his side, tossing Mugen to the floor. He was flailing and screeching, "I'm sorry! Please don't leave, Kanda! Please!" My eyes widen at my name again, and start trying to wake him. "No! I'm sorry! Forgive me, Kanda, please!"

"Wake up, Allen!" I shout, jerking him as hard I can without injuring him. He was shaking and as his eyes opened, he grabbed a hold of my exorcist coat with a trembling hand. He must have been fuzzy at first, because as his eyes opened fully, he yanked the hand back, and said, "Sorry, just a nightmare."

He looked at my hands still on his upper arms, but I didn't budge them. Ultimately, he shrugged them off, turned to his side and faced the wall. I think he forgot he was in _my _bed, but I didn't mind. Though, he'll need to eat soon….

I pick up Mugen, and set the blade against the wall. I grabbed some clothes out of my dresser and head to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I turn on the shower, and strip down. Once the steam spirits were rising from the water restraints, I step into the tub. I pull the curtain around the curved beam, and let the hot water race down my sculpted body.

I exhale, and stand directly the shower head, the water wetting my hair and dripping off my bangs and eyelashes.

I shampoo and condition, but while washing out the conditioner, I see something out of the corner of my eye. It was a razor. It looked fairly new, but had definitely been used. That was definitely weird.

After finishing the shower, I put on sweatpants, and a sleeveless black shirt. I stepped out of the bathroom and Allen was gone, probably to eat dinner. Sighing, I leave my hair down, running my fingers through the long strands. I sit on my bed and open my book.

About fifteen minutes later, the whitette returned, but didn't spare me a glance, just got a change of clothes and went into the bathroom. I shake my head and return to reading. I hear rock music being blasted, but can't make sense of the words. I don't recognize it because I don't listen to much music. The little I do know is mostly Three Days Grace and Pop Evil.

I read for about thirty more minutes, and then turn out the light. As I move to my stomach, Allen exits the bathroom, wearing yet another skin-tight turtleneck and sweatpants. As he hops onto his bed, I ask, "What's with the turtlenecks?"

"My arm," he says quietly. He sounds almost ashamed. I grumble, "I don't care about the arm, you know."

"Doesn't matter."

I sigh, but say no more. If he wanted to do that, so be it. My eyes close, and the sound of Moyashi's steady breathing lulls me to sleep.

Screaming. My ears register the sound instantly as the mattress above mine shakes. I jump up from my bed to find Allen flailing his arms around and screeching unevenly. I toss my arm over him, intending to keep his arms down, but get a different response. As soon as my arm is across his chest, he stops screaming, but begins whimpering. He clings to my arm for dear life, and I'm afraid that's literal. Slowly, I pull him to the edge of the bed and, removing my arm, transport the small boy to my bed. Before I can lay him down, he clutches my shirt and murmurs, "Kan…da…don't…leave me…."

I check to make sure he's still asleep. Yep, out cold. I pry his fingers from my shirt, and place him on the bed. I hesitantly slide in beside him, not sure if I should. From the looks of it though, he might have another nightmare, so I pull the covers over us. Rolling over, he nuzzles into my chest and I allow myself to bring him closer. I fall asleep with the Moyashi curled up against me.

**Author Note: Chapter 3 is done! Chapter 4 should be done by Monday if not sooner. Please, Please, PLEASE R/R!**


	4. Shower of Misery and Odd Awakenings

**Author Note: So here's chapter 4! Also, I was considering putting an Mpreg in this story at some point. I need 10 people to say yes before chapter six comes out!**

**Me: Allen, will you do the honors?**

**Allen: Sure, Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, only the plot. By the way, what's an Mpreg?**

**Me: It's when two gu-**

**Kandy: On to chapter 4! And don't call me Kandy!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 4: Shower of Misery and Odd Awakenings_

_My lips met Kanda's as he pressed me against the wall, tugging at my hair. As we continue, I pull his blue shirt over his head, tracing over his tattoo and abs. I move to put him against the wall, pushing my body hard against his, and kissing down his jaw. He throws his head back and moans softly._

_ Kanda brings my shirt over my head quickly as I continue down his chest. Suddenly, the bluenette pushes me harshly off of him. I hit the floor hard, and I feel slightly jarred. Looking up to see anger in my boyfriend's eyes and I follow his gaze to my exposed chest. I gasp and stand, turning my back to him to cover the scars and hear him pick up his shirt and put it on. He walks past me and heads for the door and I gasp, "I'm sorry! Please don't leave, Kanda! Please!"_

_ He whirls around, fury radiating off him as he yells, "You disgust me! I'm not going to go anywhere near filth like you!"_

_ I go to my knees, begging, "No! I'm sorry! Forgive me, Kanda, please!"_

_ He runs to me, and shouts, "Wake up, Allen!"_

Fuzzy, I open my eyes to find Kanda holding me, and I raise a shaking hand to clutch his exorcist coat. After realizing I had down so, I yank it back and whisper, "Sorry, just a nightmare."

He didn't remove his hands, and instead I shrugged them off and face the wall. I stay awake until he's gone to take a shower. I jump up and walk to the cafeteria. _Why would he wake me up after what happened?_ I wonder as I shovel food into my mouth. I was starving after skipping lunch, and I ate a little more than usual to make up for it. I walk back to the room and ask myself the same question. Entering the room, I see Kanda sitting on his bed and reading that book again. I look away, refusing to drool as he runs his fingers through his sexy hair. I grab my iPod and some clothes and lock the bathroom door as I go in.

I set the things down on the large vanity, and flip through the songs on my iPod. Putting on a rock playlist, I strip and listen to "Blow Me Away" by Breaking Benjamin. I turn the shower on and clog the drain once the water was hot enough for my liking.

I step into the collecting water, and sit in it, letting the first wave of tears come. How could I have been so stupid? Why did I start cutting? I dig my nails into my chest as hard as I could, and I pull them down. I watch the tiny scratches appear and repeat the step several times before the numbness washes over me. My iPod screeches Linkin Park, "I've become so numb, I can't feel you. There, become so taut."

I tremble at the words describing me so well. I wanted to be numb. No one can change that, not even Kanda. He wouldn't understand, and that's why I can't pull him down with me. I can't be with him.

I feel another dam of tears break as I come to the dreaded conclusion. I admit that I love the jerk of a samurai, but no, I can't. I shouldn't have broken the small barrier that separated us in the first place. The water in the tub is turning pink now, but I'm not leaving my sanctuary yet. I don't want to face reality.

_You would never have to face reality again if you just…._

I shake my head, and put the thought to the back of my mind, where it has nestled and grew over the past year. I wearily unclog the drain and turn off the shower. I stand from the depleting water step out of the shower. I dry off, careful not to go over the wounds on my chest. The blood was running in scarlet streams, and I had to clean them with a washcloth. I apply the gauze quickly, trying to get the cuts dressed before suspicion was raised.

After washing out the cloth until the water ran clear, I pulled on the blue shirt Lenalee had bought along with a pair of sweatpants. I open the door and walk to my bed. All the lights were out, and the only light came from the half moon outside. Jumping on the bed, I hear Kanda say, "What's with the turtlenecks?"

"My arm," I reply, not coming up with another answer.

"I don't care about the arm, you know," he grunts. No, I didn't know. I thought he still thought it was cursed. I smile, but say, "Doesn't matter."

I hear him sigh, but he says nothing more. I almost instantly fall into a ruthless slumber.

_Mugen buries deeper into the flesh of my forehead. Kanda smirks as I scream in pain and he laughs. I try to push myself back, but am against a wall. Suddenly, he stops the torture and sheaths Mugen. He carries my writhing body to the bed and I whisper, "Kan…da…don't…leave me…."_

I wake up, but keep my eyes closed. My first thought was that I didn't wake up screaming. My second was that I felt unusually warm. The rest of my senses kick in and I feel myself curled up against someone else, and my face nuzzled into their chest. Strong arms were wrapped around me, and I could hear soft breathing. The smell hits me last: Moonlight Mist.

I take in a sharp breath and open my eyes. I didn't move, but I knew I was in Kanda's bed, and I was clinging to its owner. I try to steady my breathing and act asleep, but hear a deep voice say, "Don't try it. I know you're awake."

I jump slightly at the sudden voice, but relax again in Kanda's arms. For once I felt safe. I whisper, "Umm…why am I in your bed?"

"You were screaming again, and when I tried to wake you up, you grabbed me, but stopped screaming. I moved you down here, and thought this would keep the nightmares from coming back," he answered.

"It worked. Thank you, Kanda," I said, before silence filled the air. I shiver slightly, and he immediately pulled me closer. I look up from his chest, and met his dark eyes. "What are the nightmares about?" he asked, but something told me he knew.

"The Order being destroyed," I lie, trying to sound convincing. He shakes his head, "Then why are you always apologizing to me, and begging me not to leave?"

I feel a tear run down my cheek, and he gets it with his thumb. I smile at the gesture, "It's always my fault."

He nods before kissing the top of my head. I still don't think he was very convinced, but I was relieved that he pushed it no farther. I whisper, "We are so messed up."

He begins to rub circles in my back and says, "No surprise there." I slowly am lulled to sleep by Kanda's heat and hands on my back.

My eyes open, and I find myself alone, missing Kanda's heat. I look around and find my boyfriend on the balcony reading. _My boyfriend? No, he's not. You've got to stop this._

I stand from the bed, kicking the blankets off me. As I walk to the door, the bluenette looks away from the book to me, but soon turns back around. I open the door, and am blasted by cold air. I shiver and step onto the freezing concrete. Pulling the door closed, I sit in the other chair. I start hesitantly, "About last night, I-"

"Forget about it," he says, his voice stone cold. He doesn't even look up as he says the words.

Anger fills me, "Forget about it?! Why are you so hot and cold?!" "Forget about it" was originally what I was going to say, but at least I had an explanation.

He closes the book, and faces me. I can tell that he's trying to control his fury, a livid expression trying to break out onto his features, "I'm hot and cold?! I at least was honest about my feelings! I didn't purposely seduce you, and then get all self-conscious! I haven't been getting nightmares every night and needed to be right next to you to make them go away!"

I don't think I've seen Kanda this mad before. He was kind of scaring me to tell the truth. I have no explanation to any of it, and I wasn't going to lie about it again. I just sat there in silence. I ball my fists up until they were white, and didn't know I was crying until the tears landed on them.

I barely choke out, "I'm sorry." I stand and walk back into the room, shutting the sliding door behind me. Nowhere else to go, I close the bathroom door behind me as I enter. I sit in the bottom of the dry Jacuzzi and let the tears come. He really hated me now. Kanda was so angry I could practically see a red aura around him. I don't blame him. I hate myself more than anyone else hates me, so I totally understand. Maybe I should just….

I shake my head and push the thought away, allowing the tremors to wrack my broken body. Could I be any more pathetic? I've looked up all the best ways to commit suicide. I know I could be dead in minutes if I just ran the razor up my veins. If I jumped off the balcony. If I took a bottle of pills.

I wrap my arms around myself. It would be so easy, and if Kanda wasn't here, I could be gone before he came back….

A knock on the bathroom door interrupted my thoughts, "Are you okay?"

The last thing I ever thought would happen happened. Kanda was worried? Yu Kanda was worried?

I can't seem to get the words out of my mouth, until I hear the handle turn. Crap, I forgot to lock the door! "I'm fine!" I say quickly. "Don't come in!"

My voice was cracking in so many different places that I couldn't have convinced a rock I was okay. The door opened and Kanda's gaze scanned the bathroom for me. His eyes soon found their target and he kneeled down next to the tub.

I attempt to smile, "I'm hot and cold?" My terrible excuse of a smile faded as my body started shaking again. The bluenette's eyes were frantic as he watched me shudder. After that had passed, I say, "I'm fine. Really, just leave me."

He shakes his head quickly, "I'm not leaving you like this."

My nightmares weren't coming true yet, thankfully. It was only a matter of time I knew. He whispers, "I'm sorry."

My eyes widen. Kanda apologized? And of all people, he apologized to _me_? I shake my head, "What are you sorry for? I'm not mad or upset."

"I don't know. I've been such a jerk lately…."

I reach up and cup his face, "Kanda, are you just now realizing what a jerk you are? You've always been a jerk to me and everyone. If anything you've just been acting bipolar."

He looks at my weak form. My eyes are still overflowing with tears, and I start to shake a little, too. He brushes away my hand, "Then why are you crying?"

"I was about to tell you we can't be together. I'm just too complicated and…" _broken_. I almost said the word and would lose it if I did.

"And what?" he asks, sadness in his eyes.

"Different. I'm just too different," I have stopped crying and shaking, but now can realize how stupid I sound.

"I don't care how different you are," he tried to convince me. "We don't have to do anything you don't want to."

He was referring to the shirt issue, and I know that he must really want this. He must really want _me_. The thought worried me, "What about missions? What happens if it starts clouding our judgment?"

Kanda most likely hadn't thought about this and was silent for a few moments. He decided, "It won't, it just means that I won't let you die."

I sigh. I was all out of arguments. I stand from the tub, slightly wobbling, and the bluenette had to steady me. I step over the brim of the tub, but my foot hooked it and I fell. Of all places, I had to land on Kanda, who was far too happy about the situation. Our noses were nearly touching, and he pressed our lips together.

The samurai flipped us so he was over me, and I melted into the kiss. He pulled away, searching my eyes for an objection. I lifted my chin, and pulled down some of my shirt, exposing my neck. He smirked and greedily attacked the naked flesh. I was on fire. He moved to my ear, licking behind it before biting the lobe. I quietly yelp in pleasure and groan, "Kandy…."

I put my hand over my mouth, but it had already slipped out. He removes the hand from my mouth while continuing his work. I lay there, letting Kanda play with me until I get bored. I tug at his shirt, and he more than happily pulls it over his head. I push up hard enough to roll us over, taking the shirtless bluenette off guard. I pin him down and take over, licking and kissing down his neck and chest. I come to his tattoo and ever so slowly trace the design with my tongue.

Kanda throws back his head with a groan. He raises a hand to pull on my white hair and twirl it around his finger. After I'm done with the tattoo, I look at his face. His eyes are glazed with lust and satisfaction. I whisper, "We'll see how it goes…."

He snapped out of his daze and nodded happily. I don't think I've see the sexy teen happy before. He looked so at peace when he was though.

My thoughts are interrupted by what sounded like a bear growling. I sit up and look away sheepishly. A blush bloomed on my face. Kanda put on his shirt quickly, and unfortunately. Offering his hand, he said, "Let's get breakfast."

I took the offered hand, and I couldn't help, but smile. After the samurai waited for me to change into jeans and another turtleneck, we headed to the cafeteria. I knew he was disappointed with the shirt choice, but said nothing. I kind of wanted to hold hands or something, but refrained. We were walking very close though, our arms occasionally brushing, and everyone noticed. Someone in a group of finders even whistled and I had to restrain Kanda from shoving Mugen up the person's butt.

As it turns out, the breakfast was more of lunch and after ordering our food, we sat at the table where the rabbit and Lenalee were already eating at. As we sat, Lavi said, "Took you guys long enough! I thought I would die from anticipation watching you guys pretend to be at each other's throats. I guess you still ar-"

Lenalee slapped her hand over the idiot's mouth at the same time I had to hold back the bluenette again. He seemed to calm slightly at the touch of my hand on his shoulder, but he was still radiating anger.

"Anyways, I'm glad you two are happy," the green-haired girl said. Lavi mumbled something to her hand, but no one made it out.

I nodded, "Thanks." Kanda stayed silent, but I knew under the glaring eyes, he was blushing. Lenalee kicked the Usagi hard before removing her hand. He wouldn't stay quiet for long I knew. He looked guilty and I knew he had ideas of suicide running through his mind. Kanda ate his soba and I chatted with Lenalee about the latest news around the Order.

Suddenly, Lavi broke out in song, "Allen and Kanda sitting in a tree, K-I-S-"

I blush and forget to hold down my boyfriend from punching the rabbit. I can't say I blame him, but I glance at Lenalee. She has the same idea I have and she nods.

**Author Note: I'm killing you with anticipation, aren't I? Remember, I need ten people to say yes for the Mpreg! Please, Please, PLEASE R/R. **


	5. Sitting in a Tree and New Mission

**Author Note: Here's chapter 5! I got 10 yeses through reviews and PM's and the Mpreg will proceed! Also, there isn't a Cobalt, France, or at least not that I am aware of.**

**Allen: I still don't know what an Mpreg is!**

**Me: It's whe-**

**Kandy: Crowsnightdoesn'townDGMorthecharacters,justtheplot ! Stop calling me Kandy!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 5: Sitting in a Tree and New Mission_

Suddenly, Lavi broke out in song, "Allen and Kanda sitting in a tree, K-I-S-"

I blush and forget to hold down my boyfriend from punching the rabbit. I can't say I blame him, but I glance at Lenalee. She has the same idea I have and she nods.

As Kanda finished beating Lavi, I swung my arms around his broad shoulders, "Aw, why did you do that for, Kandy?"

He froze and swallowed as I kissed him on the cheek, "You know what? I think I wanna go sit in a tree! Do you wanna come with me?"

Lavi broke out laughing, his nose bleeding from his punishment. Kanda growled, but said nothing. I could sense all the eyes in the large room on the two of us. The bluenette shot me a look that told me to knock it off, but I returned the favor with one of my own, the "this is what you signed up for" look.

He sighed, and hesitantly kissed me on the lips. It was short, but sweet, and there were "aw's" all around the room. A vein popped out of his head, and he returned to his soba.

I smiled at the gesture and continued to shovel food in my mouth. Lavi was passed out on the floor from blood loss, and Lenalee was squealing. I wonder if she had a yaoi fangirl club or something, but didn't say anything. After we eat, Kanda and I walk back to our room, silence filling the air. Though, once the door was closed, I was on my bed when he growled, "You are lucky I'm not pretending to hate you."

I stick my tongue out, "Oh, you liked it and you know it!"

Kanda grumbles something under his breath and sits on his bed. I peek over the bed, meeting a dark gaze. He rolls his eyes and leans back against his pillow. Flipping off the bed, I sit beside him, "So is it official?"

He eyes me, "What?"

"That you're my boyfriend, BaKandy," I say, hope in my voice.

The bluenette smirked at the name, and at the same time, pulls me down beside him, "Yes, we're dating."

I smile and throw my arms around his neck. I was so happy. This way, I can be with Kanda and still keep my secrets. He can be so understanding at times. He wraps his arms around my waist, and kisses me on the cheek. A question pops into my head and I pull away. I look at my hands that are supporting my weight.

"What?" Kanda asks, worry seeping into his deep voice. Should I ask? Would I sound pushy if did ask? Would I sound incompetent if I asked? I decide to continue even though I thought I sounded stupid, "Can I…can I sleep in your bed from now on?"

"Are you scared of the nightmares?" he questions. I nod silently. Before I know what was going on, he brought me to him again, "You can sleep in this bed as much as you want."

I purr softly into my new boyfriend's neck. I could have stayed there for the rest of the day, but the knocking on the door forced me to get up and answer it. On the other side of the door was the deranged scientist. I growl slightly, and say, "What do you want?"

Komui replies, "I have a new mission for the two of you."

I hear Kanda get off the bed and walk up behind me. We follow Komui to his office and sit.

"This isn't as much of a mission as it is to retrieve Innocence. In Cobalt, France, a couple of finders have found Innocence, but refuse to come back to the Order alone. I need the two of you to go bring them back."

"Che, and you need both of us to go?" Kanda grunted.

"With this being Allen's first mission since he got back, I wanted to make sure he was safe," Komui reasoned.

My first thought was that I could take care of myself, but then another comes to mind. I'm getting a chance to go to France with Kanda! I sigh. It's too bad that we can't stay any longer. I nod, "Okay, when do we leave?"

Kanda grumbled something under his breath, but Komui says, "Tonight after dinner."

My eyes widen because of the sudden departure, but Kanda reluctantly stands and walks out, heading back to our room. I begin to follow him, but am stopped short by Komui.

I turn around, "Yeah?"

He hands me a small bottle, "This will keep you strong. Take two a day, once at night, and once in the morning."

I nod, not at all unconvinced that the pills would kill me. I snag the bottle and slip it in my pocket before I catch up with Kanda. He didn't ask about what took me so long, just walked by my side. I naturally hate silence, but hate breaking it even more. I stare at my feet as we walk and I wonder if I said something that made Kanda get mad at me. Though, this is how he usually acts. Maybe he's not angry, just thinking.

Oh, why is Kanda so complicated? "What?"

Did I say that out loud? The samurai has a confused look on his face and was gazing at me as he walked. Of course I did. He smirked, "So I'm complicated?"

I blush and sheepishly stared at the ground, "I just was wondering why you were so quiet. I hate silence."

"Huh, I love silence. That's generally why I don't talk," he said. I learn something new about the bluenette every day. We get to the door of our room and open it. Sighing, I start to pack what I'll need for the trip, going in and out of the bathroom. Kanda does the same while brushing his hair. I look longingly at the luscious locks of sapphire hair as he brings the brush through them. I close my case once I'm done packing, but Kanda continues to torture me. We had about three hours before we needed to go to dinner, and I didn't know of anything that I wanted to do. That is, other than brush my boyfriend's hair.

I jump onto my bed and watch him. I feel like such a stalker, but he was hypnotizing me! I had reason! He must have felt my gaze because he turned around, "Are you okay?"

I growled, "So mean to me…."

He chuckled and stopped the action, "Do you want to brush it?"

I nod eagerly and jump off the bed, taking the brush. I begin to pull the brush through his hair, happier than ever as the ribbons slid through my fingers. He laughed, "Do you like my hair that much?"

"Maybe…" I say, putting the brush on the dresser and starting to play with the waves. "Can I braid it?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

I sigh, but put it up in its normal ponytail. I run my fingers through it a few more times before letting the locks fall and returning to my top bunk. He packs his brush and a few things out of the bathroom before closing his case and sitting on his bed underneath me. I lean over as he says, "If you still want to, you can play with it as much as you want on the train."

My face brightens immediately and a smile spreads over my features, "Thank you, Kandy!"

"I'm too soft on you," he grumbles as he picks up his book. I can't read upside down so I ask, "What's the book about?"

"A samurai getting revenge on his parents' killer," he replies.

"That's something you would read," I say, pulling myself back up. I snag my iPod from under my pillow, put in the ear buds, and click it on. I lay there listening to "S.E.X." by Nickleback. It wasn't long before I catch myself humming, and seriously hope that Kanda doesn't know the song. He'd probably think I was a ho if he knew I listened to that song.

I feel at peace for the moment, but I'm not going to be content sitting here for two more hours. I'm a little tired, but I'll get a nightmare unless I lay down with Kanda. I don't want to do that. Well, I want to, but I'd be acting clingy.

_You could train,_ I thought. Though, I'd need a partner. My life will not revolve around the bluenette. I could read, but I've read all my books. I curse under my breath. I'm so bored!

"Moyashi, what's wrong? Can you not be content?"

"That's the problem! I'm so bored!" I say. I close my eyes and after feeling a weird tug and breeze, I open them to meet dark ones. How he carried me to his bed that quickly I'll never know, but I was glad he was happy to entertain me.

"If you were bored, you should have told me," he said, moving so his chest was on top of mine. "I didn't want to sound needy…" I whispered, laying my head back on the pillow, still meeting his gaze. He smirks before pressing our lips together. It starts out soft and loving, but turns rough, need and lust evident.

He slides his tongue across my bottom lip, asking for permission. I refuse to grant it, offering a challenge. He accepts it and flips us so I'm on top. I don't know what's going through his mind as he does this. All I know is that Kanda's hands start at my shoulders and make their way down. I freeze as they go over my curves, and gasp as he spanks me hard. His tongue darts in my mouth, and I know I've lost the game. We fight for dominance and after the suffering of losing twice, I finally win. I pull away, needing air and blushing strawberry. I breathe, "Cheater."

He smirks, "I didn't read the rule book. Besides, I heard no objections from you." He runs his hand over my butt again. I blush darker and decide to get some revenge. I start to pull off Kanda's shirt and he has to help, but the result is me holding his hands above his head. I attack his neck, sucking on the nook between his shoulder and neck. Once I was sure there would be an obvious hickey, I continue down his chest, licking over his nipples. He groans in pleasure as I swirl my tongue around the bud. He tries to move his hands away from his restraints, but I'm a lot stronger than I appear. I nip the bundle and he gasps.

I move back up to his ear and whisper, "Where was that rule book?" I let go of his hands, and he flips us again. I wrap my legs around his waist and push us up into a sitting position. I pull out his hair tie as he kisses along my jaw. I tug on the cascading waves flowing down his bare shoulders and back. As Kanda runs his hand down my back, I just wish I could take off the extra clothing. From my boyfriend's subtle whining, I can tell he's frustrated with it, too.

I put my forehead against his muscular shoulder and whisper, "I'm sorry." He knows exactly what I'm talking about and he replies, "Don't be."

I shake my head and pull away, but he brings me back to him, our foreheads together. He says, "I don't care whether or not you have a shirt on."

"But I…I-" I'm cut off when he kisses me one more time. Even though I'm still angry with myself, I drop the matter. For the rest of the time before dinner, we lay together in his bed. I feel safe in his arms, and wish I could stay there forever. I know I can't though and dinner comes around way to fast in my opinion.

We go and eat dinner soon after. It wasn't hard to get Lavi worked up again when I told him we were going to France, but he managed to walk away without wounds.

Within an hour of dinner, we were sitting in a first class train compartment. The beds were already pulled out, and there was only about a foot between them. There was a window on the opposite side of the compartment, and I was glad because with the time of year it was. The days were growing short and the last days of the fireflies were coming to an end. I stood at the window and looked out as the last rays of sunlight retreated and fireflies lit up the dark forests around the tracks. _You would not believe your eyes, if ten million fireflies, lit up the world as I fell asleep. 'Cause they fill the open air, and leave teardrops everywhere. You'd think me rude but I would just stand and stare._

I smile as the lyrics filled my head. Fireflies are my best friends. During the summer, I would go down to the fields that surrounded the Order and stay for hours watching the beautiful insects. They acted as my therapists and I would talk to them, finding comfort by their silence. They didn't judge me.

Then I remembered. I have permission to play with Kanda's hair! The bluenette was sitting on his bed with his legs hanging off the edge, open book in hand. The fireflies forgotten, I happily sit beside him and pull out his hair tie. He grumbles regrets under his breath, but says nothing else. I begin to braid the ribbons as he read quietly. Once I was done with the first braid, I undid it and made three more. I weaved the three together and sat back, admiring my work. I ask, "Will you keep it like that?"

He rolls his eyes and feels the braid with his hand, "Until tomorrow."

I smile and kiss his cheek, "Thanks, Kandy!" His face softens noticeably and he continues to read. I move to my bed and pull the blankets over me. Before I close my eyes, I ask, "When you're done, will you…."

He nods knowingly and I let my eyelids fall, slowly falling asleep.

The sound of a train's whistle wakes me up. I jolt at the loud noise and find myself in my boyfriend's arms. I doubt he's asleep so I just nuzzle my face into his chest, letting his steady heartbeat lull me to sleep once more.

The next time I wake there's sunshine pouring through the train window. My back is against Kanda's chest and his chin is on the top of my head. His arms are securely around my chest and mine are over his. I wanted to lie there longer, but a feral animal growl escapes my stomach.

I whine at the interruption, and feel Kanda's warmth leave me as he pulls away. I roll over as he moves to his bed. I smile, "I haven't had a nightmare since that one two nights ago."

"Good," he says, starting to take down the braid I had put up. I was tempted to make him keep it up, but decided not to. We go to the diner for breakfast, and after I nearly clear the buffet table, we sit. "Where are we now?" I ask between mouthfuls.

"Paris. We'll be in Cobalt in two hours," he answers, eating his soba.

My eyes grow and I look outside. Though we weren't in the city, I could still see buildings over the trees and the top of the Eiffel Tower. I gaze longingly across the forest, wishing that I could go look around.

I always wanted to go to Paris and spend the night there. Not just the whole "City of Love" thing, but I think it's a beautiful city in general. I sigh and continue to shovel food in my mouth. After eating, Kanda and I go back to the compartment and I remember. I need to take the pills Komui gave me.

I sit on my bed and contemplate. He said they would make me stronger, but that could mean that I sprout wings or turn abnormally buff. I shudder. I trust that Komui meant well so I slip the bottle into my exorcist uniform pocket, and go to the bathroom.

Locking the door behind me, I look at the instructions. It said to take one twice a day. To my dismay, there were no warnings. Regardless, I popped one in my mouth and swallowed, drinking some water from the faucet afterwards. I don't feel any different and walk back to our compartment. As I sit on my bed, Kanda starts brushing out his hair. An idea pops into my head and I stand again. Crossing the small space, I straddle Kanda's lap, "Kandy, I'm bored again. Can you help me with that?"

A glint appears in his dark eyes. He pins me to the bed, "I think I could."

**Author Note: That's chapter 5! Please, Please, PLEASE R/R!**


	6. Innocence in Cobalt Part 1

**Author Note: Chapter 6 is here! Thank you to those who reviewed. I read them and get all excited! **

**Me: Will you do the honors, Allen?**

**Allen: Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, only the plot. Now what does Mpreg mean?!**

**Me*whisper*: *Tell him*.**

**Allen with bug eyes: What kind of perverts are you people?!**

**Me: On to the story!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 6: Innocence in Cobalt Part 1_

After a hot make out session, I'm left breathless next to a shirtless samurai. We still had about half an hour before we get to Cobalt, and retrieve the Innocence. In my opinion, the trip over to assist finders was stupid, but orders are orders.

We lay together until the train stops and we get our stuff. After departing from the train station, Kanda and I walk to where the finders were supposed to be. I'm not sure about the bluenette, but I had no clue where we were going. All I knew was that as I strolled along with him was that I wished that we could still be at the Order. I wanted to continue what we were doing in the train compartment with the fogged up windows. I blush at the thought of the dirty things we were doing.

My eyes scan the crowded streets, looking for our targets. I find nothing and that's when it hits me. Wooziness trying to take me down in its grasp, I use all my effort to not sleep on the spot. I had slept good last night, but I can't shake the feeling. Eyelids threatening to fall, I rub them, but can't rid myself of the urge to nap. My vision begins to blur slightly, two images of Kanda beside me and the sun casting a silver, moon-like shine. I don't even feel the impact as I hit the ground and black out.

My hearing comes to me first, detecting voices behind me. One was definitely Kanda's and the other two were unfamiliar.

"We found the Innocence hidden in a toy shop," someone says, probably a finder.

I recognize Kanda's huff, not understanding his dismay, "Why were you in there to begin with?!"

"We sensed it was in there so we got it. Do you realize how many people were staring at the two men looking through a box of furry handcuffs?"

Another huff from my boyfriend, and I hear him sit in a rolling chair beside me. I can sense that I'm lying in a bed and can smell Moonlight Mist. Though they're heavy, I slowly manage to open my eyes. A small ceiling fan is running above me, and the light was coming from a lamp beside me. A hotel room. I was in a hotel room.

"Kanda?" my throat is dry, but I manage. The bluenette rolls closer to me and says, "What happened to you?"

"How should I know? I was unconscious," I reply, wondering why I had.

"One minute you were walking beside me, the next I heard you fall. While I was bringing you here, I ran into the finders. Plus, they lost the Innocence," I heard agitation and worry in his voice as he explained.

I pushed myself up into a sitting position, but immediately regret it as wooziness fills me, and I flop back down. "Don't sit up, Baka," Kanda says. I grunt, but make no objection as I lay there. Suddenly, he stands and grabs Mugen from where it was propped up against the wall, "I'm going to look for the Innocence. I'll start at the shop to see if someone took it there, and then search around the town."

I whine, "I want to go! I can help!" I attempt to sit up again, but Kanda pushes me back down, "No, you're staying in this bed until you're well again. Besides, I'm not letting you go anywhere near that store."

I glare at the finders as they chuckle. I growl, "It's just a kid's store!" Kanda rolls his eyes, obviously tired of my confusion, "You can think that, but I'm not letting go in that store. You still have innocence left in you."

"Then what's Mugen if it's not Innocence?" I challenge, not understanding his issue. He opens the door, "One of you explain it to him!"

One of the finders follows him out the door and shuts it behind him. The other sits in the rolling chair Kanda was in. What was wrong with the store? Did Kanda discriminate against my type of Innocence? My head throbbed from the mixture of emotion and dizziness in my mind. I was scared to sleep without Kanda, but I was so tired!

I glance over the small room. There was pretty much a nightstand between two twin beds, a bathroom to my right, followed by the window and door. Nothing else was in the room other than the rolling chair and tiny table. I say, "Are you going to explain Kanda's issue?"

The finder replied, "The two of you are dating, right?" I nod, not understanding the question. He smiles, "He can explain it better. You'll probably visit one with him soon anyways."

With that, he bursts out laughing. I shake my head in bewilderment, but push it no further. I struggle to keep my eyes open. I didn't know why I was so exhausted, but whatever it was, it won the battle. My eyelids fell, and I drifted into a deep slumber.

I felt much better when I woke up. The dizziness and pain had vanished completely, and I was wide awake. I rose from the bed, looking around. The sky outside seemed to be darkening through the curtain, and the finder was asleep in the bed to my left. That in mind, I pick up my suitcase and dig until I find the pills I was supposed to take. After gathering a change of clothes, I enter the bathroom and lock the door behind me.

I take a pill and strip. I fold my jacket and toss the remainder of the clothing to the corner of the small room. The vanity was small and attached to a large mirror. The toilet was next, followed by the bath and shower. I realize that the gauze from two nights ago was still on my chest and I remove it. The scratches were by no means healed, but were on the road of recovery. I wrap the bloody gauze in toilet paper and put it in the trash can.

I turn on the shower and clog the drain. Once the water was to my liking, I stepped into the collecting puddle in the white fiberglass tub. As I pull the curtain across the beam, I hiss at the pain of the hot water pounding on my wound.

I sink down into the tub. The water washes away the outside world. I sigh after the initial pain of the water on my wounds. I'm surprised the pain hasn't bothered me lately. I mean, you'd think that Kanda's weight on my chest would have hurt, but I guess I was a little occupied. I smile and brush my fingers across my lips, the lips that felt the curves on Kanda's body.

I sit up and turn my body so the water was mutilating my back and head. The drops dripped off my snowy hair, returning to where they belong in the tub of water. I wish I could join them. I knew I didn't belong to the living world. Sure, a few people liked me, but I knew the result that my shirt being off would have. I wouldn't have anyone. _I love you, I hate you, I can't live without you. I breathe you, I taste you, I can't live without you._

Was I taking Kanda down with me? I didn't know the answer and I hated it. Kanda was independent. He didn't need me clinging to him and giving him dead weight to drag around. I sit in the water and ponder the thought. After pushing away the thought and the urge to claw at my chest and reopen the wounds, I wash my body with the soap supplied by the hotel, and turn off the shower, unclogging the drain.

I step out of the shower, drying off. My ears detect voices in the other room and I try to pick up the conversation. I can't tell what their saying exactly, but from the bits and pieces, I assume it's to do with getting another room. Good. It would be awkward for the finders to see Kanda and I sleep together. I pull on my clothes and feel chilled. I would definitely need to put on a sweater or something. After putting away my clothes and pills into my case, I pull out a gray wool sweater and slip it on. I open the door, the coolness of the room causing me to shiver. I realize the finders had just walked out the door, and Kanda was propping Mugen against the wall next to the table.

I set my suitcase on the table and silently lie on the bed, pulling the blankets to my neck. I still was cold, nearly shaking. I refuse to let myself chatter, and ask, "The finder told me to ask you about the store. He also said you would take me to one soon anyways."

His head snapped up at me at the last bit of the sentence and curses flew out his mouth. "I still don't understand," I say, the shivers winning and my teeth start chattering. I pull the blanket over my mouth, trying to cover the sound. My boyfriend dodged the question with one of his own, "Are you cold?"

I roll my eyes, "No, Baka, I like the sound of my teeth chattering! Of course I'm cold!"

He walks to the bed and climbs in beside me. He wraps his arms around my trembling form, and I cling to his warm body for dear life. My chattering is muffled by his chest, but I'm still freezing. "You're burning up, Allen," he says, concern in his voice.

I shake my head, "I d-d-don't know h-how. I f-feel like I'm in a fr-freezer."

"You need to go to the hospital."

"No! I'm f-fine. I j-j-just need to war-warm up," I was shaking really badly, and Kanda's body wasn't helping any. "Now answer m-my question. What's wr-rong with the st-store?"

Kanda sighs, "It's not a kid's store. It's an adult store."

"I st-still don't understand."

He groans, obviously uncomfortable with the situation, "And you call yourself Cross's apprentice?"

"I am! He n-never said anything ab-bout any adult stores!" I argue.

The bluenette's shoulders slump in defeat and he mumbles something under his breath. "What?"

"A sex store, Allen," he speaks louder. I would have froze, but I was shivering so much, I couldn't. That was what he meant by toy store? I whimper at my stupidity and say, "Oh, s-sorry."

"There's no need to apologize," he replies. We lay in silence other than my teeth chattering. I was about to die of frostbite. I'm not sure how, but after an hour of the cold seeping to my bones, I manage to fall asleep.

When I wake, Kanda is still holding me and the blankets were half way over my eyes. I free myself from my boyfriend's grasp. I was fine. If anything I was a little too warm. I turn and see that Kanda was still asleep. I can't believe I didn't wake him up. I wonder if he was up all night trying to keep me warm. I see the sheen of sweat on his face.

He must really care about me if he suffered the heat to protect me from the cold. I was really messed up, what with fainting and then freezing half to death. I shake my head. Maybe I did need to see a doctor. I go into the bathroom and take a pill. I pull the suffocating sweater over my head, and wet a washcloth, squeezing out as much extra cold fluid as I could.

I returned to the main room and Kanda is still sacked out. He was so peaceful when he slept, his face relaxed and his hair splayed out around him. I crawled onto the bed again and began to press the washcloth to his face. He still doesn't wake as I try to rid his face and neck of the sweat. As soon as I run the cloth over his hairline though, his eyes open.

He really was sensitive to people touching his hair. His dark orbs meet mine, "Are you okay now?"

I smile, "Yeah, I'm fine now. I don't know why I was so cold, but it's passed." I begin to press the cool washcloth to his face again, but he pulls away slightly. I roll my eyes and run it along his cheek despite his obvious objection of trying to back away from it.

"Do you have I problem with me touching you?" I ask, pulling away. He shakes his head, "No, it's just my face. I don't like people touching it."

"So, I'm just 'a person' now?" my voice was filled with hurt. He doesn't trust me enough to let me clean his face, but lets me lick any part of him I want. That made perfect sense.

"No, I just…I'm sorry," he turns his head away from me. I toss the washcloth into the bathroom quickly, and curl up beside him. I put my arm across his chest and rest my head on his shoulder. I whisper, "I can't say anything. I still won't le-"

"Don't start that again," he says. "I told you I don't care about your shirt."

I whimper slightly, and he looks at me, his dark eyes piercing my soul. I turn my head, staring at the door across the room. I feel his lips on the top of my head, and I glance at him through my hair. He had his head against the pillow, glaring at the ceiling. He wasn't good with expressing his feelings, and I couldn't blame him. Explaining is hard. I push myself up a little, and place a kiss on his jaw before lying back down.

Trying to lighten the mood, I ask, "Did you find the Innocence?"

He nodded, his jaw clenched, "The finder says it's in the store, but we can't find it. We searched everywhere for it. I think it's in something, like a product."

"I can come look with you gu-"

"No."

"But-"

"No."

"Kanda! I'm not a baby!" I argue.

"According to the sign that says you have to be eighteen to go in you are."

"I'm still sixteen though!" I was getting mad. I was determined to go in that store and help find the Innocence.

"Then you can't go in," he said, not an ounce of mercy in his voice. I sit up on my knees, hands on his chest, "You can't stop me from going in if I want to!"

"Allen, I'm not letting my boyfriend go in a store full of people who might…" he trails off, looking away from me again.

I laugh slightly, "So that's it? You're jealous? It's not like I'm not used to those kind of people. When I was with Master, all the prostitutes in town were trying to hook up with me."

Kanda's eyes bulge as he faces me, "You're not helping your cause here."

"What? Afraid I'm not a virgin? I could have told you I'm not," I say. It was fun to watch his reactions. Yu Kanda was jealous!

"WHAT?!" I had his full attention now and he was sitting straight up, staring at me with disbelief in his eyes. I double over laughing, clutching my stomach and rolling from side to side. I barely get out, "I'm…kidding! I'm still…a virgin!"

If I didn't know I was safe, I would've that the bluenette was going to strangle me. I finally stop laughing, wiping a tear from my eye. Kanda wasn't amused, but it was still hilarious. I say, "Are you seriously worried about that?"

He growls, "No, I just don't want people to get the wrong idea."

"Liar, just admit it. You were worried that I was so uneducated that I would leave with someone," I say.

"Fine, I admit it. Now, will you shut up?" his eyes were guarded, but I could still sense the embarrassment in the depths. Pushing him back down on the bed, I smile and lean over him, hands on either side of his head, "You think I'm uneducated?"

When he doesn't reply, I continue, "I can prove just how much I know, if you need me to." He quickly shakes his head, but I still press my lips against his. He responds immediately, grabbing my waist and making me straddle him. He tries to push his tongue in my mouth, but I nip the end of the muscle. He retracts it with a wince while I my lips move along his jaw.

I bite and lick down his neck, each gasp of pain quickly turning to a moan of pleasure. Coming to the hickey I made before, I run my tongue over the sensitive area before sinking my teeth into it. Kanda's heavy breathing hitches and I taste the blood in my mouth. The wound wasn't serious, but it was definitely bleeding and I clean it with my tongue before returning to the bluenette's mouth. I knew he could taste the blood, and also knew it was like venom to indulge in your own blood.

I lap up more of the crimson liquid and push it into his mouth. He reached up to tug on my hair, but I swat the hand away. This show was mine, and he should know that. I move back to the bite and clean it before pulling off his blue shirt in one swift movement. I reattach myself to his shoulder, making my way down his chest. I get to his nipple and purposely lick, nip, and kiss around it, careful not to touch it. A whine escapes my frustrated boyfriend as I torture him. I do the same to the other bud with my thumb. "Allen…stop that…."

"Okay," I reply and pull away completely. He was obviously getting a lesson. His face was flushed crimson red, and his breathing was intense. I allowed all my weight to be centered on his hips and he moaned quietly. He quickly pulled me forcefully back to his chest. Instead of continuing with what I was doing, I bit each nipple, before moving to his navel. His breath caught as I slowly, ever so slowly, trailed my tongue up his stomach, chest, and neck until I had it over his lips and my eyes met his. The dark orbs were flooded with emotions, but the most prominent was lust. I break eye contact as I bring my lips to his ear, "Am I educated enough?" I bite his ear lobe hard and he gasps in pleasure.

He doesn't say anything and I put my leg between his, pressing down. He groans, "Fi…ne. You can co…me. Ng…."

I grin in satisfaction and pull away, placing a quick kiss on his cheek. Kanda exhales like he'd been holding his breath for a year. No, it was only two minutes.

**Author Note: There's part one! Part two should be out soon. Also, the song was "Always" by Saliva and there is a Yullen version on YouTube!**


	7. Innocence in Cobalt Part 2

**Author Note: Hi, here's part 2!**

**Me: I just love this chapter! Kanda, will you do the honors?**

**Kanda: I'm going to murder you!**

**Me: What? Do you not like the name of the store?**

**Allen: I love it!**

**Kanda: You would! Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, just the plot. I will soon own her bloody, decapitated head.**

**Me: Yay! Let chapter 7 proceed!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 7: Innocence in Cobalt Part 2_

The door opening snagged my attention from Kanda's arms being wrapped around me to the finders entering. My boyfriend pulled away and slipped his shirt on as the finders started to chuckle. They were obviously ready to go to the store, and the bluenette was not happy about me tagging along.

We were soon walking to the store, Kanda and I in our uniforms. It worried me how close we were to the store, because within ten minutes, I was standing beside a very agitated Kanda in front of a store called "Kandy Land".

I laugh it the coincidence of the name and Kanda glared at me. I say, "What's wrong, Kandy? I think the owners named it well."

The finders join in and Kanda growls, "Don't call me that in public!"

I see body models in the windows wearing string bikinis, lace lingerie, and several costumes. I blush at the sight and I feel something hit me on the cheek. I look down to see a card that had "Allen Walker" written on it, proclaiming I was eighteen. I picked it up and saw that Kanda was already entering the store.

I follow him in, the finders tagging along behind me. I glance around the store, the place was huge! There was a counter to my right, clothing of every sort to my left, and whips, handcuffs, and other things I didn't recognize in front of me. My hand is pulled, and Kanda drags me to the costumes. For a split second, I thought he was shopping, but he begins to search the racks for the Innocence. I move past him and see a shelf with different colored lumps on it. Curious to know what they were, I pick up a white pile of clothing, sorting through the fuzzy things. I soon realize from the fluffy tail and lopsided ears that it was a bunny costume complete with mittens. I put it back quickly, but as I start to move past the shelf, I stop as something shiny catches my eye. My first thought was that Timcampy was hiding in a black pile, but figure out that it's a bell. A black cat costume.

I inwardly smirk at the bluenette rummaging through the clothes. I could have some fun with this. I grab the costume and slip behind the shelf to another aisle. There were more accessories and I looked them over, finding nothing that went with the costume.

I first pull the tail thread through the back belt loop in my jeans. The ebony extension hung well past my jacket and had a little golden bell at the end along with a pink bow the size of an apple. I shake my hips and a tinkling sound escapes the bell. Next, I arrange the ear headband in my white hair. I see a mirror on the shelf next to the extra ears, and carefully arrange my black ears, prominent against my ashen hair. I tie the collar around my neck, the bell hanging from the leather and jingling.

After sliding the dark, oversized paws, I step out into the aisle Kanda was searching for Innocence in. "Hey Kandy?"

Not looking at me, he growls, "What?"

I put my furry hands on my hips, and bop to the side, my bell tinkling. "Do you like this on me?"

He turns his head, eyes bulging when he saw me in the costume. I twirl around, giving him a look at my tail in the process. His eyes are still doing laps around the different pieces of the costume.

I giggle, "I can try on the bunny one, too, if you like that better."

He shakes his head quickly, "Take that off! Someone will see you!" I can tell from the look in his eyes that he doesn't mean it. I prance over to his side, my collar ringing as I did so, "Are you sure? You seem to be enjoying the view."

I loudly purr into his neck, and hear his heartbeat race. Making Kanda go crazy was officially my new past time. I whisper, "You know what would really complete this outfit? A lollipop."

He replies coolly, "No, take it off."

I roll my eyes, bringing a fuzzy mitten down his chest, "Maybe I want to keep it. I'm sure someone will appreciate it. I could always ask Lavi if he li-"

"No you won't!"

"Right, I should do the bunny for him!" I smile. Kanda's fighting a losing battle here, and he knows it just as much as I do. He sighs, "Please, Allen, take it off."

"Okay," I say, sadly. I pull off the costume in front of the samurai. I know he's acting like he's not paying attention, but I can feel his eyes boring into me. I replace the black costume to the shelf, but as I go into the next aisle, I snag another collar. It was exact to the other one, except it had two bells instead of one.

I help search through the costumes and such with Kanda as long as I can until we've gone through them twice. "Can we go somewhere else? We've gone through the same stuff a zillion times!"

"Well, so have we. Nothing."

I turn to see the finders walking over to us. They said that we should eat and return later. I realize how hungry I was, and the clock says it's two o'clock. We leave the store soon after. As they walked out, I stopped at the register to buy the collar and ran to catch up, slipping the neck piece into my pocket.

Kanda eyes me, "What took you so long?"

"I was looking at something," I answer. He doesn't seem convinced, but pushes it no further. The finders converse as we have lunch while Kanda and I are silent. The four of us decide to stay at the hotel a little while before heading back out.

After getting to the hotel, Kanda slips into the bathroom. I use the moment to pull out the jingling collar. I smile devilishly and tie the leather around my neck, lying back on the pillows. I close my eyes, awaiting Kanda's return. I suddenly wonder if he might get angry with me for buying it. I mean, he at least pretended to be mad when I had the costume on.

My thoughts stopped as he walked back into the room, sitting on the bed and lying next to me. I know he saw the bells when he says, "Great. If you wear that near Lavi, he'll change 'Allen and Kanda sitting in a tree' to 'Kitten and Kandy'."

I laugh, "I like it. I could always get the whole co-"

"No," he said quickly. He rises up enough to position his arms on either side of me, "So you're officially Kitten."

I smile at the name and say, "It's much better than Moyashi."

He presses our lips together. I move mine against his as he swats my bells back and forth. He pulls away too soon and lies down again. As he does this, a question pops into my head. I didn't want to seem like I cared about the answer, but I was too curious to not ask, "Kanda?"

He makes a sound, telling me he heard. I swallow, "Are you a virgin?"

I just barely hear his breathing catch as he processes the inquiry. I sit up and move so I'm cross-legged at his side, watching his reaction. I really did want to know since the thing with my virginity. He sighs, "Sort of…."

With as much as he knew, I can't say I was surprised, but it still made me feel like our first time would be insignificant to him. I caught myself. We never would be able to do more than we do as much as I want to. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He rolls over so he didn't have to look at my heartbreaking expression. It takes him a moment, but he finally answers, "I've never been with another guy, but I've…."

"Alma," I say, finishing his cliff hanger. He nods, but still doesn't look at me. I can tell from his guarded expression that the question had upset him. Did he think that it mattered to me? I rotate him back toward me. Kanda still refused to meet my gaze. I whisper, "Please, look at me."

He doesn't respond, ignoring my request. "I'm sorry. Please, don't be mad," I apologize. I didn't mean to anger him. I just was curious, but I wouldn't have brought it up if I had known he wouldn't talk to me. I get the urge to dig my nails into my neck and letting the numbness overtake my broken body. "Don't be sorry. I'm not mad, just…."

He finally lets our gazes meet, and I see his dark orbs flooded with shame and guilt. "I just wish I could say I still had my virginity, so our first time would be special."

I shake my head and lie next to him, my head resting on his upper arm. I never break the eye contact and say, "I was just wondering. I didn't mean to upset you." I purposely say nothing about the "our first time" notion, and feel the void inside me grow.

"I can't make up for it though," he closes his eyes. I remember something I read about Japanese culture then. What was it? The guy was supposed to kiss the girl someway, but I couldn't figure out what it was. It wasn't the hand or face….

Hair! That's it! While he still had his eyes closed, I pulled out his hair tie, unleashing the blue waves. His eyes opened at that and I quickly sat up, taking some of the ribbon into my hand. The midnight pools widened as I brought the strands to my lips.

I release the hair and see that he's frozen. I smile as I notice the blush creeping into his face. Kanda just continued to stare at me, and I wonder if I did the gesture wrong. I push the thought away. The expression across his face was easily readable. He was shocked and embarrassed.

"Why did you do that?" he asked, astonishment evident in his tone. I answer, "I know it's something they do in Japan to show love."

He nods and finally looks away, probably trying to hide his flush. I smile and lean closer to him, nuzzling his cheek and giving it a lick. I purr, "Meow."

"Does the Kitten want some Kandy?" he asks seductively. I nod, the bells on my neck ringing. He turns his head so he can meet my gaze, "What if the finders come back?"

I whisper in his ear, "Let them. I just hope they don't get a nose bleed."

After another make out session and ten minutes extra, Dime, Kyle, Kanda and I are trekking to "Kandy Land" again. We walk into the store and begin to search once again. I knew that it wasn't in the clothes, but Kanda wouldn't let me anywhere else, so I looked through the accessories. I wanted to get something else other than the collar, but nothing seemed right. I didn't want paws, a tail, or ears. That didn't leave much more to choose from.

"Do you need help with something?"

I turn to find a woman in a Playboy bunny outfit standing in front of me. She had a short, black bob cut and a menacing whip in one hand. I say, "No, I'm good."

She tilts her head, "You sure? I saw you here earlier with Bad Temper over there and you got a collar."

I nod, "He's my boyfriend. We're just looking around."

"Well, I have something that would look good with the collar if you want it," she said. I wasn't sure if I should accept the offer or not. I was talking to either a prostitute or stripper in a bunny costume for crying out loud. I smile, "Sure, what is it?"

"A belt. Follow me," she starts walking to the cash register, and I pursue her. She ducks under the counter and starts rummaging around, "By the way, my name is Foxy."

"It's nice to meet you. My name's Allen," I reply, shifting my weight. Foxy pops back up from the other side, something shiny and black in hand. Handing it to me, she says, "Well Allen, this is the belt."

I take the piece of material from her and begin to examine it. It had a seatbelt like buckle and was leather. The middle had a tail extending with a bell connected to the end, and there was a whip loop, a circular pocket that I assumed was for handcuffs, and more bells. I grin, "I love it! It matches, too!"

She nods, "After you bought that collar, I was wondering if you would come back so I could show it to you."

I hand it back to her, "Can I pay for it before I leave? I don't want him to see." I jerk my head towards Kanda and she nods, setting the belt aside. I quickly amble back to where Kanda, but was cut short by a scream.

I meet Kanda's gaze just before most of the people in the room turn into akumas. I activate my arm, slicing through akuma in the building and hopping across the room, trying to protect as many people as possible. _They know the Innocence is here,_ I think. Kanda takes out the last of the trapped souls with Mugen, and I look around. The store was a wreck, but I didn't see anyone who was injured.

"What the heck do you think you're doing to my store?!" I hear Foxy's voice sound behind me. I turn just in time to make out an akuma before her, and see the explosion.

I run to her, thinking that I needed to kill the akuma and I would find her body covered in black stars. No, I couldn't be more wrong. The akuma is gone and she stands there, whip in hand as she cracks it. She killed an akuma! She was an Accommodator. I deactivate my arm and look her over. Certain she had no wounds, I say, "Foxy, you're an exorcist!"

She shakes her head, "No, I just hit it with the whip and it exploded. I'm no exorcist."

Dime and Kyle run over to the two of us, starting to congratulate and explain everything. I leave them to it, walking over to Kanda who was looking like he hated the world. I put a hand on his shoulder. He's stiff as a board with what I have to assume is anger. I ask, "Are you okay, Kanda?"

He nods, "Why did we have to get a stripper as our new exorcist?"

I rest my chin on his shoulder, "I don't know, but she could help me in several ways…."

He cursed and growled under his breath, stalking toward the door.

The next day, the five of us were on a train back to the Order. Foxy didn't like the idea of leaving her store, but I personally thought that having an Innocence whip was pretty cool.

By the day after that, I was lying in a meadow of grass below Headquarters. It was unusually warm tonight, and the fireflies glowed and flew around me. I felt at home. A lightning bug landed on my hands overlapping each other on my stomach. I whisper, "I wish I could make myself believe, that planet Earth turns, slowly. It's hard to say I'd rather stay awake when I am asleep, 'cause everything is never as it seems…."

I exhale and the small insect joins his companions in the sky. The lights dance hypnotically in the air, their backdrop darkening. I wish I could join them. They were so beautiful and free, yet they live for so little time. After the last firefly's glow dissipates, I walk back to my room.

The light in Kanda and I's room were off and I see the slow rise and fall of my boyfriend's chest. I slide in beside him and even though I'm nearly certain he's in a deep slumber, his arms coil around my waist and pull my back to his chest. I smile and drift to sleep, safe in his arms and dreaming of dancing with fireflies.

**Author Note: I should have the next chapter posted by Sunday, Monday at the latest. I promise that Chapter 8 will be much more exciting! Please, Please, PLEASE R/R!**


	8. The Second Time Leads to the First Time

**Author Note: So A LOT happens in this chapter. I would read with caution. (No lemons though.)**

**Me: Lavi, will you do the honors?**

**Lavi: Kitten and Kandy sitting in a tr-**

**Me: No, the other honors!**

**Lavi: Oh, right. Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, just the plot.**

**Me: Thank you. Chapter 8 is here!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 8: The Second Time Leads to the First Time_

I was so hot. I could feel drops of sweat form on my forehead as my eyes opened. I was staring at the wall of my bed. Little sunlight came through the window, and I groggily sat up, kicking the blankets away from my body. I realize why I felt like I was roasting. I was wearing a turtleneck.

Since when did I sleep in turtlenecks? My mind still fuzzy, I pull the suffocating piece of material of my white-haired head, tossing it to the end of the bed where it went over the footboard. I was still sweating, and I lay on my back.

I close my eyes and try to go back to sleep, but it was pointless. "Allen?"

I freeze. How did I forget about Kanda, and what kind of idiot was I? I panic, the blankets were at my feet and my shirt was gone, leaving my chest and arms bare. Leaving my scars open to the world, and more importantly for Kanda, to see. I turn my back to my boyfriend, who was sitting up now, "I'm fine. J-just go back to sleep."

"Why's your shirt off?"

He noticed. Was today the day that I'm left for dead? A tear slips down my cheek, and I feel a hand on my shoulder. No, it's not resting there. I wince as two fingers trace over one of my recent cuts, the one on my shoulder and arm. Pulling away, I huddle to the wall. I refuse to acknowledge the fact that Kanda was there.

"Allen, look at me," a husky voice said. He knew what was going on. I could tell that much from the way he said it, serious and worried. I turn to meet his gaze, the dark orbs heavily protected. My eyes are streaming down my cheeks like rivers now, and I stare him in the eyes. He said, "Turn around."

I shake my head, my knees covering my chest from where I was hugging them. He gazes at the sheets between us, "It makes now, I guess."

I whisper, "What?" I'm not sure if I wanted to know the answer or not.

"The turtlenecks, not wanting me to touch you, the razor in the shower."

He stands from the bed, walking towards the door. I want to say something, anything that would make him return to me. I couldn't. The words refused to form, leaving my helpless on the bed. "I need to think," the door shuts quietly behind him as he walks away.

I feel so many emotions building inside me. Anger for being so stupid as to remove my shirt. Sadness for allowing him to walk out that door. Last, remorse for living.

My fist makes contact with the wall, and I made the decision then. I wasn't going to hurt anymore. I wasn't going to walk around in shame. I wasn't going to wake up tomorrow morning.

I bring myself to my feet and walk to the bathroom. I let my shoulder ram into the door frame, pain from the hard contact shooting through me. My hands manage to steady me on the vanity as I search the drawers of the sink for one thing. Sleeping pills. My hand wrapped itself around the bottle, and I let my legs collapse. I hit the tiled floor with a hard thump and I bring my nails across my chest, reopening the wounds there. Watching the blood well from the deep cuts, I sit there for a few minutes.

It took me so long to do this. I should have left the living world months ago, after the first attempt failed. I didn't want to be here any longer. There was nothing for me to live for because the last person that held my life walked out that door. I could just be with Mana in heaven now.

The ghosts of my past had haunted me since that day eight years ago. The fireflies and water droplets were the last of my friends, because they were with me that night.

I pop the bottle cap off. Pouring out the contents, I count the white tablets. Would eight be enough? I used five the last time, so I figure it'll work. I didn't want it to fail again. I take the first one dry, forcing it down my throat.

I bring the second to my lips when I hear, "Allen, don't!"

The pills fall out of my weak hand as a something hits it. I look up to see Kanda over me. His eyes were frantic and he had his hands cupping my wet face. Why was he here? I thought he left. My eyes register the pills scattered over the floor and my mind snaps. "Why did you do that for?!" I scream, and his hands jerk back from my face. I curl up, bringing my knees to my chest. I whisper, "I want to die! Leave me!"

Allowing myself to fall to my side, I begin shuddering with my nails digging into my neck. I cry, "I want to die! Please, just kill me!"

A tear drops onto my forehead. I look up and through my own watery eyes I see Kanda's overflowing with tears. Why was he crying? Why was he still here? His hands move over mine, trying to pull them away from my bleeding neck, "Stop it, Allen, you're hurting yourself!"

"Why would you care?" I ask, trying to swat away his hands. He keeps his hold and cries, "Because I love you, that's why!"

I stop my neck abuse and he tugs my bloody hands away. Why would he love such pathetic scum? What reason did he have? I let him wrap his arms around my shaking body and bring me to him. He whispers, "I love you, Allen."

"You can't…why would you?" My face was in his chest, my tears dampening his blue shirt. I couldn't believe my ears. Kanda loves me? Kanda loves me. I continue to sob into his chest as he replies, "I don't know. You're strong, sweet, cute, and innocent. Why didn't you tell me that this was happening? Why would you try to…to…."

I shake my head. He takes me in his arms and carries me bridal style to the bed.

We lay there for so long. I don't know how long it was, but Kanda was trying to calm me down the entire time. After I had cried myself out, I say, "Please don't leave me."

He kisses the top of my head, "I won't, and I'll prove it to you."

He took me that night. I never doubted he loved me from that point on.

My eyes flicker open that afternoon. Like it normally was, my face was buried into his chest. The difference this time was there was nothing between us. No clothes, no sheets, no secrets were separating us. We were skin on skin.

I wouldn't have thought in a million years that I would lose my virginity after attempting suicide, but I guess it made a story. "Are you okay?" I jumped at the voice slightly, but then relaxed in Kanda's arms. I nod, "My butt hurts."

"Sorry," he says, rubbing circles into my bare back. I look up and meet his dark gaze, "It was the best night of my life."

He smiles, "I'm glad." Soon, the smile was replaced by a frown as he stopped the motion on my back and lightly traced over the cut on my shoulder. I wince at the touch, the pain wasn't too bad, but I had clawed over it the night before, making it much deeper and more painful. I break the eye contact and stare at his neck. I saw him swallow before he asked in a hushed voice, "Why did you start doing it?"

I shake my head, "Stress mostly. I started when I got to the Order and it helped with the change. After…I umm…tried to commit suicide the first time, I started getting the nightmares about the Order finding out about me cutting. You always beat me up, or insult me before leaving…."

He pulls me closer to him, the heat radiating off him like a blazing fire, "I'm not going to leave you, Allen."

"I know that now. Thank you for saving me," I whisper. I knew it was hard for him to hear all this. I can't believe that I hadn't started crying yet. It took a while for Kanda to reply, "You're welcome."

Taking a breath, I admit, "I love you, too, Kanda." I hadn't ever said anything other than "why" to the statement, and decided it was time to.

His lips kiss the top of my head as a response. I snuggle against him and let my eyelids fall, dreaming of what had happened last night.

Before my eyes opened, my body missed it. Kanda's heat was gone. I open my eyes to see myself staring at the bed above me. Glancing around, I notice the bathroom door was barely cracked and the light was on.

Uncovering myself, I stand and make my way over to the door, pushing it open. It was humid in the bathroom and as I walked around the corner, I see the steam rising from the shower.

I smile inwardly and quietly stalk over to the curtain. Pulling back the material carefully, I poke my head inside. The boyfriend in question had his back to me, water streaming off his hair and body. I step over the tub, my foot landing on warm fiberglass and I seal the curtain behind me.

Kanda still hadn't noticed me, and was busy running his fingers through his wet hair. I wrap my arms around his waist and laugh as he jumps like I bit him. He loosens my grip and turns around, facing me. He says, "May I assist you?"

I nod, "Yep, I wanna wash your hair!" He rolls his eyes at the request and replies, "What happened to just wanting to brush it?"

I press my body closer to his, "Let's see here. Oh yeah, we had sex!"

"That seems about right to me," he leans down slightly and kisses me, but I pull away. I say, "Nope, not until you let me wash your hair."

I stick my tongue out at him and he nips it before sighing in defeat, handing me a bottle of shampoo. I grin and squirt some in my hand. Replacing the bottle, Kanda turns so I have access to his cascading waves of hair. I massage the syrup-like liquid through his hair, "Have I mentioned how much I love your hair?"

He replies, "No, but you've made it very obvious. I can't kiss you without you pulling out my hair tie!"

I run my fingers through the locks one last time before turning him so he could rinse, "Correction, you can't kiss me without pushing your tongue in my mouth."

Kanda closes his eyes and squeezes the soapy water out of his hair, "So? I didn't see you complaining, even when it got a little rough."

The water runs down his chest and stomach, curving around his abs. I'm tempted to follow the water's lead, but decide to watch instead. I wasn't going to lose this time.

He finally finishes rinsing and rotates again. I slather conditioner into his ribbons, and they instantly become silkier. I rake my fingertips through the hair on his scalp, "Will you wear your hair down to lunch?"

He has to think about it, but even though he says no, I know there's hope if I poke the right nerve. "Well, I could just wear the collar to lunch. I'm sure there are plenty of girls that would take down their hair for me."

I hear him groan and mutter something under his breath. "Fine, but just this once."

I wait for him to begin to remove the conditioner before I throw my arms around him, "Thanks, Kandy!"

He quickly adds, "No lollipops." I laugh at his sudden thinking, "Okay, but I'm gonna have one later."

He smirks, "That's an excellent idea."

Against his will, I drag Kanda to the cafeteria, his hair unleashed behind him. Unfortunately for me, everyone noticed that the locks were out of their normal hair tie confinements, and I had to death glare several people, men and women. They quickly backed off, not wanting to mess with me.

_That's right. He's mine, and I've got the hickey on the inside of my leg to prove it!_

After getting to the crowded dining room and ordering our food, Kanda and I sit across from Lenalee and the rabbit. I immediately began to stuff my face as Lenalee asked, "How'd the mission go? I met Foxy this morning."

I nod, replying around a mouthful of spaghetti, "It went well. I guess if we got a new exorcist then it was."

She smiled and started a conversation with Lavi, something about the new outfit she found. I'm not sure if she thinks Lavi's gay, too, but she talked real girly around him like she did me. It was funny to watch the rabbit listen and practically take notes on what she said. Poor guy had it hard, falling for Komui's sister. I'm not sure if Lenalee knew about it yet, but I should ask her the next time we go shopping.

I soon had finished my food. I had always gotten my food down before everyone else, and I used it to my advantage. As my tempting dessert ate his soba, I twirled a stray ribbon around my finger. I could tell that he was enjoying the touch, but he continued to eat, ignoring me.

"Hey, Kandy?" I ask, innocently. He either didn't notice the name or forgot he was in a cafeteria, because he replied, "Yes, Kitten?"

I smirked as he clasped a hand over his mouth. I was _so_ dead. Lavi burst out laughing along with Lenalee, and I joined in devilishly. As I knew he would, the rabbit picked up his favorite torture method, "Kitten and Kandy sitting in a tree-"

He was on the floor bleeding from a punch in the nose from Kanda in an instant. I throw my arms around Kanda's neck from behind and finished, "K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

My furious boyfriend hung his head in defeat just before grabbing my wrist and dragging me to our room. I wasn't sure to be scared or excited. If I thought my butt hurt before then I was going to feel like my pelvis broke. I shiver at the thought, but settle for enthusiasm.

The door to our room unlocks as he throws me down on the bed, crawling up over my small frame. It took him less than five seconds to get our shirts off, and the articles of clothing were discarded somewhere near my dresser. I felt his lips start at my navel, and he slowly licks and kisses up my body, careful not to hurt me. I moan quietly as he starts to suck on my nipple and knead the other with his thumb. He moves past the pert buds and begins to create a hickey on my neck. I throw my head back in ecstasy, mewling for more.

I open my eyes to see the bathroom door across the room from me. I'm more than aware of my boyfriend's chest against my back, and I listen to his steady breathing. I move one of my legs slightly and wince at the pain. Dang him. So maybe I should have been a little more scared than ecstatic, but it had felt good at the time.

I had one of Kanda's arms draped over my body and I had to carefully remove it so I could stand. I was going to get sweet revenge on that sexy bluenette one of these times. It's not as fun when you wake up with a sore butt. Stretching a little, I pull on my clothes and fold Kanda's so they'll be ready for him when he wakes up.

Then it hits me. I run full speed into the bathroom, nearly giving myself a concussion when I slam into the wall next to the toilet. The contents of my stomach push themselves out my mouth. Continuing to hurl, I run my nails down the wall. I hated vomiting. I'd only ever thrown up one other time in my life and it was from food poisoning. "Allen? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine! Don't come in," I didn't want Kanda seeing me in such a weak state. I didn't even know why I was vomiting, but I hated whatever reason it was.

I leaned back against the wall when I was finished puking. Blah. I stand and make my way to the sink, brushing my teeth twice.

**Author Note: I figure this is a good place to stop, since the next chapter is on a totally different note. Please, Please, PLEASE R/R! Tell me what you like and don't like so I can make the next chapter better!**


	9. Q&A and Rainbows

**Author Note: Here's Chapter 9! Also, the vomiting in the last chapter wasn't pregnancy related; it's a symptom from the pills.**

**Me: Lenalee, will you do the honors?**

**Lenalee: Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, only the plot.**

**Me: Chapter 9!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 9: Q&A and Rainbows_

I open the door again, finding Kanda lying on the bed. He glances up and asks, "Are you alright?"

I nod, "Just nausea."

He didn't seem all that happy with the answer, but still scooted over to make room beside him. He still didn't have any clothes on, the only thing from keeping him from view was a white sheet. I slide in beside him, snuggling in and making myself comfortable. We lay together for a while when I began to get restless. An idea pops in my head, "Kanda, can we play a game?"

The bluenette looks down at my hopeful eyes with a confused face, "What kind of game?"

"Well, we ask each other different questions so we can get to know one another better."

He smiles, "Okay, shoot."

I tilt my head, thinking of a good question, "What do you like most about my body?"

"Tough one," he said. "I'm going to go with your muscle."

I pull up my shirt and gaze at my chest and stomach. I never really considered my body as being muscular, but if Kanda thought it was, then I guess it was. He thinks about his question a second as I cover myself again. He asked, "What's your favorite part of my personality?"

My eyes widen. How was I supposed to answer that? He was a bad boy, a jerk, and to me he was loving. I decided, "You're practically fearless. I know part of it's an act, but you play it so well."

I'm nearly certain he wasn't expecting that answer, but I continue with my next question, "Why did you grow out your hair?"

He sighed, "I was 'born' with it like this. I never cut it, just went along with it."

I nod. It was definitely a unique story, even if it reminded me he was really only ten. "Why is your hair turning green?"

I give him an odd look. He had an identical look only his gaze rested on the top of my head. I ask, "Um, are you okay?"

He pulls me up from the bed and drags me to the bathroom. He puts me in front of the mirror, and I gasp. He was right. My hair was turning mint green. Veins seemed to go through the previously white strands, starting at my crown and trailing to the ends. The darkest part was on the top and was the color of a green apple. The ends were lightest and seemed like I had dipped them in acid that turned them into the color of the inside of a lime. To top it all off, my hair was getting greener by the second.

"I'm guessing this isn't normal?" Kanda asked, his eyes trained on my jade ribbons. I roll my eyes, "No, it happens when I'm on my period, BaKanda!"

"I'm pretty sure you're a guy though," he replied. I turn on the sink faucet, dunking my head under the cold stream. Trying to remove the color, I run my fingers through my hair, hoping to turn it to snow again. I heard a masculine laugh from me, "You're not helping yourself here, Kitten."

Stopping the water flow, I pull my head up, squeezing out the extra moisture. I whine at the sight before me. Not only had my hair darkened, but it also had long blue streaks in it. "What am I? A Barbie doll?" I reenact the commercial voice and say, "Barbie Allen. His hair changes colors at random times. Accessories sold separately."

I place my elbows on the vanity and stare at my reflection. My hair was blue and green for no reason. I sigh in defeat and turn away from the mirror. Kanda follows me to the bed and sits beside me, nothing covering him. I blush, looking away, "Can you put on some pants, a sheet, or _something_?"

He shakes his head, "Nope. I hate clothes."

"That's new. I thought you were modest," I say, still looking towards the balcony. "Only so people don't stare at my tattoo, but I know that you'll do other things to it."

I roll my eyes and lay back, plopping down on the mattress. Kanda follows suit, and we stare into each other's eyes. I don't know how he guards his eyes so well, but he only shows his emotions when he wants to. "What's your favorite restaurant?" he asks.

Confused by the question, I reply, "Golden Corral. Why?"

"I thought we were still playing the game," he said.

I nod, "We are. What's your favorite color?"

"Purple," he said. I don't ask if it has something to do with lotus flowers, but assume it does. He thinks on his next question. "Favorite band or singer."

I stare up at the top bunk. That was way too broad to answer easily. I eventually settle the dispute in my mind and say, "I'm going to go with Linkin Park."

He nods, and I ask, "Did you ever have a crush on Lenalee?"

He sighs, "Years ago I might have…."

I smile. I got a confession out of Kanda! After my happy moment, I realize that my boyfriend was gazing at my hair again. I whine, "What color is it now?"

"It has pink ends," he replies. I groan and bring some of the strands down in front of my face. Sure enough, the sample was blush colored before it blended into blue. "I need a shower," I say and stand from the bed.

I amble to the bathroom, Kanda following. After he closed the door, I say, "You already had a shower!"

"I never got to wash your hair though," he replied. He steps toward me and grabs the hem of my shirt, pulling it over my head. His lips attack the naked flesh on my neck as he works on the button of my jeans. I throw my head back and before I knew it, my clothes were in a pile in the corner of the room. Kanda had me backed up against the vanity, and was playing with my nipples as I moaned.

He pulls away and I whine slightly. He smirked when he saw my reaction, but still moves to the shower, turning on the water. I cross my arms over my lower half and quickly say, "Make sure you clog the drain."

He nods and leans into the tub, putting the stopper over the drain. The water was steaming now and Kanda stepped into the tub, glancing at me. I hesitantly follow, pulling the curtain closed behind me. The tub itself was more circular than rectangular, so I sank down into the little water in the bottom, still covering myself. The bluenette sat beside me, and picked me up enough to place me on his lap. I wasn't sure how to react to the position so I simply stayed still. The water was pouring straight down on my head, soaking it thoroughly in a few seconds.

Kanda scoots over a bit so I'm out of the water, and I soon feel his fingers running through my hair as he lathers it with shampoo. The smell of coconut wafts around us. His fingers massage my scalp as we sit in silence except for the water pounding down from the shower head. I still hated silence which was no change, but this was the first shower that I didn't have the urge to breakdown into tears. I feel Kanda's fingers leave and I move off his lap to rinse, ducking my head under the water. My back was to my boyfriend, and I liked it better that way. Nothing against him, but just because we were intimate now doesn't mean I want to run around with him staring at my nether regions.

The water had risen a few inches, and it was lapping at my narrow waist. Finally getting the shampoo out of my multi-colored hair, I crawl out from under the water, and sit beside Kanda. He begins to slather my hair with conditioner and it felt soothing. "Why are you so quiet? I thought you didn't like silence."

"I don't know, and I do," I answer. He finishes with my hair and I slip back under the water, rinsing out the conditioner. Once I was done, I edge closer to Kanda, cuddling against him. He picks me up and sets me on his lap once again except with our legs apart at a ninety degree angle. I cling to his chest, wrapping my arms around his waist while he does the same. I may feel really self-conscious, but I felt safe with the samurai. "Seriously, what's wrong?"

I sniffle, "The last time I took a shower, I made these." I point to my chest, the healing cuts standing out against my pale skin. "The reason I took showers was to cut."

He tightens his grip, holding me close to his body. I was glad for the protection he was willing to give, and I wanted to have it forever. Life was so hard, and I knew it better than anyone. "I don't care if I have to take every shower with you, I'm not letting you hurt yourself anymore," he whispered.

I lay my cheek on his wet chest, and nod. There was nothing else I could say or do to express how much I love him or how much I wanted to be with him forever. I can't say Kanda felt the same way, but I knew he loved me for now at least.

Not long after that, I was staring into the mirror at my red and black hair. Was I doomed to have colorful hair forever? Kanda was (finally) dressed behind me, stifling a chuckle at my predicament. I glare at him through the mirror, but he continues despite the threat. It was close to five and my stomach was starting to growl. I turn away from the mirror and move to the bed.

What was I going to do? It's not like I was just sick. My hair is changing color for goodness sake's! I couldn't go into the cafeteria like this. I rest my chin on my hand and whimper quietly. A feral rumble interrupted the whine, and I flop down on the bed. No one would notice if I put my hood on, right?

Knowing my luck, everyone would. Suddenly, something is thrown over my face. I pull it away and eye it. Kanda must have tossed my exorcist jacket for me to put on. I ask, "Are you a mind reader or something?"

I hear a drawer open near the balcony, "No, but I know what kind of faces you make when you're thinking."

"How long have you been studying my face?" I ask, sitting up and watching as he digs through his drawers. He glances at me through the corner of his eye before returning to his rummaging, "Since you got here. I happen to think that the faces you make are adorable."

I grin and pull on the jacket, my stomach eating away at my nerves. Kanda finds a new hair tie and proceeds to put up his luscious ribbons into their confinements. Even though I wish he'd keep the waves down, I say nothing. He let his hair down at lunch for me, and so I wasn't going to push. Besides, I didn't want others ogling my Kandy. I groan at how possessive I've become and brush away the thought.

"What color is it now?" I ask, hoping that it wasn't as noticeable. The optimism was short lived as he replied, "If you added hairspray to make it stand up, your head would look like it was on fire."

I whimper and bring the hood of my jacket up over my head. It didn't take long for the two of us to get to the cafeteria, order, and sit across from Lenalee and Lavi. Seriously, do they sleep here? I keep my head down as I inhale my food. No one had noticed the rainbow atop my head, but it was bound to happen. The rabbit tries to ask Kanda something about why he wasn't saying much like it wasn't normal and if it wasn't for Lenalee's clipboard, he'd be out cold. I'm not sure where she got it, but she seems to enjoy hitting the fuming bluenette with the piece of wood.

I giggle from the clunk that sounded as Lavi got a whack, too, proving he had no brain. After I was done eating, I was tempted to make an escape back to Kanda and I's room, but didn't on account of the samurai. I sit in humiliation, even though I'm aware no one had seen the vibrant colors of my normally snowy hair. As I cower, Lenalee leans across the table while the rabbit and Kanda had a "conversation" and utters, "Meet me here at eleven tomorrow."

I nod, not understanding the secrecy, but say nothing more. I tug the hood lower over my face. Big mistake. Lavi's attention instantly flickers from irritating Kanda to my shying away. He asks, "Hey, Allen, what's up with the hood?"

With that, he flips it off my head. I curse under my breath as the two extras at the table gasp. Quickly retrieving the covering, I glare at the Usagi. I wasn't certain how many people saw, but from the scattered sounds of shock from around the large room, I'd guess several were flashed with the colors. Lenalee asks in a bewildered tone, "Um, why is your hair hot pink and purple?"

I roll my eyes at the excellent color choice and reply, "It's been changing color all day. I have no clue how though."

Lavi laughs, "Are you on your period, or something?" I sigh at the coincidence and shake my head. With that, Kanda stands and drags me to our room. At least he helped me out of the awkward situation. Sort of.

Silently, he closes the door behind us and sits on our bed. I shake my head. Since when was it _our_ bed? I mean, we had sex in it twice and slept together in it every night, but did that make it partially my bed, too? I mentally correct myself.

He sits on his bed and takes his book off the dresser, lying back with it as he got comfortable. It was only six and I wasn't tired. I walk toward the balcony and open the door. The mid-November air blasted me, and it soothed me as I stepped out onto the balcony, closing the door behind me. It was pretty cold, but I was fairly tolerant of different weather. I had to be with as much moving as I did with Master. Sitting in a chair, I look over the mountains, city lights, and crescent moon in the dark sky. It didn't take long for me to doze off.

**Author Note: I know it was a pretty bad chapter, but I'm brain-dead here! I know what I'm going to do with the next chapter and then I was going to time lapse to the next month. That sound good? Please tell me what you think, and R/R! The review button is in the bottom right corner. You know the one. Type something and click the button! **


	10. Shopping and the Chaos of a Journal

**Author Note: Thank you to those who reviewed! It makes me very happy to see so many people enjoying my story and it inspires me to write more. **

**Allen: I don't wanna die!**

**Kanda: *draws Mugen and points it at me* He better not die!**

**Me: I'm not going to kill him!**

**Allen: Okay, Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, only the plot.**

**Me: I should consider breaking Mugen…on to Chapter 10!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 10: Shopping and the Chaos of a Journal_

I'm awoken by arms crushing my waist. Eyes flashing open, I pull the suffocating things off me. The owner of the arms was fast asleep beside me, his hair fanned out around him. I smile. On rare occasion do I ever have the pleasure to watch my boyfriend sleep, and even then, I'm never this close to him. It was still dark in our room and I could only barely see the wall clock. It was midnight.

I carefully scoot off the bed, replacing the blankets so Kanda wouldn't get cold. I knew he would ever be cold, and if he was, he'd ignore it until he got frostbite. Walking to the bathroom, I snag the pills Komui gave me, popping one in my mouth and swallowing it dry. After using the john, I wash my hands and drink a little, trying to get the feeling of the pill out of my throat. The mirror, even in the dark, showed me my blue hair. It was nearly identical in color to Kanda's and I turned away, not wanting to look at it any longer.

Of course, by the time I had returned to our bed, Kanda was awake. _His bed,_ his_ bed!_ I mentally accuse myself._ Aw, screw it._ I sat beside him in _our_ bed, slipping under the blankets. He had nothing on but boxers and was radiating heat against my sweatpants and bare chest. As I snuggle to his chest, he throws an arm over me in a very protective way. I ask, "Were you dreaming?"

"Nightmare. You actually…" he trails off. I understand why he tried to squeeze the stuffing out of me now. His other arm was under my head and the hand connected to it skimmed over the places my nails made in my neck. It didn't hurt, but I still attempt to get closer to him with a whimper. I whisper, "Do you want me to start wearing shirts again? It wouldn't bother me."

"No," he replies. "It's fine." I can tell that it did upset him, having to look at my scars and wounds. If I did start wearing shirts again though, he would just insist I not. He refuses to show too much emotion. I sigh and close my eyes, drifting to a world of peace.

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

Sunlight filled the small room when my eyes opened. Kanda wasn't with me, his heat gone and the bed cold where he once was. I sit up and scan the room, eyeing the bathroom door as it opened. My eyes are glued to the dripping body and long hair of my boyfriend, stark naked and leaving the bathroom like it was nothing. His fingers ran through his wet hair, "Like what you see?"

I force my eyes to meet his, amusement in the dark pools, "Maybe."

He turns around and bends over, rummaging through his dresser. I growl as he purposely takes a lot longer than he needed to find his clothes. Finally finding what he was searching for, he rose up, and began to get dressed before my gazing eyes. I was going to get that revenge soon, very soon. I glance at the clock, hopping up quickly and pulling on the turtleneck that was lying on my dresser. It was ten o'clock and I wanted to eat before I did anything with Lenalee.

"What's the rush?" Kanda asked, following me into the bathroom as I pull on the turtleneck and a random pair of jeans, seemingly unhappy that his performance got him nowhere. I run my comb through my hair. My hair! It was white again! I pull at the strands, ensuring that no color was left. Relief washed over me, "Hallelujah!"

He smirked at my happiness. I say, "I'm meeting Lenalee at eleven and I am not going hungry."

I grab the bottle of pills at the corner of the vanity, putting one in my mouth and drinking a little from the sink. The bluenette eyed the bottle as I sat them back on the vanity, "What are those?"

I know he's worried about me and I wrap my arms around his waist, "I'm not on anti-depressants, if that's what you think. Komui gave them to me to keep me strong from the whole transition with my arm and Crown Clown."

He nods and kisses the top of my head before I pull away and begin to brush my teeth. It helps to know that Kanda is consistently trying to protect me, even if it's annoying at times. I had always wanted a superman to save me, and I got exactly that. A superman.

I finish and head toward the door, giving Kanda a quick kiss on his cheek from where he sat on the bed, book in hand. Before closing the door, I call, "I'm not sure when I'll be back, but it should be sometime before dinner I think."

He nodded, "Che." I roll my eyes and shut the door, making my way to the cafeteria. I had no earthly idea what Lenalee wanted, but if she made it so secret, I think it's safe to assume a trip to town will be necessary.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

After I eat breakfast, I wait for Lenalee patiently. It was about ten till, so she should be getting here anytime. I still couldn't figure out what we'd be doing, considering that Kanda and I are together, and as far as I know, Lavi hasn't made a move yet. My eyes catch the pigtails coming up beside me, halting my thoughts. She was wearing a black mini skirt with leggings and a long-sleeved purple sweater to match her boots. She was holding a small ebony clutch in one hand, and she said, "Well, come on!"

"Oh, right," I say as I follow her out of the large dining room. Once we're at the Order's doors, I ask, "Where are we going?"

She pushes open the huge metal pieces and makes her way out, "Shopping. Tonight, something's going to happen."

After we are safely on the ground, I fall into step beside her, "What's going to happen?"

She smiles and looks at me, "A double date! You and Kanda with Lavi and me!"

I groan, "Do you really think Kanda's going to go anywhere with us? I mean, he hates Lavi and he doesn't like advertising our relationship. Hello? We're gay!"

She just ignores the last comment, "If you beg him and reward him with a 'treat' when we get back, he's _so_ going."

I blush furiously, "Who said we were having sex?!"

The yaoi fangirl leaps out of her like a tiger on its prey, "I didn't mean that, but you are?! Eep!"

I said the wrong thing. I was never going to live this down if Kanda found out I spilled. The horrible wording of the thought floods my mind with perverted images and I shake my head to rid myself of them. Maybe it wasn't horrible wording…_shut up, brain!_

"Anyways," I say, trying to stop the tirade of giggles escaping her mouth. "Why would this help anything?"

She gave me a confused look, "Lavi won't turn down the offer to go on a date with me, and we both know he doesn't have the balls to ask me out himself. Plus, you get to see Kanda's romantic side!"

My first thought was that 'Kanda' and 'romantic' don't belong in the same sentence without 'not' being included. My second was that she had a point. When else would I have the opportunity to go on a date with Kanda? I nod as we turn into a J.C. Penny's.

I know I'm getting her outfit, and I head toward the dresses, the opposite of where she was nosing through push-up bras. Again I say, not the kind of guy to get turned on by that. I scavenge through the vast array of dresses. Not to brag, but I'm fairly educated when it comes to picking things for girls to wear. It had to be a dark color, like purple, red, or blue. Long-sleeves were a must for the weather, and with a contrasting neckline included. For Lenalee's curvy form, it also had to be form-fitting and short. Taking another look through the clothes, I had narrowed down my options to two. They were identical with long-sleeves, low neckline, above knee length and stretchy. The difference was one was sapphire and the other cranberry.

I pull out the dark purple dress and brace myself to go through the lingerie section. With one eye closed, I dash to Lenalee's side and give her the dress. Then, I proceed to push her towards the dressing rooms. I did _not_ like being near womanly things, be it protection or underwear. It made me feel like an utter pervert. Lenalee giggled at my obvious discomfort and went in to change.

Five minutes later, I look her up and down, giving her a thumbs up. She looked beautiful in it, and I can imagine Lavi's nosebleed when he sees her. After changing, we head to the men's section. I knew I wasn't going in a suit, it just wasn't me. I didn't even want to think about Kanda in one. Talk about demeaning, the bad boy forced into something dressy. Though, if Lenalee was going in a dress, what would Kanda wear? I don't think he owns anything other than sleeveless training shirts and his exorcist uniform.

Before I knew it, a white button down was thrust into my face. I didn't need to try it on to know it fit, and it looked a lot like mine, only it could stand by itself without the red ribbon. I nod and take it. The black pants I had back at the Order would match fine.

As we walk back, we stop by a coffee shop. Lenalee and I both get caramel mochas and we sit. She says, "Okay, so tonight we'll dress casual and go to the movies, and tomorrow can be elegant dining."

I nod, "That way they can have a chance to get something to wear."

She smiles as I catch on, taking a long sip of the coffee. "I have no clue who will help them though."

Our gazes meet, a sign we could read each other's mind. We say in unison, "We'll switch!"

"That means I'm stuck with the rabbit," I sigh. She laughs at my despair, "Yeah, and even though he's good to you, can you imagine what Kanda will do when I drag him into a clothes store?"

An image of Mugen slicing through every outfit Lenalee suggests flashes through my mind. I chuckle and slurp my mocha.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

I set my bags down on my dresser. It was nearly four o'clock and I wasn't all that certain the time hadn't sped up. I had eaten in the cafeteria before returning to my room, just to find no one here. I assume Kanda was training since he had nothing much else to do. He was probably loosing muscle from being with me so much.

Lenalee had dragged me through a cosmetics store to help her pick out the perfect eye shadow and lip gloss to go with the outfit. I wasn't good with that and pretty much nodded to everything she held up, and when comparing went with whatever was in her right hand. It worked apparently, because it wasn't nearly as long of a makeup shopping trip as I had anticipated.

I pull out the white button up and fold it, placing it in a drawer. Something brown catches my eye from the back of the box. Taking it out, I realize it was my journal. I set it towards the corner of my dresser, deciding to throw it away later. Pushing away the bad memories, I located the tiny bag inside the bigger one, the one from the cosmetics store. It was a pair of clip-on earrings. I wasn't super happy with the idea, but I had gone along with it. They were the same design as the one I already had only it was completely square with a skull embedded in the silver metal.

Uncertainly, I remove mine and replace it. It wasn't half bad, at least not the feel. I throw away the bags on my way into the bathroom. Staring at my reflection, I realize just how much I liked the new accessory dangling from my ear. It wasn't too noticeable like it would have been if it was colored, but still caught the light enough to draw attention. I move out of the bathroom and I sit on my bed. I still had four hours until Lenalee said we'd drag our boy toys together and demand they take us to a movie. I'm not sure how this will help our cause any, but the devious girl said it would be perfect. Lying down, I pull the covers over my body and my eyelids drift close.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

When I wake up again, I feel an arm under my shoulders and my face was nuzzled into the owner's side. My eyes open and I blink a couple times in the harsh lighting of a lamp. Once adjusted, I raise up, my eyes registering the blue hair and dark eyes of Kanda, holding a brown book. I smile and give him a quick kiss on the cheek. He doesn't respond, his midnight pools trained on whatever he was reading. My gaze moves to the pages of the small book, reading over the first paragraph:

_7/15/12_

_ Dear journal,_

_ Today wasn't any better than normal. Last night I had another nightmare about Kanda murdering me. One day, I wish he'd actually do it. I mean, I just don't want to put up with it any longer. The nightmares are awful, and I always wake up screaming or crying from the pain. It keeps getting harder for me to explain the turtlenecks, and I got a scare from Kanda today. He grabbed my shirt and the gauze over my last cut came off. The blood nearly soaked through the fabric and I think he noticed. I hope he waved it off. It's not like I needed another reason for him to hate me even more, or for me to hate myself anymore than I already do. Anyways, tool: razor, location: shower, and area: right arm. Just hope I don't hit a vein. Should I try? –Allen_

My journal. Kanda found my journal! I reach my hand and snatch the horrid thing away. I didn't want him reading this! I just wanted to throw it away and forget, but I totally forgot to-

"I walked away," my boyfriend whispered. "I thought I was imagining the blood…."

"I'm sorry you read that," I say, trying to get him to stop blaming himself. "I was going through my drawers and forgot to throw it away. I was really tired."

Kanda didn't seem to notice what I said. He just looked at his hands with wide eyes. He said, "How could I have left you? I knew you were acting weird, and that you were hiding something. Why didn't I…I…."

I feel the anger welling inside me. I wasn't helpless through this! I knew what I was doing! Before I realize I had done it, the back of my hand makes contact with his cheek. "Stop it! Stop blaming yourself! I knew what I was doing when I drug the razor across my skin all those times! I knew what I was doing when I swallowed the pills a year ago! It's not like I was completely and utterly unknowing through this! I didn't want you, or anyone, to know!"

Kanda sits in shock. I'm not sure if it was from the redness on his cheek or the fact I said things way too graphically. A single tear drips off his chin, and I know I went across a border with my words. I turn away from him, tears of my own streaming down my cheeks. I didn't mean to be so harsh; I just wanted him to shut up about how it was his fault. "It's not your fault," I whisper, my voice cracking. The journal was still in my hands and I didn't want it there. I hated the stupid thing. Screaming, I hurl it across the room, wrapping my arms around my knees and shaking.

I was tempted to drag my nails across my chest, but that sure wouldn't help my situation any. If anything it would upset Kanda more. I hear him say, "Please, stop crying."

I immediately halted my shaking, my forehead on my knees. His hand found my back again, and I jolted at the touch, whirling around and clinging to him. I was so emotionally unstable right now it wasn't even funny.

_**To be continued…**_

**Author Note: I bet you guys hate me now. MUAHAHA! Anyways, next chapter will be out by Sunday. Please, Please, PLEASE R/R! I really like to know what I can work on, what you guys like and don't, and how I can get better!**


	11. Double Date Part 1

**Author Note: Yay for Chapter 11! **

**Me: Allen, if you please?**

**Allen: Okay, Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, just the plot.**

**Komui: I WILL INIALATE YOU!**

**Allen: Should we be worried?**

**Me: I think he went out with Cross last night.**

**Allen: That explains a lot. Chapter 11 is here!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 11: Double Date Part 1_

I immediately halted my shaking, my forehead on my knees. His hand found my back again, and I jolted at the touch, whirling around and clinging to him. I was so emotionally unstable right now it wasn't even funny.

"How much did you read?" I whisper, my voice muffled by his chest. Strong arms wrapped themselves around my shoulders as I cried, and his voice cracked as he replied, "Enough. It was by no means pretty. You never told me I _murder_ you."

I nod, "With Mugen." I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to remember the awful nightmares. Tears stream down my face and dampen Kanda's shirt. He didn't seem to mind though, and he was trying to calm me down. It was like that night a couple days ago all over again. The bluenette attempting to comfort me as I cried and shook.

I pull myself as close to him as I possibly can, crying, "I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just…I just…"

"Shh, it's okay. It was shock," he says to my hair before kissing the snowy strands. My hands were balled up in his shirt as I sobbed, trying to calm myself. It wasn't effective. He whispers, "Please stop crying, please."

But I can't. The tears didn't stop and I choke out, "I can't. Just don't worry about it. I'll be okay before dinner."

I must have caught his attention, and he asks, "Why dinner?"

"I'll tell you later. Or at least Lenalee will," I reply, nuzzling my face into him. His grip around me tightened slightly, telling me he understood I wasn't feeling safe. I used to be unaware of the world with him. I used to be in control of my feelings around him. The stupid journal. I hadn't even looked at the appalling thing since the last time I needed to write in it. "I love you, Kanda. Please just forget whatever you read."

"No. I'm sorry, but if what you wrote is all true, then I'm not going to let you be alone anymore," he said sternly. I really did stretch the feeling alone thing to the notebook quite excessively. He adds, "Not physically."

I nod. I knew he wasn't extreme when it came to my protection. I was glad for it though. "Thank you. You don't know how much it means to me, Kanda."

He doesn't reply, but instead pulls the blankets over us, careful to make sure I could breathe. It took several minutes for me to stop crying, and even then I was still sniffling. It was only five, so we still had two hours, and I knew exactly what I wanted to do in those extra hours, and that was stay where I was. Kanda, however, insisted I do something. I'm not sure what he wanted me to do, but I decided to take a quick shower.

It was a truly amazing amount of wheedling I had to do to get the bluenette to allow me to take one by myself. Did I mention that he wasn't too overprotective? I'm in and out of the bathroom in ten minutes, but I forgot to bring the right clothes. I wanted to wear the skinny jeans and black turtleneck Lenalee got that day at Dollar General, but I went blank and forgot my clothes altogether.

I pace beside the bathroom door, a towel around my waist. Kanda had seen me naked before. He'd seen me naked, like, six times. Wait, why was I counting these things? Shaking my head, I push open the door, the cool air hitting my bare chest. I peek around the wood to see Kanda sitting on the bed reading. Trying to stay silent, I stalk out the door and begin to go through the draws of my dresser. Finally finding the clothes, I stand, but not before hands meet my hips. I freeze and feel the towel drop to my feet.

Shivering, I sense the body of a certain samurai pressed against mine and he whispers into my ear, "Why so modest, Kitten?"

"I, um, forgot my clothes," I explain quickly, trying to get out of the situation. He wasn't letting me off that easy, especially after his show early didn't work. His tongue runs up my neck and I shudder, my legs threatening to give out. Hands roam my body, starting at my hips and working their way down.

I gasp and Kanda sucks on the skin of my shoulder before biting down hard, making a noticeable mark. It's a good thing I'm wearing a turtleneck. He turns me around before putting me against the dresser, pressing my back onto the top of the hardwood. Flexibility is a very important skill to have, especially when your boyfriend was horny and bending you two-seventy. His nails dig into my arms and his mouth attaches itself to one of my nipples.

I loudly moan in ecstasy, the heat of his mouth on the bundle of nerves overwhelming. Suddenly, he pulls away and I mewl quietly, disappointed that it was over. Of course, he smirks at my whimpering and says, "I thought you just wanted to get your clothes?"

I take the clothes into the bathroom, glaring at the bluenette. After getting dressed, I pounce onto the bed beside him, my collar jingling. I ask, "So, if you were to go to town right now, what would you wear?"

Confused, he replies, "My uniform. Why?"

I roll my eyes, "Other than that, anything else. You should probably go put it on right now, too."

"Again I ask, why?" Kanda asks, sitting up. I shake my head, "Nope, it's a secret. Just go put it on."

He looks uncertain and I add, "Please, Kandy? For me?"

Rolling his eyes and grumbling under his breath, he takes five minutes to locate the articles of clothing and get changed while I hide my collar again. He exits the bathroom wearing jeans and a loose, black, short-sleeved shirt. I grin that I didn't have to bring up the "treat" Lenalee spoke of.

I hop up happily and grab his arm, dragging him towards the door. He mumbles things under his breath, but doesn't object to my pulling. Soon, we were sitting at a table waiting for Lavi and Lenalee. Well, I was. He was just eating his soba while I inhaled my food. It was six-thirty and we were supposed to leave to go to the movies at seven.

My food gone, I turn to Kanda, "Do you want to see any movie in theaters?"

I'm pretty certain he knew what was going on now and he replied, "The Purge."

I whine slightly, "Other than that. Maybe something a little less violent and rated R?"

He says, "My Little Pony."

"Kanda! Seriously? Can you not answer a simple question?" I ask exasperated.

He shakes his head, "No." He gives it some thought and responds, "The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones."

I smile happily, "Okay, perfect."

At that moment, Lenalee and the rabbit sit across the table from us. Lenalee was wearing the same outfit from earlier, and Lavi had on jeans and a red shirt like Kanda's. The pig-tailed girl says, "Mortal Instruments it is then?"

I nod and we say together, "We propose a double-date!"

The hate towards the Usagi was emanating from Kanda and was nearly tangible. He mutters, "Like heck am I going anywhere with the idiot rabbit."

Lavi was still sitting in shock. I'm pretty certain he was totally unaware of Kanda's comment and was overcome with either astonishment or fear of being murdered by the deranged scientist of Lenalee's brother. I plea, "Kandy, please come! I really want to go on a date!"

"Don't call me that in public!" he hisses before I lean in to his ear. I whisper, "I'll give you a reward when we get back if you go. I'll even talk to Foxy a bit."

I hear him groan with an infusion of want and defeat. Smiling, I pull away and know he's going now. He just needed a little push. At that moment, I hear, "COOKIE!"

I look around in bewilderment to find the source of the yell, and find Komui bolting full speed towards me, an odd look of intent in his eyes. He snags the extra cookie on my plate and begins gobbling it down. As soon as he came, he fled from the cafeteria, the whole time shouting at the top of his lungs, "Cookie, cookie, cookie!"

All eyes in the room turned to Lenalee, who was at the moment looking like she had been shot by a pistol. "Sorry!"

I see Reever standing in the doorway to the large dining room, an embarrassed expression on his face, "Komui went out with Cross last night and came back with two bottles of wine. They were gone this morning."

After explaining, Reever dashed off in the direction of the mad, and apparently drunk, scientist. I begin, "That."

"Was," Lenalee added.

Lavi finishes, "Random."

Kanda only said, "Che," and returned to his soba. After the initial confusion, we return to our conversation. I say, "Okay, so it's settled!"

Lavi finally snapped out of his daze and said, "I'm in, but only if Allen doesn't hog the popcorn!"

I blush, "For the record, I already ate. Besides, I'm saving my appetite for the Kandy."

The rabbit and Lenalee didn't catch the joke, but my boyfriend did. I know this because he gave me the most intense glare I've ever seen. I stick out my tongue before standing and getting the rest of them to follow me.

It was a long walk to get to the movie theater. I talked to Lenalee and Lavi most the time until I realize my date was hanging back from the conversation, walking a few feet behind the rest of us. Falling back a bit, I let Kanda catch up to me before looping my arm through his, "What's wrong?"

He gave me a look that told me I knew what was wrong, and know I did. I say, "Can't you be happy for three hours?"

He sighs, "You know I don't like being around them, and I'm not the kind of person to take my date out. I prefer sitting in front of an at home TV."

I whine, "I thought you wanted to see the movie?"

He nods and I continue, "Lenalee said we'd do this tonight and go to a restaurant tomorrow. That way you and Lavi can find something to wear. I thought it would be better like this so you don't have to really do anything."

He doesn't say anything, but hesitantly entwines our fingers together. I smile at his attempt to be romantic. If someone had told me two weeks ago I would be walking to a movie theater with Yu Kanda's hand in mine, I would have said they were crazy.

We got to the theater a few minutes later, and in ten minutes after that, we had sat down. Kanda was to my right and Lenalee to my left. Of course, Lavi had to be as far from Kanda as possible in order to prevent his unconsciousness through half the movie.

Lenalee had the popcorn, but I wasn't a popcorn kind of person and Kanda didn't like anything other than soba, so we ended up with a Sprite split between us. It didn't bother me though. I was just happy when the movie finally began.

About half way through the movie, the scary moments began and I saw Lenalee had pulled up the seat separator and was clinging to Lavi. I glance at the divider between me and my boyfriend. He hadn't tried to hold my hand or cuddle at all through the movie, and I knew if anything was going to happen, it was on my shoulders to take the first step.

I pick up the drink, and take a sip before putting it in the divider between Lenalee and me. Kanda noticed this and silently pulled up the separator just when something jumped out at a character. I wasn't paying attention and the sudden noise and twenty eye-balled, thousand-toothed creature startled me. Quietly yelping, I jumped into Kanda's arms. He chuckles a bit before securing his arms around me.

I immediately relax in his muscled arms, embarrassed that I was frightened so easily. The last thing I remember was the characters kissing and wishing Kanda would do that to me.

"Allen!" I jump as someone screams in my ear. I hear laughter from the two of the three people I went out with and open my eyes, the lighting glaring down on me. The credits were rolling on the screen and I see Lenalee and Lavi staring down at me. Kanda looked to be hiding a blush, and I wondered why just before the realization hit me. Even though I didn't start like this, a blush covers my face as I get a feel on my surroundings. My head was on Kanda's lap, and more importantly, right over his crotch, my neck in the rise of his thigh.

I bolt upright, my face hot with mortification. Lavi was trying to keep from falling to the floor he was laughing so hard, and Lenalee wasn't doing much better. Kanda stands, offering his hand to me even though he was livid with anger toward the rabbit. I take it gratefully, smacking the Usagi on the back of the head as I stood. I don't realize what was going on until my boyfriend's lips are on mine.

It took a moment for me to close my eyes, my shock evident on my face. When we broke apart, Lenalee and Lavi both have serious nosebleeds and are fleeing to the bathroom. If violence doesn't work, give them something to bleed about. My guess was that was Kanda's thought as he kissed me.

He begins to lead me towards the exit and I mumble, "Sorry I fell asleep on you."

"Don't apologize. I found a way to get Lavi to leave me alone," he replies. We pass the bathrooms and wait against the walls. As we stood there, a woman walks by into the movie theater, looking me up and down and winking. I feel an arm around my waist, and Kanda brings me closer to his body. He death glares the woman with an obvious "back-off" sense to it. She gets the message, but still stares at my body.

Great, something was going to happen to this idiot if she didn't move it. My guess is confirmed as I feel Kanda's rough lips kiss and bite down my jaw. Her eyes widen at his forwardness and darts to one of the many theaters. He smirks as she runs, and growls, "Chick, keep your eyes off my Moyashi."

"Was that necessary?" I ask, not to happy my jaw was molested or that I was called a moyashi again. Though, it did feel good. He nods, "Yes."

I roll my eyes just as Lavi and Lenalee returned from their mad dash to prevent passing out from blood loss. She says, "Okay, so I say dinner tomorrow at six?"

I nod, "Great, Lavi, meet me at the cafeteria at noon so we can go shopping."

"Same for you, Kanda," Lenalee adds. The boyfriends groan in unison, but don't object. I smile and give Kanda a quick kiss on the cheek, standing on my tiptoes.

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" I ask as Kanda shuts the door to our room and turns on the light.

He replies, "No, the problem was when you gave me a boner in the middle of the movie."

I blush and yelp, "I-I-I didn't mean to!"

"Sure you didn't," he says before sitting on the bed. I whine quietly as I take my sweatpants into the bathroom and change.

After taking a pill, I slip back out, sweatpants on and no shirt, to find Kanda already in his underwear and lying on the bed with the light out. The only thing allowing me to see was the moonlight coming through the balcony door. I cross the room and lay beside him on my stomach. His arm is thrown over my back and he whispers, "I had I great time."

I smile before drifting to sleep.

**Author Note: Yay for no cliffhanger! I want to know what you guys think! Please R/R! Should I add more randomness at random times? I think I shall! **


	12. Double Date Part 2

**Author Note: I know everyone has been asking to speed up the Mpreg, and this should be the last chapter before time-lapsing.**

**Me: Kanda, will you do the honors?**

**Kanda: Che, Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, only the plot. **

**Me: Thank you, and on to Chapter 12!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 12: Double Date Part 2_

_"Pathetic!" Kanda accused as I huddle on the bed, backing away from Mugen. The katana pricked the skin over my heart, starting a trickle of blood. I scream, "Kanda, no! Please no!"_

_ "_Allen!" I feel myself being jerked, and my eyes open to meet the gaze of a frantic samurai. I exhale deeply, "Sorry, just a nightmare."

"I figured that much," he replied as he held me. We settled with my face in his chest. When I was little, Mana would always sing a lullaby to me if I had a nightmare. I knew it was too much to hope for, but I still ask, "Kanda, will you sing me a lullaby?"

He froze for a second before tightening his grip somewhat. I wonder if he even knew a peaceful song considering he probably never had nightmares as a kid, or never acknowledged them. He replies, "Okay, but I'm not a good singer."

I nuzzle closer to him in response, not caring if he could sing or not. I just wanted something to help me go to sleep. He took a breath and began, "Sleep, Sugar, let your dreams flood in, like waves of sweet fire, you're safe within. Sleep, Sweetie, let your floods come rushing in, and carry you over, to a new morning."

He repeated the melody until I was asleep, not stopping once.

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

My eyes flicker open, sunlight hurting my eyes. The bed was empty other than my body, and I sat up, looking for my missing boyfriend. It didn't take long to realize he was training, because Mugen was gone.

Standing from the bed, I walk to the bathroom. I take a pill quickly and drink a little before turning on the shower. After stripping, using my Proactive, and remembering to shut the door, I click on my iPod and step into the tub. The song playing was "Dear Agony" by Breaking Benjamin, and it didn't help with the nightmare last night. I thought I had finally rid myself of the horribly surreal things.

I duck my head under the water, soaking it before shampooing. While I was lathering, my iPod stopped and changed songs. This wasn't abnormal, because it did that from time to time, but the song it went to was "Applause" by Lady Gaga. I didn't have any Lady Gaga on my iPod….

As soon as it came, the iPod switched to another Breaking Benjamin song. The iPod didn't do anything else weird, but I went through the songs later and confirmed there was no Lady Gaga. I brush it off as a hallucination, pulling on my clean clothes.

By the time I left the bathroom, it was ten o'clock. Kanda still wasn't back, probably trying to hide from going shopping with Lenalee. Not on my watch he wasn't.

I head out the door, setting out on a search for the surely bluenette. The cafeteria was empty other than a couple finders, and the only other place to look was the training room. I guess it should have been my first stop, but I had to eat something!

I turn the corner into the training area, finding Kanda with his back to me and holding Mugen in one hand. I was tempted to watch him the rest of the morning, but he had to take a shower and put on a shirt.

I call, "Hey, Hot Shot!" He turns around quickly at the sound of my voice and wipes his forehead with the back of his hand. I dash to his side, giving him a peck on the cheek, "You weren't trying to get out of going shopping with Lenalee, were you, Kandy?"

He rolls his eyes, "No, but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it."

I begin pulling him towards our room, "And what are you happy about?"

He doesn't have to think about the answer, "You and the 'treat' you promised."

I smile as he pushes open the door to our room, and I go sit on the bed. He moves toward me, but I say, "Nope, not until you shower and are ready to go."

He groans, but finds something to wear in his dresser before going into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. I lay back on the bed, staring up towards the top bunk. I wonder what Lenalee will pick for him to wear. I already knew I would be getting a suit and tie for Lavi, since it would look good on him. I mentally gave myself a reminder not to say that to Kanda. He hated Lavi enough. He didn't need to think that I thought he was hot.

I put in my ear buds and click on my iPod, waiting for Kanda while listening to Three Days Grace. _And now you're dead inside, still you wonder why. When you're on the edge and falling off, it's all over for you, for you._

I don't think my music choices ever helped with my problems any, but I still escaped to the world of music in most of my worst moments. Thirty minutes later, Kanda exited the bathroom wearing the same thing as last night only the shirt was black and the jeans were worn-out, a hole ripped over one of his knees. He was running a brush through his hair, and I pulled out the ear buds, standing. After stealing the brush, I bring it through the long, luscious locks of hair.

I say, "Good, now we can go on and eat before leaving." I finish with the ribbons and place the brush on his dresser. He was not happy with the events about to take place, but after putting his hair up into its normal ponytail, he led the way out the door. As we walk to the cafeteria, I ask, "Do you want to make me happy that much?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked. I twine my fingers with his and smile, "Well, you do nearly anything I ask you to, even if it requires some convincing, and you're about to go shopping with my best friend to get something elegant to wear."

"Then yes, I want to make you happy that much," he replies. It's eleven-thirty by the time we sit down to eat. After I've finished my ten plates of food, I sit and wait for Kanda to eat his soba. Once he's finished, he asks, "What am I going to be wearing?"

I shake my head, "I know as much as you do. Lenalee's not told me anything."

"Then what are you wearing?" he asked. I can tell he was nervous, even if he hid it really well. He was acting like he was the night we first did anything and was terrified of hurting me. I say, "I'm not telling. You'll have to wait until tonight."

He sighs as Lavi and Lenalee enter the cafeteria. I stand, give Kanda a kiss, and walk over to the rabbit. As I do this, Lenalee snags Kanda and begins to pull him towards the door, "I call Kohl's!"

I growl, "Fine, I take J.C. Penny's. Come on, Lavi." I start pulling him in the same direction and he follows in silence.

It was a long awkward walk to the store, but once we finally get there, I go straight to the suits. I dig through the four-piece combos as Lavi says, "You really think a suit looks good on me?"

I nod and pull out something about his size, pushing him towards the dressing rooms, "Remember, I picked out Lenalee's dress. That means I know enough about clothes."

"You picked out her dress?!" he asked in astonishment from the other side of the door. I grumble, "Yes, I'm that gay."

"I-I didn't mean it like that, Allen. I don't care if you're gay or not. I just didn't know that you were good with clothes," he explains. I knew he meant it, and it didn't bother me, since Kanda gets to be the guy of the relationship. To me, gay means different, and that isn't anything new in my life.

"Yeah, okay, just hurry up," I command. I didn't want to be here all day, because I had to find the place we were going to eat at. Granted, I was eating before hand, too, but nobody else was.

Lavi steps out of the dressing room in black dress pants, an overcoat, and tie, and a white button up underneath. I smile, "Perfect. Now, take it off and we can look for accessories."

He groans, and goes back into the dressing room. I wandered back out into the aisles and waited for the rabbit. After he returned in his normal jeans and t-shirt and holding the suit, I begin to pull him towards the hair accessories. Before he could object, I snatch his bandana away. "Hey!" he says, trying to get it back, but I stick it in my pocket. He stops, knowing if he put his hand in my pocket and Kanda found out, the bandana wouldn't even make it to his casket.

I think I liked him better without the bandana and say, "I'm keeping it until after dinner."

He opens his mouth to object, but I interrupt, "There's a ninety-nine percent chance that Kanda's hair tie will be confiscated, too. Besides, Lenalee likes your hair out of it."

The last statement quieted him instantly. _Maybe I should lie half the time to keep his mouth shut._ The intercom came on then, "Attention shoppers, it is now one o'clock. This means I will serenade you as you sho-"

A loud crashing sound is heard before a women runs out of the store being chased by an old lady with a rolled up newspaper. The old lady yelled, "I'll show you to sing Madonna in the middle of my store!"

Lavi and I glance at each other before returning to our shopping. I decide to make him wear a gold earring instead of the silver one. Then, we have to walk around town for a good hour before deciding to go to Red Lobster. This made me very happy because I could get the endless shrimp. Yay for endless food specials!

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

I walk into Kanda and I's room to find my boyfriend already there. He was laying face down on the bed and as I stood next to the bed, I ask, "How'd shopping go?"

He grumbles something into the pillow that I couldn't make out and say, "Pretty bad, huh?"

We had an hour before we needed to meet Lenalee and the rabbit, but we needed to get ready in a half hour. I sit next to him and ask, "Are you going to wear your hair down?"

He raised up his head enough so I could tell what he said, "Yes."

I smile and kiss the nape of his neck. It took the extra thirty minutes we had just to get Kanda to stand from the bed and take out his clothes. Maybe I will have to imagine Kanda in a suit. I say, "Go put it on! I wanna see!"

He groans and curses Lenalee under his breath, but takes the clothing into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. I wonder what she was thinking, putting the poor samurai in a suit, but as Kanda exits the bathroom a few minutes later, I understand completely. He looked like a rebel gentleman or something. I can't explain the look it gave him very well, but it was the same thing as Lavi's only it had a bowtie. His hair was unleashed and hanging over his shoulders. He said, "Lenalee told me you'd want to change something about it."

I nod, pulling the bowtie loose and undoing the first two buttons. It looked much more like him now, his chest showing slightly and the bow ribbon hanging on both sides. He seemed to like it better that way, but he said nothing. Kanda said, "Okay, what do you think?"

I smile, "I absolutely love it! Lenalee did such a good job!" He rolls his eyes and replies, "Great, now put on yours."

I pulled out my dress pants, white shirt, and skull earring, and slip into the bathroom. It doesn't take long for me to change and switch earrings. I open the door and immediately Kanda's eyes are glued to me. Self-consciously, I stare at the floor, and don't realize that he's stood until his hand undoes the first button of my shirt. I glance at him through my hair, "Do you like it?"

He smiles genuinely, "Yes, you look adorable."

I beam up at him and throw my arms around his neck, taking him off guard slightly. Once he has a firm hold on me, he picks me up and spins me around a few times, making me laugh. When did I say Kanda wasn't romantic?

He sets me back down on the ground, and I ask, "Why don't you do that more often?"

He smirks, "It would ruin my reputation. I can be romantic when I want to be though."

I drag him towards the door, "Well, you need to be romantic tonight then." We walk to the cafeteria and he asks, "Where are we going to eat?"

"Red Lobster, they have endless shrimp," I reply. He nods, "It's a good thing I like shrimp then."

I look at him with a confused expression, "You like shrimp?"

"Not as much as soba, but it's okay," he says. Kanda surprises me more and more every day. We sit in the cafeteria and wait for the rabbit and Lenalee. It doesn't take long for them to get there and Kanda looks them both up and down, "You guys look…different."

Lenalee replies, "Same to you. I see Allen approved of the outfit."

I nod, "Yep, it looks great. Did you like Lavi's?"

She giggles, "You never cease to amaze me. I never could have picked this dress or Lavi's suit."

Kanda glances at me, "You picked out her dress?"

"I already had this conversation with him," Lavi answered. "Pretty cool, huh?"

Kanda remains silent, but follows us out into town. After we were walking the streets, the bluenette pulled me back from Lenalee and the Usagi's conversation. He says, "I never knew you were good with picking out clothes."

I reply, "Well, I'll tell you the same thing I told Lavi. Yes, I'm that gay."

He shakes his head, "I didn't mean it in a bad way. I'm…" he pauses, trying to say "I'm gay, too", but can't. Instead, he continues, "It just surprised me, that's all."

I smile, "I guess I'm good at that then."

He gives me a quick kiss on my forehead before I pull him to walk with the rest of us. I know he doesn't like being around Lavi and Lenalee very much, but he can at least walk with us.

We get to Red Lobster a few minutes later, and as we walk in, Kanda holds my hand. I smile, happier than ever that he made the first move. It doesn't take longer than ten minutes for us to sit and I'm very happy to be seated in a booth. We order our drinks, Lenalee and Kanda get water, I order Sprite, and Lavi wants a Dr. Pepper.

Lavi and Lenalee start talking about the different shrimp on the menu and I move closer to Kanda. Luckily for me, I was on the outside, and he knew that after moving away a couple times, he'll have nowhere to go. He slid an arm around my waist discreetly as I grin.

The first order comes in, though I have eaten it in less than a minute, and even though they're not supposed to, the waitress starts taking my orders three at a time instead of one. Lavi asks, "Next time we go somewhere, can we go to a water park?"

I freeze, not saying a word. Lenalee says, "Yeah, that'd be fun!"

"It's winter, if you haven't noticed," Kanda said, his grip around my waist tightening.

"Wilderness Lodge, duh!" Lavi replied. "We can go spend the night and have access to the indoor water park."

Kanda had obviously run out of objections, and I could feel his heartbeat pick up. I say, "You guys can go, but I'm not that into water parks. I'd rather stay at home."

"Okay, if you say so," Lenalee said.

After about nine more rounds of shrimp for me, two slices of chocolate cake were served. Lenalee and the rabbit split theirs, but Kanda doesn't like sweets so I had to eat ours myself mostly except for his three tiny bites. I hear Lenalee giggle and I look up as she says, "Allen, you have a little," she gestures to the corner of her mouth.

"I got it," Kanda volunteers just before he runs his tongue over the corner of my mouth. I blush furiously and glance at my boyfriend. He was smirking like I knew he would be, and I finish the rest of the cake in a few quick bites. Lavi had a bloody napkin to his nose and Lenalee was squealing like the yaoi addict she was. I run my hand over the area, wanting to get the feel of Kanda's tongue off my skin until later.

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

"You scare me sometimes, you know that?" Kanda said to my head as we lay in bed together a few hours later. I shake my head, "Why?"

He sighs, "You can lie so well."

I whimper, "It helps in certain situations." I nuzzle closer to his bare chest, Moonlight Mist filling my nostrils. He says nothing the rest of the night, and I slowly fall into a deep slumber.

**Author Note: Next chapter will be a month later. Sleep- Poets of the Fall. It's All Over- Three Days Grace. Please, Please, PLEASE R/R! **


	13. Symptoms and Suspicion

**Author Note: I have nothing to say.**

**Me: Reever, will you do the honors?**

**Reever: Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, just the plot. Will you take Komui though?**

**Me: In your dreams. Here's chapter 13!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 13: Symptoms and Suspicions_

It's been a month now since the double date with Lavi and Lenalee. I had been on another mission and got back a few days ago. It was a success, retrieving Innocence and getting to go on the mission with Foxy. Kanda was by no means happy with the set up, and nearly skewered Komui for not letting him go. This forced Komui to send Kanda to another country some two-thousand miles away from me and he still hadn't gotten back, but was supposed to be here in a couple days. I didn't mind though. I mean, I missed him, but my life didn't stop or anything.

Another reason to be happy about him being gone was that I was vomiting almost every day and getting horrible cramps. I wasn't sure if I was sick or not, but had planned on seeing Komui later today. I was nearly out of the pills he told me to take, too, so I needed to get more. I sit up from where I was lying on the bed. It seemed empty without my boyfriend here, like the longer we were apart, the bigger the void in the room becomes. With a sigh, I stand from the soft bed and am hit with the pain in my stomach. I double-over, clutching my belly and sitting again. I had definitely felt worse, much more excruciating pain before, but this was different than anything I had every felt. It was like I could almost feel a part of me moving or something.

I inhale deeply before attempting to stand again, my need to move overriding the want to let the pain control my actions. Pulling on my exorcist coat, I open the door, making my way to Komui's office. He better not be drunk again and try to steal more cookies.

I stand in front of his office door, knocking. "Come in!"

Pushing open the door, I see the purple-haired scientist sitting at his desk. I take a seat on the couch and he asks, "What may I do for you, Allen?"

"First, I've run out of the pills you put me on. Second, I've been vomiting a lot, and having cramps. Is there anything you can give me to help with it?" I explain. A nearly devilish grin crosses his face as he replies, "I can give you the pills, but I'm afraid I can do nothing for the nausea and cramps."

I nod as he begins to look through the drawers of his desk, tossing a small bottle to me. Thanking him, I head back toward my room. After getting back and lying back down, I begin thinking. It wasn't as much of thinking as it was raising suspicions. I remember a few months ago when Lavi got sick, he told me the science division gave him medicine for the vomiting, and he was better in a couple of days.

If Komui can give Lavi something to help him, why can't he give it to me? Maybe it had something to do with my Innocence. The medicine he gave the rabbit may affect my arm or hurt the transition with getting it back and Crown Clown. For the lunatic's sake, it better be that. But with the look he had, something told me I didn't know the whole story.

The daylight was fading in the sky since the days were getting shorter. I had already eaten three times today, hurled the second, and slept the rest of the time. My sleeping was getting out of whack, too. It wasn't just sleeping more, but like I couldn't shake the feeling of drowsiness.

I knew I had to take a shower today, even though I didn't want to. The weirdness of my days had kept me from bathing in two days, and I'm pretty sure I stunk. I stood wearily, making my way to the bathroom and shutting the door behind me.

After undressing and testing the water, I step into the nearly burning hot water in the bottom of the tub. I had the water coming out of the bath faucet instead of the shower head so the tub would fill faster than it would otherwise. I sink down into the steaming liquid, its tongues lapping at my belly button. The pain came back again and I grab at my stomach, the feeling so strange and stinging my insides. I groan quietly, wishing the ache would leave me alone for one shower, or merely longer than five minutes.

I get the familiar feeling of bile rising in my throat. Giving up on anything more than the floor, I lean over the edge of the tub and pull back the curtain, spitting the liquid in my mouth. I gasp and fall back into the water. It wasn't vomit; it was blood. When did I start coughing up blood? It happens every now and then in fights, but never did I spit blood unless violence was involved.

I lay back in misery, waiting for the sickness to pass like it would in a few minutes. I just hope the horrid thing would leave me by the time Kanda got back. I didn't want to make him sick, too, and that's exactly what would happen if I was around him nonstop. Though, he was practically immune to anything. Last winter, the flu went around and everyone got it. I mean _everyone_ got it, except Kanda. Plus, with all the body heat he gives off, I would need him to keep me warm at night and protect me from the nightly chills.

"Kanda, come back soon," I plea aloud. I raise myself up into a painful sitting position, switching the faucets and letting the shower head above me to soak me to the bone. It took ten minutes of discomfort and tenderness to get my hair and body washed and cut off the water. I was tempted to stay, but my stomach was protesting loudly with feral growls, and I knew the only way to shut it up was to eat. I didn't want to eat anything! I would only hurl it back up later.

Against my better judgment, I force myself to walk to the cafeteria after getting dressed and cleaning up the blood. I was wearing sweatpants and a turtleneck, which wasn't different, but I was starting to get hot. Stupid hot and cold flashes were killing me! It was painful to stand, and it wasn't any better to walk, so I was waddling the whole way to the dining room.

Jerry was more than happy to make me a fourth meal, though he seemed slightly worried, too. Tell me about it. I didn't want to eat, but I had to. In less than five minutes, I have it gobbled, and a little while after that, I'm lying on the bed with the blankets to my neck. It was like déjà vu of Cobalt when I couldn't get warm. This time though, Kanda wasn't here to comfort me, and I was alone in the bed. It takes a while, but I eventually drift to sleep.

_"No! Get it out!" I scream at Komui. The pain was unbearable and I was seeing stars as I felt the scalpel slice into me. I screech in agony, digging my nails into Kanda's hand as he attempted to calm me. "Get it out of me!"_

I bolt straight up, sweat running down my face. It was just a nightmare. It felt so real though, almost like it was reality. I look at the balcony. The sun was rising and the stars were gone. According to the clock, it was seven, which means I slept twelve hours, but I was still so tired. I flop back down on the bed, closing my eyes.

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

"Allen," I hear someone whisper softly in my ear before kissing my forehead. I force my eyes open, finding no one there. I glance around until I see the suitcase beside the bed and the bathroom light on. I smile, overjoyed that Kanda was back a day before he was supposed to be. As I stand slowly, I wince at the pain, but overpower it, knowing I can't seem in pain or else the bluenette will ask questions I can't answer.

It was noon now, and my stomach was very unhappy to be ignored as I push the door to the bathroom open. My boyfriend was brushing his teeth quietly, and I lean against the door frame, waiting for him to finish. When he was, he turns around and embraces me, "I missed you."

I nod, "Me, too." I only barely managed to keep the pain out of my voice. His arms were crushing me against him, which I wouldn't have minded, but the pressure on my sensitive stomach was nearly unbearable. He pulled away and began leading me back into the bedroom, "Do you want to go get lunch?"

I was about to decline, not wanting to submit to the nausea again, when my stomach answered for me very loudly. He smirks, "I take that as a yes?"

I smile, nodding happily. I wasn't letting this sickness stop me from spending time with my boyfriend. We made our way to the cafeteria, and in a few minutes I sat across the table from Kanda. I ask, "How'd your mission go?"

He shrugs, "I had to take out a few level threes, but other than that just a hunt-and-find."

I shake my head, "I would never be able to take out a level three by myself."

He smirks, "You did, and it would be easy for you now that you're stronger."

I roll my eyes, but don't press it any further, scared that if I do, my voice could give away the pain I was in. He says, "What about you?"

"About the same except it was part training for Foxy," I reply. He scowls at her name, "Good to know. She wasn't entertaining you while I was gone, was she?"

I giggle and immediately regret it, the pain searing my body. I say, "No, I haven't been doing much. I've been sleeping a lot."

He looks like he wants to say something, but whatever it was, he kept it to himself.

We finish eating a little bit later, and begin to make our way back to the room. When we get to there, I jump into bed, the chills returning. Kanda tells me something about taking a shower before going into the bathroom and closing the door behind him. Wrapping the blankets around my small frame, I nuzzle into the warmth that seems so far away.

I shiver despite the heavy blankets, my hands like ice. I wasn't sure what sickness would cause all the symptoms, but I wasn't going to mention it to the showering bluenette. All I needed to do is look it up on a computer, the answer to everything. The library should be open tomorrow, so all I would need to do is go sometime in the long day.

My eyes drift close, the pain in my stomach melting away slowly.

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

Someone stirring at my side causes me to open my eyes, my gaze meeting a dark one. Kanda looked down at my body and I followed the glance, realizing what the issue was. I had all the blankets wrapped around my body, not leaving any for my boyfriend. "Sorry!" I quickly uncurl myself from my cocoon, my pain returning from the movement, but I ignore it.

The bluenette chuckled quietly, crawling under the blankets next to me, "It's fine. You weren't kidding about sleeping a lot."

I nod, "Komui said it's something that parasitic-type exorcists go through some times." I hated lying to him, but I had no choice. He had no part in this, and I didn't want him to be dragged into it. He worries about me anyways, and he didn't need another reason to. Kanda returned to his book, using the afternoon light to see and wrapping an arm around me, our bare chests touching. I cuddle closer to him even though my stomach protests and it takes every bit of self-control I have to not grimace.

Whether or not he liked it, the night he bonded us forever, he launched himself into a very complicated life. I would know. I live it every day, and I dealt with it poorly to say the least. So I lay there next to Kanda, clinging to him like he was part of my soul and body. He was the part of my soul and body now, though. He was the unscathed part of my body and the healed, unbroken part of my soul.

_Never,_ I tell myself, _never will I let go of him. I won't become that person before._ I'm not sure how long the promise will last, but I won't be the one to let go. Kanda has the final say, and that doesn't bother me. I'm not normal in any way, and he knows that as much as I do. He still loves me though. He still saved me that night. He still took me that night. He still accepts me. He was still lying beside me, allowing me to sleep in his arms.

I feel a tear slip down my cheek and I sniffle, the realization hitting me like an akuma's bullet. That tear I shed, it's tattooed on my heart. The hurt and sorrow mixed with love and passion falling on Kanda's chest. He looked down at me, worry in his eyes, "Why are you crying? Did I do something?"

Happily, I nod and more tears flow from my eyes. I say, "You accepted me. Thank you, Kanda! Thank you so much!"

He was speechless, staring at my joyous and tearful face. I push myself up enough to give him a quick kiss on his cheek before laying my head on his shoulder. He never said anything as my tears ran down his chest. I fell asleep like that, the drops of happiness pouring out of my eyes.

I woke up once for dinner and ate nearly twice as much as normal. After that, I went to sleep again and didn't wake up until dawn the next morning.

I walk to the cafeteria, the pain in my stomach worse, but I refuse to say anything about it. Kanda was still asleep, hardly moving when I pried my small body from his firm grasp. I got another deluxe serving of what I normally eat, gobbling it down in close to fifteen minutes. I had been so hungry, and the vomiting had ceased for now, but with my luck, it wouldn't last long.

After I eat, I head out to the library, determined to figure out what I was sick with. Of course, it wasn't going to be easy finding anything like that in the books, so yay for computers! I open the doors to the Order, slowly making my way to the library about a half-mile away.

**Author Note: I know it was a short chapter, but I will have the next update by Thursday, maybe two. After that there should be one by Friday. I'm going to be taking a five hour journey to Kentucky, so I'll have **_**plenty**_** of time. Please, Please, PLEASE R/R!**


	14. Confrontations and Conceiving Kanda's

**Me: Komui, will you do the honors?**

**Komui: Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, only the plot.**

**Me: Thank you, and on to chapter 14**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 14: Confrontations and Conceiving Kanda's_

For a Wednesday, the library was not nearly as crowded as it should be. Maybe it was because of Thanksgiving tomorrow. I asked the librarian at the front if I could use the computer and she nodded, not looking up from her newspaper.

I sit at a computer as far away from anyone as possible, the pain in my stomach easing ever so slightly. After getting the computer set up, I click into the search engine. It took a few minutes of searching, but I eventually found a medical site that had boxes to put in your symptoms and it brought up possible illnesses. I go through the boxes quickly, inserting cramps, chills, vomiting, increased hunger, and increased sleep.

It loads for a second, the anticipation driving me mad. I gasp. There was only one "sickness" that came up. Frantically, I use different key words. No, it was the same, and I did this about ten times before giving up. Did it make sense? I was a man! I had the things a guy had, regardless of being gay! Go ask Kanda, because he knew just as much as I did.

I stand from the desk and bolt out the door. There was only one person who would be answering to this, and that was Komui. He had something to do with this, and he was going to explain why the computer consistently was saying I was pregnant.

I don't think as I barge into the lunatic's office, my stomach aching so bad I was on the verge of screaming. As I plopped down on the couch, Komui gazed at me, "Do you need something?"

I growl, "Start talking. I'm sick with something and all I can come up with is pregnancy. Now, what the heck did you do!?"

He nodded, "I understand that you don't like the situation, but I'm performing an experiment to see if we can give birth to an exorcist."

What did he say? Was he telling me that he was using me as a lab rat? I yell, "What gave you the right to screw with my body?! Are you saying I'm pregnant!?"

I have no clue how he was keeping his composure through this. Furious was an understatement of my emotions. He calmly said, "I realize that it was awful to use you as an experiment without your permission, but yes, Allen, you are pregnant."

He said the impossible. With all the emotions welling up inside me, all I can ask is, "How?"

Before he begins, he asks, "Do you want to get Kanda? I assume he's the father."

"No! I mean, he is the…the…I'm not telling him anything!" I stutter, not wanting to believe that there was a "father".

"Okay, then I'll tell you then," he said. "The pills I gave you had tiny pieces of Innocence in them. The Innocence bonded with yours, making it possible that if it was fertilized, an egg could become a baby. The pain you're experiencing is from the false uterus growing. It should begin to subside in a few days, but you need to be careful with moving too much, or you could strain your body."

I sit, staring at my hands, utterly speechless. I had a _baby_ inside me. A _baby_! The way he said it, and the symptoms, it all made sense, but it just couldn't be true! I was a guy, and guys don't get pregnant! And what about in eight months when I was ready to deliver? I don't have the organs or whatevers to give birth. I ask, "What about when it's time to…"

He smiled, "See, that's the spirit! We'll perform a C-section and take out the baby and false uterus."

I didn't want this. I didn't want to be a mother or father or whatever. Silently, I stand, slamming the door behind me as I leave. Komui was such a jerk, and I hope he rots and dies for doing this to me. I was officially the biggest freak of nature in the world. I was pretty screwed up before, but this was worse, much worse. Opening the door, I see Kanda reading on the bed. He glanced up, "Are you okay?"

I smile, "Why wouldn't I be? I'm fine." He looks back at his book, "I don't know, but you seem worked up or something."

I panic internally, "No, I just really want a shower." I grab some clean clothes out of my dresser, and lock the bathroom door once I was inside. The pain in my stomach had abated for the moment, but I knew it could come back like a bullet any second. To think, I had a uterus growing inside me, along with another living, breathing thing. I shake my head as I remove my clothes and turn on the bath faucet. It wasn't normal. It wasn't natural, but if they couldn't find anyone else as messed up as me, I guess I was the volunteer.

I step into the steaming water, sliding down into the liquid. Why can't life be lived in a hot bath? Everything would be so much easier that way. I can't run away from it though. The truth was as evident as my change in behavior. The baby would grow up a freak, and I wouldn't be any better off in society.

I promise myself then that if this was how it was going to be regardless of what I do, then I was going to the best parent I can be. I wasn't going to abandon my child, die on them, or plunge them into debts up to their necks. Kanda would find out soon enough, and even though we'd gone through a lot, he wasn't going to stay with a freak like me. I guess I'd be raising our baby on my own.

How was I so calm right now? I. Was. Pregnant. This called for freaking out. Still, I feel serene and at peace. Maybe it was some motherly instinct I had.

It took thirty more minutes to get dressed after finishing with my shower, and I stepped into the bedroom. Kanda was still reading on the bed, not glancing at me until I sit next to him. Hesitantly, I pressed my lips to his. He responds immediately, tossing his book aside and pulling me down on top of him. I move my lips against his, allowing him to push his tongue in my mouth.

He flips us over so I'm under him, tugging my shirt off and discarding it somewhere in the room. I had decided that if he was going to leave me in a few days, then I wanted to be with him this way one last time. I feel his hot mouth trail down my body, starting at my jaw, working down my neck, and stopping when he came to my nipples. I moan in pleasure as he swirls his tongue around the bud and massages the other neglected one. As he does this, I forget about his shirt and fumble with the button of his jeans. He stops his work, glancing at me through his bangs, "What's wrong with you?"

I feel taken aback by the inquiry, looking away from his questioning gaze. A hand is pressed against my cheek, forcing me to look at the bluenette. I didn't want to though. He asks, "You're never this pushy. What's wrong?"

I realize that it wasn't a mean comment, but that Kanda truly was worried. He didn't need to be worried about me though. I answer, "Nothing, we can go as slow as you want."

He shook his head as he moved beside me, "You're not acting like yourself, Allen. I know you." _No, you don't. You have no idea._

I don't answer, rolling over on my side so I can gaze at the wall. Maybe I wouldn't get that one last time after all. His arms wrap around me, but I shrug them off, not wanting to be touched. In less than a few minutes, I feel his body leave, hear the clatter of him getting Mugen, and I flinch as the door slams.

Was he really that angry with me? I just wanted to be with him before he left for good. Staring at my stomach, I whisper, "This is all your fault, Komui!"

The poor baby, she'll have to grow up with a dude as a mother and no real father. I'll still take care of her though. I'm not going to make the innocent thing grow up like I did, and I was going to help her became the best exorcist she could be.

I had always sort of wanted a baby, and had dreamed of what Kanda and I's child would look like. I know it's unnatural, but I knew it couldn't happen. Still, I thought if it was a boy, it would have short hair like mine, but be the dark cobalt color of Kanda's hair. He'd be tall, unable to be called Moyashi, and would one day be taller than his father. His Innocence would be very powerful, a mix of two of the more powerful exorcists at the Order, and be some sort of sword. I hadn't really thought about a girl, but for some reason, it seemed like I was leaning towards the child being female. A girl with two gay dads. You get to ten, the questions begin, and it all goes downhill from there. Lenalee help me if it is a girl.

I didn't even want to think about what Kanda would do to any boy that so much as touched her. I smile, trying to imagine Lavi's kid running around with his dad trying to get skewered by Kanda's katana.

Maybe, just maybe, there was a chance Kanda wanted a baby, too. I mean, he's a jerk and hates the world, but if he loves me, then why not our child? Why not the creature our love produced? I could ask him later; just ask out of the middle of nowhere, since I was apparently already acting all sorts of whacky.

Before I could start a new thought, I'm interrupted by a feral rumble. I sigh and stand, but pull on my shirt and begin the trek to the cafeteria. I'm not far from the dining room when Lenalee pops up beside me, "Hi, Allen!"

I smile, "Hey, what are you up to?"

"Looking for you, actually," she says hesitantly. "After you get your food, come sit with me."

I nod, and in about ten minutes am satisfying my hunger across the table from her. Glancing questioningly at her, I gobble down my load of food, waiting for the girl to begin. She says, "I know about the baby."

I swallow my food before asking, "Komui told you?"

She looked down, "I knew from the beginning. I didn't tell you, because I didn't think you and Kanda would do anything, and I guess I was wrong. I'm sorry."

I shake my head, "Don't apologize. I've come to terms with it. It may be unnatural to say the least, but I don't think I mind it. Kanda will though."

She doesn't reply for awhile, and when she does, I've already finished my radical amount of food, "Do you want to go back to the library for research? I'll come with you, and we can look through baby books."

I didn't really think about it like that. I would need to change a lot of my daily life to accompany the baby. I wouldn't be able to go on missions for eight months either. I nod, "Sure, but can we wait until Friday? I really don't want to do anything today, and tomorrow is Thanksgiving."

She smiles, "Yeah, that'd be fine. I was just so worried you'd be angry with me."

I shake my head as we begin to walk back to my room, "No, I'm not angry. Besides, who else is going to explain the womanly things to her if it's a girl?"

She laughs a little before waving and walking off in the other direction towards her room, "Friday at lunch then."

I nod, feeling the familiar essence of pain in my stomach. I'm happy that I can just plop down on the bed when I get back, Kanda still out training. Should I get on the top bunk? I mean, my boyfriend was obviously fed up with my crap, and there was no way on Earth I can sleep with him when he's radiating anger.

Painfully, I clamber onto the top bunk, happy to finally get there, but it didn't feel right. As I curl up under the blankets, I wish I hadn't been so pushy with Kanda. If I hadn't, he might still be lying next to me, a book in one hand and me in the other. Too little too late now, I guess. My eyelids feel heavy and I let them fall, dismissing the pain in my stomach I knew was from another living thing, not an illness.

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

I'm completely aware of my surroundings when I wake. First off, I wasn't in my bed. Second, Kanda's arms were around me and I'm facing the wall. Third, there was no light what so ever and I know it's after six.

I cough, the wetness of it telling me that there was blood in my mouth before I tasted the saltiness. I swallow it back down. There was no way in this world I would be able to explain coughing up blood to the bluenette, followed by all the other stuff. I'm comforted by Kanda's breath of my neck, wishing to lie here forever, but know it can't. Everything ends at some point.

I wonder why he moved me down here and slept with me. Wasn't he still mad? I don't recall anything happening, so I can only assume he did it as I was sleeping. Then came the chills. I'm not sure which is worse, the everlasting coldness or the cramps, but both are pretty bad. I whimper quietly, trying to tighten the blanket around my body.

Kanda was either was awake already or was awoken when I moved, but either way he was awake now, and he rolled me over so my face was in his chest. It was definitely warmer this way, the chills becoming less of an obstacle between Kanda's overwhelming body heat and the warm fuzzy blankets draped over us. I try to nuzzle closer to my boyfriend, but hear, "You're going to put me in the floor, and you'll be coming down with me."

I giggle quietly, the pain quelled for now, and pull him towards me as I scoot nearer to the wall. I feel his lips press against my crown, and I feel better about life in general. If you didn't know, life isn't exactly my strong suit either. I whisper, "I'm sorry about earlier."

"Don't worry about it," he replies soothingly, almost like a cool balm on a fresh burn. I shake my head, "I thought you were mad at me though."

He murmurs, "I was never mad, just a little…frustrated." I don't push it any further, not wanting him to leave again. Kanda surprises me when he asks, "Do you want to do anything for Thanksgiving?"

He definitely making an effort here, and I loved it, but I wasn't one for big feasts since I had one for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I give him a look through my hair, letting him know exactly what I wanted. He says, "Fine, how about tomorrow we can do whatever you want, and no questions asked?

I smile and nod. That was perfect, and I said, "Thank you, Kandy!"

He doesn't say anything, but I see the faintest hint of a blush on his cheeks. I guess I could blame it on him being a little hotter than normal. That didn't sound right. He was _warmer_ than normal. I hate my perverted brain.

I don't know why, but I was so happy, and I just started laughing. It may sound crazy, just bursting out in the middle of a serene moment, but I couldn't help it. Kanda looked at me with concern in his gaze, "Are you feeling okay?"

I nod, "I'm…fine…just really…happy." I'm pretty sure I fell asleep like that, a prominent smile across my features and giggles coursing through me.

**Author Note: I'll let you guys figure out why he was laughing. I'm not going to write a detailed version of Thanksgiving Day since we know what was happening. I'll add a recap paragraph at the beginning of the next chapter. Also, I'm taking a vote: Who wants a snow day? (In the story that is ****) **


	15. Dancing and Dumb Diets

**Author Note: Any suggestions on future chapters is greatly appreciated.**

**Me: Allen, will you do the honors?**

**Allen: Sure, Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, just the plot.**

**Me: Yay for chapter 15!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 15: Dancing and Dumb Diets_

Except for the three times we ate, Kanda and I pretty much slept around all day. It made me really happy that he was okay with it, too. I mean, he obviously enjoyed it as much as I did, but he didn't even ask me why I wanted to be with him like that all day. He kept his promise.

My eyes flicker open, the dawn light bathing the small room. I was facing the bathroom and Kanda's back was to mine. Pushing up onto my elbows, I look at my boyfriend. He was still asleep, his breathing even and his heartbeat steady. It was eight, and usually he was awake by now, but I guess I wore him out yesterday.

It hit me hard then, sending me bolting into the bathroom. Everything I had eaten in the last day pushed itself up out of my stomach as I leaned over the toilet. I hate vomiting more than anything. Heck, I'd rather have the cramps right now. Once I was done hurling, I brush my teeth until the noxious taste had left my mouth, and take a pill. I'm guessing these were vitamins of some sort since they were smaller.

By the time I returned to the bed, Kanda was sitting up and waiting for me to come back. I sit next to him and pull the blankets over my lower half. He asks, "Why so modest, Kitten? You weren't trying to cover anything yesterday."

I blush, ignoring what he said, "I'm going to the library with Lenalee at noon."

"Okay," he says, laying a hand on my chest and slowly pushing me down. He holds my hands above my head with one of his, and uses the other to hold his weight over me. His rough lips bruise mine before he moves down my jaw. I gasp as he bites down hard on my neck, and I know his teeth marks will be impossible to cover with my turtleneck. I mutter, "Ng…I'm going to…have to explain those…"

His lips turn up, "Exactly, and now everyone will know what you were doing all day yesterday."

I growl, but am cut off as he continues down my chest and nips a pink bud. I moan in pleasure, writhing under him. Of course, while I was mewling he pulled away. A whine escapes my parted lips, and Kanda smirks at me. As soon as he moved his hand restraining me, I flip us over.

I straddled him and while he threw his head back from the pressure, I took advantage of his exposed neck, biting down in the same fashion he did me. He groans, "Dang you…"

I lick the spot before replying, "Guess you'll be explaining, too."

Satisfied, I sit beside him. He glowers at me, "Didn't anyone tell you that the uke doesn't mark the seme?"

I shake my head, "No, but I don't care anyways. Who said I can't be your seme?"

A glint appears in his dark eyes, "Is that a challenge?"

I nod before attacking his chest. He wasn't happy at all an hour later, but I was absolutely overjoyed. I stick my tongue out at him, "Hmph, told ya I could be seme."

He doesn't reply, but instead rolls over. I get on my knees and put my hands on his waist, looking down at him, "No, you're facing it now."

He growls, "I let you be seme. If I had been trying then you wouldn't have been."

I roll my eyes, "Liar, liar, hair on fire."

"What?" he gives me an odd look as he flops onto his back. I blush, "Well, pants on fire didn't seem appropriate."

"Right, I can always fix that," he says, glancing at his jeans draped over the footboard. "No!" I clap my hands over my mouth as soon as I said it, my face probably the deepest crimson it's ever been.

He smirks, "Oh really? I knew you weren't as innocent as you seem."

"You should have figured that out when I bought the lollipops," I mutter.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

Lenalee laughed as we walked to the library, "He said 'he let you be seme'?! That cracks me up!"

I was trying my best not to laugh because the cramps had returned, but I had to let it out every now and then. I say, "Yeah, it was funny for me, too. Back on topic though, what exactly are we looking for as far as books?"

She turned serious again as we pushed open the library doors, "Well, you aren't going to have a normal pregnancy, but we need to have an idea on some of these things. Komui doesn't even know when to give you your first ultrasound."

Lenalee and I turn into the aisle with child care and such in it, and search until we find baby books. I felt weird looking through the books, but I'm guessing most people assume Lenalee is pregnant and that I'm the father. I shudder at the thought. I whisper to the girl, "I never thought I'd be sixteen and pregnant."

She tried to hold it back, but she broke out giggling. Shamefully, she says, "I'm sorry for laughing."

I shake my head, "Don't be. I'd be laughing too, but it'd hurt to."

She smiles and pulls out a book called "The Guide to Your First Baby". Lenalee begins to carry it to a table, gesturing for me to follow. We sit side by side, the book between us on the tabletop. I open it, reading the introduction.

_I imagine if you picked up this book, you're pregnant with your first baby. Well, congratulations! I hope motherhood is a great experience, and I wish to help in any way I can. This book will take you through all the things that happen in the nine months before the baby's birth, and everything in between. So come with me in a journey of a lifetime._

I was already certain this was the perfect book. Before I could say anything, Lenalee stated, "This is the book we need. Do you want to come to my room and read it together? I figure you don't want Kanda finding out."

I nod, "We've gone through a lot, and if it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't be here, but he won't want to raise a baby with a freak of nature."

"He'll still love you regardless of whether you're pregnant or not," she comforted, but I wasn't convinced in the least. I say, "Okay, let's go check out."

I vomit for the second time that day in a trashcan as we walk back to the Order.This means that I'm famished once we get back, and have to go by the cafeteria. Lenalee insists she orders for me, and so I go and sit. I was very happy when she got back with about fifteen plates. My joy is short-lived because it's mostly vegetables, fruits, and a house salad.

I was too hungry to care as I stuff myself, but I still glare at the pig-tailed girl. She says, "Remember, you have to start eating healthy because of the baby. The reason you vomit half the time is from eating things she doesn't like."

I raise an eyebrow, "She?"

Lenalee rolls her eyes, "Well, I personally hope it's a girl. I need another female here to talk to. Miranda is too depressed to talk to anyone, and Klaud is a general, so that's kind of weird."

I smile, "I think it is a girl. I don't know why, but it's like a gut feeling."

"What would you name her if it's a girl?" she asks. I think about it, but eventually say, "The middle name I would want to be Mana since it's a girl's name, too, but I don't know about a first name."

I finish eating a few minutes later, and in about ten minutes, I'm getting my first look of Lenalee's room. I gape at the palace-like bedroom. It was at least two times bigger than Kanda and my room. The right wall had a king size bed in the corner and the far wall had a balcony like my room. The left wall had a gigantic dresser with a mirror attached, and a jewelry cabinet built into the wall next to it. The bathroom was next and it was the same as Kanda and I's. Last was the walk-in closet and rods with a gazillion ball gowns inside.

Lenalee sits on the bed, blushing, "Komui wanted me to have the most elegant room in the Order."

I nod, still awestruck by the bedroom of the century. I take a seat beside her, opening the baby book. After an hour of reading, Lenalee has a long list of things I can eat, and tells me I need to give it to Jerry. Another hour of reading and we decide I needed to get my first ultrasound in two weeks. I'd be two months along then, and since we had no idea what was going to happen between now and the birth, we didn't want to take a chance.

By the time we got to the end of the second chapter, it was four o'clock. I was hungry again, and we decided to grab our boyfriends and bring them to eat.

Before we parted ways, I ask, "What if we go out dancing?"

She looked uncertain, "Are you sure you should?"

I nod, "It's the last time I'll be able to for a while."

"Okay, then how about we meet now, and then leave about eightish?"

I begin to walk back to my room, "Sounds good." When I get back to my room, Kanda was in the bathroom. I assume the shower since it seemed humid in the room. He left the bathroom door wide open, and I snuck in, peeking around the corner just as the water cut off.

I watch him step out of the shower and dry off, running his fingers through his hair. I jump when he says, "You don't have to hide, Kitten."

I say, "How do you always know I'm here?"

He smirks as he turns around, and pulls on his clothes, "You breathe really heavily. Marie would be able to hear your heartbeat."

I blush and change the subject, "You and I are meeting Lenalee and Lavi to eat, and later we're going out dancing."

"When do I ever get a say in these things?" he asks, fully clothed and walking past me into the bedroom. I follow closely, "When you start putting in the effort. Will you please go?"

He sighs, "Yes, I'll go."

I smile and throw my arms around his neck, giving him a kiss. He then leads me to the cafeteria.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

In a few hours, the four of us are on our way to "Glimmer's Bar". Lenalee and I have fake I.D.'s so we can get in. Lavi and Kanda are nineteen and they don't need one. It doesn't take long for us to get in, and Lavi went to get drinks for us as Kanda, Lenalee, and I sit on a couch in the back. Most people were dancing, and I personally wished Kanda would ask me to, but I know it's very unrealistic.

Lavi comes back, handing us our drinks, and sits beside Lenalee. I think I was tricked somehow because Kanda was between me and Lenalee, and I glance at her nervously as she leans in to Kanda's ear. She must have whispered something because as soon as she pulled back, the bluenette shook his head.

Lenalee rolled her eyes, and did the same to Lavi. The rabbit smiled evilly and nodded, looking at me. What was I missing here?! The pig-tailed girl moved over to me and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the dance floor just as the song ended and switched to "Wanted" by Hunter Hayes.

I glanced at her tensely as she put her arms over my shoulders. She rested her chin on her right arm and whispered, "Put your arms around my waist."

I obey, clasping my hands behind her back as we stepped from side to side. "Good. Kanda refused to ask you to dance, so I'm going to see how far we have to go before he snaps. Right now he's death glaring me."

I smile, "Really? He's that jealous?"

"Uh-huh. Lavi said he was fine with it, but he's going to hate me after this. Stay still." I wasn't sure what she was talking about until I feel her lips on my neck. It was barely a brush, but I know it pushed Kanda too far. She steps away from me just as I'm snagged by strong arms.

My boyfriend's arms snake their way around my waist, and mine go around his neck. He growls in my ear, "If Lenalee was a guy, she'd be dead. Don't do that."

I smile, "What? Were you jealous?"

"No," he replies quickly, and I know he was. I whisper, "You're the one who wouldn't dance with me."

He grunts, but says nothing more. The song ends soon after that and Kanda and I sit again. Lenalee and the rabbit were still dancing, and I cuddled next to the bluenette as we sat. He says, "I'm never letting you drag me out with her ever again."

I whine, "Yeah, and nothing would happen all night if she wasn't here. You never take the first step, and she's the one making up for it. When's the last time you did something without a push? The only time I remember was when you held my hand at Red Lobster."

He thinks about it for a second before saying, "I've never had a boyfriend before, and it's not like I want to advertise it."

His confession surprised me since I had thought he had dated another guy, but I guess not. I sit back on my knees and look at him, "It's no different than being with a girl." _Yeah, tell me about it. I'm not much better off than a girl._

He gazes back at me, uncertainty in his eyes, "Maybe to you."

I give him the best puppy eyes I can, "So? Can't you at least try?"

He sighs and nods. I give him a kiss on the cheek, and nuzzle up to him just as Lavi and Lenalee sit down. She winks at me and I return it.

The rest of the night went by slow considering Kanda only danced with me once more and the rest of the time was spent on the couch. I didn't mind too much since Lenalee and the rabbit only danced one more time than us.

I was happy that the cramps seemed to have stop and when I did get them, they short and far between.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

I'm starving by the time we get back to the Order, and after eating a "light" fourth meal, I walk into Kanda and my room. Once the door was shut, I tug off my shirt and walk into the bathroom. I take a pill and drink a little before sitting on the bed beside Kanda. Pulling the blankets over us, I settle on my side, looking at him. He was on his back, and seemed to be thinking.

I poke his arm, "Hello?" The bluenette glances at me, "Hi."

"What are you thinking about?" I ask. He reaches under his pillow and pulls out a black necklace cord. Attached to the cord is a tan swirled stone charm shaped into a heart. I recognize the stone immediately, "Agate."

He gazes at me, "You know what it is?"

I nod, "Mana used to teach me about different stones and gems and what they mean. Agate is a protection stone, and from nightmares in particular. It also shows love."

"Right you are. This is your early birthday present," he says as he hands the necklace to me. I smile and hook it around my neck. It wasn't super loose and was snug enough to make it wearable in the night. It was so thoughtful and loving for him to go to the trouble to find it for me. I glance down at my stomach, _You hear that? Your daddy is considerate of my nightmares and got a stone to protect us._

I know that she can't hear me, but I still feel like she could. A tear slips down my cheek as I wrap my arms around Kanda, and he asks, "Does that mean you like it?"

I nod, "Yes, I love it. Thank you."

He gives me a kiss on my forehead, and lays us down so I'm in his arms and my face in his chest. _I love you. I love both of you…._

**Author Note: Aw, Kanda's so sweet! I know everyone's going to like his other present. The next update should be here tomorrow.**


	16. Snow Day

**Me: Lavi, will you say the honors?**

**Lavi: Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, just the plot.**

**Me: On to chapter 16!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 16: Snow Day_

I feel hands shaking me, and I open my eyes, blinking away the blurriness. Kanda was next to me, "Allen, come look at this."

I sit up and stand. He leads me to the balcony and I immediately see what he was trying to show me. The town under the Order was a winter wonderland, the snow falling loosely like pixie dust being blown off a table. I glance at the clock and find that it's about ten, and decide to ask, "Can we go play in it?"

He says, "Yes, we can do whatever you want."

I smile, darting around to put on the warmest clothes I owned. I took a pill, and eventually, I was wearing a turtleneck, heavy coat, snow pants, boots, and gloves. Kanda merely had on his exorcist uniform, and I was about to tell him to put on something warmer when he began to pull me out of our room. We have to stop by the cafeteria and eat. I ate every hot thing Lenalee had on the list I gave Jerry. There wasn't anyone else in the dining room other than a finder, and I assumed they were out in the snow.

Once Kanda and I were at the doors, I say, "Do you want me to show you my favorite place at the Order?"

He looks uncertain for a second, and then he nods as we push open the huge doors. Instantly, we're blasted with cold air and the snow flies in. I laugh and run out into the white wonderland, twirling around in the snow up to my mid-calf. The bluenette follows, not nearly as enthusiastically.

I let myself fall, a soft thud sounding before I sink into the cold flakes. I didn't really feel the cold, and I begin moving my arms and legs, making a snow angel. "What are you doing?"

Pushing my body up, I sit in the snow and look at my confused boyfriend. I tilt my head, "You never made a snow angel before?"

He shook his head, "No, what is it?"

I reply, "Lay down on your back." He hesitantly followed the instruction and disappeared under the thick blanket of icy fluff. I call, "Now act like you're doing jumping jacks."

I stand, peering at Kanda in the snow as he made his first snow angel. I gesture for him to stand and he does so, looking down at the imprint. He says, "That's a snow angel?"

"What kind of childhood did you have? Have you ever made a snowman or had a snowball fight?"

He shakes his head, snow falling out of his long ribbons, "I know what they are, but never made or had one."

"Well, I'll have to do something about that," I say as I pull him down the hill. We got to my field a few minutes later. He asks, "Where are we?"

"It's a field under the Order. I come down here every night during the summer," I tell him as I drag him to the clearing I lie in to watch the fireflies. The grass was as tall as my waist since it was never cut, and it swayed and swished around Kanda and me. We finally got to the small clearing where I sit in the summer. I say, "This is it."

He looks around, "This is your favorite place at the Order?"

I nod, "I know it's not much, but I love it here so much." He looks like he understands and I ask, "Okay, which do you want to do first: snowball fight or a snowman?"

Kanda shrugs, "Doesn't matter to me."

I smile, "Snowman it is then." I bend over and get a big handful of snow, patting it down. I say, "Get one like this."

He glances at the ball and makes one of his own quickly, copying my movements. I instruct, "Now, put it on the ground and roll it like this."

I begin to revolve the snowball through the icy blanket on the ground, picking up as much as I could. Once I was satisfied with it being the base, I leave it and turn to find Kanda struggling to get the snow to stick. I laugh as he curses the frozen water and punches through the nonexistent middle piece of the snowman. I kneel next him, forming a new ball, "You can take out level three akuma, but have the most difficult time trying to make a snowman."

He growls something under his breath, and takes the ball from my hands, setting it on the ground and pushing it. I put my gloved hands over his bare ones, and begin to use his hands to roll the ball. Catching on to the trick, he finishes the middle himself, setting it on top of the base, and then he makes the head, too.

I smile, "Great, now to make the face." He raises an eyebrow at me as I begin digging in the exposed earth for pebbles. I continue to mine until I found I small jackpot of gravel. Taking a handful, I give Kanda a few and say, "Put them on the middle."

He does this while I make the face and attach arm twigs. I stand back and laugh, "See, it's pretty!"

It was by far the ugliest snowman in the world, his head lopsided, and my boyfriend had put the gravel buttons on unevenly, but I was proud I made it with Kanda. He looks it up and down, and scowls at it like it was diseased. I back away from him while he was still inspecting the snowman and scoop up some snow. Patting the frozen water into a ball, I throw it at my boyfriend, hitting him square between his shoulder blades.

I was _so_ dead. He whips around, scrapes up some snow, and hurls it at me. After many years of training, I was able to dodge it by a millisecond. Then, out of nowhere, I feel the impact of a snowball on the back of my head. The laughter assured me it was the rabbit and Lenalee. Though, it was immediately replaced by quiet whimpers as Kanda sends the head of the snowman soaring over my head. This wasn't going to end well. With Lavi in this, someone was going to die, and it wasn't going to be me.

I creep into the tall weeds behind me, making sure I was thoroughly concealed before I began to make a small supply of snowballs. Once I had five, I scan the clearing. Kanda and Lavi were having an all out war, and Lenalee was in the background occasionally throwing a snowball at Kanda, which he dodged easily.

Carefully, I aim and fire. I got my boyfriend in the back of the head. He whirls around, probably certain it was me, but couldn't find me and turned back to Lavi. I giggle and chuck one at Lavi, and it went in his mouth as he battle cried.

He was frozen for a second, which gave Kanda the chance to hit him between the eyes. I double-over laughing at Lavi's facial expression, and regret it as a huge snowball, probably the middle of the snowman, landed on top of my rolling frame. Sitting up, I shake my head of the snow and shout, "No fair, Kanda! You threw part of the snowman!"

I part the weeds to see him smirking at me, another snowball in hand. Yelping, I duck just in time to avoid a hard face-shot, and dive into the weeds to hide. I crawl through the tall grasses until I was behind Lavi and Lenalee was beside me. She whispers, "Are you okay? It didn't hurt the baby, did it?"

I shake my head, "No, she's fine. Besides, with Kanda as a father, she's going to be a fighter."

Lenalee opens her mouth, but is cut off by a high-pitched scream coming from the clearing. We spread the weeds enough to see the source of the squeal, finding Lavi with a squirrel on his head. I laugh, and even though the rabbit had his hands around the critter, it refused to let go of his flaming hair. Kanda was actually laughing at the sight, which surprised me, because I hadn't seen him do more than a quiet chuckle on rare occasion.

Lavi cried, "Lenalee, help me!" I can see that it wasn't happening since the requested girl was on her back with her feet in the air, laughing hysterically. Eventually, the rabbit pulls the squirrel off, some red hair coming with it as he chucks it somewhere in the weeds.

I take the moment Kanda was laughing to throw a snowball, hitting him on his cheek. He stopped immediately, scooping up a handful of snow and glancing around. I look at Lenalee, and she nods, crawling in the opposite direction as me. Kanda was staring towards me even though I was invisible in the grass, and right when he was about to fire, he gets it from the side. Poor Kanda, I hit him in the back of the head while he was searching for Lenalee.

Lavi was laughing at Kanda in the open and I watch as he's pelted by snowballs. I wasn't sure he survived as I stare at the pile of snow with two legs sticking out of it, but soon he pops his head up, shaking the snow out of his hair.

Unfortunately, I begin to feel a cramp coming on and pretty hard this time. I stand, hiding the pain from my face. Kanda was about to fire, but I raise my hands in surrender, "Truce."

He couldn't help himself from one shot to the chest and I didn't blame him. Lenalee volunteered to get us hot chocolate and ran off with Lavi trailing behind her. Kanda sits in the snow, his legs kicked out in front of him, and I plop down beside him. I ask, "Was that fun?"

He glares menacingly at me, "No."

I look down at my gloved hands and feel his arm wrap around my waist, pulling me to him as he whispered in my ear, "It was better than fun."

I beam up at him, circling his waist with both my arms and nuzzling against him. He says, "I would kiss you, but it'd be awkward walking back to our room with our lips stuck together."

I giggle and regret it as the pain in my stomach grows. "We could always do Eskimo kisses," I suggest.

He looks at me strangely and I roll my eyes, "You've never heard of an Eskimo kiss, have you?"

Kanda shakes his head. I huff and raise up so our foreheads are touching as I rub my nose against his. Pulling away, I inform him, "That's an Eskimo kiss."

He raises an eyebrow, "It's not even a kiss though."

"You're hopeless. So much to learn, so little time," I say as I slump back down beside him. "We're back!"

I turn to see Lenalee and Lavi walking toward us, a cup in each hand. She hands one to me and one to Kanda, but I notice his is different, the liquid almost clear. I stick my nose over the rim, taking a whiff and determine it's tea. Taking a sip of my hot chocolate, I hear Kanda ask, "What was that?"

I blush furiously, realizing how weird that must have been. I reply sheepishly, "Sorry, I used to do that to Mana a lot to figure out what he was drinking."

"What did he do?" he asks, not seeming annoyed at all. I reply, "He was fine with it. Except for one time when he was drinking really hot coffee filled to the brim, and I burned my nose."

Lavi and Lenalee burst out laughing, and Kanda says, "You're adorable."

I smile and look at him just before he rubs our noses together. Purring, I take another slurp of my hot chocolate, and watch him drink his tea. He looked at peace when he drank, just like when he slept. The bluenette glanced at me and I looked away, embarrassed that I was caught staring. Chuckling, he said, "Am I that good looking?"

I nod, "You look so calm when you're sleeping or drinking."

"Really, and do you watch me sleep, too?" he asks, hints of amusement in his voice. I mumble, "Maybe…."

He whispers in my ear so no one could hear, "Did you know you say my name in your sleep? A lot."

I feel the blood rush to my face a dam breaking. I stutter, "I-I-I do n-not."

"Yes, you do," he murmurs and reenacts my voice in a seductive tone, "'More, Kanda', 'Kiss me, Kanda', 'Kanda, don't stop'."

I whimper quietly, not wanting to admit that I have those dreams a least every other night. This was war, and I had the perfect come back, "So is that why I wake up with something poking my leg sometimes?"

He stops the verbal abuse and pulls away, taking a drink from his cup. I hit the nerve and I wasn't going to let the chance go, "Kanda, is that the reason? I'm just _dying_ to know."

He growls, "Shut up."

I shake my head, "Nope, not until you answer my question." He curses under his breath before muttering, "Yes."

I stick my tongue out at him, "Serves you right."

He doesn't say anything else the rest of the time we sit there until he says that I should eat when my stomach roared.

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

I sit on the bed and begin to pull off the suffocating clothes, tossing them to the corner of the room until I was down to my underwear. Crawling under the blankets, I curl in on myself since Kanda was in the bathroom. The cramp was worse than any of the others and I was thinking about taking some sort of pain pill, but decide against it in fear of hurting the baby.

I clench my teeth together to keep from whining in pain and though I had felt worse, this wasn't external, but on the inside. I could deal with inflicted aches and such, but I was a wimp when it came to the slightest stomach illness.

I rolled to my other side so I was facing the wall as a tear slipped down my cheek. It was official, I hate being pregnant. The bathroom door opens and in a couple seconds, I felt Kanda's heat against my back. I feel another teardrop slide down my cheek from the pain, followed by another and another.

I close my eyes as his arms wrap around my waist and I involuntarily yelp. My boyfriend pulls back, "Are you okay?"

I nod, not trusting my voice, and I lead his arms around my chest. After the pain subsides ever so slightly, I'm able to fall asleep.

I wake up screaming in pain. The ache in my stomach was far past excruciating, almost like it was on steroids. I can barely hear Kanda's voice as I feel my body being moved, and it seemed like forever before I was laid down again on a cold surface.

A light is over me and I'm hardly aware of the prick in my arm as I begin to lose consciousness. The last thing I remember was Kanda's worried expression as I whisper, "Don't let…them hurt…her…."

Darkness. A painful darkness.

**Author Note: Who else loves cliffhangers? *Ducks as a chair is thrown at my head*. Okay, so I'm the only one. I will have the next chapter up either tonight or tomorrow morning! **


	17. Ribs and Realizations

**Me: This chapter is in Kanda's POV. Will you do the honors, Kanda?**

**Kanda: Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, just the plot.**

**Me: Thanks, and on to chapter 17!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 17: Ribs and Realizations_

Screaming. The first thing my ears register as I wake up. I bolt up, and see the source of the noise is Allen and I frantically shake him, hoping the cause is a dream. No, his eyes are open and his face was slick with tears.

I knew he needed help. He was screeching in pain for goodness sake! Careful not to hurt my boyfriend, I took him in my arms, and that's when I notice it. There was something poking out of his side.

I didn't care that we were both in our underwear as I run as fast as I can to Komui's office, the evening rays of sun retreating. My only thought was to get help and how had he managed to break a rib in his sleep.

I was almost to Komui's office door and I whispered, "We're almost there, Allen." He was still screaming and I don't think could hear me, but I didn't care. I kick open the door, taking Komui by surprise as he jumped up and got into a fighting stance.

As soon as he saw the screaming boy in my arms though, he ran out the door, gesturing for me to follow. I sprint after him, relieved it wasn't far to the medical room.

Once we got to the surgery prep room, Komui said, "Set him on the table."

I carefully put him on the metal table in the middle of the room, not happy to let go of him. I heard footsteps over Allen's screeching, and soon Reever was beside me, tossing me an exorcist coat.

I watch Komui stab a needle into Allen's right arm as I pull on the clothing. I figured the needle contained some sort of anesthesia, and just before the whitette's eyes closed, he looked at me and whispered in a pained voice, "Don't let…them hurt…her…."

With that, he lost consciousness and I looked to Reever, "Who? Who doesn't he want you to hurt?"

Ignoring the question, Komui asked, "When was the first time the two of you had sex?"

"What?!" outraged was an understatement. "What makes you think we're doing anything?!"

"He's at seven weeks." I turn at a girl's voice to find Lenalee dashing to her brother's side. She asks, "Has it already big enough to break a rib?"

I was so confused, and for me, confusion and anger were a deadly mix. Taking a hold of Reever's collar, I shout, "What is happening to him?!"

"His rib is broken," he replied, fear of getting pummeled evident in his eyes. I growl, "I know that, idiot! What caused it to break?!"

"The baby! The baby is growing and it needs room!" he admits and I drop him. Komui and Reever then begin to wheel the table with my unconscious boyfriend on it into the surgery room. Lenalee lays her hand on my shoulder and whispers, "It's true, Kanda. Allen's pregnant."

I snap, "Stop lying and tell me the truth!" Whirling around, I glare at her, but from her eyes, I can tell she's telling the truth. That can't be right. It's not possible. Guys can't get pregnant. Pacing, I stare at the ground, not believing Allen had a baby in him, my baby.

"Kanda, he thinks you'll leave him when you find out. When he wakes up, you have to let him explain and make it clear that you won't ever leave him." She knew. She knew all along that he was pregnant and never said a thing. I say, "How?"

"The pills Komui gave him were-"

I raise my hand to stop her. It was the deranged scientist's fault that my Moyashi was pregnant. Lenalee said, "He just wanted to see if we could give birth to an exorcist by giving him drugs with fragments of Innocence to make it possible for it to bond, and if it was fertilized, become a baby."

"What about Allen?"

"He'd have a C-section to remove the baby and fake uterus."

I shake my head, "No, I mean what does Allen think about it. I know he tells you everything."

She nods, "Like I said, he was terrified you would leave him, but he thinks it's a girl and her middle name will be Mana."

He was happy that he was pregnant? The boy was demented! Then I remember. His scars. His scars were out in the open. Lenalee says, "What's wrong? You look like you saw a ghost."

"Nothing," I reply. Maybe they could pass as battle scars. For his sake I hope so. It was another hour before Komui informed us that they had repaired the rib, and the baby was safe. Allen was still unconscious and as I sat beside him in his post-surgery bed he'd stay in tonight, I wondered what would happen. I mean, our lives were just changed forever, because we were having a baby.

I had secretly always wanted a kid of my own, but once I determined I was gay, I knew it would never happen, or so I thought. "Kan…da…"

I'm snapped out of my thoughts, and I look at Allen, his eyes open. A tear slips down his cheek and he looks away, shame written all over his face. He whispers, "Why are you still here?"

"Because I love you and our baby," I reply, taking his right hand in both of mine. He looks at me with confusion in his silver pools, "Why? I'm a freak. A-"

I interrupt him, "Don't you dare start degrading yourself, Allen. Don't you dare."

He doesn't say anymore on that subject and move to a new one, "Did they see my scars?"

I nod, "They think it's from battle as far as I know. It was pretty hard not to see them anyways."

"Why was that?"

I admit, "Considering you woke up screaming in pain, I had to carry you here, both of us in our underwear."

The whitette blushes furiously, "I'm sorry!"

"Don't be. I'd do it over again if I had to," I tell him, squeezing his hand tighter. This was the Allen I knew. The one who flushed strawberry when I said something and was always worried when we kissed that it lasted to long if my face was red. I'm not sure which I would describe him as if I could only use one word: sexy or adorable. They both were valid, but the kid could act seriously bipolar at times.

He asked, "Are you really okay with having a baby with me?"

I nod, "Yes. Sure, it's weird and abnormal for a guy to get pregnant, but I don't care. We aren't the most normal couple in the world obviously."

He smiles, "That makes me happy, Kanda. When am I able to leave?"

"Tomorrow, they have to make sure your rib is healing." _Oh, it better heal, and if it doesn't I'll give him my blood._

Allen groans and closes his eyes, "I'm fine though! The pain is gone and the rib is okay."

I might have believed him, but five seconds after he said it, he coughs and splutters blood into the trashcan beside the bed. I was about get Komui, but I feel a hand grab my wrist. My boyfriend says, "It's okay, really. It happens sometimes."

I shake my head, "Coughing up blood isn't normal."

"It is when there's a fake uterus growing inside me," he protests. He had a point I guess, but that didn't mean I was happy about it. I growl under my breath, and sit back down in the flimsy plastic chair they gave me to sit in. I noticed he was still wearing his necklace, and it made me happy to think he wore it through surgery. I ask, "You really like the necklace, huh?"

He nodded, "It's my most prized possession. Actually, before I knew I was gay, I swore that if I ever proposed to a girl, I wouldn't buy a diamond."

I tilt my head, "Why's that?"

"It would be boring. There's no thought in buying an expensive rock and putting in a ring, but if you think about the person, the meaning they have to you and the type of stone it is, that makes it so much better. It doesn't matter is it only cost fifteen dollars, because it has more value than a bucket of uncut gems." He finishes and closes his eyes, his left hand going to the agate charm.

I was impressed by the thought that he gave the topic such deep consideration. I should remember what he said. "Do you know a lot about stones?"

He nods, "Yeah, Mana used to go into every gem store he saw and would ramble on and on about the meanings and what they help with. Of course, I thought it wasn't real, that he was talking myths and such until he gave me a chrysoprase piece for the nightmares I was having."

"Chrysoprase?" I ask, not familiar with the word and apparently stone.

"It's a stone to stop continuous nightmares in children and also is the power stone for December, which helped me a lot since it had direct energy to my birthday. All at once, the nightmares stopped, just stopped. Mana had made it into a charm and put it under my pillow."

I didn't know that a rock could have such a powerful effect. It was truly amazing that a mere stone had the influence of dreams in a young boy's mind. I continue my inquiry, "What's your favorite one?"

He thinks for a second, stroking the agate in his hand, "White agate. It reminds me of my hair, the bands that run through it, and the color is so pure and beautiful."

He yawned and closed his silver eyes, the cutest face he can possibly make spreading over his features. I lean over and give him a kiss in the corner of his eye where a yawn-tear had formed, "Sleep, you need your strength."

He nods, "Okay, but only if you lay down with me."

"I don't know if we can both fit," I say, doubt washing over me. Allen scoots over making room for me, but it would still be a tight squeeze. I was about to decline, but when he yawns again, I simply can't deny that face! He didn't have any cords, tubes, or needles stuck in him, so I just situated myself next to him.

He smiled, "Thank you, Kanda." I kiss his crown in response, guiding his head to rest on my chest as he threw an arm over my torso, and mine wrapped tightly around his small frame. The whitette fell asleep soon after that, probably still feeling the effects of the anesthesia. I didn't sleep though. I stayed awake to make sure nothing else happened in his sleep, and listen to his innocent whimpers as he nuzzled as close as possible to me. "Kan…da…I…lo…ve…you…."

I whisper to his hair, "I love you, too, Kitten."

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

My eyes flicker open, feeling colder than normal despite Kanda's heat as he lay beside me. That's when I remember. I was in the infirmary because of a broken rib. I don't really feel any pain, but for all I know I could be high on morphine.

Sunlight poured in the windows high on the walls, washing over Kanda in his exorcist uniform and me in a hospital gown. Shrugging off my boyfriend's grasp, I sit up just as Komui and Lenalee walk in. The younger of the two blushes and waggles her eyebrows at me, causing the heat to rise in my cheeks as I nudge Kanda. He opens his eyes immediately and bolts straight up. If it hadn't been for his quick movements to catch me, I would have been in the floor.

Lenalee sits in the chair that was originally Kanda's and Komui asks me, "Have you had any pain or symptoms from before?"

I shake my head, "No, but I'm starting to get cold."

As if on cue, Kanda's arms are around me once again, wrapping a throw blanket around my small body like a cocoon. I had no earthly idea where the blanket had come from, but I didn't care. The lunatic raises an eyebrow at the two of us, and he says, "You can go now, but your ultrasound is Saturday the seventh at noon. Don't eat anything that morning."

I whimper and say, "Okay." I clamber out of Kanda's arms and off the bed, my bare feet landing on the cold linoleum and sending a shiver up my spine. I pull the blanket tight around me, making sure that the hospital gown would be covered completely, and begin to walk towards the door, my boyfriend beside me.

Lenalee is having a conversation with her brother as we walk out, and I'm certain it quickly turned into an argument; an argument Komui was losing. It takes about five minutes of walking in silence to get back to our room, and as soon as I open the door, I plop down on the bed. I was so tired, but for reason of hygiene, I knew I had to take a shower.

I groan and shrug the blanket off my shoulders before standing and getting some clean clothes out of my dresser. When I enter the bathroom, Kanda was already in there, stark naked and the water already running. Closing my eyes and hoping I wasn't blushing too badly, I ask, "Are you going to take a shower with me?"

"No, I just figured you'd enjoy the view, idiot," he replied in a sarcastic tone with hints of amusement underlying it. Carefully, I open my right eye just in time to see him seal the curtain behind him. After letting out a breath I didn't realize I was holding, I strip and follow him in. Kanda was sitting in the tub, bubbles beginning to form around him, and I step into the rising water, sitting beside the bluenette.

"Let's see here, how many times have we had sex, and you still are overly modest?" he asks playfully. I begin counting in my head, almost forgetting the first time, "Twenty-three."

He gives me an odd look and says, "You keep up with it?"

Then I realize he was making a joke, and I quickly turn away to hide my crimson face. I feel a hand on my thigh, creeping up my body, and I gasp in pleasure. Kanda asks, "Do you want to make it twenty-four?"

I whine, but am cut off as he begins ravishing my exposed neck and straddles me, bringing both hands to my curves to hold me still as I try to buck upwards. Throwing my head back, I moan softly as he plays with my body, doing whatever he wants to it.

All at once, he stops and pulls back. I whimper and he asks, "Will anything we do hurt the baby?"

I hadn't even thought about it. Would Kanda nearly slaughtering me with pleasure affect her? I say, "I don't know."

He moves off my lap and sits beside me again, his veil of hair shielding my view from his face. I hear a barely audible murmur and ask, "What?"

"Why did you keep it from me?" he asks louder. I didn't really know what to say, because if I told him that I thought he would abandon me, he might get upset with me. Probably taking my silence as a bad thing, he continues, "I…I know I'm not the best person in the world as far as a boyfriend, but I try…."

"It's not that, Kanda. You're the best boyfriend I could have asked for, and I love you with all my heart. It was just…I thought that you would leave me. Isn't that what happens when a guy gets his girlfriend pregnant, because they weren't careful?" I explain. I still couldn't see his face, and I knew mine was red. Feeling the first of my tears bubble over, I wipe them away, not wanting to cry like I normally would.

"How many times do I need to prove to you that I'm not going to abandon you? I don't care that you're covered in scars, used to be a cutter, or that you're pregnant." I can sense the very faint cracking in his voice, and see a drop land on the surface of the water. Kanda was crying. He was actually _crying_.

"I'm sorry," I apologize, the tears steadily flowing from my eyes. Slowly, I pull his hair back and put it behind his ear, revealing his red face and watery eyes. He looks away, closing his dark eyes and whispering, "Don't look at me. I don't like to feel weak."

"Weak? You think you look weak? Kanda, no matter what you do you'll never be weak, and you have to be strong for both of us, considering I'm the most powerless person on earth." I catch the next tear on his face with my thumb before kissing his cheek softly.

He still doesn't give me a glance as he says, "I don't cry."

"Yes, you do. Everyone cries at some point, it just depends on the reason whether they're weak or not. In your case, the two times you cried was because of me, and one was because I was about to kill myself."

"Whatever, just don't keep things from me anymore, okay?" he finally faced me, his pleading eyes shining with unshed tears and his face pink. I couldn't tell if the color was from the heat of the water, embarrassment, or from the crying, but the only thought in my mind was how adorable he looked. What kind of person was I, thinking that Kanda was cute when he cried?

I nod, "I won't, I promise." I smile and lean against him, burying my face in his chest.

**Author Note: Oh, I bet everyone's happy now! Please, Please, PLEASE R/R!**


	18. No Kill But Not No Kanda

**Author Note: Just wanted to say thank you to those who review, follow, and favorite me and the story. It makes me really happy and inspires me to write and publish more chapters and stories. For those who were wondering, there will be a sequel at the end that follows the baby. Also, don't hate on this chapter title. I'M BRAIN DEAD!**

**Me: Lenalee, will you do the honors?**

**Lenalee: Of course. Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, just the plot.**

**Me: On to chapter 18!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 18: No Kill But Not No Kanda_

I press my cheek against Kanda's and whisper, "You look beautiful when you cry."

He replies, "I would say the same to you, but half the time the reason you're crying kind of ruins it."

I know what he means. It's rare for me to cry in happiness. When I cry, it's generally because I'm feeling pathetic and worthless, or in one case about to kill myself. Crying was practically a lifestyle for me, and it's only just beginning to change. I wrap my arms around his waist, "Is that at least half a compliment?"

"Yes, it was," he says, his arms circling my body and pulling me closer to him. I smile, "I've noticed something."

He looks at me as I nuzzle into his neck, and turns off the water pouring into the tub, "What would that be?"

"You seem to like being next to me, and having our bodies together."

Kanda looks at me like I was an idiot, but soon softened into a sweet, genuine smile, "Well, yeah, you're my boyfriend, but I like to comfort you. It means a lot when you calm down when we're together."

I never really had thought about it like that. For me, needing him to be with me when I was breaking was a burden on him. It wasn't something that I thought brought him joy. I say, "Really?"

He nods, "Allen, you're gorgeous when you cry, and it has great meaning in my heart when you come to me when you're upset." His hand moves from the small of my back to my stomach, rubbing circles over my navel.

I smile at the gesture, putting my small hand on his muscular shoulder, and I can't help but let a single tear slide down my cheek. Who knew that one day, I would be sitting naked in a bath tub with Kanda, pregnant with his baby, and had actually seen him cry? No one would have ever predicted that, and I don't blame them. Quietly, I say, "Thank you."

He doesn't reply, but kisses my crown instead.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

I keep my eyes closed as I wake up, breathing in the sweet, intoxicating scent of Moonlight Mist. It was abnormal for me to awaken curled up half on top of Kanda, but he must not mind since he didn't push me off. My chest, arms, and head were all piled on his torso and my hips and below were beside him. From his steady breathing, I assume he was still asleep, and I tentatively open one eye.

I was right. His eyes were still closed and his hair was fanned out on the pillow his head was resting on. I absolutely loved his expression when he sleeps because he looks so peaceful, like he hasn't a care in the world. Then, his expression changed ever so slightly and even though his heartbeat and breathing was steady, I knew he was awake. I raise up and pout, "Why can't you ever stay asleep?"

He smirks, his eyes still closed, "How did you know I was awake?"

"Your face changed. It was barely noticeable, but it looked different," I say, my hands planted on his chest as I glare at him.

His eyes open and our gazes meet as he says, "I didn't know you had such an eye for detail."

"Are we going to have the 'I'm that gay' discussion, again?" I roll my eyes and sit down next to him while he straightens. The bluenette tucked a strand of hair behind his ear absently and said, "No, we're not, and for the record, being gay isn't something to be ashamed of."

I nod, "I know, but I want to hear you say it since you couldn't last time."

He sighs, "Fine, I'm gay, too. Are you happy?"

"Yes, I am," I reply, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before glancing at the clock. It was eleven in the morning, which means it's the first of December. I had nearly forgotten! I had meant to go to the no kill animal shelter today. Generally, I try to go on the first day of every month, and a couple more times if I can. Since I wouldn't be going on any missions for seven months then I guess I'd have more time to visit. I stand and walk into the bathroom, taking a pill and beginning to brush my teeth.

"What do you seem so happy about?" my boyfriend asks, coming up behind me, pulling on his jeans and a t-shirt. I spit into the sink and wipe my mouth, "I'm going to the no kill animal shelter today. Do you want to come?"

Moving to my dresser, I start searching for my jeans and turtleneck while my boyfriend replies, "Um…I can if you want me to. Animals don't like me very much though.

I giggle as I dress, "Well, you won't know if these animals will like you unless you meet them."

"Okay, but I'm not getting you one," he says, tossing me my jacket from the floor beside the bed and while pulling his on. As I catch the jacket, a pair of black boxers falls from it, and I quickly kick them under the bed, blushing furiously. Of course, my boyfriend just smirks and walks towards the door, slapping my butt as he went and eliciting a yelp from me. My blush only deepens as I follow Kanda out the door, heading towards the cafeteria.

We eat in less than twenty minutes, and I was not happy with the fact that Jerry was informed of my situation. He was now making a special vitamin smoothie that I had to drink every time I ate, but I wasn't complaining about it since it was probably the best thing I'd ever drank.

Kanda and I walk to the shelter, and I ask, "Do you really not like animals?"

"I never said I didn't like them. They don't like me. Every time I get near a cat it hisses and a dog will bark," he replied, staring straight ahead.

"Well, no offense, but you don't have the most inviting attitude. Animals can sense a person's feelings," I say, opening the door to shelter. "Cats or dogs?"

"Cats," he says. I was a little surprised since I figured he was more of a dog person, but I lead him to the cat room. As we went, a woman passed us and asked, "Excuse me, where do I get the leash to walk the dogs?"

I point the way we came, "You need to talk to the person at the front desk, and they'll give you the leash and unlock the cage for you."

"Thank you," she said, heading the way I was pointing. I nod and continue down the hall with Kanda trailing behind me. He asks, "How often do you come here?"

I open the door to the cat room, "About every two weeks, but I always come the first day of each month."

The room was pink, with small cages lining the right wall and cat towers everywhere. As I walk in, I had to be careful not to step on any toys. There was a short, middle-aged woman standing at one of the cages, putting some fresh water in the bowl. Her name was Lila Evers and I know her very well. She volunteers here every weekend from dawn to dusk in the cat room, and always keeps me up to date with what was going on. I guess I consider her a mother in a way mixed with a best friend.

She turned around, smiling as she always did, and ran over to me, throwing her arms around my neck, "Allen! I haven't seen you in forever!"

I roll my eyes and return her hug before pulling away, "You always say that. It's only been a few weeks."

"It's the same thing," her gaze flickered to Kanda, who was standing behind me, glancing around awkwardly. She looked him up and down, "Who's this pretty thing? I might take him from you."

I put my arm around his shoulders, "Lila, this is my boyfriend, Yu Kanda, but he goes by Kanda."

She smiles and holds out her hand, "Hello Kanda, I'm Lila Evers. I volunteer here, and will beat you if you don't take care of my Allen."

He shook her hand hesitantly, glancing at me, and I said, "She's a little protective."

"I never would have guessed," he replied. Picking a new topic, I say, "Any new arrivals?"

Lila nods and walks over to a cat tower with an opening at the bottom, reaching a hand in. When she pulls out her hand, she's holding two pineapple-sized kittens, one solid black and the other calico black and orange. I took the black one in my hand, bringing it to my chest to cradle it while looking into its hypnotizing blue eyes. It's rare to ever see a black cat with blue eyes, and I just think it's amazing to see one. Kanda walks up beside me, peering at the kitten and it hisses. I place it back in the box so it won't jump out of my arms, and say, "You weren't kidding that animals hate you."

He doesn't say anything, but looks at the floor. I follow his gaze and see a young cat with three legs hobbling towards Kanda's feet. It was snow white and was missing its left front leg. Its left eye had a long, red scar over it, and I say, "Me."

At the exact same moment Kanda says, "You." I'm not sure who was more shocked as it plopped down on his boot, me or Kanda. Lila said, "We named her Ice."

Kanda kneeled down and held out his hand, waiting to see how Ice would react. She gave his hand a sniff before licking his thumb, and I smile, "Maybe not every animal hates you."

Carefully, my boyfriend picks up the small cat, scratching under her chin as she purrs. Her head was back and she looked at me, her mismatched eyes making me jump slightly. Lila said, "We think she's part albino."

I nod, gazing into Ice's silver and blood red eyes. It was nearly impossible how much the creature looked like me when I didn't have my left arm, and I wasn't sure whether to be scared of it not.

Kanda wasn't worried about at all because he was shaking a small feather toy over Ice's head just high enough that when she reached up with her small paws, she was just a few millimeters off. I never thought I'd see the stoic samurai playing with a cat, especially not in public. He won't even let me call him Kandy outside of our make out sessions in our room.

"It surprises me that she's playing with him. She hisses at everyone and stays away from the other cats," Lila says as she petted the head of Dark Angel, a black she-cat with yellow eyes and white bat-like marking on her flank.

"Really?" I say. This cat just kept getting more like me by the second. I glance down at Ice, who was now crouching in front of Kanda with her flank in the air, tail thrashing as her eyes locked on the feather toy 'crawling' across the floor. The connection between the cat and bluenette was as obvious as her mismatched eyes. Lila replied, "Yeah. Better be careful, the cat's going to take your place, Allen."

I laugh, "I doubt it. Kanda knows which one of us has what he wants."

She raised an eyebrow at me, but said nothing, continuing to go through short petting sessions with the cats. Sitting beside Kanda, I grab a stick with a string and furry ball attached to it, and look into the cat tower box before me, determining that there was a feline inside. I swing the ball in front of the opening until a gray tabby jumped out. I smile, "Hi, Wolfy!"

Wolfy proceeded to try to attack the toy as I moved it, his fluffy tail swishing back and forth. I loved playing with the cats when I come here, but from the look of it, I won't be hanging out with the dogs any today. I didn't mind though since my boyfriend was having a good time. Letting Wolfy grab and chew on the toy, I lean towards Kanda and whisper in his ear, "You're not replacing me with Ice like Lila said, are you?"

He glances away from the critter in his lap, "No. Besides, I'm pretty sure if I tried using her as a substitute you, I'd be put in jail for animal cruelty."

I reply, "Why isn't it rape when you do those things to me?"

"It's not rape if you like it," he seductively whispers, kissing my jaw. I whimper as he pulls away and begins scratching Ice's belly. She purrs, her tongue actually hanging out of her mouth. I grin at how dumb and cute she looked.

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

"So, was it fun?" I ask, hopping on the bed and pulling off my jacket. We had just got back after eating, and I had asked Lenalee a question while Kanda wasn't listening. I was very happy with the answer and since twenty-four didn't happen in the bath, I was going to do something about that. He nods, "Yeah, I had a good time."

He went into the bathroom, shrugging off his jacket as he walked in. Taking advantage of the moment, I pull my iPod out from under my pillow and turn up the volume all the way while playing "Animals" by Nickelback.

My boyfriend didn't need to be asked twice, and after I blink, he was over me. I say, "Lenalee said it would even help the baby, but only as long as you don't nearly kill me."

He smirks and attacks my neck, biting and kissing down until my shirt stopped him. Pulling my shirt over my head he continues down as my iPod blasts, "It's hard to steer when you're breathing in my ear, but I got both hands on the wheel while you got both hands on my gears."

I follow the music's lead and Kanda gasps, nearly collapsing on top of me from the shock. Keeping one hand where it was, I move the other to his back and flip us. Somehow, during the transition the bluenette's shirt landed on the floor along with his hair tie, and his hair was fanned out around him. His face was red and his breath was coming in short pants as my hand's grip tightens.

I suck on one of his nipples, and he digs his nails into my back, definitely leaving marks. He groans under me, and I take it as a good sign. I move my hand and begin to fumble with the button of his pants.

**Author Note: Okay, so I know it was a short chapter, and on top of that, my next update probably won't be until Thursday. Sorry! I have a book report I have to write that day and I've still got like four hundred pages to read of Beautiful Creatures. Please, Please, PLEASE R/R!**


	19. Dude's Got Double D's! Part 1

**Author Note: Thank you for the reviews! I appreciate the input so much! Sorry about the late update, and also, I've changed my mind about the sequel, but after this story, I'll be doing an abusive relationship between Lavi and Allen that leads to Yullen. SHIP YULLEN PEOPLE!**

**Me: Lavi, will you do the honors?**

**Lavi: Ah, ah, dude looks like a la-**

**Me: Lavi!**

**Lavi: Sorry, Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, only the plot.**

**Me: The idea for this chapter also came from Cana99. On to chapter 19!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 19: Dude's Got Double D's?! Part 1_

I move my hand and begin to fumble with the button of Kanda's pants.

Suddenly, his eyes grow wide and he moves back. I felt taken aback, "I'm sorry. We don't have to do anything if you don't wa-"

I'm cut off when my chest feels a lot heavier than normal and when I look down, my hair falls over my shoulder. Confused, I rush to the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me. Expecting the worst, I face the mirror and gape.

My white hair was straight and probably longer than Kanda's in comparison. There was nothing covering my chest, and I stared. There was no way!

I had boobs! Not just like flat ones, but twice as big as Lenalee's. Pacing, I couldn't figure it out, the new weight making slouch slightly. Was this something that was supposed to happen? Was it just a side-effect of the pills? I was going to murder Komui!

Quickly, I check the inside of my pants. Nothing. I was a girl! The stupid lunatic had turned me into a girl! Hearing a knock on the door, I panic. The door was locked, but I couldn't stay in here forever. "Allen, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I clasp my hand over my mouth. My voice was at least two octaves higher than normal, and Kanda definitely noticed. "Why is your voice higher?"

He said he would never abandon me. He said he would never abandon me. I repeat the sentence in my head over and over again, putting my arms over my greatly enlarged chest. Closing my eyes, I open the door, waiting for my boyfriend's reaction.

When nothing is said, I allow one eye to open. Kanda was looking me up and down continuously, not stopping until I said, "Kanda?"

"Why do you look like a girl?" he says, walking over to the bed. I wasn't sure if I should say that I was actually a female or not. Maybe I should just lock myself in the bathroom and wait it out. Maybe Kanda wouldn't mind.

There were too many "maybes" in the world. _Screw it,_ I think, unbuttoning my jeans and stepping out of them before following him. He sits and I stand in front of him, only in my boxers, as he stares at my crotch. I feel so self-conscious, and I get on the bed beside him so he'd stop gazing.

The bluenette curses under his breath, swearing to kill the scientist we know is responsible, and darts to the door, pulling on a shirt as he goes. I barely catch the "I'll be back" as he slams the door behind him. I had a bad feeling about Komui's fate, or doom, as I sat there.

Wait a second, I was nearly naked sitting on the bed, and I'm pretty sure they would be back soon. Standing, I pull on my jeans and pick up my turtleneck beside the bed. There was only one problem.

I walk to the mirror, hardly able to breathe from the tightness in the cotton fabric because of the extra tissue on my chest. Maybe I would have been able to hide that if it weren't for the end of the shirt only coming to the top of my waist, leaving the bottom of my six-pack visible.

Sighing, I pull off the shirt, tossing it to the corner of the bathroom. What was I going to do? I couldn't just not wear a shirt, and none of my shirts would fit since that one wasn't even tight to begin with. I growl under my breath and stalk back into the bedroom, plopping down on the messy bed. The comforter generally stayed in the floor, since I got hot flashes and Kanda could keep me warm enough with his body heat. The sheets were at the end of the bed along with a fuzzy blanket I used from time to time, but really only needed it when my cold flashes got severe.

I really didn't want to sit with a sheet wrapped around my chest, but I couldn't think of anything else to cover up my new lady parts with. My gaze flickered to Kanda's dresser, and an idea popped into my head. I knew that his shirts were bigger than mine, because I may or may not have "accidently" put on one of his shirts on Thanksgiving.

Uncertainly, I kneel in front of the wooden dresser, pulling open the bottom drawer. All I saw was black and gray, folded neatly in little rows. Curiously, I pick up one of the fabric pieces, trying to determine what it was. They looked like shorts, but the waistband read "Under Armor", and I quickly drop the clothing, realizing I was looking through my boyfriend's underwear drawer. I slam the drawer closed and move to the next, probably blushing like I had got third-degree burns.

The next drawer was pants, and I move to the one above it, finally finding where he keeps his shirts. Kanda had a gazillion of these things! I rummage through them, trying to find something before he gets back. Looking through training shirts, dress shirts, and sleeve-less button-ups, I eventually find what I was searching for, a long-sleeved button-up.

I slip on the thin fabric, rushing to fix the buttons, but I kept having to push up the sleeves because they were at least four inches too long. The shirt was white, and wasn't the best choice since without a bra. I could see through it nearly, but I didn't have time to worry about that.

The door opened just as I sat on the bed, and luckily for me, it was only Kanda and Lenalee. Though, the bluenette raised an eyebrow at me when he saw what I was wearing and I blush, "None of my stuff fit, so I had to improvise."

He smirked, probably at my blush and said in an amused voice, "Let me guess, you started looking at the bottom drawer, didn't you?"

I didn't reply as I felt my cheeks reddened. Lenalee interrupted, "Okay lovebirds, do you want me to explain or not?"

I nod as she sat beside me on the bed, and Kanda leaned against the bathroom door frame. She said, "Well first, it isn't permanent."

Kanda and I let out a breath of relief in unison, waiting for the rest of the explanation. She continued, "The bad news is that it will stay like this for a few days. I already had a huge fight with Komui about it, but he can't take you off the pills without it affecting the baby. Plus, things like this might happen again."

"So you're saying that he might turn into a girl again," Kanda worded it more of a statement than a question. He was ticked.

She nods, "Among other things. The pills mess with his DNA, which means for all we know, he could turn into a dog for a week."

"Great, not only am I pregnant guy, I'm a pregnant guy changing gender," I state, unhappy with the situation. I glance at my chest, "How do girls stand these things?"

I press on one of the mounds with a finger experimentally, wincing when it feels sore. Lenalee rolls her eyes, "Don't poke it, stupid! We'll have to go shopping for your size."

"Don't you have one I can use?" I ask, not understanding why I couldn't use one of hers. We're best friends and I can't borrow a bra?

She gazes at me like I'm an idiot, "I know for a fact that your BF knows nothing about girls, and I think even he could answer that!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kanda growls, walking towards the bed. "I know plenty about women, thank you very much."

She giggles, "Good to know. Now can you tell me how many A cups there are?"

"One," he says and she laughs, "Poor thing, no wonder you're gay. No offense, but if Lavi only knew this much I would have dropped him a while ago."

He says nothing, but glowers at her. I feel left out of the conversation, but don't mention it. I really didn't need to since my stomach did it for me, interrupting the staring contest with a feral snarl. They glance at me and Lenalee says, "I'm not sure what to do about that, since it would be an awful dinner if Allen has to wear that."

"I'm not sure how to explain this anyways," I mumble, continuing to prod the extra tissue on my chest. Lenalee smiles, "Easy, Allena."

I look at her, "Allena? Really?"

"Yes, really, and don't complain. You're Allen Walker's twin sister, and you're visiting the European Branch from the American Branch while Allen's on a mission. That also means that Kanda can't act like your boyfriend though," she explains. Said boyfriend was not happy about this, "Like heck am I going to let that happen. I had to death glare nearly everyone in the Order to keep their perverted eyes off my Moyashi when he was a guy, and you expect me to stand by while they flirt with her?!"

"Him," I correct. Since when were people checking me out and when did Kanda start death glaring them? Am I oblivious to everything that happens to me? He mutters, "Whatever, at the moment you are a she if you hadn't noticed."

I roll my eyes, "No, really? I thought you cut off too much when you neutered me, gave me two tumors, and bought me some hair extensions, BaKanda!"

Even though his face was expressionless, I saw the blush creep up his neck when I said the words. He simply says, "An hour ago you were a guy, and everything was still there."

"Okay, girls, you're both pretty. Now, we need to go," Lenalee interrupts, digging in her handbag I didn't notice she had and handed me a huge bra. I stare at the thing. There was no way I could fit in this thing since it was so big, but I didn't really have another option, so I stood and walked to the bathroom. Before I shut the door, I say low enough so only Kanda can hear, "Kandy, Kitten isn't happy."

He smirks, "After dinner and shopping, Kandy will make it all better."

I smile, wink, and shut the door. It takes awhile for me to figure out how the clasp worked, and even then, I couldn't hook it. I felt so stupid, not knowing how to put on a bra right. I knew the only one who could help me was Lenalee since she obviously had done it more than enough times, but I didn't like the idea of leaving the bathroom with loose cups, straps that were too long, and one hand holding the clasp.

Taking a breath, I open the door, peering around the edge. Lenalee was sitting on the bed next to Kanda, who must have moved from the wall to the bed. As soon as the door opened, two pairs of eyes were on me, and I sheepishly say, "Lenalee, can you help me, ple-"

"No. Absolutely not," Kanda interjected, glaring at the pig-tailed girl next to him. She returns the look, "Relax, it's not like I'm going to hit on him. I have a boyfriend, and at the moment, I'm not into him because he's a girl on top of that."

"Please, Kanda? I feel stupid like this, and I can't get the clasp," I plea, giving him a puppy dog face. Unfortunately, he's unfazed by it and shakes his head.

I feel a yawn coming on and plea one more time before letting my mouth gape in the action. When I open my eyes, my boyfriend is looking away from me, a vein popping out of his forehead as he mutters, "Fine, but it better take less than two minutes."

I smile and Lenalee hops up, closing the bathroom door behind her. As I turn and bring my hair over my shoulder, I feel her warm fingers moving along my back until I hear a click. She says, "Okay, it's on. I got to say that the yawn did the trick."

I tilt my head in confusion, "What do you mean?"

"You mean you didn't yawn to make Kanda let me fix your bra?"

I shake my head and pull on Kanda's shirt, fixing the buttons, "No, it was just a yawn."

"Well, you look adorable when you yawn, and Kanda thinks so, too," she states, opening the door. When we exit the bathroom, something small and black hits my chest and I barely manage to catch it. I examine the soft thing and realize it's a hair tie. The owner of it had laid back down, a book in his hand. Quickly, I put my hair up in a ponytail like his only mine was looser and ran down my back.

I sit beside him and wrap my arms around his waist, pressing my face into his chest. Setting his book to the side, Kanda arms encompass my waist, "I want you back in two hours, okay?"

I nod, "Okay. Since when did you get all protective?"

"Since I made love to you the first time," he whispers so low only I can hear. I correct, "As in, since I tried to kill myself."

He closes his eyes and takes a breath, "Yes, I just don't like to think about it like that. I still don't understand how you take that so lightly."

"It's not that," I say. "I don't think about it as a bad thing that I did that, because it led to this. Suicide was something that haunted my thoughts since I got to the Order, and you were the only one that could convince me otherwise. Now, I have two people that love me, and I live for them, not myself."

He opens his eyes again and looks down at me, running his fingers through my long hair, "I want you to live for yourself by the time the baby is born. You can't live with me and the baby as your crutch, because there are going to be problems in this relationship."

"What?" I ask, not understanding what he meant. Did he mean he was only staying with me because of the baby? I push myself up, gazing down at Kanda, "What do you mean by that?"

He holds my gaze, "I mean that in every relationship there are always problems, no matter what. It's an impossibility. I don't want to ever get in an argument with you, walk out the door, and when I get back, find you on the floor with an empty pill bottle in your hand."

Finally, I have to break the eye contact, looking at my hands. I give him a kiss and stand, "I'll be back in two hours."

He nods and I walk out the door, finding Lenalee sitting outside the door, head in her hands. I could see her shudder and kneeling down, I ask, "Are you okay, Lenalee?"

She raised her head up and looked at me, her face wet with tears and her voice cracked as she answered with a question, "Did you really do it?"

I tilt my head, "What did I do?"

"Did you try to commit suicide?!" she shouted at me. She heard what I was saying to Kanda. I was such an idiot! Looking away from her demanding face, I nod, "Yes, the night I got pregnant. Kanda found out I…"

"What?"

Should I tell her? She was already upset, but I didn't want to lie, not anymore. I reply, "He found out I was a cutter, and I thought he hated me, so I got some sleeping pills…he saved me."

"Oh gosh, Allen," she whispered. I knelt beside her as she cried, and she clung to me, her face in my enlarged chest. Holding her, I said, "I'm not anymore."

"I didn't notice. The turtlenecks during the summer, and the scars on you when I saw you went into surgery, I never thought about it," she cried, the words slightly muffled by my chest. I soothed, "It's not your fault. I didn't want anyone to know, or else you would have been first to know. You're my best friend."

I hated it when I made Lenalee cry. It made me feel like I'd committed a horrible crime, which I guess it was at the Order. After a few more minutes, she was composed and we didn't talk about it at all on the way to the lingerie shop.

**Author Note: Sorry about the late update! The next chapter will be out by Monday, possibly Sunday. I really want to hear what you think, and I'm making a list of side-effects of the pills, because one of my friends can't think of any and the other only wants it to involve skittles or ice cream coming out of Allen's ears. *Shiver*. Anyways, please, Please, PLEASE R/R.**


	20. Dude's Got Double D's! Part 2

**Author Note: Thank you for the reviews. It means a lot to me that people take their time to read my story.**

**Me: Miranda, will you do the honors?**

**Miranda: Sure, Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, only the plot.**

**Me: Thank you, and on to chapter 20.**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 20: Dude's Got Double D's?! Part 2_

Lenalee and I open the door to the lingerie shop, and she pulls me towards the bra and sleepwear department. She hadn't talked to me at all since she stopped crying, and it was really bothering me, especially because Kanda wasn't this upset with me when he found out. I follow her as she begins to search the racks for my size, and I say, "Lenalee, can we please talk about this?"

"Do you think this will fit?" she says, totally ignoring what I just said. She holds up a beige bra to my chest, eying it before she replaces it and continues to rummage through the garments. It aggravated me to think she was practically disregarding my existence just because I didn't tell her I was a cutter and constantly pondering suicide. I mean, it is a big deal, but she didn't have to be angry about it.

She hands me a bra that read "DD" on it, and began pushing me towards the dressing room. Sighing, I lock the door after I'm inside and pull off Kanda's shirt and the gigantic bra I was wearing. I look at my reflection in the full body mirror. I didn't look like Allen Walker anymore, because I was Allena now. Truthfully, with all the scars, I didn't even resemble the Allen I used to be with the brown hair and a father. Putting on the bra to tame the beasts on my chest, I hook the clasp for once. Besides, I wasn't going to ask Lenalee anyways, regardless of whether or not I could connect it.

Luckily, the lingerie actually fit, and that scared me, since I personally didn't like the idea that I had double D's on my chest, but I was a girl after all. Would it feel different being with Kanda as a girl than a guy? Maybe I would find out later, but at the moment, I just wanted to eat.

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

I walked back into my room, a bag containing a skirt, leggings, fitting sweater, a pair of boots, and two bras on top of the one I'd changed into. It definitely felt better in a bra that fit since my back wasn't hurting. Lenalee still hated me, but I was trying not to think about it. I dropped the bag onto my dresser, and sat on the bed next to Kanda who was waiting. I hadn't even laid back yet when he crashed our lips together roughly, letting his hands roam over my curves.

Even though I wanted it, I push him away softly. I wasn't in the mood after what had happened. "Did I do something?" my boyfriend asked.

I shake my head, "No…I…I…" I burst into tears, shaking profusely. Kanda didn't need to ask to know that it had upset me, and he pulled me to his chest where I clung to him. The tears pouring out of my eyes dampened his blue t-shirt as I nuzzled as close as I could to him, my fists balled up in the fabric.

He stroked my hair, "Shh, it's okay, Allen. What happened?"

The question hung in the air for a few minutes until I could gather the words though my cheeks were being slicked with fresh tears every second, "Lenalee found out."

"Found out what?" I could sense the utter confusion in his voice. He obviously wouldn't have worried about the topic for two years, so I didn't expect him to detect what it was. I whisper, "She overheard us talking earlier. She won't even speak to me."

His grip tightened around me, and I was grateful for it. I needed to know that I had someone who loved me regardless of my past, and kept it from being the present. I knew Lenalee was only upset and she wouldn't end our friendship, but she was probably furious with me for not telling her and with herself for not noticing.

I shudder, whimpering because the bulges on my chest were keeping me from being as close as I normally could to the bluenette holding me. To add to this, my stomach snarled, but I didn't want to eat. The only motivation for me to finally pull away from Kanda and stand was the baby.

"Are you okay now?" he asks as I retrieve the outfit Lenalee bought out of the bag on the dresser. I nod, "Yeah. Besides, I need to eat really badly."

I slip into the bathroom with the clothes, beginning to remove my jeans and Kanda's shirt. My face was red, and it took several minutes of sitting and splashing my face with cold water to make the strawberry stain dissipate. Eventually, I took the clothes out of the bag and began to pull them on grudgingly. The shirt was white and didn't bother me much since it was identical to Kanda's except that the sleeves stopped at my wrist. I personally detested the leggings because they were nearly impossible to get on, and were so tight I could almost make out the line of my bikini-style underwear Lenalee had also bought.

The skirt matched the leggings, the black contrasting with the shirt. My boots went on last, the slight heel adding to my height. The color combination was a little weird to me, white on top, black on the bottom, and a slash of tan from the agate charm around my neck, but it must have worked because when I stepped out of the bathroom, a pair of dark eyes were darting up and down my body.

"Dang, you make a sexy girl," Kanda muttered. I blush, and spin slowly so he can see my back, too. I reply, "Thanks, but I like being a guy better."

"Agreed." He continued inspecting me, and I tug down my skirt a bit, the shortness of it making me extremely self-conscious. Standing, the samurai slipped an arm around my waist and kissed me softly. I respond immediately, melting into the kiss and Kanda, and I press my body against his, my arms going around his neck. I have the urge to jump up and wrap my legs around his waist, but my stomach interrupted, stopping my thoughts of the pushy action.

To my despair, Kanda pulled away and started towards the door. Following, I attempt to hold his hand, but he swats it away, "_Allena_."

I nod despondently and pursue him down the hall, paying more attention to the glances I received from finders, male and female. It wasn't hard to notice the looks, and the fact that my boyfriend had his fists clenched and a vein popping out of his head. In another ten minutes, we sit across from Lavi and Lenalee at a table. The rabbit was confused and Kanda had to explain the scenario at my request though he did it like he was going to punch the red-head at any time.

"Allen, er, I mean Allena, is pregnant then because of Komui?" Lavi asked, still shocked. I can honestly say that I feel better now that he knows since he is one of my best friends. Through all of this, Lenalee stayed silent, not uttering a word. It bothered me, but I didn't say anything. I think Kanda noticed the problem between us and the effect it was having on me despite my cheerful demeanor, because ever so discreetly, he reached his hand out and squeezed mine under the table.

As soon as he let go though, a finder walked over to our table. He was about as tall as Lavi and had tousled dirty blonde hair. He looked at me and asked, "By any chance, are you related to Allen Walker?"

I nod, "Yes, I'm his twin sister, Allena. I came for a visit from the American Branch while he was on a mission."

"Oh, that makes sense," he says. "I'm Sekushi by the way."

My boyfriend raises an eyebrow, "Right and my middle name is Minikui. See, we can all play the opposite game."

Sekushi glanced at the sarcastic bluenette, "I assume you're Kanda. If I'm not mistaken you're also Japanese."

"Yeah, I am, and I can tell you right now my Moyashi is a heck of a lot more sekushi than you," he replied. "I suggest you keep your disgusting eyes off his sister, too, or else there will be a problem."

I was lost here. I may know several words in Japanese, but I had no earthly idea what "sekushi" and "minikui" meant. What was the big deal with the finder's name and Kanda's middle name? I glance over to Lenalee and Lavi who were looking back and forth between Kanda and Sekushi, sharing a bowl of popcorn that came from who knows where. The blonde says, "Who gave you custody?"

"Her brother told me to keep an eye on her, and I'm doing just that. Go hit on someone else's sister. I know, try that with Lenalee. I bet Komui will love the idea," the bluenette spat, glaring down the finder. "I can always get Mugen since he could probably convince you easily."

With the last threat, Sekushi turned and walked out of the cafeteria calmly, but I could see the underlying terror in his honey orbs. My boyfriend returned to his soba, curses flying from his mouth as I stare at him. Lavi begins laughing though Lenalee stays quiet, and he says, "That was some battle. By the way, what did those words mean?"

Kanda doesn't say anything, but instead continues to eat his soba. I really wanted to know, but I figure it could wait. Considering that he said the finder was the opposite of his name and then referred to me as sekushi, I figure it was probably something the rabbit shouldn't know.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

"I need a shower," Kanda states when we get back to the room. My ears perk at this and I say, "Can I take one, too? You said you'd make my issue better."

I can see the smirk on his lips as he enters the bathroom, not closing the door. Taking that as a yes, I grab my iPod and follow him in just to turn around when I see him start stripping. So what if I was still a little innocent? I close the door, and wait for the shower to come on before I begin to remove my clothes.

After I'm naked and Kanda is already in the shower, I scroll through my music. I always want music when I shower and I quickly ask, "Kanda, do you care what music I listen to?"

"No, but I detest Sixx A.M.," he replies. I didn't care for them anyways so I put it on a Breaking Benjamin album. _I will not bow! I will not break! I will shut the world away. I will not fall! I will not fade! I will take your breath away._

Stepping into the shower, I wrap my arms around his waist, my new extras pressing into his back. "You like showers a lot, don't you?" the bluenette said, turning so we were facing each other. I nod, resting my head on his shoulder, and sigh, "Only with you."

He guides us into the bottom of the tub and after we sit, he switches the faucet so the tub will fill up. I don't want to let go of him, and I want to keep my face nuzzled into his neck forever. I knew in seven months though, these moments would be few and far between because we would have a little baby girl to take care of. It didn't bother me very much since I would love her. I whisper, "You'll love her, too, Kanda, won't you?"

He glances down at me, "Who?"

"The baby," I explain. He brings a hand up to stroke my wet, long hair, and replies, "Of course I will. You don't have to worry about that."

I exhale deeply, "I just don't want her to have to live like me. She deserves two parents, even if that means two fathers. I never want her to experience all the crap I went though."

"What do you mean by that?" Kanda asks, grief pricking at his voice. I keep my head down, not looking at him, "I was abandoned because of my arm, and then Mana found me. He loved me more than anyone ever did, but then he died and he cursed me for turning him into an akuma. I was buried in debt from Cross and had to go through heck to get out of it, just to be hounded again.

"Then I came here, looking for a better reason to live. You know what happened with that," I whisper, feeling a rough yet soft hand run over each of the claw marks in my neck from the night he found out about me. He replies, "I don't want that for her either, but you're stronger than you ever were then because of it."

I shake my head, "No, I'm not. I'm the definition of weak."

Kanda pushed me up off him, forcing me to meet his gaze, "Right now, what would you do if I handed you a razor?"

"I'd throw it," I say, not liking the question. He nods, "And what would you do if that had been six months ago?"

"Run it up m-" I cut myself off from saying, _run it up my veins_. His eyes flash with hurt and sorrow before they turn dark again as he nods, "Exactly. You've gotten stronger."

I wasn't in the mood to argue with him so I just nodded and dropped the matter. Instead, I find a new topic, "What did those words mean earlier?"

He smirks and replies, "Sekushi means sexy, and minikui means ugly."

I didn't understand the smirk until I remember what he had said. _"Yeah, I am, and I can tell you right now my Moyashi is a heck of a lot more sekushi than you."_ Our earlier conversation forgotten, I blush furiously and look down, the thought of Kanda calling me sexy making my heart race. I change the subject off my sex appeal and say, "Why would someone name their kid 'Sexy'"

"Exactly, the jerk's a liar, and I can't stand liars," the bluenette said. I look up at him through my long bangs, whimpering. Lying was my best ability, and now he says he can't stand liars. That didn't help any.

He glances at me and realizes what he said. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that," he apologized, putting a hand on my cheek. I nod, giving a weak smile, and take his hand off my cheek so I could kiss it. My iPod blasts the next album that comes up, "Even if I say, it'll be alright. Still I here you say, you want to end your life. Now and again we'll try, to just stay alive. Baby, we'll turn it around, because it's not too late, it's never too late."

As the chorus ends, Kanda pulls me back to him, crushing me in his grip. I didn't mind though, considering I listened to this song a lot to try and keep going. I always wanted Kanda to say, "Allen, it'll be alright. It's never too late."

He never did, but I prefer this anyways. I encompass his waist with my arms and he shuts off the water so the bath won't overflow. We had to drain some of the water, too, since we totally forgot about it.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

My eyes flutter open the next morning, and the first thing I notice is that my chest was flat. I bolt up, awakening the bluenette beside me, and he opens one eye halfway, "Are you going to throw up again?"

I shake my head and eagerly check under the blankets. Yep, everything was there. The only part about it that I regretted was when the pain shot through me when I moved my leg. Whimpering, I flop back down and say, "Sometimes, I really don't like you in the mornings."

"First, you're the one who wanted to try it as a girl, and on top of that in the bathtub. Second, I'm pretty certain you really like me at night." He smirked, his eyes remaining closed as he lies beside me. I mutter, "Jerk."

"As I said, it was your idea."

I mumble, "Whatever, I'm just happy to be a guy again."

"Me too, but it was inconvenient when you got another dream and I woke up with something poking me," he said. Did I mention how much I didn't like him in the mornings? I blush, and change the subject, "Anyway, it's nine so I have to leave soon."

He opens his eyes and turns his head to face me, "Leave to go where?"

"It's Saturday, BaKanda. Remember? I have the ultrasound today," I say, rolling my eyes. He nods, "Sorry, I forgot. When do we need to leave?"

I raise an eyebrow, "You're going?"

"And I'm an idiot? Of course I'm going. I'm the father, remember?"

I say, "I didn't think you would go."

"Oi, Moyashi, you're sleep-deprived," he mutters, rolling over, facing the wall.

"It's Allen, BaKanda! Why is it so much easier to remember during sex than at any other time?!" I growl, snuggling into a pillow since I was aggravated at my favorite one.

"Because it's easier to say, and doesn't take as much thought," he mutters.

I say, "Hmph, fine. I'll just have to call you Kandy from now on, no matter where we are. I know everyone will know who I'm talking to when I shout 'Kandy!' across the cafeteria."

In less than a second he blurts, "I'm sorry, Allen!"

**Author Note: Yes, I realize the ultrasound was supposed to be yesterday, but cut me some slack here! The laptop belongs to my dad's work, and sometimes I don't get to use it at all because he has to use it. Anyway, I might get my own for Christmas. *crosses fingers*. Please, Please, PLEASE R/R! I want to know what you guys thought was funny, unnecessary, and who likes the Japanese references? I Will Not Bow-Breaking Benjamin. Never Too Late-Three Days Grace.**


	21. Ultrasounds are Ultra Scary

**Me: Allen, will you do the honors?**

**Allen: Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, just the plot, which I am now very unhappy with.**

**Me: Why? My fifty-five followers like it.**

**Allen: That's because they aren't pregnant, changing genders, and the other crap you're putting me through!**

**Me: Very true. Anyways, here's chapter 21!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 21: Ultrasounds are Ultra Scary_

"Are you sure you want to come? You don't have to," I say, running my brush through my hair. Kanda was beside me brushing his teeth, and was purposely still naked to annoy me. I had gotten dressed first thing, but he knows how much it aggravates me when he walks around in his birthday suit so whenever he gets the chance to show off his body, he takes it. He spits and says, "Allen, I'm coming. Why do you keep insisting I not?"

"I'm not, just making sure," I lie. The real reason was the abnormality of it, and I didn't want him there to see the real freak I was. I mean, he knew I was pregnant, but at least without a picture, it could still just be an ethereal dream, a dream where men have the children and there were no woman. It wouldn't bother me as much then because it would be normal. But this wasn't a dream. This was real, even if I wish it wasn't. If this was my imagination, my whole living experience, then it was an inexorable nightmare, never leaving me in peace. It wasn't funny anymore.

"Well, I'm going however much you try to stop me," Kanda says, walking back into the bedroom. I wasn't sure if I should follow him because he obviously knew I was lying, and after he said he despised liars, I didn't like that I could let it leave my tongue so nonchalantly. Though, I couldn't hide in the bathroom forever so I quietly crept out of the bathroom, and then I leaped onto the top bunk. I hadn't slept in it for so long that it didn't seem right to consider it as my bed.

Kanda had found something to wear and was putting it on, his pants already covering his bottom half thankfully. He didn't even spare me a glance as he slipped on a white button-up, leaving it open. We still had a good hour before we needed to leave, and I was not looking forward to it since I couldn't eat. Silently, I take the pillow from under the blanket, and cuddle it, my arms wrapped around it like a butterfly's chrysalis and my head resting on an open space. I don't know why the despondency I'd felt for years returned full force on me today of all days, but I knew that I wasn't going to have a good day.

Felicity had never been my best quality, but today my tendency to curl up into a ball and wait it out was exceptionally bad. Would Kanda notice? Definitely. Would Kanda ask me about it? Absolutely. Would I lie about it? Of course.

It didn't help that I knew he hated liars now, especially when I was stuck in my old mind-set. My boyfriend walked over to the bunk bed, buttoning his shirt, and to my dismay, asked, "Why are you acting like this, and don't lie to me, Allen."

He was a mind-reader. It was that easy. How else would he be able to know what I was thinking, plotting, or conspiring? I think that he had caught on to how to tell if I was lying or not, and he was the first. Mana always told me that lying was for the devil, that it was his trait. After Cross took me in as his apprentice, it didn't matter since half the time, deceiving people was the only thing that kept me alive in the bar fights, debts, and poker games.

Kanda's gaze seemed to pierce my soul, sending shivers through me as I replied, "I just feel different."

I look away from his eyes, staring at his arms he had moved to cross on the edge of the bed. He rested his chin on the muscular limbs, forcing eye contact in the one visible orb because the other was closed from being on the fluffy pillow. He says, "I don't know what's different or normal for you. Care to clarify?"

His midnight pools were flooded with worry and love, assuring me that I could be honest, but I wasn't even sure what I was feeling. All I knew was that I felt like I was sinking deeper into a void that exists only in a surreal fairytale. It wasn't a feeling I could describe, and on top of that, I wasn't sure where it came from. I admit, "I don't know what it is, but I felt different this morning."

"Are you depressed?" he asks, reaching out a hand to take one of mine. Was I? I didn't think so, but the old me was beyond depressed, and that's what I feel like. Despondency was a shadow that loomed over me, pointing and laughing at every mistake I made, convincing me that I didn't deserve life, and now, I think it was saying I didn't deserve Kanda. It was right, too. I wasn't anywhere near worthy of such a loving boyfriend and yet here the bluenette stood, asking me if I was okay. I whisper, "Maybe. I don't know why though. I shouldn't be."

With that, he hopped up onto the bed beside me, allowing me to curl up into him. He wrapped his arms around me, and I just lay there, not knowing what he was trying to do. I felt the comfort of him being next to me, but inside, I still felt hollow, unfilled, and broken. I barely managed to keep my eyes open, and even then, drowsiness won out.

"Allen, wake up."

My eyes open, the clock showing eleven thirty, and I knew that we had to leave. I hop off the bed, a smile across my features. Kanda was already at the door, and as he looked back at me, I plopped a big kiss on his lips. His eyes widened as I pulled away and I grin and cheerfully say, "Are we ready?"

"Yeah, are you okay?" he asks, raising his eyebrow at me. I nod, "Never better. I just can't wait to get the first look at the baby!"

I felt awesome! It was like the sky was brighter and more incandescent than ever. What was I worried about before? It was the day we got to see the baby, and Christmas was coming up, not to mention my seventeenth birthday. Kanda still looked skeptical, but led me out of our room. As we walk, he mutters, "I really hate Komui."

"Why?" I ask, practically bouncing beside him. He looks at me like I was nuts, "You went from depressed to cheerful in half an hour, and you really don't think it has something to do with the stupid pills?"

"I didn't think about it. I just am so happy!" I beam, looping my arm around his and leaning my head on his shoulder as we walked. "Who knows, maybe I'll get you to stop looking like you're constipated all the time."

He growls something under his breath about the comment that I didn't catch, but have a feeling he wasn't happy with the statement about his facial expression. Oh well, he can deal with it because he really does look constipated half the time. The truth hurts, but it is the truth. I smile, glancing up at him innocently as he rolls his eyes, and I say, "Why aren't you happy? You never seem happy unless it's sex-related."

He stares straight ahead, not looking at me. I really was curious why he was always so grumpy and surly, and I didn't understand what reason he had. The world was so beautiful, and it's gone before you know it. I nudge him slightly, urging him to reply, and when he finally answers, I'm not that surprised.

"It's not that the only thing that makes me happy is sex, it's just that it's the way I grew up. It makes it hard to be happy about anything when you know that you were created as a lab rat." Kanda doesn't flinch, and as we turn into the infirmary, I say, "Yeah, but it doesn't matter because no one cares about that. You're the only one who thinks about it, and that's human nature. Don't act like you hate the world when it's trying to love you, especially me and Something Mana Walker."

He doesn't say anything to this as a nurse comes to us. She was short with a black pixie-cut that contrasted with her pale skin. "Are you here for the ultrasound?"

I nod, detaching myself from Kanda's side and following her to a private room in the back of the infirmary. When we walk in, Komui and Lenalee are already there setting up the equipment. The nurse leaves, closing the door and leaving the four of us alone.

"Lay down," Komui instructs, pointing to the bed in the center of the room. There were three chairs next to it where Lenalee and Kanda sat as I did as I was told, and Komui started pushing buttons on the small monitor. The only other thing in the small room was a table, and the over-all feeling of the room was empty and emotionless.

The scientist moved away from the screen and took the hem of my shirt. As he began to pull it up, I force a deep breath and tell myself not to freak out. He'd already seen my scars from the surgery, and that meant he must have brushed it off as battle scars. Kanda, however, was not as calm as me and his eyes were frantic as he watched my marred chest coming into view. I meet his gaze, trying to tell him that it was okay, and he almost immediately seemed to settle down.

Lenalee hadn't even glanced at me this entire time, and technically, she wasn't looking at _me_, she was staring at my imperfect stomach and chest. Even Komui was looking at the healed scars, the dozens of them. He raised his eyebrow, "How did you get these?"

I glue a plastic smile to my face as I reply, "Oh, these are just from battles."

He seemed suspicious, "All of them?"

I nod, "Yeah, I battled several akuma before my time at the Order, and I got a bit scraped up, as you can see."

Lenalee shakes her head over and over, staring at the healed wounds. The tears started streaming out of her eyes and her voice cracked as she whispered, "I'm sorry, I…can't."

With that, she fled the room, hands over her face, and she slams the door behind her. I flinch slightly, and Kanda gave me a look that said, "We really screwed up letting her eavesdrop." It really bothered me because she was my best friend, like my sister, practically a journal I could spill out my feelings to.

"She's been acting so strange lately, breaking down into tears for no reason," Komui shakes his head before returning his gaze to me. "Anyway, the ultrasound won't show much, but it will give us an idea of how well it's developing."

"She," I correct. "The baby's not an 'it'."

He smiles, "Of course, sorry. It will give us an idea about how well she's developing."

I nod and Kanda gives me a genuine smile from where he sat in the plastic chair to my left with his hands on his knees. Komui squirts some cold jelly-like liquid on my bare stomach, and I slightly tense up, the weird feeling reaching my toes as he rubs it in. Okay, ultrasounds were not fun so far, and I personally wanted it to be over soon. The jelly gave me a tingling sensation, like a twist on butterflies in my stomach.

After wiping off his hands, the scientist grabbed a strangely shaped stick, one end connected to a cord that ran to the monitor and the other flat with a glassy luster. I wasn't sure if I trusted the thing, but I didn't have much time to protest so I acquiesced with it as he pressed it to my stomach.

For a moment, the purple-haired male swirled the stick over the glop on my belly, but then he glanced at the monitor, smiling. I hesitantly followed his gaze, staring at the fuzzy picture. Though it was blurred slightly, I could still see the small ball that must be the baby. I couldn't take my eyes off it, because that was Kanda and I's baby, our baby!

Komui said, "It doesn't seem to have any bad signs. The baby is developing perfectly."

I grin and turn my gaze to my boyfriend. One thing I never thought I'd see on his face was the expression he had right now. His jaw was slack, and his entire face was morphed into an aghast expression. His dark eyes seemed to soften as they remained glued to the sonogram. I couldn't get over how much his eyes changed when they rested upon the picture, the penumbra haze that haunted the orbs had vanished, only leaving the shine and radiance of love and joy. Every last vestige of darkness was gone, and I truly believe that something changed him that day. I don't have the slightest idea of what happened in his past, but he was forever different, not the same Yu Kanda.

"Do you want a print-out?" Komui asked, distracting me from the rhapsodic eyes of the bluenette, now standing, beside me. I nod eagerly as he pushes a button on the monitor.

He had removed the stick from my stomach now, and while a photo printed out of the side of the screen, he handed me a cloth. Smiling gratefully, I begin to remove the slimly jelly from my skin, grimacing at the stuff.

Finally, I managed to get my belly clean, and Komui switched the dirty towel for the picture. I gaze at the photo, the small spherical mark in the middle making my smile widen. Kanda had snapped out of his stupor, and looked down at the photo in my small hand.

Giving the samurai the picture, I say, "You keep it. I have the actually baby in me, and from your expression, I have the sneaking suspicion that it might cheer you up."

Kanda pulls out his wallet, sticking the photo into where his driver's license would be, but he didn't have one. Silently, he leans over me and plants a small, chaste kiss on my lips. I didn't want the close contact to end, and I reached up my arms, possessively wrapping them around his neck and pulling him down further. As he moved his lips against mine, he kept his hands placed on either side of me, and to avoid a neck cramp later, he went down to his elbows, our chests touching now. I feel his slick tongue glide over my lip, and just before I granted access to my mouth, I hear a brazen clearing of a throat near the end of the bed.

Unfortunately, Kanda pulled away, but not before giving the tip of my nose a lick. I blush at the seemingly evocative notion, though I think I'm the only one who took it as anything more than a cute gesture.

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

I sit on the bed, the chills I get at times hitting me like I was naked under a blanket of snow and my back on the surface of a frozen lake. My teeth begin chattering as I clamber into the center of the mattress, pulling the sheets and fuzzy blanket over me in an attempt to keep warm.

It hardly warmed me any and I closed my eyes, trying to focus in on heat instead of cold and I didn't notice Kanda leaving the bathroom until I felt his body pressed against mine. I look up and blade silver meets midnight sky. His arms wrap around me, and he pulls me even closer to him, and I realize he's only in his boxers, causing me to blush even though my cheeks didn't feel warm. I duck my head back down into his neck.

I hated the chills so much, and I wish they would leave me, but it wasn't likely. I whisper, "Kanda, will you sing for me?"

He groans, and I immediately say, "Never mind."

"No, I just don't think I sound good when I sing. What do you want to hear?" he asks.

I smile, "For the record, I think you're a great singer, and I don't have a preference, just something that will take my mind off the coldness."

Even though I couldn't see him, the way he spoke told me he was smirking that sexy, heart-racing, nose-bleed-on-the-way smirk only he could pull off. "I have an idea."

I don't reply, and wasn't sure what kind idea he had. Then, my ears pick up his beautiful voice singing a song I knew all too well, "I wanna love you, but I better not touch. I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop. I wanna kiss, but I want it too much. I wanna taste you, but your lips are venomous poison. You're poison running through veins. You're poison. I don't wanna break these chains."

I was _really_ blushing now, and the chills were gone. With that in mind, I say in the most seductive voice I can, "How would you know my mouth is hot?"

"I can always find out," he replies before his lips clash with mine.

**Author Note: Sorry for the late update. Like I said before, Dad's been "stealing" the laptop, and I haven't been able to write as much. Anyways, please, Please, PLEASE R/R! Poison-Groove Coverage (There is a Yullen version, "Allen is Kanda's Poison…yullen").**


	22. Shadows of Shame

**Me: Lenalee, will you do the honors?**

**Lenalee: Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, just the plot.**

**Me: Thanks, and on to chapter 22!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 22: Shadows of Shame_

My eyes open to darkness, meaning it was before dawn. I groggily sit up, missing the warm body that generally was beside me. Sighing, I kick the sheet off my body and swing my legs over the side over the bed, making sure they touch the floor before I put my elbows on my knees.

It was a week since the ultrasound, and on Monday, Kanda had to retrieve Innocence somewhere in Germany. He was supposed to be back tonight, and he made contact yesterday before he got on the train, so I had planned to sleep until noon and stay up until he got here, but it was a rather long trek from the station to the Order, and I don't know if tonight means sundown or two in the morning. I didn't do much this week because of the absence of my boyfriend, and really I only left my room to eat.

Any other time, I would've been with Lenalee, but that wasn't an option. I knew I needed to apologize, but when I tried, she wouldn't give me the time of day. The last time we had a fight like this, it didn't end well, as in that was when I first attempted suicide, and with Kanda not here, the only thing that was keeping me from cutting was the baby. But even she wasn't holding me back very efficiently. It was only a matter of time before I broke, and the only way hold it back would be to see what would happen if I tried to say how sorry I was one more time.

I consider waiting and flopping back down onto the bed, but instead I stand and begin to pull on the clothes I had laid out on my dresser. After I had brushed my teeth and hair, I head out to the cafeteria for breakfast. It was probably seven now, and Jerry had just set up the kitchen and was more than happy to make a giant breakfast for me.

In half an hour, I was done eating and was walking towards Lenalee's room. It may be only an hour after sunrise, but I knew for a fact the Lenalee got up when the sun rose, no matter what. I'm not sure how she does it because she stays up until midnight sometimes.

I stand outside the door of her room. What was I going to say? Hey, Lenalee, I'm sorry. That was what I'd been doing for the past two weeks. Maybe it just takes a little push. Hesitantly, I knock on the wood.

It takes a second, but soon the door opens. She was wearing her uniform and looked like she was about to go to the cafeteria. Our gazes meet, and I can see the sorrow in her violet eyes. She opens her mouth to say something and then she closes it again, breaking the eye contact to stare at the ground. I say, "Lenalee, I'm really sorry I didn't tell you about what was going on. Please forgive me."

Worst. Apology. Ever. It was that simple. I didn't really have anything else to say and just as I was about to turn away, she replies, "I wasn't mad, or angry. It was just that I can't stand it that I didn't notice. Allen…just…just leave me alone for a while. We're still friends, but I need some time."

Even though her voice was steady and her eyes were cast downwards, I could still tell she was on the verge of tears. I whisper, "Okay."

With that, I bolt back to my room, not stopping until the bathroom door was locked behind me. I let the tears come, and I bang my head hard against the wall several times, indentions probably left behind. My legs collapse from under me and I slide to the floor. What was I going to do? Lenalee hated me now; she just wasn't going to tell me. Kanda was somewhere hundreds of miles away. I had no one.

The shudders begin wracking my body, and I fall to my side, the cold floor soothing my hot cheeks. I cry, "Kanda!"

He couldn't hear me, but I needed him right now. I needed him more than ever except that night I got pregnant. I pull my shirt off and dig my nails into the flesh of my upper arms, my pain making me see white spots.

I wasn't going to do it. I wasn't going to do it. I shake my head harshly as I try to push my nails deeper, but can't. Fingernails can only go so far down into your skin and then they stop. I needed the numbness so badly. I had to have it.

My hands push against the cold floor, and the blood on my fingers leaves little smears on the tiles as I sit up, and eventually stand. I was going to do it. One little slice wouldn't hurt me. It would satisfy me.

I stumble toward the bathtub, my hands the only support against the porcelain. The razor still was placed on the edge of the tub, inviting me to drag it across my skin, and I reached out for it. After I had the instrument in my small hand, I slide to the floor next to the tub.

_I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,_ I think in my mind. I wasn't sure who I was apologizing to. Maybe to Lenalee for not telling her, and then lying about how I was no longer a cutter. I hadn't planned on it, but things happen. Maybe to Kanda for breaking the promise that I would never hurt myself again after that night. Maybe to Mana for becoming such a pathetic son, even if I was only adopted. Maybe to the baby for doing this while she was in me.

Whoever it was, I felt the guilt gnawing at me as I brought the razor closer to the skin on my right arm. A whimper escaped my parted lips as the pain of the metal sank into my flesh, and I made the cut as deep as I could without hitting something important.

Removing the razor blade, I sigh in relief as the numbness rushed to every part of my body, making me feel serene and tranquil. As I watch the cut ooze blood onto my upper arm, I realize what I had done.

Oh no, oh no, Kanda is going to be furious, not to mention upset. What about the baby? I cry out in realization and drop the razor, bringing my arms to my stomach to hold where the baby was, the innocent baby. I whisper, "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you!"

Why did I have to do that? I had sworn to never touch a razor ever again, and promised the same to Kanda. The tears begin pouring out my eyes, the crystalline drops each filled with shame, enmity, and guilt from what I had just done.

I watch the crimson liquid run down my arm and drip to the floor in large splatters. I needed to clean up the wound to keep myself from passing out, which wouldn't help since I was going to keep the incident a clandestine until Kanda found out himself.

Weakly, I push myself up from the floor, using the tub as a support even though the scarlet smeared over the pearly white surface. It took more effort than I thought to get myself to the vanity and dig out the gauze in the drawer and a washcloth.

I wet the cloth, the blood dripping off my fingers into the sink and turning the draining water light pink. As I bring it up my arm, the blood flow is staunched, but my tears don't even come close to it. I can't help but let them run free down my cheeks, nose, and chin, and I have no desire to stop them. I deserved this punishment for what I had done, for hurting the baby and breaking my promise to Kanda.

It takes a few minutes, but I eventually get my arm bandaged and pull on a t-shirt. The cut I had made was deep, but short, so it didn't require much bandage, and was easily hid by short-sleeves. With that done, I turn out the light and desultorily walk into the bedroom, flopping down onto the bed.

I had to have laid there for hours, wallowing in my own grief and sorrow. The mistake was unbearably unforgivable, and it was killing me. Though, after the sun had set, I had to go to the cafeteria with a plastic smile glued to my face and eat.

Half an hour later, it was five and I opened the door to my room to find an open suitcase by the bed, Mugen propped up against the wall, and the bathroom light on. I wasn't sure to be happy or sad about the fact that Kanda was back or not, but I had to at least act it. At that moment, the bluenette stepped out of the bathroom, his hair down and wearing a training shirt.

I fling myself into his arms, nearly knocking him down as I clash our lips together. I made my decision then. I was ecstatic that he was back, and I wanted to lose myself in him, or more correctly, with him in me.

We break apart for air and he says, "Don't I ever get a 'Hello' anymore?"

"Shut up," I mutter as I latch onto his ear lobe, biting and licking it like a lollipop. Roughly, I grab onto his broad shoulders, and jump up enough to wrap my legs tightly around his hips, pressing our "areas" together harshly. He moans quietly and moves me against the wall, slamming my back against the surface so that I disconnect from his ear with a gasp as his tongue darts in my mouth.

Kanda's tongue explores my cavern as I run my fingers through his smexy hair, and he trails his hands over my back. Just when I thought I was in heaven, I screech in pain. Kanda immediately stops and let's go of my shoulders, which he had been clutching. I fall off him, hitting the floor with a jarring thud and I rest my back against the wall. Of course, being the worrier he is when it comes to me, he kneels down and asks, "Are you okay? The baby's okay, isn't she?"

I nod, still not able to speak from the pain I had felt from the cut being pressed. Looking away from him, I find the words to say, "I just hurt my shoulder earlier."

That was a bad way to explain it, because in less than a second, he had silently moved the cloth covering from my bandaged cut. It took just that moment for him to say lividly, "Why did you do that?!"

"Lenalee hates me, and you weren't here…" I trail off the susurration, still not looking at him. I knew that he was beyond angry, and he stood beside me and yelled, "Allen, you have to stop doing this! It's so stupid and-"

I cut him off as I jumped up from the floor and before I knew it, the anger took itself out on him. My knuckles hurt from the blow, and Kanda looked up from where he lay splayed out across the room, his lip busted and the back of his head probably bleeding from where it had hit the bedpost.

I scream, "YOU IDIOT! It's not stupid! It's what I do to detach from the world! I already cried my heart out about it for the past five hours, and I don't need you criticizing me about it! So stop judging me and try listening for once in your stupid life, Kanda!"

I fall to my knees and my hands steady me on the floor as the tears burst from my eyes. The anger at Kanda wasn't close to quelled, not even abated, and I just kept running his words through my mind. _It's so stupid_. I can't believe he said that, not one bit.

The rage continued to grow inside me as I heard the words repeat endlessly in my mind. It was like someone built a fire in my heart and every time I heard those three words another gallon of kerosene was poured on it. The rustling from Kanda moving caught my attention and he started, "Allen-"

"Unless you want a black-eye, too, I would advise you to keep your mouth shut," I spat. It wasn't like me to be so harsh and heartless to people, but this was a fuse he ignited by his own will, regardless of knowing my reaction. That happens sometimes when you're an arrogant jerk.

I look up at him and our gazes meet. I hated the barrier he put up, which most likely meaning he was battling his emotions, and I say, "You really are an idiot, you know that?"

"So I've been told several times," he mutters, absently wiping the blood off his chin and lip. As I look down again, I do the only thing I know to do. I turn away from him and bury my black nails into my right wrist, wanting the numbness so much that I couldn't stand it. I throw my head back as the pain morphed to my favorite feeling on this earth, trying to put my nails deeper into my skin.

"Allen! Stop!" he cries, immediately up from the floor and at my side. Kanda struggles to free my grip, and I elbow him in the ribs as hard as I can, causing him to stagger back in pain before I release my wrist long enough to throw another hard punch to his jaw.

As he did before, he soared back from the force, except this time, he missed the bed and hit the wall with a crack. When he slumps forward, there's a fracture in the wall from where his head was to where I couldn't see because of his body. Another wave of shock from my actions hits me and I tear my shirt, rip off the bandage, and claw at the fresh wound. Stars and white spots swirled before my eyes as I lay back against the wall.

My ears only vaguely register the plea from the other side of the room, "Allen, please stop it. I'm begging you…please."

I didn't stop though, and I completely ignore his continuous requests for me to stop my self-harm. The numbness was incredible, almost like I was high on something. It was better than cocaine.

Suddenly, I'm pinned to the floor, my hands restrained on either side of my head and my boyfriend's knees holding mine down. I couldn't move and I wanted to dig my nails into my shoulder so badly….

"Stop it," Kanda whispered, his voice cracking. I feel a cold tear land on my chest followed by the sticky blood coming from his busted lip and his mouth, probably from my last attack. His eyes shined with sorrow as he stared down at me.

I didn't care. I just begged, "Please, scratch me or cut me, _something_!"

He didn't move, but as soon as I felt his grip loosen ever so slightly, I flipped us over. I saw the fear in his eyes as I struck the side of his face, the blood spattering the ground as his head was turned. The guilt I had felt earlier was gone, nonexistent, dissipated from my mind as I landed blow after blow to his face. Though, he never fought back, just let me beat him until my own knuckles were bloody, the scarlet coming from him and me.

I back-handed him on the cheek before finally stopping the abuse. My nails immediately found their way back to my shoulder, digging down deep until I think I couldn't see anything from the white in my vision.

I pulled my nails away, sated with the buzz I had gotten when I see what I had done. Kanda was on the floor beside me, blood spattered across the floor in either direction from how many times I had punched him, and I thought for a moment he was unconscious before his eyelids opened.

I cry out in shock, and the tears start streaming down my face. Putting a hand on his cheek, I whisper, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I-I-I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay. I don't care as long as you don't hurt yourself," he coughs, blood running out both corners of his mouth. I didn't know what to say. I had just nearly beaten him into unconsciousness, and he did it to protect me from myself.

He sat up, taking my stunned form into his arms. I don't know how he stood not drawing Mugen on me, and he whispered, "I'm sorry about what I said earlier."

For some reason, I couldn't respond. There were no words that describe what had just happened, and I felt like I should be pushed off the balcony for it. All I could manage was, "I love you. I'm so sorry!"

I start shuddering and crying in his arms, knowing I would probably be like this all night. He says into my ear, "I love you, too, Allen. It's okay."

**Author Note: Whew, that was emotional! Next chapter should be up tomorrow or day after. Tell me what your favorite part was? Least favorite? Please, Please, PLEASE R/R!**


	23. Forgiveness and Darkness in the Past

**Author Note: Thank you all for the reviews, it means so much. **

**Me: Reever, will you do the honors?**

**Reever: Sure, Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, only the plot.**

**Me: To chapter 23!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 23: Forgiveness and Darkness in the Past_

We had to have laid there for hours, me crying and Kanda bleeding and telling me it was okay. It was one of the most intense nights of my life, and I didn't like intensity. I was about to pull away from him when one of his arms slipped under my legs and he picked me up, carrying me bridal style into the bathroom.

Since I wasn't really sure what he was doing, I just clung to his neck until he says, "Let go for a second."

I follow the kind order, releasing him and I feel something hard under my butt and thighs, the vanity. He had sat me onto the vanity and was wetting the washcloth I had used to clean my wounds in the first place. Squeezing out the extra water, he gently took my right arm and ran the cloth over my wrist. I welcomed the soothing sting, letting out a small sigh of relief. I say, "I can do it, if I need to."

The look Kanda gives me tells me "No, not in a million years." I don't blame him. Obviously, I wasn't the most stable person in the world. That's when he moves the cloth to my much more severe wound on my shoulder.

I think that it was so deep that no matter what, I would feel the effects of my previous actions. As he pressed down ever so little, stars swirled my vision, and I throw back my head against the mirror, arching into his touch and whimpering at the feeling. The numbness was incredible, and I immediately miss it when he pulls away, casting me a confused look.

I glance at him, embarrassed as I whisper, "Please, do that again."

He shakes his head, "No, did I hurt you?"

"No, it felt good," I reply, longing for the feeling again. I wasn't sure if he understood why it felt good, and the thought was confirmed when he said, "Why would cleaning a wound feel good? Isn't it painful?"

I repeat, "Please, do that again, Kanda."

"No, I want to know what you felt."

I glance up at him, his eyes full of bewilderment as I say, "Numb, it makes me feel numb."

"Do you mean cleaning wounds or cutting?" his voice was full of concern, and he brushes away a tear slipping down my cheek. I sniffle, "Cutting."

"I thought it was painful," he says.

I shake my head, "It's painful at first, but then it's like being high morphine only better. I can't really explain it, but it feels incredible."

"That's what you meant by 'detaching from the world.'" He whispers, and I nod.

Trying to find a new topic, I say, "You need to take a shower, and so do I. Can you start the water?"

He nods and moves toward the shower, but as I hop off the vanity, he comes back, leaning on the wall with his eyes closed. Confused, I look in the tub's direction, realizing the problem. I had forgotten to clean up the mess from when I cut the first time. Quickly, I grab the cloth and go down on my knees, scrubbing the bloody floor spatters and smears on the tub. I didn't look up as the shower comes on and stand, tossing the cloth into the tub so I could use it to clean up the blood on our bodies.

Kanda was already in the shower as always, and I strip hastily, following him in less than a minute. His back was to me as he wet his hair and then squeezed out the moisture, the water coming out scarlet. I whimper quietly, watching his blood leave his hair. My boyfriend says, "It's healed already."

"I know, but still, how could I…" I trail off, looking at my hands. Not trusting my legs' strength, I sit down, bringing my knees to my chin and wrapping my legs with my arms. I close my eyes and resist the urge to dig my nails into my cut even though every nerve inside me screamed for the numbness.

I feel a warm body beside me, and I open my eyes, looking at Kanda's dark, concern filled ones. He asks, "I need you to swear something, okay?"

I nod, listening. He continues, "If you ever feel the urge to cut, hit me instead."

"No, I won't," I say, horror running through me at his words.

"Promise!" he repeats.

I feel the tears bubbling over my eye lids, "Kanda, it's called abuse! I'm not ever hurting you again!"

"I don't care as long as you don't hurt yourself," he whispers, closing his eyes as to not look at my tears, and I say, "If you didn't notice, the reason that that happened was because I wanted to cut, and it just made it worse when I realized what I had done."

He pushes our lips together softly, but I pull away. It was awful. The pain in my heart knowing what I had done was the worst pain I had ever felt. If I had been Kanda's age, I could be put in jail or prison for domestic violence, and I wouldn't have minded.

It took several minutes of arguing with my boyfriend to convince him to drop it. He never brought it up again, and I picked up the washcloth off the side of the tub, rinsing it out. I bring it to his face, trying to get the blood off of him, but he flinches away. I couldn't tell if it was lack of trust or his hate of people touching his face, but for the sake of not wanting to hop back on the other note, I take it playfully even though I didn't want to.

I roll my eyes, "We've gone through how much since Cobalt, and you still don't like me touching your face?"

"A lot," he says.

"Okay, and that means that you have two options, either you let me clean you off, or no kisses for you," I threaten. Kanda groans, but stays still as I run the cloth over his face. Even if he was coerced into it, he seemed to enjoy my touch a bit, not protesting as I wipe the blood and dirt from his cheeks.

My least favorite part was cleaning the blood in the corner of his mouth and what was left of his busted lip, the only thing that hadn't healed completely. I say, "Kanda, you know that you have to clean my shoulder, and I don't trust myself to do it."

"I know," he says, taking the cloth and rinsing it out _very_ thoroughly, probably trying to waste time. Before I brings the cloth down, I say, "It's going to be weird, and I'll probably look like we're having sex or something."

He nods, takes a deep breath, and presses the cloth to my wound lightly. Even though the pressure was tiny and most likely the least he could manage, the cut was deep and I saw the white spots, moaning quietly. I throw my head back as he moves the cloth ever so slightly, the numbness making my toes curl.

Kanda begins actually cleaning the wound then, the pressure increasing and the movements so wonderful that I arch my back farther than I thought was possible. I let out one more groan and he pulls away, leaving the cut nicely cleaned, and I whisper, "Thank you, Kanda."

He doesn't reply as he stares the wall, and I guess he's horrified. I don't blame him, it was probably hard to take in what just happened, and I say, "I'm sorry. That was pretty disgusting, wasn't it?"

"No, I just…didn't know that you would react like that," he continues to look at the wall, and I do the same to him. His eyes were blank and emotionless, and he seemed calm, though I knew it was an act. I say, "How did you think I would react?"

"I don't know, I guess like it hurt," he replied, still gazing at the wall. "I've never talked or even knew a cutter."

I shake my head, "No, I can guarantee you've met a cutter other than me, you just didn't know. It's not something easily spotted."

He sighs, and finally breaks the eye contact with the wall and faces me, still looking serene, and I mutter, "You can take down the wall, you know that right?"

He nods, his dark orbs suddenly filled with love, confusion, and sadness. I really didn't want him to be confused, and if there was something he didn't understand I wish he would ask. Though, I wasn't sure how much I would want to answer the question, and who knows, maybe it would be something judgmental. He took me in his arms, holding me close to him and I close my eyes, laying my head back on his shoulder. My arms and hands lay over his, and he kisses my crown. I liked lying with him like this, my back to his chest, because we can be so close, but at the same time not look at each other.

With all the guilt I had in me right now, I don't think I could stand to look him in the eyes very long.

I feel a tear slip down my cheek, and he catches it with his thumb, kissing the corner of my eye. I pushed up and our lips meet softly. Kanda rolls me over, grabbing my hips so I straddle him, and I deepen the kiss, sliding my tongue in his mouth. He smirked at my uncharacteristic forwardness, our tongues clashing together.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

Unfortunately, we didn't do anything more, except for washing each other. Once we left the bathroom, I had to clean up the blood spattered around our bedroom, and after that had been done, we finally could go to sleep.

It was nearly three in the morning, but I couldn't sleep. Kanda, on the other hand, was out in a few minutes, which was rare, but I guess I wore him out with the beating I gave him. I shiver at the thought and push it away.

I felt like a stuffed animal in a way wrapped up in his arms. Eventually, I drifted into a restless sleep.

_I walk into the bathroom after getting back from the cafeteria. The light was on and I figured Kanda was in there. _

"_Kanda! What did you do?!" I scream, looking down at the blood-covered razor on the floor and the crimson smeared on his abs. He looks up at me with a smile, "You said it felt great, and it did."_

"Kanda!" I bolt straight up, breathing heavy and tears streaming down my cheeks. Frantically, I glance around, and Kanda sits up beside me, "Allen, are you okay?"

I throw myself into him, wrapping my arms around his neck. It was just a dream, Allen. It was just a dream. Even so, I still pulled away and lifted up his shirt, ensuring there was no wound. A sigh of relief escapes my lips as I clung to my boyfriend, and he asked, "Was it a nightmare?"

I nod, the tears still coming strong, "I…I walked into the bathroom, and you were on the floor next to a razor with a cut on your stomach."

Bawling my eyes out was an understatement as I finished telling him about the nightmare. He whispered in my ear, "Shh, it's okay. I'm okay. Besides, I thought you said it felt good."

I freeze. _You said it felt great, and it did._ Pulling away, I stare him right in the eyes even in the dark, "No, it's the worst thing imaginable. Yeah, it feels good, but I wish I never ever did that to begin with. You don't know how much I regret it."

He doesn't say anything and I get up from the bed, walking to the balcony and looking out at the moon, "It's like…anytime something happens, all you can think about is how much you want the numbness, so you lie and say that you aren't hungry. Then, you get back to your room and get the razor you keep hidden because the last time you left it out, someone asked about it.

"You cut on you arms or stomach, being extra careful not to go too deep. If you don't go deep enough though, you don't get buzzed. If you go too deep, you won't be able to stop the blood and could get knocked out or bleed to death."

Kanda listened closely, giving me my space and I took a deep breath, "Then, the worst thing ever happens. You end up sharing a room with the sexiest man in the world, and you know you have to do it. You have to take out the frustration on your body. The people that moved your stuff never found the gauze you keep taped under the sink, so you can't that night and it drives you nuts. You can't redress the cuts you made too deep on your abs either, and it could get infected.

"So you pull on a turtleneck and walk back into the room. He's reading and you hope he won't notice that you were out of shampoo and had to use his. Of course, he did notice and told you not to use his stuff, and you lay down. You can't stay cool and when you roll onto your stomach, pain shoots through you from the cut.

"He asks why and you make an excuse and finally get to sleep. That's when you get another nightmare. The entire Order hates you because you have a crush on Yu Kanda, and they found out you cutting. He comes into the room laughing at you, and nearly kills you with his sword when you wake up. You're under him and you still are a little fuzzy and you put your hands up, trying to protect yourself.

"You can't sleep the rest of the night, and after shopping, you make a cut down your right shoulder as deep as possible with out hitting something. You're ecstatic after because this was the day had come that he finally kisses you. He finally acknowledges your very existence until his thumb runs over your cut.

"You're certain he hates you, that he will never touch you again. Then, you fall asleep in his bed crying, and you get another nightmare he has to wake you up from. After you eat, come back, sleep, get a nightmare, and you wake up in his arms.

"He beats you to the punch line, saying to forget about it and you run crying into the bathroom. You can't believe he's worried when he knocks on the door and rushes to your side. You give into his request of dating, even though you know it won't end well, and soon, you're on a mission with him.

"After the mission, he finds out about you cutting. He leaves and you know that he's not coming back. You don't have a reason left to live, and you hate yourself more than ever. So you walk into the bathroom and find the bottle of pills-"

I'm cut off as he gets up from the bed and presses our lips together, wrapping his arms around me. I let him carry me back to the bed and as he lies down next to me, he whispers, "And they lived happily ever after."

I shake my head, "No, there are always issues, but you learn to overcome them together."

He nods, and pulled the sheets over us as I curl up to him. I say, "Do you understand now?"

"No, I don't think I ever will, but I don't need to as long as you don't act on it anymore," he kisses my crown as he says the words, and I whisper my okay.

**Author Note: Yay for love! Anyway, please, Please, PLEASE R/R and tell me what you think! I know that a few people didn't like the violence in the last chapter, but I don't plan on having anymore in the story.**


	24. Christmas Crisis!

**Me: Kanda, will you do the honors?**

**Kanda: Che, whatever, Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, just the plot.**

**Me: Thank you, and on to chapter 24!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 24: Christmas Crisis!_

My eyes flicker open to afternoon light flooding the bedroom. It was the fifteenth which meant one thing in my mind: Christmas shopping.

It was a tradition of mine to go Christmas shopping on the fifteenth and this year, I was getting my own Christmas tree. It was my birthmas present to myself. I sit up sleepily, rubbing my eyes. The bluenette beside me wasn't awake yet, but when I look down at him, his pretending to sleep face was plastered to him. I say, "Okay, for the last time, I know when you're awake, Kanda."

"Can't hurt to try," he mutters, opening his dark eyes. "You seem oddly excited this morning."

I nod, "Today is when I go Christmas shopping." I think about it for a moment, and sigh. Kanda probably didn't celebrate Christmas, let alone buy decorations. He probably didn't want a gigantic tree in his room, either.

I whimper, "Am I allowed to have a Christmas tree?"

"Of course," he says. "It's _our_ room after all."

I grin, "Thanks Kandy! I promised that I would get one as my birthmas present this year."

"Birthmas?" he asks, raising an eyebrow. I nod and quickly explain, "Since my birthday is on Christmas, Mana always called it Birthmas."

He chuckles, "Okay, consider it my present then, too."

That surprised me. Generally, I didn't think the Order really acknowledged Christmas other than the twenty-foot tree in the cafeteria that someone put up the day after Thanksgiving. I tell Lavi and Lenalee that their presents are just friendship gifts, and I didn't give Kanda anything for obvious reasons.

I smile, "Really? You're getting me a present?"

"Well, the other one I can't tell you about, now can I?" he smirks at the joyous look on my face. This was going to be the best Christmas _ever_!

I give him a quick kiss on the cheek and hop up from the bed, beginning to dig through my dresser for something to wear. Once I had what I wanted, a red turtleneck and black skinny jeans, I slipped into the bathroom and changed out of the white button-up, which may or may not be Kanda's, and sweatpants.

I opened the door, the bluenette already in jeans and another white button-up that was still open. It hadn't taken long for me to learn that he liked to put on his clothes then fix them, as the case with his undone shirt and unzipped jeans. Happily, I prance over to him and begin to zip his jeans up myself, followed by the button and shirt. He smirks, "You know, I prefer you undressing me better."

I stick my tongue out at him, "Well, you can't go to Wal-Mart naked can you?"

"Technically I could, though I'd be arrested. You must like to undress me though, since you steal my clothes," he said as I fixed the second to last button and left the next one undone.

"I happen to think your shirts are comfortable." I guess I was caught with the shirt and he replies, "I wonder why. With all the skinny jeans and tight shirts you wear, I'm surprised you don't suffocate."

I smile devilishly, "Well, I have eyes in the back of my head."

"And?"

"And I know that you keep your eyes glued to my butt when I'm not looking."

He smirks, "So? If you knew then you must like it since you never stop me." He emphasizes his point by slapping my butt hard, and then he presses my body between his and the wall behind me. I feel like he was crushing my pelvis from the pressure, and he mutters in my ear in a husky voice, "I want you to admit it."

I choke out, "What?"

He possessively runs his hands over my butt, increasing the pressure on me as he slips one of them into the back of my jeans, but not underwear. I moan quietly and he growls, "Admit that you like it. That you like my hands on you. That you like my eyes on your butt. That you like my body on yours."

Even though I was in no shape to protest, I still say, "Not until you admit that you like your hands on me. That you like watching my butt in my tight jeans. That you like your body on mine."

"Challenge accepted," he bites down on my neck, definitely leaving a mark.

An hour later, as we put our clothes back on, I say, "Hmph, you cheated."

He smirks from where he was lying on the bed, his shirt open again, and his jeans unzipped, "You say that a lot, but I didn't cheat."

"Keeping me from…from…doing what my body was supposed to do is cheating!" I protest, not thinking of a better word for it. I wasn't going to say that other word. Uh, they could have made a better word than "ejaculation" for it, and I wasn't going to use that word in my argument. He shrugs, "It's a right that the uke must give up."

"I already proved I could be seme, and you know it! You are a cheater!" I didn't like losing, especially to my arrogant boyfriend. He just keeps that stupid smirk glued to his face and I mutter, "Stop it!"

He laughs at me and begins to button his shirt, purposely taking longer than necessary. I finish pulling on my shirt and say, "Hurry up or I'm leaving you here."

"Then who would carry the tree?" he countered, finally ready and making his way toward the door. I follow and grumble, "I would find someone, or I'd make two trips."

He knows I'm a lot stronger than I look, and doesn't argue. We stop by the cafeteria and eat, sitting with Lenalee and the rabbit. To my relief, Lenalee was actually talking to me again, even just a little, and it brightened my mood five times more.

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

"What kind of tree do you want?" I ask as we walk into Wal-Mart. Luckily, Lenalee and Lavi were going to buy decorations, too, and they apparently were getting presents this year. That meant that Komui sent Reever as the driver of a limo that I had no clue we had. That scientist scares me sometimes.

Anyway, Reever waited in the car and the groups split to different parts of the store. Kanda shrugs, "It doesn't matter. I thought there was just one kind anyways?"

I shake my head, "No, we could get a white one, green, pink-"

"No pink," he muttered as we turned the corner to the Christmas trees. I giggle, "Okay, no pink. I don't really want a realistic one though. I like white pretty well."

In response, he ruffled my snowy hair, "Wonder why?"

"Shut up," I mumble, looking up at the options. There were only six that were small enough to fit in our room, all very beautiful. One was green, white, pink, baby blue, lavender, and even black. Kanda's attention turned toward the black one, "Since when are there black Christmas trees? Doesn't that defeat the purpose?"

"I don't know, but I like the blue one," I say. They all were pretty much identical except for the color, but the problem with the blue was a limited option with lights. "Which do you like best?"

"The blue and white," he replies. I nod, "Okay, let's look at the lights and see how many have a blue cord."

He raises an eyebrow at me as I drag him towards the lights and ornaments in the lane behind us, but says nothing. It takes a second, but I find the blue-corded lights, and I was very happy with the results. The store carried multi- and white-colored lights with a blue cord and I say, "Blue it is then. What color theme?"

"You give this far too much thought," he mutters and thinks for a moment. I grumble, "Well, this is the tree we'll have for years, mind you."

He nods and replies, "What about multi-colored lights, blue and white ornaments, and white beads."

"Did you just come up with that?" I ask, loving the idea. He nods, "Yeah, but I grew up with an artist as a foster father, remember?"

I giggle, "Okay, I love the color scheme."

I dash to the end of the lane, grab a basket, and begin picking out the things Kanda had suggested. I didn't think we'd have the luck of finding blue and white tie-dyed confetti on sale on top of everything else, but I know that we left Wal-Mart enraptured. Well, I was. I think Kanda was aggravated that Christmas trees weighed so much, but he refused to let me help him.

After we stuck the tree and extras in the back of the limo, my boyfriend and I clambered into the next to last seat. There were probably seven more seats between us and Reever as we waited for Lenalee and the rabbit to come out, and he was blasting rap music in the front. Who would have guessed Reever could sing Berserk by Eminem without a flaw?

Kanda nudged me, "I thought you were doing _all_ your shopping today."

"I got Lavi and Lenalee's gifts already, and I'm not stupid enough to buy yours now," I roll my eyes. "Besides, I still haven't made up my mind."

"I like books and you. That's about it," he mumbled, absently tightening his ponytail.

"Okay, I'm not going to tell you what book I'm going to buy then," I say.

He smirks, "You know you could always get me another gift instead."

I smile, and switch from sitting beside him to straddling him, "Oh really? What would that be, Kandy?"

"I wouldn't mind a Kitten to play with," he says as he claims my lips as his own. I move my arms around his torso, pulling us closer together as he bruises my lips roughly. When he nibbled on my bottom lip, I opened my mouth willingly, knowing that in the position I was in, my butt was in the air begging to be spanked. I was smart enough to know that if I refused, he wouldn't show any mercy on me, and I didn't care that I looked like a total ho.

I didn't put up a fight in the battle of dominance, and he pulled back, took a breath, and began biting and kissing down my jaw and neck, pulling down the fabric that got in his way. I moan loudly, "Kanda…."

"Sorry to intrude," said a very annoying voice and Kanda froze. The couple sits in the seat across from us, the set up of the limo somewhat like a school bus. Though Kanda obviously wanted me to move, I stayed were I was, putting my hands on his shoulders and my cheek to his chest. I say, "Yeah, I definitely liked it better when we were alone, but I guess we have no choice, but to continue."

Kanda gave me a horrified look, and I quickly attacked his neck, eliciting a soft groan from the victimized samurai. Barely opening my eye, I steal a glance at Lenalee and Lavi, both staring at what I was doing like it was porn or something with blood dripping from their noses.

I move up to his ear and whisper, "Play along, Kandy. I'm giving them a nose bleed."

He doesn't say anything, but he bucks upward forcefully. I smile and unzip his jeans, trailing my hand down. I didn't do anything because my leg hid that general area and I set my hand on his thigh, but Kanda did a very convincing job of making it look like I was. "Alle- AHH!"

With that, I removed my hand and moved to sit beside him, zipping his jeans as I went. "Okay, how was your shopping?" I ask as if nothing happened. Lenalee was holding her nose, and Lavi had his bandana around his neck, also squeezing his nose.

"It was good," the pig-tailed girl said, her voice sounding like a duck to some extent. I nod, "Same for us."

"I think they did more than sho-OW!" Lavi's smart comment was cut off as Lenalee stomped on his foot, smiling innocently.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

"I never thought you could act that well," I say, setting down the bags by the bed as Kanda heaved the tree into the center of the room. He mutters, "I've had some practice, considering normally it wouldn't have been an act."

I blush and place a kiss on his cheek before sitting on the bed. He looks down at the tree, "How do you put it up?"

I sweatdrop anime style, "Really? You never put up a Christmas tree?"

"No," he shakes his head. I had to explain how we had to hook the arms to the tree frame, and before we could start, we have to move his dresser over beside mine. It took a little work but we managed and now the corner was the perfect size for the tree. Though, I kept hearing a tinkling noise from inside his dresser, but he said he didn't hear it. My mind must be playing tricks on me, or maybe I left my collar in his dresser on accident.

I hastily open the tree's box, making sure not to rip it. As it finally opens and Kanda helps me sort through the branches by the color on the metal, I remember the two items I had slipped into the checkout. I say, "Just a second."

He continues piling different sized blue branches in separate stacks like I hadn't said anything, and I pull out the red and white accessories out of the bag. After topping my head with mine, I sit beside Kanda, careful not to step on anything, and pull out his hair tie. He faces me, confusion present on his face as I arrange the Santa hat on his head. He huffs and I ask, "Are you my Santa Baby?"

"Whatever you say, but I'm pretty sure the Santa _Baby_ is supposed to be shorter," he smirks and I say, "Nope, the Santa Baby is the guy, and unless you want to be the girl of the relationship, then I'm going to go with you being the Santa Baby."

He rolls his eyes and says, "Okay, but I'm not getting you a yacht or a convertible or whatever else that song says."

I grin and begin to pull out the last of the branches. He says, "Okay, what now?"

I grab the poles in the bottom and set them up. I was about to explain when Kanda chuckles, "You aren't going to pole dance and do a strip tease, are you?"

"No! This is what the branches connect to," I explain, images of Kanda and I...stop it, Allen! I growl, "Besides, at the moment, I would prefer doing that with someone else."

"Right, I can see that happening," he smirks and hauls the biggest and longest-branched pile closer to me. Taking one off the top, I show him how to poof it out and then attach it to the tree. He catches on quickly, getting the branches on two for one of mine just as beautifully.

After about fifteen minutes, the tree was up and I grab the lights, tossing a box to Kanda. It took a bit of coordination to get the lights on the tree since my boyfriend wanted to see me lit up, and at one point I was tangled in them and he plugged them in. It felt like me eyes were glowing, too, and I glared at him as he laughed at me. I got my revenge later, dangling ornaments from his ears so he looked like he was wearing super girly earrings.

At long last, I gazed at the blue tree with the flickering lights, white beads, confetti, and blue and white ball ornaments. I smile and throw my arms around Kanda, "Thank you!"

"I didn't really do anything," he says, wrapping his arms around my waist. I reply, "You helped with it. I haven't put up a Christmas tree since the December before Mana died, and I've wanted another one for a long time. I didn't want to spend Christmas and my birthday alone again this year."

"And you'll never be alone ever again," he whispers, softly pressing our lips together.

**Author Note: Sorry about the late update, but I'm going to make up for it. The person who can guess what grade I'm in gets to choose what Allen gets Kanda for Christmas. It has to be the right grade, not one off! I'll give you a hint; it's between kindergarten and a master's degree. I ruled out preschool! Please, Please, PLEASE R/R, and guess my grade!**


	25. Hidden Despair

**Author Note: So far no one's guessed right, but you guys have until chapter 26! By the way, you have to choose **_**one**_**!**

**Me: Kanda, will you do the honors?**

**Kanda: No.**

**Me: Please?**

**Allen: Yeah, please, Kandy?**

**Kanda: Fine, Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, just the plot.**

**Me: Thank you, and on to chapter 25!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 25: Hidden Despair _

It's been a couple of days since shopping, and Christmas was creeping up on me like a sneaky cat in the underbrush. Personally, I wanted it to come and go, but that just seemed to make it slower.

Acting and lying have always been natural things for me, but it was totally different when it was Kanda I was tricking. Since the night we had our fight, I've been trying to act like everything was normal, but the truth was that I wasn't even able to sleep most nights because of the nightmares. It would always be Kanda cutting, committing suicide, or me killing him. Some nights it was so bad, I would wake up Kanda just to make sure he was alive and unharmed.

I stare at the blue Christmas tree across the room, the colorful lights twinkling hypnotically. When I was little, I was terrified of the dark, so whenever the tree was up, every night I would get up in the middle of the night and sleep under it while the lights were on. Then, I would go back to my room at dawn after turning it off. One time, Mana found me and asked if I had a nightmare. He thought it was so cute, and slept in the floor next to me.

I listen to the breathing of the samurai beside me. As weird as it is, he was actually a heavy sleeper from midnight to dawn, though I don't think he would ever admit it. Our backs were together, and his warmth was like electricity sparking between us. I have a feeling that he didn't like the light while he slept, so lately he only faced the wall, despite me saying that I could turn off the tree. He never likes doing something that interferes with my happiness, and I guess that made me a little distraught. That night, he probably had the idea that my fists beating him half to death brought me joy. Well, it was the opposite.

Slipping out of the blankets, I stood up, careful not to wake my boyfriend softly snoring in his sleep, and pulled a pillow off the top bunk. Lately, I had been doing this to get away from Kanda, not wanting to worry him.

I push open the bathroom door, clutching the fluffy pillow in one hand and checking to make sure Kanda was still asleep even though the door squeaked, and continue into the large bathroom. Feeling around in the dark, I make it to the tub and step in.

It was more comfortable than most would think as long as I had a pillow under my head. I curled up into a tight ball, trying to leave the present. After seeing what a monster it had made me, I was never going to touch a razor again, except when I threw mine off the balcony.

Monster was an understatement of what I was that night. I didn't care that I was abusing the man I loved without a second thought. The nightmares were awful, but nothing can compare to the living world, and the hate bundled in me for myself. I wonder sometimes what Kanda was thinking that night.

I mean, he told me that it was okay as long as I wasn't hurting myself and that he loved me, but I feel like there was more. Was it the baby? Was he afraid that if he protected himself that it would injure the baby? I have a feeling that was it, that there was more to it than his love for me.

If he had ever hurt me like that, I would have left him without another thought. But then again, I could give him so many things like the baby and sex. I had more benefits.

When I had the nightmares, I wonder if that's what he felt when I did something to myself. Did he feel the sorrow of watching me beg for the numbness? Did he feel the hurt of not being enough to stop it? Did he feel the disgust of not being enough to stop it when he was right there? There were so many things that I felt when I had those nightmares, and I woke up screaming, but they were still nightmares. This is what Kanda had witnessed in reality.

He saved me from suicide, knocking the pills from my hands when I was taking the second. He read my journal about all the times I had cut, and then blamed himself for not noticing. He had gotten furious when he found out I cut and let me beat him carelessly. He had forgiven me for that. He had stayed with me when I was so repulsively moaning and writhing from the numbness the wound on my shoulder brought me while he cleaned it, and didn't look at me in disgust. He was still in there now, thinking I was asleep beside him, the father of my baby and the person I loved most in the world.

When I had the nightmares, I felt so weak, not being able to stop it. It nearly always was in third-person, so I could watch it happen like a surveillance camera before my body ran into the bathroom.

I bite my pillow as my mind is filled with the horrible images of my last nightmare.

_Kanda sat down in the floor of the bathroom, tears streaming down his face. This wasn't the Kanda I knew. This was a different person, like a cloned body with a different mind altogether. He let his head fall back against the wall harshly, a blunt thud echoing off the plaster. I see him take a razor out of a cabinet beside him, and I scream, "No! Don't do it, Kanda!"_

_I couldn't hear the words I knew left my mouth, and I watched in horror as the blade touched his left forearm, completely and utterly useless to help. The metal sunk deeper into his flesh, causing a low moan to escape his lips. I couldn't help but think that if my eyes had been closed, I would have thought that someone was with him doing very perverted things. But no, that was a moan I knew too well. It used to come from me frequently._

_Kanda pulls the blade back slowly, a deep wound about six inches long was left up his arm next to several other scars. The blood welled from the cut as he stared at it, something darkly twisted and awful appearing in his eyes. Satisfaction. _

_It was too late to stop him from the cutting when my body opened the door. Kanda looked up at the other me, his eyes dull and dead from the continued abuse to his body and soul._

I didn't like to think about the nightmares, but they never stayed away. I hated the weakness as I watched him run the blade along his skin. I knew that the expression he had in my nightmare was the way I looked so many times before, but it would be back to my face at some point.

It wasn't that I was going to cut again, but self-harm is something that scars your soul, not just your body. That numbness is like a drug that takes true effort to break the addiction from. I had a reason to stop. The baby, Kanda, and that monster that came out of me that I never wanted to see again.

I rolled onto my back, staring up at a ceiling and shower head I couldn't see. I guess I found something that Kanda and I have in common. He said he didn't understand why I cut. I never understood what made him so upset when I cut, but now I do.

There was something about watching the person you love more than anything hurt himself. There was something that changed inside you when you watched the blood pour from the wound. There was an abnormal darkness in the eyes of that person when he begs for the numbness, asking you to hurt him so he can feel sated in his own wicked way. Until now, I never saw it that way, and even now I've never witnessed it in reality.

Suddenly, I had an urge to curl up beside Kanda and tell him how much I loved him. I wanted to tell him that I understood now, that I never wanted to see him ever hurt himself like I did. Standing, I feel my way out of the tub, and I followed the soft light radiating from the tree in the bedroom.

When I rounded the corner and was out of the bathroom, Kanda was flat on his back staring up at the top bunk, his cobalt eyes intensely glaring at the victimized mattress above him. As I made my way to the bed, he turned the gaze to me and I froze like a deer in headlights, my arms clutching the pillow over my bare chest.

"Why have you been sneaking into the bathroom at night?" he asks, and when he blinks, his cobalt orbs go blank. I feel my breath hitch as I stand paralyzed no longer from his eyes, but the fact that he had been awake. The foolishness of my actions came to view in my mind, and I looked down, "Um…I thought you were asleep."

The bluenette continues to watch me as I shamefully refuse to make eye contact, "I figured that much, Moyashi."

I didn't reply, not even to the hated nickname. It was at that moment that it felt like the gravity had increased by five times, and my legs collapsed under me. It wasn't a hard fall when my knees buckled. One moment I was standing, and the next I was on my knees, still holding on to my pillow for dear life.

"Answer me," I heard. Normally at this point, Kanda would be holding me, asking if I was alright. Not this time though, because that would be giving in before he got a response. That wasn't allowed. I say, "I wasn't cutting, if that's what you think."

Even though I was still staring at the carpeted floor, I knew he immediately let go of the tension in his shoulders. I hear rustling of the blankets moving, and I figure he sat up as he asked, "Then what have you been doing?"

"I was uncomfortable in the bed," I lied. It was so unconvincing that I think the lie itself was hiding in misery, embarrassed at how pathetic it is. I risk a glance up at my boyfriend. He could try all he wanted, but I still could see the fire and anger in the dark depths, his body almost emanating fury. I shrink back and hide behind my bangs, terrified of him.

Though his eyes were only noticeable by someone who knew him like me, his voice wasn't, "Don't lie to me, Allen!"

I stutter, "I'm s-sorry." I didn't clarify that I was sorry that the lie was awful, not that I had lied. Guilt rarely existed in me, and _that_ I was ashamed of. He replied, "If you're sorry then stop lying to begin with. Now, answer my question. Why have you been sneaking into the bathroom at night?"

"I-I've been having trouble sleeping and getting nightmares," I admit quietly. "I just didn't want…"

"Didn't what?"

"I didn't want to be with…you." The last word was nearly inaudible, but I knew he heard it when silence danced around the room. I felt like I should leave. I don't know where, but I didn't like the confession I had told him, especially because it probably hurt him. He wanted the answer though, and I gave it to him.

_Lost and insecure, you found me. You found me. Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded. Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you? Just a little late, you found me. You found me._ I tended to play lyrics to songs in my head when I was frightened or nervous. This particular song couldn't really describe the situation as well since Kanda did find me lying on the floor, lost and insecure, but he didn't wait, and he wasn't too late. He was there.

When I glanced up again, expecting the worst, I saw the samurai lying back down facing the wall. I can't help but feel like he was ignoring me, and I hesitantly crawled toward the bed, leaving my pillow in the floor. Climbing onto the bed, I peer at his face, brushing away some loose hair from the lack of his ponytail. His eyes were closed, and I whispered, "Kanda?"

"I thought you didn't want to be around me?" he replied in a monotone voice, no emotion in the nine words. Hurt, I pulled away from him and after moving back to the floor next to the tree with my pillow, bring my knees to my chest. Luckily for me, I found that I could fit in the small corner behind the Christmas tree, and I curled up there where I felt safe.

I guess that I'll never feel as safe as I do with Kanda, but at the moment he kind of hated me. From the nights of insomnia, I eventually drifted into a restless sleep filled with nightmares and razors.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

When my eyes fluttered open, the tree was unplugged and there was light from the balcony door flooding the small room. Obviously, I could only see bits and pieces of the room, that being the balcony and bathroom. Quickly, I wiggled out of the space, my neck and back aching from the uncomfortable sleeping position.

The bathroom door was barely even cracked, and I stepped in, finding Kanda brushing his hair and shirtless. I look at him through the mirror, unable to break his solid gaze. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see myself and the fear in my eyes like at any moment he was going to knock me out with his hairbrush. The bluenette returns to his hair, silence filling the air until I get the courage to break it, "I'm sorry about last night."

"Why? I was just staying away from you since that's what you wanted," he replied, not looking at me. I feel my heart drop to my stomach at his words as I say, "No! I didn't want that, I just didn't want you worrying."

He puts down his brush, finished with his hair, and he turns, leaning against the vanity. "Why would I worry?"

Kanda's gaze dug into me harshly, and I felt like there were holes that would be left behind as I reply, "The nightmares."

"What kind of nightmares?" he asked, continuing to hound me with his intense stare as I feel myself cracking under the pressure. I choke out, "You c-cutting. I can't stop you, and…and…."

The tears stream down my eyes as I dart to him, wanting to feel his arms around me. My hands are crossed over my chest as I sob into his, his arms wrapping around my small form. I cry, "I'm sorry!"

He tries to calm me, stroking my hair with one hand as he whispers, "What are you sorry for?"

"For cutting! For hurting you! For everything!" I shake violently in his arms, and eventually, he has to carry me to the bed. I say, "I understand why you were so upset when I would cut now."

He kisses my crown and replies, "I didn't want you to have to go through what it's like to witness it though."

"I won't ever hurt you or myself ever again, Kanda," I vow, not really replying to his other comment. I just wanted him to know I meant it this time. I meant it last time, too, but I didn't stay true to it, obviously.

"Good," he says to my hair. For the second time, I drift to sleep, but this time I'm in his arms where I should be.

**Author Note: I won't have the next update until Monday so I wanted to get this out tonight to make up for that and the lack of update the last few days. Keep guessing my grade, one vote per person, but if you chose two or more last time you can choose ****one****. I think everyone will like the next chapter, and please, Please, PLEASE R/R! You Found Me- The Fray.**


	26. A Christmas Kitten for Kitten

**Author Note: No one guessed correctly! Sorry for you guys, but that means I get to choose Kandy's gift! And because I have a feeling people will ask, I'm in 8****th**** grade, and no, I didn't repeat any grades. Surprised?**

**Me: Lenalee, will you do the honors?**

**Lenalee: Okay! Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, just the plot.**

**Me: Chapter 26 is here!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 26: A Christmas Kitten for Kitten_

"Allen, wake up!"

I bolt straight up, my chest heaving and covered in a cold sweat, and look around. Kanda had a worried expression as he exhaled deeply, "Another nightmare?"

Making sure it was a nightmare, I move the strap of his sleeveless shirt and nod when there is no blood. It was just a nightmare. My boyfriend laid back down, his arm stretched out behind me as an invitation to go back to sleep in his arms. Longingly, I gaze at him, but shake my head, "I'm not going to sleep again."

"Do you want me to stay up with you? I hate to see you like this," he offered, sitting back up and wrapping an arm around my waist.

I lean into him, resting my head on his strong shoulder, "No. You need sleep, but I'm used to it. I went through this after Mana died, too."

He nods, and I silently whimper as he pulls away from me, looking up at me as he lays back. Not able to help myself, I bend down and press our lips together softly. There's something about his lips that always comforted me. Maybe it was the roughness that could bruise my skin, yet a warmth that can rival fire. Maybe it was the fact that they could be so tender at times, so loving, and then be forceful, need and lust evident. Whatever it was, I knew that I was always sad when they left mine.

Quietly, I kicked the blankets off my legs, covered by my sweatpants, and stood up. I tugged a pillow off the top bunk, clutching it to me as I sat in front of Christmas tree.

It was about three in the morning, and usually by now I would have been sitting here already, but somehow I managed to ward off the nightly terrors until now.

On the bright side, today is Christmas Eve, and I was really anxious for opening presents in about sixteen hours. I never was very patient when it came to my birthday/Christmas presents, and it showed. I wanted to know what Kanda got me!

I can feel the dark eyes boring into my back as I flop to my side, holding my pillow instead of putting it under my head. The multi-colored lights twinkled softly, reminding me somewhat of colorful stars, and the blue like the midnight-eyed samurai in the bed.

Every time I had a nightmare, I refused to go back to sleep, and Kanda always wanted to stay up and comfort me, but I could only find myself crying when he held me when the wound was fresh in my mind, a wound that wouldn't heal for several days and nights.

The hours passed like minutes to me, even though I watched the sun rise slowly. I didn't even notice that Kanda was up until I jumped when he put his hand on my shoulder, "You scared me!"

"Sorry," he chuckled. "I need you to go eat and do something for the next couple hours, okay?"

I smile evilly, "And if I don't?"

"Then no birthmas present for you," he replied, walking into the bathroom.

I growl as I stand, throw my pillow on the top bunk, and follow him, grabbing a change of clothes out of my dresser as I go. Even though I had been up almost all night, I was wide awake, and I always try to stay positive during the day, regardless of who I was with. He was turning on the shower, only in his boxers, and I blush, looking away. As I stare at the wall, I feel strong arms wrap around my waist, and I know that he was stark naked now as he whispers, "You can give me something else for Christmas."

"What's that?" I ask, turning around to see the amatory glint in is dark eyes. He smirks and says, "Get undressed while I'm _not_ in the shower."

The heat in my cheeks spikes, and I know that he had been conniving this for a while. I glower at him as I say, "Do I get to turn around?"

"Nope," he states, not one hint of mercy in his entrancing eyes. "You have to look at me."

I whine and give him the most innocent and pleading eyes I possibly can, the silver probably resplendent with silent pleas. He wasn't even fazed as he pulls at the hem of my sweatpants. I knew all too well that I wasn't getting out of this, and if I tried to, Kanda would most likely act even more sadistic in bed than he normally does. Whimpering, I replace his hand with both of mine, slipping out of the fabric while staring at his neck. When I go to pull off my shirt though, he planted his middle and index finger under my chin, bringing my eyes up to meet his gaze.

I really wanted to spank him now, but that wouldn't help me since he would make sure I couldn't walk for a month. Not that I would mind at that moment, but he could truly make me beg for it without even trying. I only break the eye contact to remove my shirt completely, followed by my underwear. He smirks and says in my ear, "I really liked the present, Kitten."

I glared at him, making my way to the shower. After we were both in, my back meets cold tile as Kanda shoves me up against the wall, bruising my lips with his. Oh, how I love showers.

Deciding to make things interesting, I lightly ran my nails from his shoulder blades down, not stopping until I couldn't continue, which was near the back of his knees. My victim shuddered at the pain and pleasure, and I felt his tongue slide across my bottom lip. What I didn't expect was when he trailed the muscle out the corner of my mouth and down my neck.

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

I rather not give details of our "present exchange" in the shower, so in about two hours I was sitting and talking to Lavi in the cafeteria.

"I can't give away your present, Allen," the rabbit said. "Lenalee is helping him."

"I wish I knew what it was," I mutter, taking a sip of the smoothie Jerry had prepared. I had already eaten, but still had to finish the deliciously creamy smoothie. How did he know that I loved strawberry? _Kanda must have told him or he figured it out after that time I ordered chocolate syrup and strawberries and drug Kanda back to our room…._

I'm snapped back reality when Lavi asks, "You okay? Your face is blood red."

I nod. Best not tell the rabbit about the images that came to my mind when I thought about that night. I can still remember the taste of Kanda's sweat mixed with the chocolate when I licked it off his chest and….

Shaking my head roughly, I say, "So what did you get Lenalee for Christmas?"

"Well, I wasn't sure what she would like, and I ended up with a gift card to Bath and Body Works," he admits. Baka Usagi, what was he thinking? I say, "You know, I could have helped. Hello? Lenalee's best friend here!"

He rubs the back of his neck, "Yeah, I could have thought it out better. Anyway, what did you get Yu?"

"A book and a tattoo booklet," I tell the rabbit around my straw, taking a long slurp of the strawberry smoothie. He raises an eyebrow and says, "Did you just say my idea was bad?"

I growl, "Well, I know he likes books, and other than that, there isn't much."

"You could always borrow Lenalee's cat costume. He'd _love_ that regardless of how quickly he tore it off yo-"

"Stop," I interrupt, putting a hand up. "Just stop, and when did Lenalee get a cat costume?"

Lavi grins, "Allen, I have connections. I can get anything through the doors, and no one questions it because of some of the things the Old Panda has done when he's had one too many shots of tequila."

"Again, I say stop, just stop."

"You asked. I remember the time a few years ago he went caroling around the Order in June after Kanda's birthday party in a bikini. Then, he messed up the words to 'Joy to the World'. Turns out the many times I sang the Barney remix helped in that department." He laughed at my horrified face. I would never listen to that song the same way ever again. At least Master had the decency to hit on women when he got drunk instead of some of the things I've seen online.

"How many times has Bookman gotten drunk off his butt?" I ask, curiosity getting the best of me.

He looked thoughtful for a second before replying, "Exactly eighty-seven in the past five years. You'll see it at some point."

I nod, not sure if I wanted to see it or not.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

"Do I get to open my present now?" I ask, sitting beside Kanda on the floor next to the tree.

He shakes his head, "You told me in the shower that I could open mine first."

I growl, knowing that I had said it, but I was slightly disoriented at that moment and had no coherent thoughts. There were four boxes under the tree. Well, three were under it, both of his and a small flat one about the size of a CD case, but another one was against the wall. It was definitely mine, and it was the size of three large pillows. I was itching to rip the shiny black wrapping paper off it.

Kanda takes the smaller present first, and begins to tear the red and green striped paper. I cover my face with my hands as I see the front of the tattoo booklet become exposed, "I didn't really know what to get, so I saw that and there's a lotus somewhere in it, too."

"I love it," he said, and I spread my fingers to see him flipping through the skull, snake, and other gothic tattoos. I smile as he sets it down and starts on the other one. As soon as it was open, he read the back. It was a book called "The Divide", and all I really knew about it was that it was about a murder at a lake, or something like that.

"Sounds interesting," my boyfriend says, setting the book to the side and crawling close to me so he could give me a kiss. As soon as he pulls back, he hands the smaller gift.

I frown at him. I wanted to open the bigger one! He smirks and says, "You have to open that one first. They go together, and I think you'll figure out what it is after you see that one."

I nod and begin ripping the black wrapping paper. Underneath was a red box, like the kind sets of earrings come in with a lid a little bigger than the bottom. Opening the box, I find an ornament, the ones you pick the design and they write the names on it. It was three ball ornaments overlapping, the porcelain carved and different colors.

At the bottom was 2013, and there were three names: Kanda, Allen, and Ice. I gasp and look up at Kanda, who was smiling genuinely and pushing the bigger present toward me.

I can't believe that I never noticed the two holes in the side of the box, but I didn't care as I tore off the wrapping paper, popping off the lid. Suddenly, I'm tackled by a huge force jumping from the box, even though the culprit sitting on my chest was small and only had three legs. I squeal, "You got me Ice?!"

"Yep," he said, laughing as the feline purred so loudly that I thought she had swallowed a motorcycle. I scratch behind her snowy ear, I scooping her up in my arms as I sit up, smiling like an idiot. She looks at me with her stunningly gorgeous mismatched eyes, almost like she could see into my soul as she reached up her one front paw and placed it on my chin.

"I take it that it was satisfactory to your birthmas wish?" Kanda muses, rubbing Ice's head. I nod, smiling.

"Well, she is house broken. I found out she will actually stick her butt off the edge of the balcony and do her business. I have all her food and dishes in the closet," he explained.

Who would have thought Kanda would have gotten me a kitten for Christmas? Setting the part-albino she-cat on the floor by the tree, I throw my arms around my boyfriend's neck, tackling him. I whisper, "Thank you, Kanda."

He smiles and presses our lips together. It doesn't last very long, but when he pulls away, he asks, "So does this mean that I get a little extra Christmas love?"

"After we get the stuff for Ice set up," I promise just before the said feline hopped onto my back. My face is forced into Kanda's neck when she decides to use my head as a perch, sitting down and mewling. I laugh, and the vibration makes her have to leap off her temporary throne, landing perfectly despite her missing limb.

"Listen here, you little parasite," the bluenette said, "you are not allowed to put any moves on my Moyashi, got it?"

I giggle, not paying any mind to the loathed nickname. This only increases as Ice mews in response, as if she really knows what he's saying, and tries to get back on my head. I watch her wiggle her little tail, glaring intently above me, and boy, that kit can jump! She somehow manages to balance herself as she lays down, her chin on my forehead. I ask, "Is she watching you?"

"Yes, and honestly, it's kind of creeping me out. I think she's claiming you as hers," he says, staring up at Ice.

Smiling, I say, "Sorry Ice, but I'm strictly Kanda's."

I hear a little meow, but she makes no movement to leave my head. This could be a long night, though I wasn't complaining. I was laying on Kanda, so I was perfectly content. Suddenly, I feel a warm hand slip under my shirt and start to dart around like a spider. I give my boyfriend a confused look, "If you wanted to get the extra now, you could have gone south instead."

He smirks, "Actually, I was trying to get the issue off your head, but I'll remember that."

"You do that," I grin and jump when I feel a forceful shove from my skull onto my back, something long and furry tickling the back of my neck. Soon, the hand leaves my back, followed by a problematic feline. I turn my head to see that Ice was playing with a blue ornament dangling from the tree, and I rest my head on Kanda's chest, watching in amusement at the battle taking place between the kitten and the ornament.

The samurai mutters, "You mind getting up?"

"Yes, I do," I tease playfully. "What's the rush?"

"I have a feeling that if we don't get Ice's stuff ready, then she might get aggravated at us, especially when she won't have someplace to hide from the animal-like sounds coming from the bed," he says, slipping a finger through one of my belt loops.

"For the record, the noises are from you," I accuse, moving off him.

He chuckles, "Sure, and I'm also the uke."

"You were once, and you could be again! I don't have to put out, you know!"

"I think that it's only called putting out when said person isn't the instigator. If I remember correctly, you tend to start things." Kanda stands as soon as he's free from my body, and I watch him walk to the closet.

**Author Note: I figured I'd stop there. I know that many, many people are happy now, but I had actually planned this when I wrote chapter 18(when they went to the animal shelter). Anyway, yay for foreshadowing. I also am looking for an idea for a drunk Bookman. It can be as random as you want! Please, Please, PLEASE R/R and add input for the next chapter!**


	27. A Christmas to Remember

**Author Note: Thank you for the reviews, it really makes my day!**

**Me: Ice, will you do the honors?**

**Ice: Meow mew meow mew mew, meow mew. Translation: Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, only the plot.**

**Me: Thanks, and here's chapter 27.**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 27: A Christmas to Remember_

They say that there is great responsibility when caring for a pet. Well, they never told me it would interfere with my sex life.

It's true; Ice wants to be the center of attention at all times, so we ended up closing her up in the bathroom. But even then, she wouldn't stop crying, not that it mattered after a while. Though, I found it amusing that every time Kanda threw an article of clothing across the room, Ice would get it and drag it back to the bed even though she fell several times on it because of her missing appendage. When she did get it to the bed, she would mew happily like it was a life goal of hers. The cat scares me sometimes.

When Kanda and I finally settled down, the feline decided to sleep with Kanda, not that he was thrilled with the small critter cutting off his oxygen supply. I'm serious, he actually held me in one arm with Ice draped across his neck, tail in my face.

That night, I thought that with all the joy in the day that I would have some peace, but it was too much to ask for. My eyes flash open, Kanda asleep beside me and tears streaming from my eyes. Awful things nightmares are. They just sit and laugh that hoarse, callous cackle they have while we humans huddle in fear.

I sit up and in a few seconds, I'm next to the Christmas tree with my pillow. The tears won't stop as images flash through my mind, mostly of Kanda with slashes across his wrists and blood pooled in the floor. I was too late, his body already losing its heat.

"Meow?"

I turn at the small cry from behind me, and Ice is limping across the floor to me. I whisper, "It's okay. I'm okay."

I could almost swear I saw her shake her head as she crawled onto my lap. I was sitting cross-legged, so the she-cat easily placed her front paw on my chest as she stretched up toward me on her hind-paws. Not sure what she was trying to do, I leaned closer to her, and our noses touch. The wetness and coolness coming from her muzzle was somewhat soothing as she purred, pulling away and settling beside me.

Ice gazed at me, sitting and staring into my eyes. There was something oddly familiar in her eyes, something almost haunting. As I tried to pinpoint what that something was, her eyes seemed to flash, and I saw it.

It wasn't her eyes that were familiar, it was mine. Two-faces were represented by the colors, blood red and pure silver. The silver eye was what others saw me as. They thought I was innocent and unharmed, not a scar on me, but the red showed a totally different side, the broken side. I could see the look of not being to find a place to belong, not reaching out to anyone. The red of the blood I had caused myself to shed.

She mewed to me, as if saying finally. I could nearly swear she was human, the way she reacted to me and seemed to respond. I felt like I was staring at the person that was supposed to save me.

I ask, "Are you going to help me with the nightmares?"

"Meow," she replied, and I know I saw it this time. She nodded.

"Why do you seem so human?" I wonder aloud, not sure if there was something more going on. Maybe the vitamins did this? Does talking to a cat count as altering DNA? Ice mewed again, and I switched to lying on my stomach with my arms under my chin, my pillow under my arms.

I mutter, "If you start talking, I'm going to Komui, just saying." Again, the kit nodded, and lay down on her stomach like I was, her one paw under her fuzzy chin as she waited for me to begin. I started, "Well, since I got in this fight with Kanda, I've been getting these awful nightmares."

Seeming confused, Ice looked at the bluenette asleep on the bed and back to me. I say, "Yeah, that's Kanda."

She nodded, and I continue, "Anyways, I keep getting these nightmares about him cutting or committing suicide. It keeps getting worse, and I'm afraid to sleep."

The she-cat stood up, and nosed the different scars on my arms before looking back up at me. I say, "I was a cutter."

She licks the scars and rubbed her cheek against mine lovingly. Before I could say anything, I hear a deep voice from the bed, "Allen, are you talking to the cat?"

"First, I'm not crazy. She actually understands me," I explain.

Kanda replies, "Okay, sure. Please, get some sleep so you don't lose it."

"No, Kanda, I'm serious. If you don't believe me, come see for yourself," I try to convince him. I know I seemed crazy, but I wasn't. Ice could understand me! Hearing a rustle from the bed, I watch Kanda walk over to where I was laying, not bothering to cover his nether regions as he sits. I say, "Ask her a yes or no question."

"I feel so stupid. Ice, are you white?" he asks, looking at me when she doesn't do anything. I say, "She does understand! Believe me!"

"Fine, you try it."

I looked at Ice and ask, "Ice, can you understand me?"

She nods and mews happily. My boyfriend manages to jump a few inches off the ground, even when he was sitting, "The heck?!"

"See, I'm not crazy," I stick my tongue out at him. He rolls his eyes, "Okay, I was wrong, but how are you talking to a cat?"

I shrug, "The pills?"

He nods, "Okay, we assume the pills. I'm going to sleep while I'm still sane. Goodnight."

With that, he climbed back into the bed quickly. I mutter, "Goodnight." I glance at the kit in front of me, "Do you know why you can understand me?"

Unfortunately, Ice shakes her head, looking down. Oh well, it has to be the pills, and as weird as it is to talk to a cat, it made me happy that I could talk to someone that wouldn't judge me or constantly try to protect me.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

I spent the rest of the night talking to Ice about the nightmares I've had, and it calmed me to let them out. Around dawn, I had to let her out on the balcony, and she did as Kanda had said. Good, because I wasn't fond of litter boxes.

Once Ice had done her business, Kanda was sitting on the bed stretching. I say, "You missed Santa. He said you were naughty this year."

"Figures, when I was younger, Tiedoll took the whole thing seriously, and so Daisya and Marie would always get candy and other things in their stockings, but all I ever got was a lump of coal." He stood up and moved to his dresser, opening the drawer and finding his clothes. I hardly saw the white flash before Ice was nosing around in his underwear drawer. Laughing, I fall to my side, "Ice, what are you doing?"

"Mew," she replies, popping her head over the side of his drawer. Kanda bops her hind legs, and she leaps out, not stumbling or pausing a second before she darts to me. I was laying on my side and I couldn't tell if she meant to or not, but when she tried to make the jump over my waist, her back legs caught and she was left dangling over me.

I glance at her as she cries in defeat loudly, and Kanda mutters, "It's not as cute when you can't breathe."

I giggle, "She says that it's your fault for not rewarding her when she kept bringing the clothes back."

"Wait, she said that?" he gives me a worried look. I sigh, "No, have you heard of joking? Just because she understands me doesn't mean I can hear her talk."

"Whatever. The Christmas party is at five, so we have plenty of time to do something, if you want," he says, beginning to put on his clothes. About that time is when I remember that I was laying naked in the floor, and after putting Ice to the side, I sit up and cover myself with my pillow. Kanda rolls his eyes, "Well, I know one pastime is out."

I puff out my chest, "Just because we're dating doesn't mean that I have to be immodest."

"I don't consider it immodest. Why is it immodest even though I haven't taken a shower by myself in weeks, and we have sex relatively often?"

I growl, "Because it makes me feel like a porn star or something."

"Sure, whatever you say," the bluenette says, tossing some clothes to me. I smile gratefully, slipping on the turtleneck and pulling out my agate necklace from the confining fabric. Half the time, I totally forget I'm wearing it, but it never bothers me. Looking at it, I say, "If Mana was here, he would know the charm to use to make the nightmares go away."

"I can't help you there," Kanda says, getting on his knees in front of me. Ice mews sorrowfully from where she was beside me and, after hopping onto the pillow on my lap, begins nuzzling against me in an attempt to comfort me. My boyfriend leans close to me and gently presses our lips together.

I was grateful for the comfort and, once Ice was on the floor, I wrap my arms around his neck, bringing him closer. He doesn't hesitate to follow the request, slowly pushing me down to the floor before pulling away when he was on his elbows above me. I say, "Don't stop."

He smirks, and our lips meet again, his large hands tenderly caressing my hair and face. I freeze when I feel two fingers trace the star on my forehead and the rest of my scar, and he breaks away long enough to kiss my left eye, my cursed eye.

I look up at him, "I thought you thought my eye was cursed."

"I needed a reason to hate you, didn't I?" he replied before kissing lovingly down my jaw. It was rare for him to be this gentle with me, and when he was, I cherished every second of it. It's not that I don't like his rough side because I do, I _really_ do, but that's something that most would expect from the samurai. Very few people would suspect that he could be as careful as he is with me.

I quietly ask, "Why are you so gentle with me?"

He stops and meets my gaze, his midnight eyes showing only love, "Why would I not be? As much as people seem to disagree with it, I do have a heart."

I smile and push up to make our lips meet again. As he's preoccupied with that, I roll us over, pinning him down.

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

I don't really need to explain what we did the rest of the day before the Christmas party, but I actually managed to sleep for a few hours without the nightmares. Kanda promised that he would stay awake and watch over me like a guardian angel, and he did. Four hours he held me in one arm and the book I got him in the other, and Ice stayed curled up in my arm, the one that wasn't clutching my boyfriend's shirt.

Now, I was walking beside Kanda on the way to the cafeteria for the party, our fingers intertwined. He even willingly put on a tattoo on his upper right arm where everyone can see the skull with a black snake winding through the eye sockets. It was the size of five quarters placed together, and most people noticed it since they were already staring at him for wearing no sleeves in late December and holding my hand. I can tell from most of their expressions that the thought going across their minds was: _Oh. My. Gosh. Yu Kanda is showing emotion!_

If it had been me looking at Kanda holding someone's hand that would have been my first thought. Okay, so that's a lie since my first thought would be several cuss words and a death threat to the attached person, but after that.

I smile and giggle at the idea. No one's dumb enough to hold my man's hand. Only people with a death wish would do that. We turn into the cafeteria, and immediately I hear, "YU!"

Three, two, one. Mugen was pressed to Lavi's throat, and Kanda growled, "What did you call me?"

"K-Kanda," the rabbit squeaks, probably not breathing. My boyfriend sheathes his katana swiftly, and I see Lenalee walk over to us, "Hey, how have you guys been?"

I reply, "Great, I absolutely _loved_ my Christmas present!"

"Good," she said. "Most everybody's already eating. Come on."

We followed her to a huge buffet table where I happily piled high several plates. As we sat down, I wondered if Something Mana Walker would have a parasitic-type Innocence. I know Jerry would love that, but Kanda would probably have nightmares. I quickly finished eating, waiting for a while before the others finished, too.

"Champagne?" a finder dressed in red asked, tall, skinny glasses with a sparkling ginger-colored liquid in them on a tray she held. I shake my head, and I'm slightly taken off guard when Lavi and Kanda both take one. Lenalee gives me a scared look, and I return it. None of us were old enough to drink! Both of them still needed two more years, I needed four, and Lenalee five. What if they got drunk?

"Um, Kanda, are you sure you should drink that?" I ask hesitantly. He raises an eyebrow at me before taking a sip. When he set the glass back down, he replies, "I've drank before, and I don't plan on getting drunk again. Tiedoll told me that the Order allows drinking at eighteen, not twenty-one."

"It's true, but I still don't think it's right," Lenalee said, watching Lavi set down his glass, now only half full. "I remember full well the night when these two both got drunk, and I ended up taking care of their hung over butts."

"Exactly, which is why I said I don't plan on getting drunk again," Kanda said, eyeing the champagne like it was poison. I say, "I don't remember that happening."

"That was because you were on a mission. What was it? The ghost ship?" Lavi explained. I nod and ask, "What happened?"

"Five too many shots," Kanda muttered. "Baka Usagi here challenged me to a drinking contest. I really wish I hadn't won."

Lenalee continued, "Yes, Lavi wouldn't stop trying to make-out with-"

"Shut up," Kanda interrupted, death glaring the girl. I gave him a horrified look and glanced between him and Lavi, "No, Kanda, you didn't."

"And he was fine with it!" Lenalee exclaimed. "If it wasn't for me, I'm afraid of what would have happened on that table. Evil samurai, running his hands all over my man."

I put my hands over my face, "Oh gosh. I didn't need that image."

"As I said, I'm never getting drunk again," the bluenette repeated, taking another drink.

I say, "Good."

"I was scared that night. It's not every day that you make-out with Yu Kanda, and then watch him play hide-and-seek with Lenalee," the rabbit said despite the obvious death glare Kanda was giving him. The surly teen threatens, "Do you have a death wish?"

It was going to be a long night.

**Author Note: Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays, and Happy Birthday Allen! Tell me what you think and please, Please, PLEASE R/R!**


	28. More Ultrasounds, More Questions

**Author Note: I'm not answering any questions about Ice. (:P)**

**Me: Komui, will you do the honors?**

**Komui: Okay, Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, only the plot.**

**Me: Thank you, and on to chapter 28.**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 28: More Ultrasounds, More Questions_

"Do you care to tell me exactly what you did to Lavi that night?" I ask, running my fingers through Kanda's wet hair. He agreed to let me wash it, and I was more than elated about it, but I wanted to know the details about when he got drunk.

He groans quietly, but replies, "I didn't _do_ anything to him."

"According to Lenalee there was a table involved," I protest, squirting the shampoo into my hand. I breathed in deeply as I slather the sticky liquid into his long hair, the scent of Moonlight Mist wafting around me. He says, "First, I was drunk. Second, I did pin him to a table and rip his shirt off."

I yanked on his hair, and he winced, "Okay, I deserved that, I guess."

"Yeah, you did," I growl, continuing to run my fingers through his cobalt hair. He says, "For the record, we weren't dating at the time, and again I say, I was drunk!"

"Excuses, excuses," I grumble, turning him around so he could rinse. "Do you ever want to pin me to a table?"

"All the time, Kitten," he smirks as he closes his eyes and begins to get rid of the suds in his luscious hair.

"Meow," I hear a high pitched cry from outside the shower just before a white head pops inside between the curtain and tile wall. Ice puts a paw on the porcelain of the tub experimentally, and I warn, "Ice, there is water in here."

Kanda chuckles, "I think she's smart enough to know that."

Never the less, the kit hops into the tub, sliding around on her three legs in the water. I watch in amusement as she unsuccessfully tries to dodge the soap and water falling from Kanda's hair, but she doesn't see to mind the water. She finally figures out that it's safe by me and starts rubbing on my leg, her fur plastered to her sides as I pick her up. The bluenette says, "Great, we're not even safe in the shower."

"That's so mean!" I say, cradling the small she-cat to my chest and nuzzling her head. She looks up at me and mews. I told her, "He says you're a nuisance, Ice."

"Meow," she replied, looking at Kanda. He says, "Yeah, she scares me."

I give him a pouty face, "It's the pills, not her. She's just trying to help."

Ice nods and cries, reaching her front paw towards him. Hesitantly, the samurai takes the feline from my arms just as the pain hits me. I gasp, doubling over and sinking into the tub, clutching my stomach. Before I knew it, Kanda was beside me and Ice was crying loudly. My boyfriend asks, "Are you okay?"

I nod, smiling weakly, "Just…cramps. It'll pass in…a minute or two."

The pain was awful though I had definitely felt worse. It was like someone had stuck a bouncy ball up my butt and, after it got situated, it grew inch long spikes. _Only six more months to go,_ I thought. I was a third of the way there.

After a few minutes of pain, the cramp subsided, and I stood up, happy with the relief. Kanda asked, "It's gone?"

I nod and I was about to say something when I coughed, the wetness telling me that the liquid in my hand was blood. Putting my hand under the running shower head, I wipe my mouth with my other hand.

"I still think there's something abnormal about coughing up blood," Kanda said, holding Ice in one arm and turning so I had access to his hair when I snagged the conditioner. I spread it through his long locks, and say, "Like I said when you saw it the first time, it's normal when there's a fake uterus in me."

Ice mewed, as if trying to convince him, and I ask, "Ice, do you think Kanda should shut up and stop worrying?"

"Meow," she replied, and I know she must have nodded because Kanda che'd and said, "Oh, shut up."

"This is why animals don't like you," I say, finishing his hair and turning him around. He shoved Ice at me, and I roll my eyes, nuzzling her and asking, "Was he being mean to you?"

She nodded with a cry, pulling herself up to drape her body over my shoulder with her one front leg. I say, "See, now you made her upset."

A mew of assent sounded from behind me, and Kanda growled, "I wasn't mean to her, she just creeps me out sometimes."

"He says you're creepy," I tell the kit on my shoulder. She squirms a little and manages to go around my neck to my left shoulder. Now, she was actually glaring at the bluenette, and I giggle, "One night you're going to wake up to her staring at you while you sleep."

"Evil kitten," he says, continuing to rinse his hair, and Ice cried, looking at me like she wanted the translation of what he said. I smile and tattle, "He called you evil."

"Mew meow meow mew," she cried angrily before rubbing her cheek against my neck, and I say, "I think she just told you off and said I'm her favorite."

He growled, "Like I care."

"Mew," she meowed, and I take her off my shoulder, holding her out in front of me. I say, "Do you want me to wash your fur?"

She nods with a cry, and I sit down with her, taking the bottle of coconut shampoo from the edge of the tub. I pour a little in my hand and rub it on her back, starting a nice lather. She didn't seem to mind at all, and in a few minutes, she was squeaky clean and her fur was silky smooth from the conditioner. The shampoo I used was like the Dawn that saves wildlife, so it wouldn't hurt her as long as most of it was out, and it was.

In about an hour, I was lying beside Kanda in bed, Ice asleep on his chest despite their earlier conflict. I was curled up in his side, an arm across his waist, and I mutter, "Traitor."

The said traitor didn't hear me and my boyfriend chuckled, "Who was her favorite again?"

"Shut up," I say. "I might just pledge abstinence."

He replies, "You wouldn't last long."

"I might not, but it would drive you nuts. Especially if I prance around in that costume Foxy gave me." It was a total bluff, abstinence and the costume, but I heard his breath hitch and his heart beat faster. He asked, "What costume?"

"Nothing much, just a Playboy bunny outfit," I lie. "Do you think I'm sexy with a bunny tail?"

"I think you're sexy anyways, but it is tempting," he replies, and I say, "I'm sekushi and I know it."

Kanda smirks and I feel the hand that was on my back creep lower. I say, "Nope, not tonight."

He huffs, but says nothing more on the matter. I nuzzle closer to him, but still am not content with the lacking contact because of a certain she-cat. I ask, "Ice?"

"Meow?" her head pops up and she looks at me. I continue, "Will you let Kanda and I cuddle? You would have to sleep on the pillow."

She thinks about it before nodding and limping off Kanda's chest and settling on the pillow behind my head. Immediately, the bluenette's arms are around me completely, and I'm much happier with the position as I say, "Thank you."

I get a mew in reply as I slowly drift to sleep.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

It's been several days since Christmas, and my nightmares were beginning to cease. I really believe it had something to do with talking to Ice and telling her about them. It makes me feel weird, but it helps so much.

"Anyway, but after that we had sex for the first time. It was so weird since I was Kanda, but I guess it really makes me understand how he felt that night," I tell the kit sitting beside me. In the last nightmare I had, I was Kanda and I was looking at myself the night he found out about me cutting. Since the Christmas tree is gone now, Ice and I watch the sun rise every morning. She even wakes me up on the mornings I'm not already up.

"It was horrible, too," Kanda says from the bed. He's taken to eavesdropping most the time when I'm talking to Ice, but it doesn't bother me that much. It's not like I can stop him from it, and he doesn't judge me. I reply, "It wasn't all that great for me either."

I think for a moment and then correct, "The suicide, not the sex. The sex was awesome."

He smirks and says, "Well, I'm glad that I met your standards."

I blush, standing up, and Ice cries, following me to my dresser. I had to wear a button-up today because of the ultrasound, and I wasn't very happy about it since I didn't like wearing white and I didn't own any black button-ups.

As I pull out the shirt and jeans, an ivory fur ball hopped into the drawer, and she curls up while I change. I look down at her and ask, "May I assist you?"

"Mew," she cries, gazing up at me with her mismatched eyes. Laughing, I reach down and bring the feline up in my arms. I nuzzle her head as she purrs and say, "You are just the cutest living thing on Earth!"

"Thanks," Kanda says from his dresser. "Glad to know I was outranked by a cat."

I glance at him, "You were never in the running for _cute_. Yu Kanda is the sexiest man alive, but not cute."

"Okay, I'll take it," he smirks, pulling on some jeans and a dark blue button-up. I roll my eyes and scratch behind Ice's ear, "What do you think, Ice? Is Kanda sexy?"

She looks at the bluenette across the room and seems to inspect him before mewing and nodding. I laugh, and Kanda mutters, "Suck up."

"Hey, when a cat thinks you're sexy, you should go with it," I tell him, setting down the kitten so I could finish getting ready. As I was buttoning my shirt, I feel warm hands on the front of my jeans, zipping them up. I hadn't even noticed him coming over to me, and I say, "What are you doing?"

"Helping you get ready," he replied, fixing the button and then moving to the shirt. I let my hands fall to my sides as he finishes up, and when he's done I slip my arms around his waist and pull him to me. Kanda leans down and our lips clash harshly.

He nips my bottom lip, slipping his tongue into my mouth when I gasp and exploring. We finally break apart for air, my chest heaving as I breathe, "Was it not rough enough last night for you?"

He smirks, "Nope, but we need to go. You won't be safe for long though."

"Don't forget about the baby," I remind him, following him out the door. Telling Ice goodbye, I make sure she's in the room before shutting the door. As we walk to the medical wing, Kanda asks, "Are you going to tell Komui about talking to Ice?"

"Why would I?" I reply, holding his left hand in both of mine.

He shrugs, "It might be important."

We turn into the doorway and walk towards the room we were in last time. When I detached from my boyfriend and opened the door, Komui, Lenalee, and Lavi were there waiting. Kanda growls, "Why's Usagi here?"

"Well, I wanted to see the baby!" the rabbit answered from where he sat next to Lenalee. While the samurai death glared him, I got on the bed and unbuttoned my shirt. I watched the scientist get the jelly, unhappy to have it smeared on my stomach again.

Flinching, I take in a breath from the coldness of the glop, but it was a much smaller issue when Lavi leaned closer to Kanda where sat beside him and whispered something in his ear. The bluenette froze and mouthed to me, "Can I tell him? He figured it out."

I nod, and Kanda did the same, Lavi looking down at his hands now. Not noticing the stick Komui had retrieved, I jump when it's pressed to my skin. He looks at me and says, "Sorry."

I smile, waiting for the image on the monitor to come up. Lenalee and the rabbit were practically shaking with anticipation, and Kanda, though obviously trying to suppress all emotion, was watching the monitor like it was me in a Playboy bunny costume. That was a bad example. You get the picture: Kanda was staring at it.

Finally, the image came up. It wasn't much more defined than the one before, but the baby was definitely bigger. The only girl in the room squeals, "She's so cute!"

"Sure," Lavi says, but he still has an expression somewhat resembling Kanda's, only not as obvious. My boyfriend then says, "What's that?"

"The baby, idiot," I say, not understanding what was wrong until Komui seemed to inspect the picture, and then I see it.

It wasn't noticeable, but there was a short stick poking out of the ball that was our baby. I say, "Is something wrong?!"

Komui had an evil grin and asked, "You got a cat, correct? Have you noticed being able to talk to it?"

I froze, but answered, "Yeah, she seems to understand me."

"Bull, Ice will nod and shake her head," Kanda interjected, glaring at the lunatic. "What does it have to do with the baby?"

Lavi says, "Yu is an overprotective daddy."

No one paid attention to the comment as Komui explained, "First, the baby's a girl. The type of Innocence she possesses can only bond with females."

"Told you it was a girl," I say as Lenalee dances in a circle. She says, "I'm going to be a substitute mom!"

"Anyways, what is the Innocence?" the samurai asks, obviously wanting to know what his daughter's power will be.

"It's called Neko," Komui states.

"Really? It's called 'cat'?" Kanda says. I'm assuming that it's the Japanese word for cat, but it I just want to know more about it.

The scientist doesn't answer, but instead digs into a bag beside the bed. When he hands me a book, he says, "I brought a few books in case of the Innocence having an extension."

I take the book and read the title. It was called "Neko: The Innocence of the Feline". It was the size of a manga, and it seemed to have everything you could ask in it. Komui says, "You and Kanda should read that. Neko is one of the most powerful Innocence forms there are and it's extremely rare."

I nod, smiling like an idiot. Lenalee and Lavi were muttering about it, and Kanda looked somewhat pleased. I have a feeling that he's happy with his daughter being very powerful. Maybe he's hiding the horror that she'll have a parasitic-type Innocence, at least that's what I assume since she's growing a tail I think. I couldn't be more proud of her, and I was right. It's a girl!

**Author Note: Sorry about the short chapter, but you find out about the Innocence type in the next chapter. I have most of the powers of it sorted out, but if you have any ideas, by all means tell me, and pleas, Please, PLEASE R/R!**


	29. Neko News

**Author Note: Hey guys, sorry about the late update, but I have chapters 29-32 written. I didn't have Ch. 29 done before I left Kentucky on Friday and then I got dropped at my Meme and Poppy's directly, where there is no internet. Though, I should get a chapter a day until Friday, but I'm giving a little time for side-picking. Hehe, you'll have to wait until Ch. 32 to know what I mean! I'm so evil!**

**Me: Allen, will you do the honors?**

**Allen: Sure, Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, just the plot. By the way, what is with the side-picking?**

**Me: All I'm letting on is that you won't be happy half the time.**

**Allen: What? Half the time? TELL ME!**

**Me: Chapter 29 time!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 29: Neko News_

I plop down on the bed next to Ice, who was asleep and practically jumped out of her fur. Laughing, I say, "Sorry, we found out what Innocence the baby has!"

The kit immediately composed herself and looked up at me, her striking eyes asking for details. I continue, "She has a Neko Innocence."

Ice tilts her head to the side with a small mew, confused. Taking the feline in my arms, I say, "It means she's very cat-like, which means that I might be able to talk to you because of her powers rubbing off on me."

She nods, purring as I scratch behind her ear. Lavi, Lenalee, Kanda, and I all went and ate lunch together after the ultrasound, but when I was done, the rabbit wanted to talk to Kanda a bit longer so I went on back to the room. I can't believe the grouchy samurai agreed to it, but that only makes me suspicious.

I wanted to wait on Kanda to get back to read the book, but it had been about ten minutes since I left. What was taking him so long? What would Lavi want to talk to him about without me there? Unless….

At that moment, my boyfriend walked through the door and sat beside me on the bed, and I ask, "Was he talking to you about me cutting?"

"No," he says, looking at the floor, but I can see the flash of guilt illuminate his dark eyes. Heck, I thought guilt was nonexistent in Kanda's mind.

I rest my pointer and middle fingers under his chin, bringing his face up to stare him in the eye, "Say that and look me in the eyes."

He holds the gaze, but when his mouth opens, nothing comes out. Closing his eyes, he admits, "He wanted to know what happened, when I found out, and if you still were."

I nod, removing my hand from his chin to pat Ice's head, who was curled up in my lap, "You're a bad liar."

"Good," he mutters, kissing my cheek. "Now, I want to know about the baby."

Glad to be off the negative note, I take the book from the end of the bed. Kanda was propped up against the wall, his legs apart, and I climbed between them, lying with my back against his chest as his arms went around me, taking the book. I smile, looking at the book in front of me as my boyfriend opened it.

I was right about Neko being a parasitic-type Innocence, and I say, "You know, I think she'll try to annoy you with that."

"She might, but I'm going to teach her manners," he retorted, but then placed a chaste kiss on my crown. Who knew he could act innocent? I mean, I'm definitely an Innocent Uke, but he's a Sadistic Seme or sometimes a Romantic Seme. Innocent doesn't fit with him. Now, I emphasize that he can _act_ innocent, very clearly act.

"It's nothing to do with manners. I've got manners, but I choose to annoy you instead," I tell him, giggling. He doesn't say anything, just continues through the book. As I had assumed, the thing sticking out on the sonogram was a tail, and depending on the cat breed she's fused with will determine the tail length, furriness, and ear shape. What was really interesting in my opinion was that the cat can be anything from a common tabby to a lion. The bigger the feline or more powerful in nature helps with her power level and some of her abilities.

The gifts a Neko exorcist has is truly phenomenal, that being that the one ability is feline-like capabilities, but that category expands. All Neko exorcists have ear and tails, both fully functional. The ears take the place of human ones, like my arm, and they give their host super hearing, and some can detect akuma by the sound they make when the soul inside cries, a sound that I was very familiar with.

If the breed the Neko is fused with has a long tail, sometimes after years of practice, the exorcist can teach itself how to morph the end into a sword, like how I changed my arm into a gun and sword. The tail also gives great balance, and can be used to hold on to things to hang from the object. So if the baby was hiding from an akuma, when she's older obviously, she could dangle herself from a tree if she had enough strength in the appendage.

All Neko exorcists have the ability to shape shift into a feline form in cases of getting through small spaces I assume, but somehow, I don't think that would help a tiger Neko. They also have heightened speed and jumping, which again increases in their feline form. Big cats, like tigers, lions, and leopards, have the power to roar so loudly that it can take out targets that are in a twenty foot radius, but of course, this can affect other exorcists. Say if I was fighting beside Something Mana Walker if she was a lion Neko, she could use the ability, but I might go deaf and more than likely get knocked out for several hours, though I would truly have to be right next to her to lose my hearing.

Of course, Neko exorcists are extremely flexible, and generally are very athletic and excel in gymnastics. They have night vision, and great eye sight overall. Most Nekos are considered as beautiful as Aphrodite because of their striking eyes, always brightly colored, and can range from silver, red, green, yellow, blue, purple, and even neon pink, all very attention-seeking. I personally think that the baby will have silver eyes like me, but you never know.

Their hair length is also dependent on the feline their connected to. If it's a short-haired cat, like a Siamese, then the exorcist's hair generally won't grow out past a pixie-cut or sometimes a bob-cut. Long-haired cats, like a Himalayan, have hair as long as Kanda's, but the Neko can choose to cut it shorter or not. Hair color is the same way. Tiger Nekos have orange hair with black streaks through it. Cheetah or leopard Nekos have certain spots on their head that the hair grows out black, and it will usually come out with random parts of black hair, like an ebony streak in the Neko's bangs, and then the rest is yellow-brown, but underneath there's more black. It's hard to explain, but it doesn't look like the hair is patterned as if it was tattooed.

Next, a Neko exorcist's hands can morph into large paws with razor sharp claws, slightly resembling Fou's, only the claws can grow up to five inches long. Two of their teeth are pointed into canines, and in battle, large cat Neko's can turn them into sabers after much training to do so.

Lastly, this is the part that stood out to me, all Neko exorcists have the ability to talk and communicate with cats of all species. Congrats Ice, we aren't crazy! Women that gave birth to Neko exorcists, like others that birthed parasitic-type exorcists, were questioned when willing, and all that cooperated said that they seemed to have a connection with cats in their nine months, which included the cats seeming to respond to them.

"Ha, told you a wasn't crazy!" I say, bending back toward Kanda. He responds, "Okay, but the cat still freaks me out."

"Mew," Ice cries from my lap, where she had perched a few hours ago. We had read the entire book in six hours, an accomplishment in my mind. I glance at the kit and reply, "We know that it's the baby that makes it possible for me and you to talk, but Kanda says that you still freak him out."

With that, Ice stands on her three legs, her tail fluffed up in anger, and hops onto the bluenette's leg, walking up his body. I move out of the way as she glares and makes her way up his chest, stopping when her front paw was on his chin and she was eye-level with him. I roll over laughing as she licks him on the lips, and his eyes grow as he tries to get her off. When he does remove her, she's thrust into my arms, mewling happily at how much she got under his skin.

I giggle, "Good job, Ice." I nuzzle her, and we exchange an Eskimo kiss. The samurai scoffs, standing from the bed and walking into the bathroom. Hearing him brush his teeth, I follow him in, the ivory feline still in my arms.

"She was just getting revenge," I say, hopping up on the vanity beside him, and the kitten in my arms mews assent. Kanda spits and turns off the water, setting the toothbrush aside, "And now my mouth tastes like cat tongue."

I smile, "So? I wouldn't mind tasting cat tongue."

"Great, then you can let Ice stick her tongue down your throat," he growls, returning back into the bedroom. Once again, I trail behind him, wishing that he would stick his tongue down my throat instead, but I wasn't going to say that out loud. That would be humiliating, though he has forced me to say and do some really stupid things. Well, they weren't stupid, just embarrassing, but I think it turned him on even more. I'll never figure him out, and truthfully, I'm not sure I want to.

It was about five now, and I was getting ready to suggest going to the cafeteria when my stomach did it for me. As he always does, Kanda smirks and slips on his jacket while throwing me mine. Thankfully, this time no boxers fell out, but as I set Ice on the bed and was walking towards the door, my boyfriend smacked my rear, causing me to yelp.

"What is it with you and spanking me?" I growl, putting a bit of distance between us as we walked. It didn't help much since he slid his finger through one of my belt loops and pulled me to him as he whispered in my ear, "Because you're so much cuter with your butt red. Your cheeks turn pink and you make the cutest noise, like you're my little puppy."

I feel the heat rise in my cheeks as I say, "If I'm your puppy then you're my Kandyman."

"Why? Is it because I have a real big ah?" he smirks in my ear, and when he says the last part, I can feel his breath. I smile seductively, "Precisely."

We break apart to just holding hands as we enter the cafeteria. It was the day after Christmas so the dining room wasn't as crowded because of all the finders and exorcists that were sent on missions, including Lavi and Miranda. Not that it bothered me, and I had been wanting to have a night out with Lenalee anyways, so I guess Lavi being away helped with that.

I know Kanda wouldn't mind since he wasn't as clingy as I am and he reads to pass the time. He wouldn't be lonely or anything like that.

I was soon done with my plates of food and waiting for Kanda to finish his, but I didn't mind. Truthfully, I like watching him eat. Okay, so maybe it's closer to I like watching him do anything, but still, my point is I don't mind waiting for him to finish.

A few minutes later, we walked into our room, Ice immediately in my arms as I sat down on the bed. Kanda silently slipped into the bathroom, unbuttoning his shirt as he went.

Quietly, I settled the kit in my arms onto the bed and followed the bluenette into the bathroom, shutting the door so a certain feline wouldn't interrupt our shower again. When I got into the bathroom, my boyfriend was adjusting the faucet on the tub, the steam rising from the water as it pooled in the bottom of the tub, not allowed to sink into the drain by the stopper.

"Since when do you like taking baths?" I ask, forgetting about the buttons and just pull my shirt over my head. He straightens, shrugging out of his shirt and jeans quickly, "I generally don't, but I wanted to make you comfortable. We have reason to celebrate."

I nod with a grin, turning around as I strip the rest of the way down. I know that he hates it when I do that, but he doesn't mention it, and I hear the water slosh slightly as he sits in the water. My clothes now piled in the corner next to the cabinet with Kanda's, I follow him into the tub, sitting across from him with our legs jumbled up from the limited space, and I lay my head back on tile wall, the heat of the water soothing me. That's when the memories start flowing back. The last time I sat like this was when he was cleaning the cut on my shoulder while I writhed and moaned like a ho from the numbness.

I bring my head back up, looking at Kanda as I ask, "Were you scared that night?"

I didn't need to elaborate what I was referring to because immediately his eyes changed, the dark cobalt flooding with sadness and realization. The bluenette looked at his hands, "What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean," I say. "I told you what I felt that night, and now I want to know what you felt and were thinking."

Continuing to stare at his clenched hands, he replied, "Yeah, I was scared. I thought that if I stopped you from hitting me that you would hurt yourself more, even though you did anyways. I wanted to protect you, but I just hated my own weakness when I couldn't."

"You did what you could. I didn't want to be protected," I try to comfort him, watching his jaw tense as I said the words. He shakes his head, "But if I can't help you then who will? No one else knew what you were going through, or what you felt in it."

I didn't really know what to say. I mean, I could have chosen so many different topics, but no, I just had to make the relaxing time I could spend with my boyfriend into making him feel bad about himself. It's not a good feeling. "You said yourself that you didn't understand the need I had to hurt myself."

"Had or have?" he asked, finally meeting my gaze. The shadowed orbs were filled with love and almost asked for their mistake, as if it was their owner's fault that I started cutting.

"Had, I don't want to cut anymore, and truthfully, I never wanted to. It becomes an addiction, and I didn't want to, but I actually _needed_ it to feel complete. You and the baby are all I need anymore," I explain, cutting off the water and leaving us in silence, a silence I wish would end. Thankfully, Kanda eventually replied, "Good, I never want you to pick up a razor ever again."

I promise, "And I won't."

Silence filled the air once again as we sat there, the only sound the occasional drip of the bath faucet. Then, the samurai says, "I lied."

That caught my attention, and I look at him to find him gazing right back as he continues, "I knew a cutter before you, but not until he stopped."

"Who?" I ask, wondering if it was someone in the Order. I can't think of anyone that close to him other than Lenalee, Tiedoll, Marie, and-

"Daisya," he whispers, looking away to stare at his hands again. "When he was still in his house, before he was an exorcist, he would use a piece of glass from a vase his dad broke and kept it hidden in a small box under his bed."

My eyes widen, "How did you find out?"

"Years ago, Tiedoll insisted that Daisya, Marie, and I get together and share our deepest secrets to become closer. I won't tell Marie's, but Daisya told us everything without a second thought. He said that it was the only thing that made him feel alive before he became an exorcist," Kanda says.

I nod, "Basically the opposite of me. That's why you were so shocked when I was talking about how it made me numb."

"Yeah," he admits. The rest of the time in the shower was spent talking about cutting. It wasn't as depressing as you would think. Kanda had so many questions, and I told him to ask anything and that I would answer them the best I could. What would you call it, bonding time? That sounds more like family, but that's the extent of it.

**Author Note: I make things so depressing, don't I? Anyway, the next chapter will be very funny, so be ready to laugh, and please, Please, PLEASE R/R! All inspiration and ideas for anything is greatly appreciated! Plus, I got a laptop for Christmas! No more long waits for chapters! Candyman- Christina Aguilera. **


	30. Tales of Drunk Caregivers

**Author Note: Thank you for your input to this story with your reviews! It really means so much to me and I definitely wouldn't be able to write this chapter without the ideas from Cana99 (Bookman), The3leonine (Tiedoll), my Aunt T (Komui), and my dad (Cross). Thanks so much! (Also, none of the mentioned people experienced these things, just witnessed them, except Cana99 who just has a creative mind.)**

**Me: Lavi, will you do the honors?**

**Lavi: Okay, Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, just the plot.**

**Me: Thank you, and now on to chapter 30. I can't believe it's chapter **_**30**_**!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 30: Tales of Drunk Caregivers_

"Wait, are Komui and Reever together?"

"Cross can do cartwheels?"

"Where did Bookman get kitty panties and a wedding dress?"

"Why was Tiedoll wearing a bikini, and how did he get painted green?"

Amazingly enough, these questions were asked during the game Lavi forced Lenalee, Kanda, and I to play. Though, I really didn't need any of the thoughts racing through my mind.

"Hey, guys! I'm back from my mission with Miranda!" an annoyingly familiar voice sounds from behind me. The bluenette beside me swallows his mouthful of soba and growls, "Yes, and it was so much more peaceful, too."

"Yu, I missed you!" the suicidal rabbit exclaims before throwing his arms around Kanda's neck. As I said, a suicidal rabbit, and his attempt would have succeeded if I hadn't come to the rescue, that rescue being kissing Kanda with plenty of tongue while Lenalee pulled Lavi to the other side of the table. I hear a few wolf whistles being released around the cafeteria before I pull away from my boyfriend, a string a saliva connecting us before it breaks and I wipe it away from my chin as Kanda does the same.

"Okay lovebirds, I don't need to see you guys make-out," Lenalee says, sitting across from me with Lavi in the chair beside her, across from Kanda. I say, "Well, you definitely seem fine with it when you get a nosebleed."

She laughs, "Exactly, I want to watch, but this is a new blouse that doesn't need blood splatters."

She emphasizes her point by smoothing the cranberry button-up, and I notice that it did look nice on her. I think about it for a moment and then say, "Next time you wear it, you should add a black mini-skirt and black and white striped leggings. A gold necklace would be good to go with it, too, or you could go for a gothic look with a black skull earring and necklace set."

"Thanks," she replies. "I was hoping to get a little advice from you. You are a much better fashion advisor than I am."

I smile, "Thanks."

Kanda and the rabbit are both staring at me somewhat like they did when they were informed I picked out her dress on the date to Red Lobster. Rolling my eyes, I mutter, "Can you guys stop staring at me? I mean, seriously, it's not like I invented the pencil!"

"Sorry, Allen," Lavi apologized, and Kanda mumbled something before returning to his soba. I know better than to think that my boyfriend would give me real apology in public, but I figure he might later.

"Hey, I have an idea!" the Baka Usagi says. "What if we had a competition?"

"No," Kanda growled.

"It'll be fun!"

"No."

"But-"

"No, now shut it."

I sigh, "Kanda, let's just listen, and if it's something stupid then you and I can go entertain ourselves."

"Fine, proceed Usagi," Kanda uttered, glaring at the rabbit. Said rabbit smiles and says, "Okay, well, we go back to one of our rooms and we each tell a story about our caregiver getting drunk. Whoever has the funniest story wins."

"I'm game," Lenalee says. "Komui got drunk once, and I didn't stop having nightmares for a week."

I laugh, "I want to hear this, so if it takes telling a story about Cross, fine."

"Che, whatever," Kanda said, and I say, "That's a yes. Let's go to our room. I think Lenalee might get in trouble if she's seen with three guys walking into her room."

"Very true, and my room's tiny and messy," Lavi adds, standing.

Kanda growls a few cuss words under his breath, but still stands and takes care of his soba before leading us toward our room. Well, I don't think he was leading, but it worked for Lenalee, Baka Usagi, and I.

When the four of us get to the door to mine and Kanda's room, the surly teen unlocks the door, and we walk in just as a white fur ball leaps into my arms. I say, "Ice, this is Lenalee and Lavi."

The feline looks between them and then back to me, tilting her head with a mew. I say, "They're my friends."

She shakes her head and leaps to the floor, landing perfectly as always regardless of her missing leg. After pushing my leg until I was practically leaning against Kanda, she did the same to Lenalee so her and Lavi were together and looked between us, "Meow?"

"Lavi and Lenalee are dating like Kanda and I are," I explain, and she nods, trotting over to the bed and hopping up on it. Lenalee says, "I know you said she acted human, but that's ridiculous!"

"Tell me about it. We even have to shut the door to the bathroom when we take a shower or she'll get in with us," I reply, sitting on the bed next to the curled up kit. "So, are we going to play?"

"Yeah, I'll go first," Lavi volunteered, snagging a pillow from the top bunk and plopping down across from me on the floor. His girlfriend sat next to him, and I slid down to the floor next to Kanda with my back against the bed. The rabbit began, "Let's see here…oh! A few years ago, there was a new year's party and Jiji had two beers. Needless to say, he got drunk, and I generally try to keep up with him, but I was leading him back to his room and he snuck away. I was running around the Order looking for him and then I found him dancing on a table in the cafeteria wearing a wedding dress.

"When I tried to get him off, Reever and Johnny, both also drunk, started throwing dollar bills on us and were telling us to get it on. Disturbed by the thought, I pulled a little too hard, and the Panda fell off the table. The wedding dress flew up in the back when he fell and he was wearing a kitty thong."

"Where did Bookman get kitty panties and a wedding dress?" I ask, not happy with the visual. Lavi just shrugs, "No sure about the dress, but the panties came from Klaud Nine."

Three pairs of eyes bulged. None of us would look at the General the same way ever again. The rabbit continues, "Anyways, after he got up, he started running around like a lunatic screaming that the Japanese were coming to steal all the chopsticks in the kitchen."

Kanda growls, "I'd like to see them try."

Ignoring the comment, Lavi proceeds, "Hearing this, Reever ran to tell Komui, but I don't know what happened to him since he never came back. Jerry was in the kitchen and came out to see what was happening, but he was tackled by Jiji and they started making-out on the floor. I think Jerry was seriously tipsy at that point, too, and I had already seen him down three shots.

"After that Johnny yelled that my hair was on fire, and then he hit me behind the head with a metal bucket. I blacked out and woke up on a table in the cafeteria with an apple in my mouth and soaking wet. I think that the drunks were going to eat me or something because 65 came to me saying he was going to save me.

"Nobody has spoke of it since either from embarrassment or memory loss," he finished. I closed my eyes and tried to forget what I just heard, but the images wouldn't leave. Lavi, far too happily I might add, said, "Okay, who's next?"

"I want to hear a Cross story," Lenalee says, putting me on the spot. Groaning, I begin, "Fine, but I won't tell the funniest one since it would be X-rated. I remember one night we were at a club and he went in the back with one of the Playboy bunnies. He came back with his hair dyed blue and pulled back in a ponytail, and when I asked him why it was like that, he said that the sex fairy enchanted him so much that he was hypnotized into it. Personally, I think it was the booze fairy, but we walked back to the hotel room anyways.

"We were passing a park, and Cross suddenly ran slash stumbled and crawled into the soccer field. It was at least midnight at that point, and he got to the middle of the field and started acting like he was making a snow angel. He said something along the lines of, 'Idiot pupil, come make a snow angel with me. The sex fairy made it snow just like she said she would.'

"I simply stood there watching him, and after he was done making the 'snow angel', he stood up and started doing cartwheels across the field."

Lavi interrupted, "Cross can do cartwheels?"

"Yeah, apparently he can. Anyways, he started saying, 'Ha ha, you can't catch me, apprentice!' That's when he did a cartwheel that sort of turned into a handstand and he fell flat on his back. He didn't get back up after that, and I had to sit in the swing watching him until he woke up around dawn. Don't tell him this, but I let a dog pee on him."

"Evil Allen," Lenalee laughed. I nodded, "The problem was that he somehow managed to wake up still well past tipsy, and started singing 'I'm Sexy and I Know It' while stripping. Since we were next to a playground, I hid in one of the towers while he did this and I'm pretty sure he got punched a few times. Then, Cross started trying to play hide-and-seek with the kids at the playground while he was naked. One of the parents called the cops, and he was arrested. While they stuck him in the cop car, he was trying to explain that the sex fairy would get revenge on them. I think he only remembers waking up in the back of the car. Anyway, that's my story," I finish, cuddling against Kanda as he wraps an arm around me. "Lenalee's turn."

"Okay, I'll go. Let's see, a time when Komui got drunk. Right, last year, all three of you were on the Leaf of Rival mission and he was drinking with Reever. Brother had had about eight glasses of wine, and he was walking around the office saying that he was going to clean his desk. I would have been proud, but he just pushed everything in the floor instead, and then he started posing on it because he said the photographer would be there in a couple days to take the pictures of him and Ciel Phantomhive.

"I wasn't sure what to do and I sat down in a chair and started talking to Reever about options to keep him under control. That's when he announced that he could stretch his posing muscle and came over to me and sat in my lap, just sprawled out like I was some sort of throne. I asked him what he was doing and he said, 'I'm sitting with my lovely sister, Lily! Don't you remember me?'

"At that point, Reever says, 'Komui, you should lay down somewhere.' We had planned to lock him up in his room, but then he got off me and walked over to Reever. Komui then pulled at Reever's shirt and looked down it saying that he was making sure that he still had his chest hair. Then, Reever pinned him to the desk and they started making-out, and I left. That's my story!" Lenalee concludes.

"Wait, are Komui and Reever together?" I ask, not sure if I wanted to know.

She shrugs, "Reever doesn't say anything about it, and Komui doesn't remember it, so I think it was just a fling. I know that I'm never touching the desk ever again though, since the next morning Reever was disinfecting it, claiming that he spilled ice cream on it."

"Ew, just ew!" I say, burying my face in Kanda's chest as Lavi covers his face with his hands. Lenalee mutters, "Yeah, anyways, Kanda's turn!"

"Do I have to?" he asks, obviously speaking to me as I nod, meeting his gaze. "Fine, the only time I ever saw Tiedoll get drunk was once after his birthday. Nearly everyone was on a mission except for Marie, Daisya, General Yeegar, and I, and both Generals drank a few too many beers.

"Bookman was there, too, but somehow he didn't get even tipsy, and I imagine that he let them use the wedding dress he was wearing, because somewhere along the way, Yeegar was in one.

"Anyways, they decided to set that year's Christmas tree on fire for reasons of entertainment. About that time is when Marie, Daisya, and I all ran outside and found Yeegar in the dress and Tiedoll in a bikini and also painted green."

"Why was Tiedoll wearing a bikini, and how did he get painted green?" Lenalee asks.

"How the heck should I know?" Kanda says. "Anyways, the three of us were a good fifteen feet away and could feel the heat easily. The Generals were only about five feet from the tree, and Tiedoll said something about being hot and also mentioned taking a dip in a nearby lake. Marie had to chase him down because he was rolling around in the snow on top of a frozen pond, and that's when half the science division ran out to help and Komui ordered us to go to our rooms."

"Okay, this has been an interesting game, but who wins?" I ask.

Lavi says, "I vote Allen."

"Lavi," Lenalee chimes.

"I'm going with Lenalee since I love Black Butler," I say.

It's all up to Kanda now and he votes, "Allen."

"I win!" I gloat, giving Kanda a kiss on the cheek. The rabbit pouts, "No fair, he played favorites!"

"No," the samurai growled, "I just am happy that I can throw up the fact that Cross dyed his hair and put it in a ponytail the next time he calls me Girly Boy."

"Yu's happy? That's a first," the Baka Usagi states, stretching out his arms. I was happy with winning and say, "We should play a game like that again."

Lenalee nods and agrees, "Yeah, it was fun. I'll be thinking of another game tonight."

"Most embarrassing thing you've ever said during sex," Kanda grins evilly. Lenalee and I screech in unison, "NO!"

"And why's that Kitten? Should I tell them about the other night?"

I shake my head, gazing up at him with pleading eyes, "No, please don't, Kanda."

I remember all too well what I said, and did not want the world to know, especially not Lavi. Actually, I could have sworn I heard Ice laughing at me. My boyfriend smirks, "Hmm, looks like I have a serious upper hand here."

"Fine," I mutter. Taking a breath, I admit, "The other night I called Kanda Sebastian on accident."

Lenalee stared at me, "I know you love Black Butler, but I still say Ciel's hotter."

"No, he's not! Sebastian has those wine colored eyes and is so mysterious," I protest, forgetting about our boyfriends in the room. She shakes her head, "Ciel has the big blue eyes and he's so cute when he's being carried by Sebastian."

"Sebastian has that smirk like Kanda though."

"Ciel has that eye patch like Lavi."

"Sebastian's sexier!"

"Ciel's sexier!"

"Ladies!" the rabbit interrupts.

Lenalee and I, glaring at him now scream, "WHAT?!"

"I can't believe my boyfriend is arguing about which anime character is hotter," Kanda growls, sitting on the bed with Ice.

I jump on him and pin him down, straddling his waist, "Whose sexier, Ciel or Sebastian?"

He stares at me like I've completely lost my mind, and I press, "Tell me or I won't kiss you until you do."

"Fine," he mutters, "Ciel."

I ask, "What? You agree with Lenalee?"

He rolls his eyes, "You asked, and can you really see me liking Sebastian? Ciel's innocent and cute, like you."

Lenalee laughs and gloats about how she was right while Kanda gives me a forceful kiss, rolling us over so he's above me, my legs wrapped around his waist. Skipping lip-to-lip contact, my boyfriend kisses down my jaw and neck, and I flick my gaze from Lenalee to the door. She gets the message, dragging Lavi out of the room and sending me a wink before shutting the door.

**Author Note: Well, I laughed myself out writing this, but maybe that's just me since I'm very easily amused. I must say sorry to those who don't watch Black Butler\Kuroshitsuji, but I couldn't help it. I want to know what you guys think! What was your favorite story? What competition should I do next? Thanks again to The3leonine and Cana99, and please, Please, PLEASE R/R! **


	31. Visitors

**Author Note: Thank you for all the reviews!**

**Me: Reever, will you do the honors?**

**Reever: Sure, Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, only the plot.**

**Me: Thanks, and here's chapter 31!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 31: Visitors_

It had been a few days since we had the funniest drunk caregiver story contest, and it was about noon. I had already eaten lunch, and at the moment I was sitting on the bed playing with Ice. Kanda was taking a shower at the moment, but I had already taken one while he was sleep.

The kit was swatting a feather toy I was dangling above her head. Of course, she wasn't very successful with her attempts to grab it with her front paw, but she didn't give up as she rose up on her hind legs to reach up higher, still just a few millimeters off. I laugh a bit, amused by her efforts, and I let her have it, watching her chew and lick the toy. One thing I didn't understand was why she would bite and shake it and then hold it under her paw as she licked it. Hmm, it somewhat reminded me of what Kanda does to me, gnawing on my neck before giving it a long lick. A blush creeps onto my face and I push away the images of last night, one reason I needed the shower this morning.

Then, I hear a knock on the door. I was already dressed, so I get up and open the door, assuming it was Lenalee. I couldn't have been more wrong. On the other side of the door was the person who saved me when I lost my arm, dressed in her normal purple tube-top and shorts even with it being the day before New Year's. I squeal, "Fou!"

I throw my arms, clad in a black turtleneck, around her neck, embracing her tightly as she says, "Hey, Allen."

After we break apart, I step back and gesture for her to come in, "What are you doing here? I thought you couldn't leave the Asian Branch."

"They made another humanoid to help me after what happened before you left, and I was allowed to leave. Well, I kind of didn't give them a choice but to bring me," she explained, sitting on the bed beside me, and Ice started sniffing her.

"Ice, this is Fou. She saved me multiple times and helped me get my arm back," I say, and the feline nodded, brushing against the girl. I continue, "What do you mean by didn't give them a choice? Who else is here?"

She smiles, "Bak and Lou Fa came to visit you."

"Why?" I ask, very confused.

She rolls her eyes, "I know you're pregnant. Bak was part of the team that helped with it, but Lou just tagged along with us because she wanted to see you."

Ice cries loudly and crawls onto my lap, snuggling against me as I reply, "You aren't freaked out?"

"No, I think that it's sweet. The only thing freaky about it is that Kanda is the father. I never thought he'd open up to anyone."

I tilt my head as I scratch behind the white snowball's ear, "How do you know Kanda?"

"The Second Exorcist Program took place at the Asian Branch, which is why I was hoping to avoid him while I'm here. He hates me." She looked down at her paw-like hands, and continues, "Before I got to really know Bak, I was so jealous of Alma."

My eyes widen, "You had a crush on Kanda?"

"Yeah, still do a bit. I'm not going to act on it though, don't worry," she glances up at me, her purple eyes showing that she meant it. I say, "Why do you think he hates you?"

Fou opened her mouth to respond when the bathroom door opened, revealing my shirtless boyfriend in a pair of jeans. He was still drying his hair and when he saw Fou, he growled, "What's that thing doing here?"

"Don't worry, I'm leaving," the said "thing" responded. "Allen, would you want to have dinner with me later?"

As she walks toward the door, I nod, "Yeah, five o'clock?"

"Sounds good," Fou replied before slamming the door. I looked at Kanda as he stood there, tossing the towel into the bathroom and beginning to drag a brush he got from his dresser through his damp, cobalt ribbons. I growl, "What was that?!"

"Why were you talking to it? I thought it was supposed to stay at the Asian Branch," he replied nonchalantly.

Balling my hands into fists on my lap next to Ice, I correct, "Fou is a _she_, not an 'it'. And if you forgot, she's one of my best friends and also saved me twice. The Asian Branch made another humanoid to help with the protection and she was able to come with Bak and a friend I made while I was there."

"Good to know. Figures that you would see a human_oid_ as an actual person, but it isn't. All that thing you were talking to was a robot, it doesn't feel or live," Kanda said, finishing with his hair and leaning against the wall near his dresser, his arms crossed.

I truly could have slapped him at that moment, but I calmly reply with an underlying bite, "Think what you want, but I don't _ever_ want to hear you call Fou an 'it' again. If you do love me, then you would be grateful to her, because there wouldn't be an 'us' without her and we wouldn't be having a baby. She saved me from Tyki Mikk so show some respect."

"Whatever," he replied before stepping out onto the balcony, still only in his jeans. Fine, he can freeze if he wants to. I remove Ice from my lap, grabbing my jacket from my bed, and I walk out the door, not wanting to be around Kanda. He can go on about Fou while I'm not there, but he should know how protective I am of my friends.

I still had four hours before I was supposed to meet Fou for dinner so I figured I could say hi to Bak and Lou since they were here. Though, I hope it isn't awkward between Lou and I since she had a crush on me when I was at the Asian Branch.

Walking to the cafeteria, I decide to go ahead and order my smoothie except I get it in orange instead due to the thoughts of Kanda that I got when I drank anything strawberry. Yeah, when I'm mad at him, everyone knows about it since I think I have a weird evil aura around me, and I'm in and out of the cafeteria in less than five minutes, heading towards Komui's office.

Drinking the tangy yet sweet smoothie in my hand, I knock on the office door, waiting for a reply. "Come in!"

I open the door, peeking and walking into the room. "Allen!"

I'm nearly knocked to the ground when arms are thrown around my neck, and I realize that not only were Komui and Bak in the room, but Lou was there, too, obviously. Despite the chokingly tight arms around my neck, I say, "Hi, Lou."

The girl with glasses and two braids smiled happily as she pulled away, taking her suffocating grasp with her, and said, "I haven't seen you in months."

"Yeah, an interesting many months," I reply. Bak stood from where he was sitting on the couch and held out his hand, "Walker."

I take his hand and shake it with a nod, "Hey."

"Did Fou find you? I told her she could find you in your room, and she hasn't come back," Komui asked, spinning around in his rolling chair. I nod, "She didn't stay long because of Kanda, but she invited me to dinner at five."

"Great," he said. "I assume she went to her room then."

I tilt my head, "What do you mean her room?"

"Fou will be staying here until the baby is born. We needed someone who would be able to tend to you at all times who isn't needed to do other things, like your exorcist friends," Bak explained, sitting back down.

Lou added, "She volunteered to do it since she was replaced by Asa."

"Fou told me that it was a visit and the other humanoid was just to help," I say, not understanding why she would lie. I mean, I'm glad she was going to be the one to take care of me, but still. Bak shook his head, "After the level three broke through her defenses, the Council voted her unfit to remain the protector of the Asian Branch Headquarters."

"That's awful," I say around my straw as I finish my smoothie.

Komui replies, "Yes, but nothing can be done. Also, try to keep Fou and Kanda separate. They have a bad history and it's best they stay away from each other."

"Okay, what happened between them?" I ask, wondering why they hated each other. Bak shook his head, "That's a question for one of them to answer."

I nod before taking my leave, kissing Lou's hand as I go and giving her a nosebleed. Not sure where else to go after throwing away my smoothie cup, I go back to my room and find Kanda and Mugen missing. That didn't bother me at all since I didn't want to be around him and I decide to lie on the top bunk. Situated backwards with my ankles resting on the headboard, I stare up at the wooden ceiling, pondering exactly what I would do about being in the same room with Kanda.

It's not that I have issues with being with him while in a fight, but I didn't have really much to do without him other than talk to Ice and sleep. Maybe after dinner I would go with Fou to a bookstore to find a new book to read. I just love teen and Christian fiction, even though I know what it says in the Bible about being gay. I feel like it's something God meant to be. Why else would he make a prostate?

Anyway, I've already read the House of Night, Fallen, and Mortal Instruments series' so I was looking for a new one. That would be something I could do in order to not have to deal with Kanda and his disrespectful butt.

I hear the door open and realize two things: Kanda was back and it was already three. A small clatter tells me he had propped Mugen up against the wall, and then he walks into the bathroom, shutting the door hard enough to make me flinch even though it wasn't a slam. Mewling begins reverberating around the room before I feel the wet nose rubbing against the hand by my side, and personally, I have no earthly idea how Ice got up here.

I stroke her furry head and say, "Will you do me a favor?"

"Meow?" she asks, tilting her head to the side as she sits on my chest. Glancing to make sure the bathroom door was still closed, I say, "Can you stay away from Kanda, like not lay on him and rub against him?"

She mewed confusedly, and I continue, "He is being a jerk to one of my best friends."

To that she nodded, and I scratched behind her ear as I thanked her. The samurai tends to play dirty with me so this is just returning the favor, even if he doesn't give a crap.

The bathroom door opens then, and though I was staring at the ceiling, I could still see from the corner of my eye that he was shirtless and wearing low-riding jeans. Kanda practically strutted to the bed and lay down as I growled at my mean, cruel, suggestive, hot, sexy boyfriend, and I totally just went off topic. My point was that he purposely was trying to make me drool. Oh, how I wanted to smack him upside the head for wearing those clothes. The jeans were so low that I could see the top of where his legs attached to his pelvis and it was obvious that the jeans were the only thing he was wearing, his usual black boxers probably "lost" somewhere.

I bite my lip as I hear him lay down, making the sexiest moans and quiet noises, and I couldn't figure out why he would be doing this unless he was trying to make a point of the fact that I can't control myself even when I was angry with him. Was I allowed to ravish him and then continue being mad? I mean, I love our make-up sex, but I can't just give in without an apology from him. The kit on my chest moved off me and sat by my side as if waiting for me to rape the bluenette below me, and I sit up.

Grumbling about how Kanda had no virtues, I slide off the bed and glare at him before swallowing thickly. He had his hands above his head, overlapping like they were cuffed, and his legs were slightly apart, one bent upwards while the other was kicked out. To top it all off, his hair was fanned out around him while he gazed at me, intent shimmering in his eyes if you can believe his eyes can shimmer. Everything about the way he was laying screamed three things: trust, want, and dared me to jump on top of him.

I growl, "Just so you know, I'm still mad at you for what you said."

"Okay," he says with a smirk, nearly making me lose every last ounce of self-control I had left in me. "We'll see how long you can last."

Challenge dripped from his voice, and I accepted, staring as he brought his right hand through his hair, down his face, neck, and chest before stopping halfway down his stomach, but my eyes didn't, continuing down until I realize it was exactly what he wanted me to do. Stopping, I blush before giving him the best glare I can muster against his smolderingly smoky one, his eyes showing that he got the first point. This. Was. War.

Turning away, I walk to my dresser and pull out a candy cane I had stashed with the three lollipops I hadn't eaten, pulling off the film and twirling my tongue around it in an evocative manner as I gazed at Kanda. I grin as he followed my tongue, the lust in his eyes growing more prominent as I lick the candy, and I say around it, "One to one."

He growls as I pull on my jacket and walk out the door, continuing to suck on the peppermint treat as I make my way to the cafeteria to meet with Fou. Time flies around here, or maybe it's just in my room, but whatever the case it was about five till five.

As I walk into the dining hall, I finish off the candy cane and spot Fou sitting at a table near the back. When I sit, she smiles and says, "Hey, are you ready?"

"Yeah, but I talked to Komui earlier and he told me that you were staying until the baby was born," I reply, waiting for her explanation of why she lied to me.

She stands and leads me out of the large room as we make our way to whatever restaurant we were going to, "I'm sorry I lied, but I was afraid that Kanda would hear and he would just use it against me."

"Okay, just don't do it again," I tell her. "I'm really mad at him about what he said, and now he's turned it into a game."

She looks at me confusedly and tilts her head, "A game?"

"Yeah," I nod. "He's trying to make me give into kissing him even though I'm aggravated at him. Though, now I'm doing the same thing."

She giggles a little and responds, "Nice, but don't worry about me and him. Really, it's been like this for years and I got used to it."

It takes a bit, but eventually we get to Golden Corral and she agrees to tell me what happened between them after we sit.

**Author Note: I think that cliffhangers are just the best thing ever, don't you guys agree? *Ducks from grapes and vicious-looking stuffed animals being thrown at me.* Should I get a new hobby? NEVA! Anyways, the next chapter will have stuff about the Second Exorcist Program in it that I have no idea if it is correct or not so just warning you, and any ideas for the battle between Allen and Kanda are greatly appreciated along with game ideas that Kanda, Allen, Lenalee, Lavi, and Fou (possibly Lou Fa) can play together! And as always, please, Please, PLEASE R/R! By the way, I figure anyone reading this story has nothing against gays, but please pay no mind to the comment about the Bible in this chapter. (I'm a very firm Christian and it will make sense why I added that in the next chapter, but no hating please!) Anyone else getting annoyed with all the talk about the Duck Dynasty guy?**


	32. True Colors

**Author Note: Thank you for all the reviews and input. It really makes my day. MAKE SURE TO READ THE AUTHOR NOTE AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER! IT IS IMPORTANT!**

**Me: Will you do the honors, Kanda?**

**Kanda: Che, Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, only the plot, blah, blah, blah.**

**Me: Thank you, I think, and on to chapter 32!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 32: True Colors_

I sit down with my ten plates of food across from Fou, waiting for her to begin as she pokes at her salad. It didn't really occur to me that she ate, considering that she isn't really a human, but she said that she has to eat like a normal person would to keep herself running, but she can only have things that are fruits or vegetables.

She sighs lightly before beginning, "Okay, so about a decade ago, the Second Exorcist Program was still being used, and Kanda and Alma were 'born'. They were the only Second Exorcists that survived and didn't become Fallen Ones, even though Alma became an akuma, and obviously many experiments were performed on them.

"I was one of the first people Kanda ever met after he was 'born' and he trusted me at that time, believe it or not. Whenever he wasn't in the experiments or with Alma, he was almost always with me, training, eating, or even just talking. Amazing that he was so talkative when he was younger. He had the mind of a twenty-five year old, but he still had so many questions, and he had forgotten everything to do with the Order so I was the one to explain it to him.

"I can still remember the day that he started to hate me like it was yesterday. The day before he was supposed to synchronize with Mugen, he was terrified that something bad would happen, and I told him that I would be there, that I wouldn't let anything happen. I told him I would protect him until someone stopped my program.

"The next day, he synchronized perfectly with Mugen, but the science division wanted to do another experiment too soon afterwards and they had to tie him down to keep him from hurting someone. I tried to help, I really did, but one of them hacked into my program and even though they weren't supposed to, they rewrote it to order-and-obey instead of freewill.

"I couldn't move as they restrained Kanda to the bed and put him in the experiment room."

I watched a tear slip down her cheek as she continued, her voice cracking, "I screamed on the inside, telling him it was okay and that I couldn't move, that I wasn't just standing there, but I couldn't speak either. I could only speak unless spoken to.

"I-I remember him crying and screaming at them to let him go, but they never listened. As they took him into the room, he screamed at me that I promised to protect him, that I had lied and he cried that he hated me over and over.

"After that, Bak's father found out about my program being hacked, but there was nothing he could do to make Kanda forgive me. The scientist that did it was fired on the spot, and Bak's father changed my program again so I could move and speak freely. The first thing I did was go find Kanda and it took almost three hours to find him in the woods meditating. I thought at the time that he would forgive me because the woods was our place, but when I got there, he wouldn't even let me explain. He said exactly, 'You aren't fit to be called anything to do with human because you betrayed me. You promised that you would protect me, but you just stood there. I screamed for you to help me! I screamed and begged and you did nothing! I hate you, Fou, you hear me?! I hate you and I wish we never met!'"

My food was long gone, and I had sat beside her, my hand resting on her bare shoulder. There wasn't anything I could say to comfort her, but instead I wrapped my arms around her, bring her to me as she cried. As she did this, she whispered, "I need you to tell him. You have to tell him for me so he won't hate me anymore. Please, Allen."

I nod, "Yes, I will, don't worry."

"Thank you," she cried, holding me tighter. We were definitely making a scene, but neither of us cared.

After that, we finished eating and headed back. I was surprised to hear that Fou was staying in my old room since it was relatively close to the new one and I knew where it was. She insisted that I come in for a minute, and when I did she gave me a gift. A late Christmas\birthday gift, but I wasn't allowed to open it until I got to my room. Fou also said that seven was the lucky number. Don't ask because I have no clue what she meant by it.

I wasn't going to open it until I had finished talking to Kanda anyways, and when I got there, he was on the bed reading the book I got him for Christmas. Sitting on the end of the bed, I gaze at the book cover since it was covering his face as I begin, "Kanda, I talked to Fou about what hap-"

"I don't care," he interrupted, not looking away from the book. After setting my square, wrapped gift in the floor, I snatch away his book, laying it on top of my present. The bluenette was unhappy with this, glaring at me like I was holding a bottle of poison to his lips as I sit beside him now next his hips. I push, "She told me the whole story and-"

"So you know why I don't want to talk about what it did," he interrupted again, his shoulders tensed and his jaw clenched. The attire he had hadn't changed, so it was easy to tell.

"Fou isn't an 'it' for the last time! Now, will you just shut up and listen?!" I say harshly, gazing him in the eyes as he stands from the bed. He stays silent until he gets to his dresser, his back to me as he rests his hands on the surface and supports his weight, "No, I don't want to listen to the excuse it made up."

I ignore his refusal to acknowledge Fou as a 'she' and continue, "You never listened to the reason!"

He punches the surface of the dresser so hard I could have sworn I heard a crack before he whips around, a livid expression on his face as he yells, "What is there to listen to?! I screamed and cried at the top of my lungs as they stabbed needles in me, and she never helped! She didn't move!"

"Because she couldn't move!" I retort, standing from the bed. Not losing an ounce of rage, he shouted back, "Of course she could move! She chose not to!"

"One of the scientists hacked her programming because she was trying to help you!"

Kanda froze, shock and astonishment over his features as he asked, "What?"

Calming myself down, I explain, "A scientist rewrote her program to order-and-obey, and she couldn't even speak unless someone spoke to her first. The scientist was fired, and Bak's father fixed her, but when she tried to explain it to you, you didn't give her the time of day."

Grabbing a shirt from in his dresser and slipping it on, Kanda bolted out the door, not even closing it behind him as I call after him, "She's in my old room!"

He makes no notion that he heard me, but goes down the stairs towards where my old room is, directly two stories down. Shutting the door, I smile and say to myself, "Great, maybe they can be friends again."

I sit on the bed, setting Kanda's book on the nightstand before tearing the wrapping paper off my gift. Underneath it was a brand-new box set of twelve books, still in the film, and I glance at the back. It was called "The True Colors" series written by Melody Carlson and each book started with a color and ended with "Color Me _". The book series was Christian and had won many awards for Christian youth bestsellers.

Running my finger down the list on the back, I stop at book seven: "Blade Silver: Color Me Scarred". Fou, did you get this because you thought I was still cutting? I rip the clear film and pull out the book by the spine, reading the summary on the back. It was about a girl named Ruth who was a cutter because of her abusive father, high mother, and a brother who wasn't much better off.

Eagerly, I read the back of each book, but none of the others applied to me, though I still wanted to read them. After throwing away the box and film, I pile the books up onto my dresser before moving back to the bed and begin reading.

I hadn't even opened the cover when I remember the battle between Kanda and me. Fighting the urge to let out an evil laugh, I set the book to the side and stand from the bed, stripping hastily.

Once I was left in only my birthday suit, I dig out one of Kanda's white button-ups, slipping it on along with my two-belled cat collar that I kept behind my picture of Mana, and I return to the bed, covering my left thigh and nether regions with the sheets. Kanda wouldn't hold out with this in the bed. Happy with my own devilish mind, I push up the sleeves on the shirt so I can open my book after making sure the shirt was only covering my arms, my chest completely exposed and inviting.

It was about a half hour later that Kanda finally came through the door and I ask, "Are you guys friends again?"

"Yeah," he answered before freezing when he sees me on the bed. He stares for a second, and I move my right leg a bit, showing more flesh but nothing more private than the inside of my thigh. I seductively close the book and run my hand across the empty sheets beside me, "Why don't you come lay down, Kandy?"

"Um, sure, I'm tired anyways," he says, obviously internally battling his lust against his pride. Ever so slowly, he pulls his shirt over his head, revealing his creamy skin and perfect chest, and then he flings it to his dresser, swirling it above his head first like a stripper. I swallow back the moan I nearly let out and roll over closer to the wall after placing my book on the nightstand, my rear fully visible now, and I put my hands out in front of me, one over the other, as I begin kicking my legs in the air. Kanda stood still for a moment and I invite, "Well, come on."

As he lies down beside me, he covers my butt with the sheet, careful not to touch, and I whine, "But Kandy, I'm hot!"

"Then take off my shirt instead," he says, staring up at the top bunk instead of my body. I evilly smile, "Okay, but if I do will you give me a back rub?"

"No," he growls, his eyes slaughtering the mattress above us. Moving to a sitting position on my knees and taking his left hand that was beside him in my right, I press his hand to my neck and drag it down my chest, my bells letting out a tickling noise, "Are you sure?"

He closes his dark eyes, letting out a throaty moan as his hand is forced down my body, and just to mess with him, when I change the direction to go over my hip and outer thigh, I slow down, releasing a moan of my own. I smile and let go of his hand, the grin growing wider as he flips to his side, his back to me. He probably had a "problem", but I don't think he's going to ask me for help. Fine, he can be that way.

Licking my pointer finger, I make sure it's plenty wet before I press it to my boyfriend's back, bringing it down in swirling patterns. Eventually though, I got to the small of his back and couldn't go any further. Well, technically I could, but my hand would be down his pants and I'm pretty sure that means I would lose.

Instead, I cover myself with the sheet and press my chest against his back, running my left hand up his chest. As long as I don't touch anything private or used my lips\tongue, then I could pretty much do whatever I wanted to the samurai and that is exactly what I intended to do.

First, I started with his neck and collarbone, innocently massaging his shoulders before outlining the nineteenth, fifth, and twenty-fourth letters of the alphabet down his chest. From the closeness of our bodies, though he covered it, I could still feel his breath hitch when I finished and I grin, proceeding to tweak his nipples. I knew that Kanda's nipples weren't nearly as sensitive as mine, but I couldn't really do as much as I normally could to his neck, that being his most sensitive part of his body.

I remove my hand long enough to coat my pointer finger in saliva again before continuing what I was doing, and hear in a husky voice, "Allen…stop…ng that."

"Why?" I whisper in his ear. "You say that and yet you aren't pushing me away."

He growls before quietly gasping when I pinch a now pert bud, and making sure my breath was hitting his neck and ear, I softly ask, "I can stop if you still want me to. Which is it: lust or pride?"

"Pride," he mutters, and I pull away, prolonging the contact by trailing my hand behind. I don't think Kanda realized I heard it, but I caught the nearly inaudible whimper escape him, and I decide on a different approach.

"Does cuddling count as intimacy?" I ask the bluenette.

He's silent for a moment before responding, "No, but don't try something."

As innocently as I can, I hook a leg over his and wrap my arms around him, "Okay, I won't."

"Sure, and Lavi's hair is green," he grumbles, but he doesn't attempt to push me off as he reaches up and flicks off the lights. "I'm going to remind you of this tomorrow, when I win."

"Hit me with your best shot, Kandyman," I challenge as my heavy eyelids fall.

"You'll regret saying that, Kitten."

**Author Note: PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING NOTE! IT IS VERY IMPORTANT! Sorry that this is such a short chapter, but the next chapter will take some thought. *Winks.* The war has started and people, you have to choose a side. Pick Team Kanda or Team Allen and give your ideas to your favorite! That means YOU MUST REVIEW. Please? Pretty please? **

**Allen: If you choose my team, I will try my best to use your idea!**

**Kanda: I don't give a crap, but since Crowsnight will beat me, give me some input. Ugg, I sound like a priss.**

**The war between Allen and Kanda has begun. Don't miss a minute\chapter of it!**


	33. World War Walker: Stakes

**Author Note: I really like the input to the war. **

**Me: So far, Allen has four supporters, and Kanda has none.**

**Kanda: WHAT?! **

**Allen: Ha ha BaKanda! That's what you get for instigating!**

**Kanda: Whatever, I'll win anyways.**

**Allen: Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, just the plot, and now I must go change.**

**Kanda: *Eyes follow Allen into the bathroom* Change into what?**

**Me: Hehe, Kandy's going to **_**love**_** this chapter. Here's chapter 33!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 33: World War Walker: Stakes_

My eyes open to dark, shiny hair reflecting dawn's light, almost like a raven's wing gleaming from the moon on a shady night. Hehe, I made a funny! You know, light, night, no? Never mind.

Anyway, I was lying on my side with my arms wrapped around Kanda, which was weird since generally it's the other way around, but whatever. My nostrils were filled with the scent of Moonlight Mist, the sweet smell wanting to lull me to sleep once more. Personally, I have no earthly idea why Kanda would use such a girly scent even if I absolutely love it, but he must have his reasons. Maybe it had a connection to something he held dear to him? Right, because Kanda likes, let alone loves, so many more things than me, the baby, and soba.

I leisurely sit up, looking down at the bluenette beside me, his hair everywhere and his face soft and utterly kissable. Dang the stupid battle, I will win! Oh, but I really wanted to do something dirty with Kanda and let him ravish my entire body. Grr.

His face changes slightly, his features hardening somewhat even though he was calm and I say, "Stay asleep for once!"

He smirks and rolls to his back, his eyes still shut, "You aren't allowed to complain at the moment. Remember, declaring war and such?"

"You started it when you did that thing," I say, not wanting to elaborate. He replies, "And do you have any proof of that? Anyone else wouldn't know if it happened or not."

I try to give him a glare, but it quickly turned to an ogle since his eyes were still closed. It was an opportunity I couldn't pass up, and I didn't, my eyes wandering his muscled arms and chest. The tattoo on his left pectoral and shoulder was prominent from its dark color against his toned skin, and his abs were well-defined and inviting. My eyes continue down, but were stopped by his jeans even though they weren't covering much, but enough. "Enjoying the view?"

I immediately blush and look down at my hands holding the sheet to avoid his sexily amused face, "No, just making sure you don't have injuries." _Injuries?! Really, you idiot!?_

"Well, you can continue 'looking for injures' then, but wouldn't it be easier to take the jeans off?" I keep staring down, the heat in my cheeks spiking even more at the images racing through my mind, but I can't bring myself to answer. The sheets beside me rustle as Kanda moves and before I realize what's happening, my hands are held above me and my back is to the cold wall. The sheets are still covering my lower half as my boyfriend hovers over me, his dark, nearly black, gaze holding my silver one, and I whimper quietly.

He simply smirks down at me as I give him the most pleading look I can, hoping he'd have mercy on me. It was too much to ask for, and he lowers his face to mine until our noses are nearly touching before I turn my head, looking towards the door. Hot breath hits my ear and its owner whispers in a deep voice that screamed lust, "Do want me to back off?"

Not trusting my voice, I nod, but all hope I had crumbles as he growls, "Too bad."

I whine, but it soon turns to a moan as his hand that wasn't pinning mine trailed down my chest, his nails slightly digging into my skin. No Allen, you can't give in. You have to beat him in something for once. It's bad enough that I'm submissive when we have sex, which I've noticed boosts Kanda's ego because it means he's won in the battle of dominance when I would writhe under him like a ho. One thing is for sure, the samurai has five times the amount of self-control I have, which never ends well in my case.

His devilish game continues as he harshly tweaks and pinches my nipples, and I involuntarily gasp and buck upwards, our crotches touching for a split second, causing us both to moan. I whimper, "Kanda, please let me go."

"Say you're my naughty girl and I'll consider it," he replies, releasing my hands to play with both of my most sensitive body parts on my chest while breathing on my neck. I wasn't going to say that! One, I wasn't a girl, obviously. Two, it was demeaning. And three, I wasn't his. I mean, he had my virginity and could make me do anything under certain circumstances, but he didn't own me. Okay, fine, I'm his, but the pit will freeze over before I say it out loud.

I growl through the noises coming from my throat, "No."

"Are you sure about that? You'll lose anyways at some point, but this won't count. Just say it, say you're _my_ naughty girl."

One of his warm and calloused hands runs down my chest and stomach before going over my thigh. Dang, I shouldn't have let him figure out all my most sensitive places, because it was seriously biting me back now. An exceptionally loud groan escapes my lips with the combined sensation of him kneading my nipple and trailing his thumb along my bikini-line. It was too much, and I finally crack, whispering, "I'm your naughty girl."

"What was that? I didn't hear you," he smirks removing his hands to move my gaze to his. I shamefully repeat, "I'm your naughty girl."

"That's right, you're _mine_, and don't forget it," his dark eyes seem to burn into me, and I have to look away. He moves closer to my ear and whispers, "You're my sexy naughty girl, _Aren_."

I shiver as he lets his Japanese accent leak into his seductively gruff voice, something he rarely does, but I find it absolutely irresistible when he does on a few occasions. Quietly, I ask, "You think I'm sexy?"

"Of course I do. You're sexy, beautiful, adorable, and most importantly, naughty," he answers, his breath on my ear making me quiver again. For the last time, I'm not naughty! Though, I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. Was I naughty? No. Did I like Kanda calling me naughty? Absolutely.

I ask, "Can I get up now?"

"I don't know. Did you do enough to make up for last night?" the glint in his eyes said I didn't, but I reply, "Yes!"

"No, I think you need to beg a little more," he smirked, his control over me obviously bringing him happiness. I whine, "What more do you want me to say?"

He takes both my wrists, holding them at my sides, "You figure that out. Let's see if you can get me to release you without being told."

I whimper, but start thinking of what I could say. He just watched me, waiting for the correct answer, and I can't help but mutter, "Sadistic Seme."

"Which makes you my Dramatic Uke," he replies. The wheels in my head were not turning today and they really needed to or else I might be pinned here until the baby is born. Geez, I can pick out the perfect out-fit, but it's impossible to escape my boyfriend, my possessive boyfriend I might add. I whisper, "I'm yours body and soul."

"Try harder," he says, that stupidly striking smirk glued to his face. He was still straddling me, careful to keep our hips apart to prevent more 'problems' and crushing me. This was so demeaning, but I sexily push my chest up to touch his, "I wanna lick you like a candy cane and taste you. I wanna feel your body on mine. Chase me, catch me, own me, Kandy."

I really want to slap myself for degrading myself to this, but desperate times call for desperate measures. My heart drops as Kanda shakes his head, and I whine, "Please, let me go!"

"Nope," my cruel boyfriend replies, not budging his grip, and his smoking gaze bores into me as I think hard. What did he want me to say?! I can't figure it out! My mind was dead here, and it wasn't going to come alive easily. Should I just try to say different things until he finally frees me? No way, that would just embarrass me more than I already was submitting myself to.

Telling myself that he would let me go afterwards, I say, "I'm your slave. I'll do anything you want me to, and it's all I _want_ to do, it's what I'm here for. What are your orders, Master?"

His smirk grows, "That will have to do." My wrists are released, and I fall to my side, emitting a relieved sigh to be free. I glare at him as he joins me and I growl, "I take back everything I just said."

"No, I don't think you can," he says. "You're still my slave and naughty girl."

"I never said I wasn't," _Shut up, Allen,_ "I just wouldn't admit it," _That wasn't supposed to come out!_ "and now that I have," _I give up. Just kill me now,_ "what are your orders, Master?" _The demons in the pit are ice-skating and getting frostbite._

"Put some clothes on," he growls. "I'll remember what you just said after I win the battle."

I uncover myself and crawl around Kanda to get off the bed, "No, I will be the one to win World War Walker."

"Cute," he mutters.

Oo_oO_Oo_oO

I wouldn't have thought that a simple game between Kanda and I would become such a huge deal. When I was done eating, I told Lenalee about the battle and she insisted it become an Order-wide contest. At this point, I couldn't afford to lose because of the stakes.

Word had spread like wildfire, and now there were people choosing sides: Team Allen or Team Kanda. Granted, I was winning as far as support goes by a landslide, but in the end, I was almost certain I would be taking the punishment. Lavi should die and rot for the ideas he has, and now, loser has to be the other's slave for one week. On top of that, the first day after the battle is over, the loser has to walk around all day in a cat collar (I wonder whose?) with a leash attached to it that the winner holds.

I would love to do that to Kanda, but he would rather jump from our balcony than lose at this point. No matter, I was going to hold out as long as I could anyways. By dinner, people literally were moving to different sides of the cafeteria depending on whose side they were own, and I must admit that it was funny to see about fifty on mine and only five on Kanda's.

My boyfriend didn't care though, or at least didn't let on to it, and just ate his soba as people had conversations about who would win and made bets. Lenalee says, "So Allen, do you have a strategy?"

"No, why would I?" I ask, tilting my head to the side. I didn't really need a plan to seduce Kanda, did I? Maybe I should just strut around in our room naked, because that would work. She rolls her eyes, "Of course you need a strategy! Stop by my room later and I'll help."

I nod, "Okay."

"It won't work. I already have the upper hand here," Kanda said, finishing with his soba and smirking at me. I notice immediately that the cafeteria was completely silent as people waited for the bluenette to elaborate. Cringing back, I whisper in a high pitched voice, "N-no you d-don't!"

Lavi glances between us with a smile, "Ooh, I wanna here this! Why do you have the upper hand, Yu?"

"Don't use my first name, Usagi!" Kanda growled. "Now if I remember correctly, Moyashi here admitted many things earlier."

"N-no, I didn't!" stupid stuttering, I wanted to hide and die. If he told everyone I'd said I was his naughty girl or anything else I said, I would never live it down. Personally, sometimes I think Kanda is more evil than the Millennium Earl. My worst fears are confirmed as the samurai says, "What was it you said you were? My naughty girl?"

"Shut up," I mutter, as everyone on my side of the cafeteria moved to his.

My boyfriend was so cruel! Lavi was laughing his head off, and Lenalee looked horrified as she asked, "Why did you say that?"

"It wasn't my fault! He had me pinned against the wall and wouldn't let me go unless I said it!" I defend, glaring daggers at Kanda. He just smirked, "It wasn't the only thing you said either."

My cheeks were on fire as I whine, "Kanda, please don't do this to me!"

"Fine, I won't, though it's tempting," he said as he looked at my red face and pleading eyes. I let out a sigh of relief, resting my forehead on the table as chatter started up again, and Lavi said, "Don't be down, Allen! It's all fun and games!"

Bringing my head up, I glower at him harshly, "To you! I'm never going to live any of this down!"

"Fine, fine, let's find something else to talk about. Have any of you noticed that I'm the only straight guy in most of our circle of friends?" he randomly said.

I sit all the way up and reply, "What do you mean?"

The red-head says, "Krory is gay, too, which makes me the only one who likes girls."

"You assume too much, Lavi," his girlfriend laughs, glancing at me, and I join in as our boyfriends looked at us like we'd lost it. Calming my laughing, I ask, "You guys didn't know?"

"Know what?" they asked in unison, though Kanda growled at Lavi afterwards. Lenalee shook her head, "They really are clueless. Allen's bisexual, guys."

At this, Kanda glared at Lenalee with so much hate, I thought she might burst into flames, "Chick, prepare to die."

"Don't kill my best friend, Kanda! Besides, doesn't that mean you're jealous?" I ask playfully, and my boyfriend freezes, his eye contact from the paralyzed Lenalee breaking as she sighs in relief from being rescued. Kanda growls, "No, but she does too much with you, especially when you like girls, too."

I shake my head, "Kanda, just because I'm bi doesn't mean you need to execute every girl that hangs out with me. You're the only person I have feelings for."

Aw's were released all around the cafeteria as I said it, and Kanda's cheeks were dusted with a slight pink. People whispered encouragement for him to reply and say it back, but he remained silent, his eyes burning holes into the table, and I stand from my chair so I could sit in a new one.

Kanda wasn't happy with my new seat as I lean my back against his chest, my mouth only centimeters from his ear, and I whisper, "I love you, Kanda. I love you with all my heart."

"I love you, too," he says outwardly, and several people faint, including Lenalee. I smile, fighting the urge to kiss him with everything I have because in all seriousness, he probably did that against his will. It's rare that he tells me he loves me, not that I'm much better, but he really didn't need to since he makes it obvious through his actions. It was just really sweet when he did say it out loud though, as sweet as candy. Instead of giving him a kiss, I turn my head so our noses could rub against each other, and Kanda was actually willing. More people fainted or got nosebleeds, and I can't help but wonder what would happen if we made-out in public. Ha, many people would wake up in the infirmary.

Fifteen minutes later, I'm lying on the bed with Kanda's arm under my head and around my shoulder as we both read our books. He was about half-way through, give or take, and I was only a third, which is different when my book is only two-hundred pages and his is six. Oh well, he beats me in reading, too, but I don't care.

I plan to go to Lenalee's room in about an hour since she told me to before I left the cafeteria, but I wanted to stay with Kanda. Correction, I wanted to kiss Kanda.

"What do I have to do to get you to kiss me without losing?" I ask, closing my book and cuddling up into him, my left arm over his stomach and the book beside me. My boyfriend closed his book and laid it with mine, also turning to his side as he wrapped his other arm around me, "Nothing."

I whine, "Kanda, please? I really want you to kiss me, and I know you want to, too. No one has to know about it, and it won't count against either of us!"

He shakes his head, "Nope."

Whimpering, I nuzzle my face into his chest, trying to think of a way to convince him otherwise. My puppy face didn't work on him, which gave him a serious asset, and he never gave into begging unless he had control of it. Giving into my want to feel his lips on mine, I tempt, "I'll be your naughty girl, Master, and I'll do anything you want after the battle if you just kiss me."

"No strings attached?" he asked, rolling over to be on top of me, his eyes boring into mine. I nod, closing my eyes with my lips parted in anticipation. The rough lips I missed so much come down on mine, and I open my mouth, allowing his tongue to slip in and our slick muscles begin to fight for dominance. Kanda won, as always, but I didn't mind, the kiss becoming rough and needy. A whimper escapes past my wet, swollen lips as he pulls away, both of our breaths coming out in pants because we had prolonged the kiss so much. As soon as I could get my coherent thoughts back and speak without pausing, I whisper, "Thank you."

"No one finds out," he growls, but as he lies back down beside me, I know he only said it harshly because it was the only way he could cover up the fact that his voice was deeper from want. I knew him well enough to know that his voice drops an octave when he's aroused, the opposite of me. He still laughs and teases me about my higher voice when we have sex. No matter, I was happy now.

**Author Note: This chapter was longer than I meant to make it, but I don't think any of you are complaining. Please keep choosing sides and giving ideas; it helps a lot! Reviews? Please? **


	34. World War Walker: Costumes

**Me: Allen has five, and Kanda has one (I'm not sure if my mom counts though. Lol).**

**Allen: I'm gonna win! I'm gonna win!**

**Kanda: In your dreams, Moyashi.**

**Allen: It's Allen, BaKanda! Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, only the plot.**

**Me: Thank you, and on to chapter 34. PLEASE CHECK OUT ENDING AUTHOR NOTE!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 34: World War Walker: Dress-up_

"Lenalee?" I ask the door as I knock, hearing shuffling on the other side. The door replies, "Is Kanda with you?"

"No," I answer, not understanding anything about the secrecy. All at once, the door opens and I'm pulled inside, the door closing again before my butt hits the floor. Slightly jarred, I glance around, met by three pairs of eyes: one emerald green, one honey, and the other purple. I groan, "What was that all about?"

Lenalee offered her hand to me and pulls me up, "Sorry, we don't want anyone to see the costumes."

"Costumes?!" I exclaim, scared to death. I wasn't wearing a costume through the Order! Foxy walked into the closet while sarcastically saying, "Thanks. They're actually my originals, all handmade by yours truly."

Shaking her head, Fou sits on the bed, legs and arms crossed, "For the record, I was dragged here for approval."

"Why?" I ask. "I didn't think you care about fashion."

"I don't, but pig-tails here wanted a different aspect. The only reason I agreed was because I know Kanda relatively well, especially the way he thinks," she says, looking at me to tell me she meant she knew the exorcist his brain came from. I shiver at the thought, but freeze as Foxy comes back out of the closet holding to outfits. One was a Playboy bunny with a bikini style clothing set before there was a strip of leather connecting the bottom to the fishnets and leather boots, complete with floppy, white ears and a fluffy tail. The second wasn't as bad, I guess. The "shirt" was a black crop top with "I Love my Sadistic Seme" written in white on it. The bottoms were the shortest jean shorts I'd ever seen, and I think that they were closer to denim underwear than shorts. Fishnets came out the "legs", and the shirt was long-sleeved and super tight. What did I get myself into?

"Which one do you like better?" Foxy asks, raising one and then the other like she was weighing them. Lenalee chirps, "I want the second one for myself! But if I had to choose for Allen, I'd have to go with the bunny."

"The second one definitely shows plenty of skin while still emphasizing the covered areas, and the words convey that Allen is willing to do whatever he's told like he's Kanda's ho, but his hips aren't wide enough to pull off the jean shorts," Fou analyzes. "The bunny however shows control in a very submissive way, almost like he's a Badbutt Uke instead of a Dramatic Uke. Kanda won't like anything that takes away his power, but if you change the ears and tail to a cat, he appears much more innocent, especially if he used fake handcuffs to bind his hands in the front, drawing attention to what he has to offer."

The three of us stared at her as we processed the information. She shrugs, "Trust me, I don't know why they put that kind of analysis programming in me either."

"Okay, what she said made sense. I'll dig out my cat set I brought while you put that on," Foxy says, handing me the outfit on the hanger and digs through a large duffle bag next to the bag. I couldn't do that though because of my scars and she would see them, which wouldn't end well. When the black-haired woman glanced up, she noticed my hesitation and assured, "Don't worry, I know you're a cutter."

"Were. How did you know that?" I ask, slightly ashamed that she had figured it out, but still a bit relieved until I hear her reason.

"My sister was," Foxy explained, staring down at the bag, no longer rummaging through it. "You act like she did, and with the turtlenecks even when you were trying to do something sexy with Kanda, it stood out to me. On top of that, I saw the scar on your wrist when we were coming back to the Order."

"Not meaning to pry, but did your sister stop? You said she was," I asked, hoping she did. Foxy's face went blank for a moment before she replied, "Yeah, if by stopped you mean stopped breathing. I didn't know about her cutting until I found her in the bathroom with slashed wrists only they were up instead of across, and I always wondered if there was a message there."

I shake my head, not certain if I should speak, "If you cut upward, it makes it nearly impossible to stop the blood even if you were in the hospital next to professional equipment. She just was really depressed, Foxy."

"Well, that's one thing off my mind. How did you know that?"

I look down, "Internet."

She nodded, "So you haven't tried it, right?"

"Pills," I answer, amazed that Lenalee wasn't in tears at this point. "Didn't take enough the first time, and Kanda saved me the second."

"You tried twice?" Lenalee asked quietly from where she stood beside me. "Come here," I say, wrapping my arms around her as she clung to me.

"I really need to start shutting up about my past around you," I whisper to her hair. "Shh, I didn't mean to upset you."

"I'm not glass, Allen. I just didn't know," she told my shoulder, her voice not shaking even though I felt the hot tears dampen my shirt. I reply, "I know that, but think about it. If I keep making you cry like this, I'll be put in jail for a felony."

At that she giggled, pulling away and I catch a tear from her cheek with my thumb. She smiles, "I'm okay, really. If you want to say something, don't hesitate on my account. It's in the past, and I need to learn to deal with it and not bring it to the present. Now, go get changed."

I nod, catching the black cat ears, tail, paws, and collar one at a time as Foxy throws them to me, and then I walk into the bathroom, shutting the door behind me. The outfit was very unlike something I would wear, but if it meant beating Kanda then so be it. I strip quickly, left in only my underwear before I realize that the gray boxers have to go, too, and I peel them off.

Examining the costume, I try to figure out how on Earth I was supposed to put it on, and pull the bra over my head. Great, the cups were padded, but hallelujah that they weren't as big as mine when I turned female. I end up having to sit on the vanity (on top of my shirt) in order to get the bottoms on, and it took at least five minutes to do that, including the boots. I put on all the cat accessories, turning to the mirror.

I stare at my reflection, and personally, I felt like I was going to walk into Lenalee's bedroom naked, even if everything was covered, but little imagination was needed to figure out where everything was. Taking a breath, I open the door and there were immediately three pairs of eyes on me as I turn, giving a full view.

"I like it," Foxy and Lenalee say in unison as Fou continues to inspect me, looking me up and down. After about a minute, she nods, "Good, just make sure he's watching you at all times."

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

_You can do it, Allen. You might be able to win this._ I was not helping myself, even though I was trying to. Kanda was reading on the bed, and at the moment I was hiding in the bathroom under the trench coat Lenalee let me borrow, my over-sized paws on the vanity.

Finally getting the courage to take off the coat, I slip on the paws and work on my innocent look in the mirror. _Remember what Lenalee said, head down, eyes up._

Taking a breath, I open the door and say, "Meow."

Dark eyes flicker to me before widening and taking in everything. I lay my hands over one another in front of me, walking towards the bed. When I get there, I crawl beside him, but with my body turned the other way as I lay on my stomach, looking back at him as I cross my legs in the air, "Do you like my outfit, Master? I tried to pick out something you would like."

His eyes glare daggers into me, or at least my butt, but he doesn't reply. Frustrated, I stretch like a cat, my butt in the air as I reach my arms out. The bells on my tail hanging from my rear tinkle quietly as I shake my hips a little, "Do you like this position better, Master?"

As soon as the last word is out of my mouth, I'm flat on my stomach with my paws held behind my back, hot breath on my ear, "I like this best."

"Did I make Master happy?" I ask happily, moving my head so the right side of my face was to the mattress. Kanda lets his weight rest on my butt as he replies, "Yes, you did. Why is my naughty girl acting naughtier than usual?"

Loving the feel of him on me, I whimper, "I'm horny, Master!"

"Oh really, and you think I'm going to help you with that?" he asks, moving his hips enough to make me moan. I cry, "I want you to help!"

I know he's smirking right now by the way he speaks, "You see, Kitten, I just can't do that until you surrender. You know just as much as I do that I'm going to win, why not admit defeat now, and your punishment won't be as bad as it could be?"

I knew he was right, but I wasn't going to surrender just yet, "What is my punishment?"

"You'll know soon enough, just be patient, my naughty girl. Then again, if you surrender now, I can rid you of your horniness, and I promise you'll be able to walk after a couple days instead of a couple weeks," he whispered in my ear, grinding me into the mattress even harder, eliciting a loud moan and then a growl at how cruel he was being, "No, I'm holding out until I drop."

He lays completely on me, except for his legs which were straddling mine, continuing to roll his hips, "Have it your way then, but just remember you asked for it."

Whining, I push back against him as much as I can manage, wanting more intimacy before he pulls away completely, causing me to mewl, "No."

"Too bad, I'm not giving you anything until you raise the white flag," my boyfriend said, walking into the bathroom and closing the door behind him. It didn't help that he had given me a problem either, which took a good five minutes to will away.

Stripping out of the costume, I flop down on the bed wearing nothing but the collar and my agate necklace. It was already nine and I figured I'd wait until tomorrow morning to take a shower since I didn't feel like it right now.

After I pull the sheet over me up to my chest, the bathroom door opens to reveal Kanda wearing a black, silk kimono with silver swirls and his hair down, still a little damp by the looks of it. The design of the kimono was that the slit crooked to the side after the tie so that when he walked to the bed, his left leg slipped out of the material, showing the muscle I loved so much. On top of that, it continued up until the tie stopped it, which was a little above his navel, revealing his hip as well. Granted, they weren't as shaped as mine because he had a more masculine body in general where I sported a narrow waist and somewhat normal hip width, as Fou pointed out earlier.

I didn't mind though because Kanda told me that I was beautiful regardless of what I thought. I remember that night like it was yesterday even though it was over a month ago. One night, we had just had sex and were in the shower washing off since we were _really_ dirty, not that either of us minded. Anyways, I was so tired from the workout and actually had to sit down because I had been on top and did most the work. Kanda asked me if I was okay, and of course I told him I was fine even though my muscles were sore. Afterwards, we were lying down, and I asked him if I should try to get stronger so we could do more and if he would like it if I got more muscle. He said exactly, "If you want to, Allen, you can. It's your body, not mine, but you're beautiful regardless of your strength and amount of muscle, at least you are to me."

I knew he meant it because he used my name for once, and I fell asleep thinking about it that night. Kanda lied down next to me, pulling the blankets over us as I cuddle up to him, not really caring that I was naked and he was pretty close to it. Flicking off the light, he wraps his arms around me, and I whisper, "Do you remember the night you called me beautiful?"

"Yeah," he answered, stroking my hair. "Why?"

"Just wondering," I mumble. Well, I wasn't really just wondering because it was one of the most important nights of my life. Sure, I'd been called sexy, hot, and cute even, but Kanda was the first person to ever call me beautiful. I never really degraded myself when I thought about my physical appearance, but I never considered myself pretty, let alone beautiful, and I had come to terms with it. With all things considered, I stopped thinking anyone would call me beautiful with my scar, white hair, and deformed arm even if it looked better now. My head is tilted upwards with a hand while another traced the scar over my left eye, "You are beautiful, Allen, and don't ever think you aren't."

Even though it was dark and I could only see the outline of his head against the crescent moon outside, when a tear slipped down my right cheek, he caught it with his thumb. I whisper, "Thank you, Kanda."

"I'm the first person to call you beautiful, aren't I?"

I nod, "Yes."

"Of course," he mutters, "because no one else can see past your most beautiful features. Your hair is as white as snow and as pure as your soul underneath all the scars. The scar on your eye is only the most noticeable one on you because you cover all the others, but it tells a story. It was the one that made you so strong in the first place even if you feel as fragile as glass at times. Your arm is what makes you unique as an exorcist, much more powerful than anyone else in the Order other than the Generals."

At this point, I was crying into his chest as he spoke about my beauty as the very things I thought messed me up to begin with. Kanda continued, rubbing circles in my back with one hand and stroking my hair with the other, "B is for bashful. E is for ecstatic personality. A is for always willing to help. U is for unconditional love for those you care for. T is for talisman, which what you eyes are like because you can hypnotize people with they're exquisiteness. F is for famous in all the branches for your courage and power. U is for unique. L is for loved by everyone in the Order, especially me."

"Thank you," I choke out from my joyful sobbing. Kanda replies, "I was just giving information that everyone but you knew. You are beautiful, Allen, and never forget it."

**Author Note: I just love writing emotional scenes! Next chapter we'll find out who the winner is, but it's pretty obvious who it is. Also, I'll announce this in the next chapter, too, but **_CHAPTER 36 WILL BE A FAN Q&A_**. You heard me! You can ask any questions you want to **_**any**_** character or me as long as it is rated T or below. You can ask as many as you want, and every question will be answered (No spoilers though!). Start thinking of some and review! (EX: Kanda: What is your favorite band? Lenalee: Have you lost your virginity, and if so, to whom? Crowsnight: How many chapters will be in this story?) I will only do the chapter if I get at least 30 questions! In addition, I will answer any questions you might have regarding writing if you think I'm good enough to get advice from (Lol).**


	35. World War Walker: Defeat

**Me: It's seven to one. Poor Kanda….**

**Allen: Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, only the plot. It's the last war chapter! Thank goodness!**

**Me: I wouldn't be too happy, Allen. READ THE AUTHOR NOTE AT THE END OF THE CHAPTER! THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE POSTED WENSDAY AND ALL QUESTIONS MUST BE POSTED BY THEN!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 35: World War Walker: Defeat_

I knew I wasn't going to last much longer at this point. It was an impossibility much to my despair.

All Kanda had to do to make me drool was take off his shirt or wear that kimono, and he wasn't even fazed when I tried the other outfit, just said I should go to dinner that way. He is such a jerk!

At the moment, he was practicing with Mugen in the training room while I paced in the middle of the room in skinny jeans and my "I Love My Sadistic Seme" crop top plotting my next move. Lenalee and Lavi had helped to the best of their abilities and earlier they wished me luck on a not so severe punishment. Yeah, thanks _so_ much, guys.

Last night, I even tried walking around in nothing but an apron that said "Uke on the Prowl" in blue letters, and after I lay down on my stomach, Kanda undid the tie _with his teeth_ and insisted I take it off. Sometimes, I just want to duck tape his mouth and see him get mad just to see him lose it, though I want to be able to have children one day, so to speak. Kanda wears the pants in our relationship, and I really don't care that I'm the girl because it feels good either way.

Sitting on the bed, I lie on my back with my hands above my head, staring up at the mattress, and close my eyes, waiting for my boyfriend to return. I didn't want to be alone, even if Ice was curled up in her latest hiding place, that being Kanda's underwear drawer. I totally understand the appeal, but then again, I'm his boyfriend and Ice is a cat so maybe we liked it for completely different reasons.

At that moment, the door opens, and I open my eyes and rise up enough to take in Kanda's appearance, his mouth-watering appearance. He props Mugen up against the wall, a drop of sweat falling off his chin as he straightens again, and walks into the bathroom, pulling off his shirt as he went and revealing his muscled back. _Calm down, Allen, calm down! He may be inhumanly sexy, but you can outlast him if you keep your eyes shut and don't look._

I follow my own advice, closing my eyes and trying to wait it out. Just when I was feeling peaceful, I hear from the bathroom and coming closer, "Hey, Allen, will you help me?"

"With what?" I ask, not risking opening my eyes. The bed sinks slightly as he sat on the edge and says, "I have a knot on my back. Can you work it out?"

Giving up, I sit up and look at him. His back was facing me, the sweat still glistening from his hard work with his katana, and his hair pulled over his shoulder. Deciding to at least to attempt something, I wrap my legs around his hips from the back, starting to move my hands along his shoulder blades while applying pressure. It's only when my foot feels a ragged end that I realize his black jeans are unbuttoned and unzipped, and I blush, pushing harder as he moans, "Allen, it's…so tight."

Gulping, I feel my legs involuntarily try to push together when he says it and I begin to massage his neck and shoulders, growling, "You are the meanest boyfriend ever."

"I know," he replies. "I just like to get what I want."

Another growl escapes me before he throws his head back with a loud moan, "More…harder, Allen."

Needless to say that I was the one saying that half an hour later, and I was not happy the next day.

"Kanda, please don't do this to me!" I beg as he hooks the leash to the collar, smirking. He ignored me, pulling the other end so I'll follow him out the door, my collar tinkling. I really, _really_ hated Lavi right now since it was his idea for this to be punishment, and Kanda couldn't be happier to be dragging me to the cafeteria on a leash.

The outfit wasn't too bad, though I didn't pick it out. No, that was Lenalee, but she wasn't trying to choose something that would make me want to cower in shame. I was wearing the black cat ears and tail, skinny jeans, and a black shirt that said in white letters, "PROPERTY OF MY SEME".

Any other time, it wouldn't bother me, but Kanda, excuse me, _Master_ was now subjecting me to lunch in this, and it was noon, the busiest time of day in the cafeteria. I hung my head, whimpering cuss words and adjectives about the cruelness of my boyfriend as we entered the dining room, the entire place falling silent before people started pulling out wallets and exchanging money. This was going to be the worst day of my life.

After I get my and Kanda's food, I sit down across from Lenalee, who was trying to stuff the money people were giving her in her wallet, and Lavi was doing the same. My eyes widen at the amount of cash they were receiving and cry, "You guys are traitors!"

"Hey, I helped you, but I knew Kanda would win," Lenalee said, not looking up from counting her money. Lavi laughed, "I was always on Yu's side. The back rub cracked you, huh?"

The smirk on Kanda's face was unmistakable, and I whined, "Kanda, you meanie!"

"I'm sorry, who are you addressing?" he asked evilly, glancing at me with his smoldering eyes.

"Master, you meanie!" I correct, not caring how many people gasped, got nosebleeds, or fainted. Scowling, I growl, "Will you people find another couple to satisfy your yaoi needs?!"

"Nope," Lenalee giggled. "I'm a strict Yullen fangirl."

"The heck did you just say?" Kanda barked even though I knew he was as curious as I was.

The apparent "Yullen" fangirl explained, "Yullen, Allen and Yu. For the record, the only thing with Kanda we could come up with was AreKan, and it sounded weird."

"And Yullen sounds normal?" I ask sarcastically, flicking my bell in an attempt to entertain myself. She shrugs, "It's easier to say than 'Allen and Kanda fangirl'."

"Yeah, it took forever to say," a high pitched voice piped from somewhere in the crowd. Slightly scared, I ask, "How many Yullen fangirls are there?"

Lenalee smiles, "About fifty the last time I counted, but we've gotten some new members since then though."

I let my head fall to the table, creating a dull "thunk", and I mutter, "I have stalkers."

"Deal Moyashi, I've dealt with it since I got here. Stupid, obsessed fangirls," my boyfriend replied, eating his soba. For once in my life, I had forgotten my food, but it wasn't like that for long, the pile of plates stacked up in the sink in less than ten minutes after I had to ask permission from my Master if I could. How demeaning.

After getting back, Kanda's done eating and as I was about to sit when he said, "Nope."

I give him a confused look before he points to his lap, and I situate myself there, whimpering as everyone's eyes are on us. One of his arms goes around my waist and the other starts at my hip and stretches across my chest, his possessiveness as evident as my white hair, and I lean back and say too low for anyone but Kanda to hear, "I thought you didn't like showing emotion in public."

"I usually don't, but this is a different occasion," he uttered to my clad in black neck. "Most of my fangirls are here, and apparently _our_ fangirls, too, which means I can send people to the infirmary without touching anyone but you."

"Good idea, Master," I say louder, and he releases me long enough for me to move to straddle him. Our lips clash roughly while I run my hands under his shirt, feeling his muscles, and several girls squeal, one much closer than the others. The sentence that stands out in my mind is Lavi saying, "It was a good day to bring my crayolas!"

My boyfriend breaks away from my mouth to continue down my jaw and neck as I rest my chin on his shoulder, staring at a group of four female finders who were holding back nosebleeds as they watched us, and just to mess with them, I don't look away as I run my tongue over Kanda's right ear, nibbling on the lobe as he shudders. I moan loudly as he begins sucking hard on the crook of my neck and shoulder, holding down the fabric for him so he could use his hands to grope my rear.

After giving the hickey a lick, Kanda pulls away, "Heavy casualties?"

"Yep," I grin, glancing around at the fainted people and bloody noses. From behind us, Lavi has a black crayon in hand as he draws something on a notepad that I couldn't see and he says, "Photographic memory, Baby!"

Lenalee was passed out in her chair and two girls were shaking her, "Lenalee, wake up! You have to tell the rest of the girls how to stop a nosebleed!"

From the way I was positioned with my cheek on Kanda's chest, I could see only out of one eye, but well enough to see clearly and I placed my hands on his shoulders, offering, "I could help."

Both the girls blushed a dark crimson and giggled, "Please."

"Master, may I?" I ask, pushing myself up and smiling as he nodded. Thankfully, he hadn't hooked the leash back to my collar so I could easily stand from his lap and walk over to where Lenalee was. Deciding to put on a show since the girls' faces kept getting darker the closer I got, I sat on the table in front of Lenalee's chair and instruct, "The trick is that she is just like Komui, tell her something and she'll wake up."

The girls nod seriously, concentrating as I say, "Lenalee, Kanda proposed to me. Will you be my matron of honor?"

A scream of excitement escapes her lips as she leaps up from the chair and begins jumping up and down, "Yes! Yes! Yes! I will! I will! I will!"

I can't help the chuckle at her state, tilting my head and kicking my legs, "Poor Lenalee."

She stops and glares at me, "That wasn't funny."

"Lenalee, you're awake! Allen helped wake you up after you passed out because several members have serious nosebleeds and we need your help!" the girl with a blonde pixie cut explained.

Lenalee nodded and started explaining that depending on what part of the show caused the bleed determined what part of the nose was bleeding, something I didn't know. Well, then again, I've never gotten a nosebleed before, or at least not from people making out. Girls are weird.

A click tells me that I'm restrained again and I feel a slight pull. Hopping off the table, I follow my boyfriend towards the exit, feeling the eyes of the remaining people on me, and I look back over my shoulder, blowing a kiss and winking, causing a few more girls to drop as I catch up with Kanda, shaking my hips enough to move my tail without drawing attention to my butt.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

"We should do that more often," I say, sitting on the bed as Kanda pulled out his hair tie. He smirks, "Yeah, we sh-"

He's cut off by a loud cry, coming from somewhere near where he was standing, next to his dresser. I call, "Ice?"

"MEOW!" she replies. Kanda glanced at his dresser, raising an eyebrow as I hop up from the bed, laughing as I kneel down in front of it. Pulling open the bottom drawer, a black and white flash darts out to the center of the room. The poor kit was tangled up in a pair of Kanda's black boxers, her head in one leg and her tail out the other, and she cries, "Mew!"

"Why was the cat in my underwear drawer and wearing my boxers?" Kanda muses, glancing at me. I shrug, "She's been sleeping in there, but _I_ never closed her up in it!"

He protests, "She shouldn't have been in there to begin with."

"You don't even own white underwear so how hard is it to see a white fur ball?" I ask accusingly.

"I wasn't looking, and how do you know all my boxers are black and gray?" he counters, raising an eyebrow and smirking. I growl, "I do-"

"MEOW!"

I laugh, "Sorry girl, Kanda did it this time." I crawl over to where she was on her back trying to wiggle out of the fabric. Picking her up, I slip it off her and toss it back to Kanda, and he puts it away, "This time?"

I freeze, embarrassed to be caught in my little fib, and Ice starts mewing in amusement. Glaring at the feline, I mutter, "Shush cat, I only did it once, but I didn't even look! I have an excuse!"

"A sorry excuse for an excuse," he chuckles, unclipping the leash that had been daggling from my neck and setting it on his dresser. I ignore him, standing with Ice in one arm as I pull off my cat ears, putting them with the leash, and I grab at my tail before placing it with the other accessories. Lying with my kit in one arm, I wait for Kanda as he does the same minus the cat and after releasing Ice, I cuddle up to him, wanting to rest for a while since I got very little sleep last night. My boyfriend asks, "Do you like water?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, confused as I glance up at him, his eyes closed and his head against the white pillow. He says, "Do you like to swim and stuff like that?"

I nuzzle back down into his chest, shutting my eyes, "Yeah. Mana used to take me to the beach when I was little, but other than that I haven't really done much with pools and that sort of thing. When I started cutting though, I bought a surf shirt to wear in the water if I ever did something along those lines. Why?"

"You'll figure it out," he mutters. "Just sleep for now, Kitten."

The kit at the end of the bed mewed like he was referring to her before I drift off into an ethereal dreamland.

**Author Note: READ THIS! IT IS IMPORTANT! **_CHAPTER 36 WILL BE A FAN Q&A_**. You heard me! You can ask any questions you want to **_**any**_** character or me as long as it is rated T or below. You can ask as many as you want, and every question will be answered (No spoilers though!). Start thinking of some and review! (EX: Kanda: What is your favorite band? Lenalee: Have you lost your virginity, and if so, to whom? Crowsnight: How many chapters will be in this story?) I will only do the chapter if I get at least 30 questions! In addition, I will answer any questions you might have regarding writing if you think I'm good enough to get advice from (Lol). **


	36. Fan Q&A

**Author Note: Here is the Fan Q&A as I promised! I don't own DGM or the characters, just the plot!**

**Interviewer**: Allen, have you ever tried alcohol or drugs whilst living with Cross?

Allen: No drugs, but I have drank before. I've never got drunk though because of my Innocence, but I love vodka and tequila, especially White Russians.

Kanda: You better not have done body shots.

Allen: *giggles* I never did body shots, don't worry, Kandy.

**Interviewer**: Kanda, when did you first realize you were in love with Allen, and what was your first reaction?

Kanda: I guess I fell in love with him when he saved the finder I was going to strangle, but I was in denial until I nearly started crying when I heard Tyki Mikk killed him. Even then, I wasn't going to admit it to myself, but when I was fighting Skin Bolic, his face kept popping up into my head, telling me to keep going for him. That was probably the only thing that kept me going long enough to kill the Noah.

**Interviewer**: Allen, did you ever date anyone before Kanda?

Allen: Um, no. Wait, does making-out with a stripper count?

Kanda: YES!

Allen: Then yes, three people.

**Interviewer**: Allen, did you ever have a crush a Narien?

Allen: No, but I really liked his sister at one point.

**Interviewer**: Crowsnight, what gave you the idea for this story, and what made you decide to write it?

Crowsnight: That's a tough one. Well, this is my third fanfiction, and I must say the first was awful and the second I discontinued because no one really liked it. I have this thing that I like to write about cutting and really depressing things like that, and I feel that it is challenging to capture it. I never really plan what I'm going to do in my fanfictions, because it just comes to me at times when I'm not thinking about it (a.k.a. in the shower, random dreams, things my friends say in the locker room, song lyrics, teachers talking about something interesting, anything different). I wanted to create a broken Allen, one that needed saving before it was too late and make it a Yullen at the same time. To begin with, I was going to write until he tried to commit suicide (Chapter 8), but while I was writing, I wanted to make a longer story, one that really could stretch what Allen had been through and with a Kanda that had a heart (And one I frequently update so no one waited too long). First, I thought, "Maybe friends with benefits? Allen really loves Kanda, but Kanda just wants the physical until he starts getting attached?" Again I say, an idea popped into my head about using an Mpreg with plenty of obstacles in Allen and Kanda's relationship, and if I remember correctly, I was talking to my art teacher about the color of the fairy I was painting's eye color (more like begging her to let me go ahead and paint it). I had read an Mpreg that had roughly the same explanation for the pregnancy so I used that and came out with a plot I loved. As far as posting it, I wanted to see if I could go somewhere with it, and if I could pull off a broken Allen and protective Kanda. Hope that answered your question, and if it didn't, by all means PM me!

**Interviewer**: Kanda, how many times a day do you molest your Moyashi?

Kanda: Molest? No, I may pin him down, but in the end he's begging for it, therefore, it's not molestation or rape. To answer the question, as much as Moyashi wants, but he can be really horny sometimes.

Allen: *blushes* I am not! And I don't beg either!

Kanda: Says you, and everyone knows you like it a bit rough. *smirks*

**Interviewer**: Kanda, do you like cats?

Kanda: Um, sure? I mean, I'm not a crazy cat person, but I think they're fun to have around, unless they're sleeping in your underwear drawer.

Ice: Mew!

**Interviewer**: Allen, why are you so submissive to Kanda? (Though you look hot doing it.)

Allen: *blushes* Thanks, and I really don't mind being uke other than Kanda throwing it at me all the time. It's not like Kanda forced me, at least not all the time, but I've been seme twice, and I can do it, I just prefer being uke. Plus, I knew _nothing_ about sex at that point, and I had been seme the first time, I think I might have hurt Kanda extremely badly.

**Interviewer**: Lenalee, how many Yullen doujinshi do you own?

Lenalee: Well, I have a couple, but not more than five.

Allen & Kanda: WHAT?! Why were we not informed of this?!

**Interviewer**: Lavi, does it bother you that your girlfriend has Yullen doujinshi?

Lavi: Nope, I helped make one with her!

Allen & Kanda: *O_o*

**Interviewer**: Komui, why are you letting Lavi and Lenalee date?

Komui: I felt that she was old eno-

Lenalee: Shut up, Brother! I had to threaten him that if he did killed Lavi, I would never make him coffee ever again.

Komui: Or that.

**Interviewer**: Millennium Earl, where have you and the Noah been? Are you on vacation or something?

Crowsnight: I'll go ahead and answer this one. I'm not all that crazy about putting the Noah and the Earl in my stories, but if I do a sequel, there will be tons of that. (I know, I know, I keep flopping around with the sequel, but I'm building on plot ideas as we speak, so I still don't know.)

**Interviewer**: Crowsnight, how many chapters is this story going to have?

Crowsnight: Truthfully, your guess is as good as mine. I'm doing the biggest majority of the story in real time, which means with the time lapse, the baby will be born in early to mid-August. After the birth, there will be a chapter one year later, another Fan Q&A, and the last chapter will be on the baby's sixteenth birthday. Hope that helped!

**Interviewer**: Crowsnight, shouldn't Allen be far enough along to be showing at this point?

Crowsnight: He won't start showing for another two weeks (five months). I've been trying to keep this as close to a normal pregnancy as possible, and let me tell you, my friends were worried about me at school when I was looking these things up! (I hope no one thought I was the one who was pregnant!)

**Interviewer**: Allen, what would you do if Cross walked in on you and Kanda having sex?

Allen: I'd flip him off and tell him that I got someone better than he ever did.

**Interviewer**: Kanda, what would you do if Tiedoll, Marie, or Daisya walked in?

Kanda: I'd cuss out Daisya and tell him to beat it, I would act like Tiedoll wasn't there since he would leave anyway, and I might punch Marie since he would be able to hear what was going on.

**Interviewer**: Cross, have you ever gone out with a woman more than once respectably?

Cross: You will learn the answer to that later in the story.

**Interviewer**: Komui, have you ever dated anyone?

Komui: Um, I was thinking I did, but I can't remember….

Reever: *blush*

**Interviewer**: Bookman, have you married before, and if so, to whom?

Bookman: No.

**Interviewer**: Cross, when did you start your womanizing ways?

Cross: Again, you will learn that later in the story.

**Interviewer**: Cross, what do you think about Allen's pregnancy?

Cross: I helped make it possible, but I think he's stupid for not using protection.

Allen: Master!

Kanda & Cross: What?

Everyone: *sweatdrop*

Allen: Master Cross, we wouldn't have needed it! We are both guys!

Cross: Still, you should have been more careful. I thought I taught you better, idiot apprentice.

Allen: I give up.

**Interviewer**: Everyone, what do you think the baby should be named?

Allen: I don't know….

Kanda: Whatever Moyashi wants to name her.

Lenalee: Yullen!

Lavi: Yui.

Komui: Komlin!

Reever: Anna.

Fou: Sentō-ki. (Fighter)

Foxy: Kitten!

Allen & Kanda: No!

**Interviewer**: Fou, did you ever have a crush on Allen?

Fou: Nope.

**Interviewer**: Where are the Generals in this story?!

Crowsnight: The only Generals I know enough about are Tiedoll and Cross, and Cross will be coming in soon.

**Interviewer**: Tiedoll and Cross, would you consider yourselves grandparents to your apprentices' baby?

Tiedoll: Of course, Yu-kun's baby will always be a part of my family!

Cross: Heck no, idiot pupil can clean up his own messes, not to mention Girly Boy is a menace.

Kanda: What was that, blue-hair and ponytail?

Cross: GET BACK HERE, IDIOT APPRENICE!

**Interviewer**: Lenalee, what kind of underwear do you like to wear?

Lavi: Anything purple, but she especially loves bikinis.

Lenalee: *nods while others watch Komui release a Komlin on Lavi*

**Interviewer**: Lavi, would you ever consider marrying Lenalee?

Lavi: Absolutely. If I thought that it was the right time, I'd definitely propose and say "I do".

**Interviewer**: Lenalee and Lavi, have you had sex yet?

Lenalee: *blushes*

Lavi: I knew what her underwear looked like and you think we haven't?

**Interviewer**: Allen and Kanda, who are the baby's godparents going to be?

Kanda: Not the rabbit.

Allen: Lenalee and Lavi.

Kanda: Not the rabbit.

Allen: Kanda, chill!

Kanda: Fine, Lavi and Lenalee.

**Interviewer**: Allen, when did you first realize you were in love with Kanda and what was your first reaction?

Allen: I first realized I loved him when I lost my arm. I remember thinking, "At least I made it past the first month, maybe Kanda will remember me." After that, I woke up in the Asian Branch, and the thought of him is what kept me going and helped me defeat the level three akuma.

**Interviewer**: Lenalee, would you want to have kids, and if so, how many?

Lenalee: I might have one, but probably not. I'm so busy that I would be afraid that I wouldn't be able to give her enough attention.

**Interviewer**: Allen have you ever met anyone from the circus you use to work at when you were still called Red?

Allen: No, I really didn't know anyone while I was with Mana anyways.

**Interviewer**: Allen, do you still know some of your acrobatics?

Kanda: Yes, quite a few, actually.

Allen: *blushes*

**Interviewer**: Allen, would you like to have more kids?

Allen: No, I want to devote all my time to the baby we have now. It's going to be hard enough to be with her with the missions and such already, and I don't want to have another child that I can't give every bit of my attention to.

**Interviewer**: Lenalee, are you mad at Komui for what he did to Allen?

Lenalee: First off, I'd be mad with a lot of people since every General and member of the science division was in on it, too, including me, so I can't really be mad. The only thing I'd change would be that I wish we'd asked, but it didn't end badly.

**Interviewer**: Lavi, are you still a virgin? If not, who did you lose it to?

Lavi: I'm by no means a virgin, as Lenalee knows, but she wasn't the first. Let's see, that was a few years ago with some girl I met in a town and hooked up with, though I can't remember her name….

**Interviewer**: Crowsnight, if you were a unicorn, would you rather make Yullen real in the anime/manga, or be transported as Allen's unicorn friend in the anime/manga?

Crowsnight: Um, the first one since I wouldn't want to live in the 19th century, EVER.

**Interviewer**: Everyone (Crowsnight, too), what is your favorite color?

Allen: Blood red.

Kanda: Lotus flower purple.

Lavi: Mint green.

Lenalee & Foxy: PINK!

Fou: Purple.

Komui: Dark green like my Lenalee's hair.

Reever: Orange.

Crowsnight: I love neon green and baby blue, but I just can't pick one!

**Interviewer**: Kanda, Lenalee, and Allen, what is the most embarrassing moment in your life?

Lenalee: When Reever walked in on Lavi and me going at it.

Allen: One time, Cross was so drunk he didn't close the door to the bedroom while he was in there with a woman and he asked if I wanted to be part of a threesome.

Kanda: I can't choose between when Tiedoll caught me jerking off or vice versa.

Everyone: *O_o*

**Interviewer**: Allen, if you don't mind the question, how did you realize that cutting helped with your problems?

Allen: I think it was after the Ghost of Mater mission and I was really upset about the constant arguing with Kanda. When I went back to my room, I kept pressing the bruise he left on my cheek and it seemed to feel weird, like painful at first and then numb. I decided to experiment with it, and it just kept going from there.

**Interviewer**: Kanda, what was your first couple of thoughts when you were told Allen was pregnant?

Kanda: The very first was, "WHAT THE HECK?!" After that, it was confusion and wondering how it happened. Lenalee explained the pills, and then it was all about Allen. Was he alright? Was he okay with having my baby? Now, I'm just happy that it all turned out this way.

Allen: No, you? You're never happy!

Kanda: Oh, shut up. *gives him a French kiss and everyone gets nosebleeds*

**Interviewer**: Everyone, what do you think about Allen and Kanda's relationship?

Lenalee: A match made in heaven!

Lavi: It should have happened a long time ago, and I was growing old waiting.

Komui: The baby could have been born two years ago.

Reever: They should continue to date.

Fou: I'm really glad that Kanda finally found that someone he's been looking for.

Foxy: I don't know them very well, but I'm glad my costumes and toys come in handy for them!

Everyone: *looks at the couple strangely*

Allen: *blushes*

Kanda: *smirks and gives Allen's cheek a lick and more nosebleeds happen*

**Interviewer**: Crowsnight, how do you know so much about intimate stuff?

Crowsnight: At my school, it's just kind of out there if it's straight, but I don't read M fanfictions. I get all gay/lesbian information from Google, T fanfictions, and asking my mom.

**Interviewer**: Lenalee, when did you find out Allen and Kanda were gay?

Lenalee: Let's see here, it was obvious for Allen since he tends to check out guys without thinking about it.

Allen: *blushes* I-I do n-not!

Lenalee: Yes, you do. Anyways, Kanda I just sort of figured out from his interactions with Allen.

**Crowsnight: Thank you all for asking questions and I plan to have another one of these later, probably a month or so before the baby is born! Next chapter is up, so click the little arrow and tell me if the answers helped! *bows and waves along with everyone else except Kanda***


	37. Wilderness Lodge

**Author Note: Thank you for all the comments and questions throughout the story! Also, Wilderness Lodge is a condo/hotel in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee that has an indoor and outdoor water park. All the descriptions in the following chapters are accurate as I have been five times in the past three years. **

**Me: Lenalee, will you do the honors?**

**Lenalee: Sure, Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, only the plot.**

**Me: Thanks, and here's the next chapter!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 37: Wilderness Lodge_

"Kanda, where are we going?" I whine, getting restless from being in the small Ford Focus for over three hours. He glances over at me, amusement sparkling in his dark eyes, "It's only about another hour, maybe less."

I woke up at around nine this morning to an empty bed and a suitcase at the end of the bed, half-full with clothes. Long story short, Kanda told me to pack enough clothes for a today through Friday and a little extra, plus swimwear and that Fou would take care of Ice. Personally, I had no clue what we were doing, let alone where we would go swimming, but I did as he said, and in about two hours, my stomach was full and we were in this black Focus. Originally, I thought Kanda didn't have his license, but guess what? Yep, he can legally drive, though I wish that he would tell me what we were doing.

I complain, "We've been driving for hours!

"Correction," he says, eyes back on the road, "I've been driving for hours. You, on the other hand, can't stay still. Don't you have an iPod?"

I nod, "Yeah, but I didn't think you would want to listen to it. My ear buds finally broke after five years, and all I have is a jack."

"Then, use it. I can just tune it out," he insists, and I happily reach into the backseat, grabbing my bag and putting it on my lap. After unzipping the top, I rummage around until I find the cord and electronic device, and the bag goes back behind me as I plug the iPod into the input on the stereo. Flipping though the songs, I ask, "What kind of music do you like?"

"It doesn't matter, just play what you like," he tells me, not glancing away from the windshield. Shrugging, I set it on the "My Favorites" playlist, the first song coming up "Play Dead" by The Birthday Massacre. Quietly, as to keep Kanda from hearing me, I sing along to the somewhat creepy music, "Thinking hurts and thoughts don't rhyme to those of us who've never tried to find a face behind our lipstick smiles. And as our pretty faces die, our broken hearts will wonder why the make-up just won't hide the scars of time."

As I continue to mumble the words, I watch out the window, my breath on the window fogging the glass and the dreary clouds looming ominously over the forests around us. Even though autumn is by far my favorite season, winter is beautiful in my eyes, even if it was cold and seemingly gloomy. Maybe it's because I have connection to it, the snow falling in the long, freezing nights and killing everything it can clutch in its unforgiving grasp like the tears running over my scarred, dead heart buried in my warm yet hollow chest, beating only for the ones around it. So why is it that I can stare in awe at that same, pure, careless snow and see the beauty, but can only crack the mirror when gazing at my own reflection? Where is the corruption? Is it my broken eyes, or is it that nature can be the most striking thing while still prowling for its next kill?

Or maybe it's Kanda and his twisted sense of beauty being me. I would never consider myself beautiful for so many reasons, like the scars that cover my body, the pale, vulgar, repulsive things that will forever mark me as weak and fragile. Not only are they reminders of my past, but sometimes I can't even make eye contact with my boyfriend when we're intimate. It doesn't bother me that I'm no longer a virgin, but it was the last sense of purity I had in me, and it's gone now, even if I was to the person I love and father of my baby.

No, my virginity was long gone, but when I think about it, it was the least I could do to tell Kanda how much I loved him and how grateful I am that he saved me, even if there are times that I regret it. I continue to gaze at the passing trees, naked as they reach towards the dark sky with their gnarled arms vulnerable to lightning and fire, and the sky is so menacingly gray, the color of ashes, even though it was only one in the afternoon. It was obvious that it would burst soon, its cloudy eyes bubbling over with fat, cold tears, and it was only a few minutes before it did, the water beginning to run down the windows. Over my music, now playing "45" by Shinedown, I could hear the faint squeak of the window wipers, announcing that it was really raining, not my imagination.

The car slows down as Kanda turns into what looked like a condo complex, several different buildings around the area, but one stood out, the one with four slides twisting and curving out the side of it.

Kanda parks the car at one of the biggest buildings near the main entrance since there were very few other cars in the lot, probably because it was Tuesday, and glances over at me, "We're here."

"What?" I ask, shocked. "You mean we're going to swim in the water park at the Wilderness Lodge all day?"

He shakes his head, and as my shoulders slump slightly, he continues, "We check out Saturday at eleven."

Even though there was only a little room in the car, I squeal and launch myself into his arms, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

"You're welcome, and besides, it's not like it's going to be all bad for me either. I wanted to do something like this before you start showing," he says into my neck. After a moment, I pull away and tilt my head, "Showing what?"

He chuckles, "The baby, before you start showing that you're pregnant, Baka."

"I knew that!" I protest while trying to hide my blush, which would not go away.

"Okay," he says. "I'll get the bags while you check us in. We're under the Black Order."

I nod, hopping out of the Focus after flipping up my hood, and race to the door, glad that it wasn't raining as heavily as it could have been with as dark as the sky was. It takes less than five minutes for Kanda and me to be heading towards our room, which luckily was at the building we were at already, and I was so excited to be on the top floor. On top of that, we were literally twenty yards from the building's door to the arcade's entrance that we have to go through to get to the water park. Words cannot describe my enthusiasm! Heck, I practically jumped down the hall to our room, and Kanda said that I must be related to Lavi with how hyperactive I was acting at the moment.

When I unlocked the door with my keycard, I opened the door and gasped at the room. It was luxurious! To my right was a long table, five cabin-like chairs on one side and a black, leather booth against the wall, and from there was a cabinet. The right wall goes into a nice kitchen, the fridge and four-eyed stove against the wall, and the bar was made of brown granite, the sink, dishwasher, and appliances in the kitchen part and four chairs, only higher, on the outer part. The kitchen was partially in a nook, so on the other side of the counter, the right wall continues into a white door and where the right and opposite wall connect, a large flat-screen sets on dresser, and under it is a stereo and DVD player.

The opposite wall is where the balcony is located, over-looking the outdoor water park, even though it was drained, and after that was a loveseat. In the nook of the opposite and left wall is a nightstand topped with a lamp, and then a couch, and in the center of the room is a coffee table.

The left wall then flattens into one parallel to the balcony and continues to a twin bedroom and the bathroom, the first block a vanity and sink with the entire wall a mirror and the second a shower and toilet. I say, "Wow!"

"Glad you like it," Kanda says as he walks toward the unidentified room by the TV. Following my boyfriend, I find the master bedroom, complete with a king-size bed and flat-screen across from it and to my left where it set on top of a large dresser. There were nightstands and lamps on each side of the bed, and a window in the left wall. A closet was nestled into the wall next to the TV, and Kanda set our bags in front of it before flopping down on the bed, right in the middle all spread out. My first thought was how much he must trust me to do that and then lie in such a vulnerable position, and the bluenette grumbled, "I hate driving."

"But you're happy you did because I'm happy, right?" I ask, climbing next to him and resting my head on his right shoulder while curling up to him. He replies, "Of course."

As I was lying there, I realize that the bedroom went directly into the master bath. A small divider no taller than three feet stood between the bed and the triangular Jacuzzi, and after another divider, there was a small sink. Parallel to Kanda and me, there was an open door, and inside I could see a shower, but nothing else, though I assume there was a toilet. Happily, I say, "Thank you, Kanda. This is really nice."

"Until Thursday afternoon," he tells me, his right hand drawing intricate designs on my black-clothed back like an artist painting on a blank canvas, the promise of many possibilities inviting. I glance up at him through my snowy ribbons, "What do you mean?"

His eyes are closed as he replies, "Lenalee and Lavi are spending the night Thursday. That's why there's an extra bedroom."

I nod, "But it'll be fun! We need three or four people to ride the big slides anyways, this way we don't have to ask strangers."

"I suppose, but then again, it gives us only two nights to see what all we can accomplish better in that tub and a master bed," he smirks, opening his dark eyes to look at me. I smile, "Just means you'll be tired in the morning. I have much more endurance than you do."

"Is that a challenge?" he asks, the glint in his darkening eyes unmistakable. Lightning fast, I straddle him just to be pinned just as quickly, my legs wrapped around my attacker's waist as I whine, "No fair! You didn't even give me a chance!"

"Quit complaining," he orders and leans down to my ear. "You love it and you know it."

I shiver slightly, "So what if I do?"

"Then you have no room to whine," he whispers before licking inside my ear. Moaning, I say, "Kanda, I wanna…swim. This can…wait."

He pulls away, but places a hand flat on my chest, the other by my head. Glaring down at me with his control over the situation obvious, he smarts off, "And what if I want it now? You know that I get what I want, and right now, I want you, and more importantly, your body."

Submitting, I allow him to trail his lips and tongue along my jaw and neck, loving this side of him. Usually, if I object to something, it ends there, but there are times when Kanda completely controls it, regardless of what I want to do. These are usually the times that I end up on my hands and knees, begging for it while he spanks me or something along those lines, but I don't mind. I love being controlled and treated like I'm his property, and as he stated earlier, he knew that, too.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

Now, it's four o'clock, and Kanda is in the bathroom getting ready to go swimming. Okay, so he was standing on the tile that made up the bathroom, but there were no walls, so I could watch him brush his hair and put it in a cropped ponytail. I ask, "Why do you put it up like that?"

"So it won't get in the way, and I hate wet hair sticking to me," he replies, sitting on the bed beside me in his black swim trunks, his chest bare. I was still lying down on my side, clutching a pillow and the blankets up to my neck, "Okay, that makes sense."

Not moving, I realize that he was ready to go and I was still naked under the covers, trying to hide. The urge to go swimming was too much, and I wiggle out of the blankets that concealed my body, giving Kanda a quick kiss on the cheek before crawling to the end of the bed and putting my feet on the floor. After digging out my white surf shirt and equally white swim trunks, I slip them on, my back to Kanda until I'm dressed, and then I move to stand in front of him, "I'm ready."

He glances at me and asks, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," I reply happily, gluing on a plastic smile. Shaking his head, he plants his hands on my waist and guides my body to sit beside him, his right arm still around me while the other is one is forcing eye contact by staying firmly on my right cheek, "Tell me, Allen."

I don't like him holding our gazes together since I know that his eyes can pierce through the wall I've built to hide my emotions, and I think he knows it, too, but he doesn't move, just continues to mix midnight blue and blade silver. Giving up, I sigh and stare down at his neck, "What if my shirt comes up? What if someone sees my scars and starts calling me names?"

"How will anyone know that they're from cutting?" he asks, letting his hand grip mine.

"Maybe someone will," I say, terrified of the consequences that might have. Kanda's grip tightened slightly, "Then I'll take care of it. No one, and I mean _no one_, hurts my boyfriend and gets away with it."

"Okay," I say, not sure if I believed it or not. I mean, I know Kanda will come close to maiming anyone who does something bad to me, but I didn't want to get kicked out of the water park! Go with it, Allen. If you keep worrying you won't enjoy it, so stop it.

Shortly after that, we go to the restaurant in the water park and eat. Well, I do. Kanda nibbles on a small piece of pizza to keep me at bay while I gobble down the rest of the extra large pepperoni pizza. Then, we finally enter the rest of the Wild Water Dome, the scent of chlorine prominent in my nostrils. Time for fun!

**Author Note: Hey guys, sorry about the short chapter, but the next one will be longer, promise! **


	38. Splish, Splash, No Kanda Not in the Bath

**Me: Lavi, will you do the honors?**

**Lavi: Okay, Crowsnight doesn't own DGM or the characters, just the plot.**

**Me: Thanks, and here's the next chapter!**

_**Situation**_

_Chapter 38: Splish, Splash, No Kanda, Not in the Bath_

"What do you want to do first?" I ask excitedly, wanting to go get wet. Straight in front of us was a dry area between the walk-in wave pool to the right and play area for the little kids to the left. Closer to us on the left was the Surf Rider, a ride that you basically get to go surfing only on a contraption, and on the other side of it was the Magnolia Grove, a steamy hot tub with coves where you can be alone with your family, or in my case, my boyfriend. Across the water park were two staircases, the larger splitting when it got high enough, the shorter one going to the tube slides and the taller to the group slides. To the right of where the tube slides end, there was an enclosed area, inside keeping a gigantic foam snake that kids were pushing each other off of and water basketball.

Kanda looks around and grumbles, "The hot tub."

"Other than that!" I say, tugging him towards the wave pool that hadn't started yet in hopes of getting a double tube. "What else do you want to do?"

He chuckles at my obvious attempt to make him choose the wave pool and says, "You choose."

"Okay, this way!" I tell him, leading him towards the water. We leave our jackets and shoes on one of the lounge chairs, and I slowly walk into the water, the cold liquid barely lapping at my ankles. There were probably twenty people towards the deep end, but I could tell from the lifeguards' at ease composure that it was normally a lot more. Good, it's not as crowded.

I glanced at the tubes lying on the bank, trying to decide if I wanted to float with Kanda or not, but eventually continued walking into the water. There was a huge rock in about a foot that had little jets coming out of the sides and a support beam sticking out from the top, and I stepped in front of one of the water streams, letting the cold water wet my white shirt. Looking back, I notice Kanda was still only in the first few inches of the water, glaring at it like it was going to open up into an abyss and swallow him up. Was Kanda scared of water? Now that I think about it, I'd never seen him swim, but why would he bring me here if he didn't want to?

Leaving the rock, I go back towards the bank, latching onto my boyfriend's arm and asking, "Kanda, can you swim?"

He doesn't reply, but looks away, hiding a slight dusting of pink across his cheeks, and I press, "Tell me. I won't laugh if you can't."

"I can, I just don't like to that much, but I knew that you would like it so…" he trailed off, still not looking at me.

"Kanda," I say, "do you want to go somewhere where the water isn't so deep? We can go to the hot tub for a while."

"No, I want to do what you want to," he protests, but I'm already pulling him towards the Magnolia Grove, wanting to make sure Kanda enjoys the water park as much as I do.

When we get to the hot tub and through the little gate, I notice that there was an opening that you can go through to go outside, and considering that all the coves were taken inside, I decided to try it. Maybe thirty degrees won't feel bad in a hot tub. My foot slides into the steaming water, much hotter than my showers normally are, and resist the urge to jerk my foot back and run to the wave pool.

Easing into the water, I slowly got used to the temperature and found it soothing, and I think Kanda did, too since his face relaxed incredibly. We continued into the water until it lapped at our waists, and I led the bluenette beside me outside, pushing through the shredded film and looking around.

The outdoor part of the hot tub was a desert, if you can say that about a pool of water, but you get what I mean. No one was out there.

Maybe it was the fact that as exorcists, Kanda and I both have had to endure much worse conditions, like the Leaf of Revival mission. There were probably seven different coves, and I made my way into the first, where I sat on the underwater bench, waiting for my boyfriend to join me. It didn't take long for him to wrap an arm around my waist and pull me closer to him, and I did so willingly, resting my head on his strong shoulder and letting my own arms circle around him. I mutter, "Are you going to tell me why you don't like swimming?"

"I was hoping to avoid it actually," he grumbles. "But I think I can make an exception in your case."

Nuzzling into him, I patiently wait for him to begin. He sighs, "Okay, so my…my brain came from an exorcist that hated water and couldn't swim. Literally, his Innocence would malfunction when he got wet. So after I was born, I was terrified of water until I synchronized with Mugen, and then as part of training, I was forced to learn to swim. Since then, I went on a mission several years ago with Lenalee and the akuma loved water, so of course it stayed in the nearby lake. Long story short, the akuma nearly drowned me and if Lenalee didn't have such a strong kick, I'd be dead."

Silently, I let the information I just received sink in. So that was it. His brain didn't like water and now, he had almost drowned and now despised water. I say, "No one is going to drown you at a family resort, Kanda."

"I know that, but still…."

"Still nothing, Yu Kanda isn't intimidated by anyone or anything, and yet you are sitting here talking about your fear of water. I feel for you, truly I do, but I've nearly drowned three times from akuma, beach waves, and falling asleep in the bath tub. You are stronger than water," I tell him, now glaring at him from on my knees on the hot tub floor in front of him, my hands firmly planted on his knees. Guilt was gnawing at me since I knew that I was being harsh, but if there's one thing I've learned about Kanda, it's that he hates pity. He has to have a reason to do something, and if I'm right, he most likely will assume I'm calling him weak, even though I'm not. I understand that everyone has a fear, but he'll thank me when he isn't being nagged by Lavi about this. Maybe this isn't the way to go about it, but I think it will work.

He glares at me, and I know for certain that the only part of my little speech was he heard was the fact that I sounded like I called him frail. Obviously ticked, he growls, "I never said I was scared of water, I just don't like it very much."

"Try that on Lavi. We'll see how far that gets you in his mind," I fire back. "Just so you know, I don't think you're weak. It's just that I know what fear can do to you, and I don't want you not to enjoy anything here because of it."

Pushing up onto my feet, I place both hands on either side of Kanda's hips and press our lips together. Originally, I meant it to be short, but that plan failed when I ended up straddling my boyfriend's lap and his arms around me while his tongue explores my mouth. During this, I hear at least three girls giggling, but I don't really care as Kanda trails his mouth along my jaw, causing my arms that were holding me up against his chest to give out, and as soon as that happens, I'm against the bench and Kanda is hovering over me. He smirks, "I think I'd take on the Millennium Earl if this was the reward."

I blush furiously though I think it could pass as a flush from the water, "Sure, you do that, but first…."

"I know, first I'll brave the wave pool," he says, playfully tugging at the waistband of my white swimsuit. At this, I immediately shiver despite the heat of the water, but I hoped it could pass as a result of the chilling air, though it was unlikely as blood flowed to my face. It wouldn't help in concealing the blush, but I still turn away from my boyfriend's gaze, mumbling, "And you call me horny?"

"Yes, I do. The guy isn't generally referred to as horny considering he's a guy," he smirks against my ear as he speaks.

"Hey!" I practically shout. "I'm a guy, too, regardless of being uke or…other things!"

He nods, putting his index and middle finger under my chin and pulling my gaze to his hungry one, "I realize this, but then again, you can act really girly at times."

Instead of replying, I glare at him while pouting, trying to get him to take back the words, but unfortunately, Kanda hasn't ever been effected by my pouting considering that in the end, I have to bribe or threaten him. Waiting for him to sit beside me again, I bargain, "I'll let you stay in the hot tub for five more minutes if you answer a question."

"Okay, what is it?" the samurai asks, sitting beside me, and I absently trace his tattoo with my pointer finger. After a moment, I continue, "Why don't you ever let me call you by your given name? I don't care about honorifics and such, but I wouldn't mind using them, I just don't get it."

Kanda rests his head on the bumpy, smooth stone that outlines the Magnolia Grove, letting out a sigh, and he answers, "I guess I never really thought about it, you wanting to call me Yu, I mean. But if you want to, you can. It wouldn't bother me."

"But I know that in Japan that you're supposed to use an honorific. Which should I use?"

"None, not using an honorific shows intimacy, so really, you don't need to use one," he explains, his eyes staring up at the darkening sky, almost like dark clouds. Continuing to run my finger on the Second Exorcist tattoo, I nod, "Would you prefer me call you Yu or Kanda?"

Silence filled the air other than the jets in the center of the hot tub, and I waited for him to answer, laying my legs across his lap and snuggling up to him, never stopping the motion on his chest. After a minute of serene quietness, he replies, "Kanda. It's nothing to do with not wanting you to call me by my first name; it's just that I don't like it in general."

"Then you should have said that," I say into his neck. "I want to call you what you want me to, not the other way around."

"Okay, Moyashi," he says, glancing down at me with a smirk as I death glare him. I growl, "I'm not a bean sprout! Why can't you call me Allen in your accent?!"

He chuckles, "Why would I do that when I can make you mad? You're so cute when you're aggravated."

"I-I-I…oh, you are evil!" I squeak, trying to hide my blush behind his shoulder.

"Am I now? When was this decision made? It had to have been sometime after this afternoon," he smirks that stupid, arrogant, heart-racing, hot, sexy, mouth-watering….

I smack my head and tell myself, "Shut up!"

My boyfriend raises an eyebrow at me, "So what were you thinking about my little strawberry?"

Whimpering, I duck under his arm, trying so hard to conceal my very evident blush, "Evil. Did I ever mention how hot you look when you smirk?"

Whoops! No, no, no, that wasn't supposed to come out! I whine, "I never said that!"

"Oh, no, you can't take it back now," he says, moving so he could see my blood red face. Shaking my head, I protest, "Yes, I can! You evil, mean, sadistic boyfriend!"

"Sure, but what about the other adjectives? If I remember correctly, you've called me hot, sex god, smexy, should I continue?"

"No! For the record, some you forced out of me!" I object, referring to the second one though I did say it of my own freewill once….

He chuckles, "Yeah, right."

"Dexy," I mutter, trying to slip an insult in somehow, even if I was still calling him sexy. Nodding, Kanda replies, "You can say that all you want, but I know how to get under your skin."

As if to prove his point, he presses our lips together harshly, running his hand down my body, making me gasp in pleasure, and his tongue darts into my mouth. I don't know which is worse: the fact that Kanda can do this to me by touching all the right places or that he knows which places are sensitive even though I didn't. Should I be taking lessons?

A few minutes later, I'm holding Kanda's hand as I lead him into the wave pool. He was seemingly unaffected to anyone who didn't know him, but I could tell by the way his hand was tensed up and his eyes were narrowed that he was on edge. The waves had already been on and off, and I figured we'd stay until they came on again since the five foot water would rise to six. Even if I wanted Kanda to get over his fear, I wasn't going to force him into something like that. That would be awful. In some ways, that would be like Kanda forcing me to walk around the water park without a shirt, and that would scare me and cause me to probably cry for the next two years.

We stuck close to the wall since I think it calmed Kanda down to be able to climb out if he needed to, though I really didn't understand why that would happen. At this point, the water was lapping at my waist and it caused me to shiver a little because of the transition of water temperature. Glancing over at me, Kanda asked, "Are you alright?"

"Really, you're asking me if I'm okay?" I say, rolling my eyes. "Give me a sec."

With that, I release his hand and let my legs collapse, dunking myself momentarily under the cold water before straightening. Wiping the water out of my eyes, I shake my head, probably spraying my boyfriend in the process, and I say, "Okay, I'm good."

"Baka Moyashi," he grumbled as I moved my white hair out of my face, and I laugh, "This is how you get used to the water."

Kanda just shook his head and uttered playful insults under his breath, though it feels weird to smile when he calls me an idiot and something in Japanese. Oh well, I can always get revenge later.

Eventually, the bluenette and I were in the heart of the wave pool, even though we were still by the fake rock wall. The water lapping at my clothed collarbone, I stood on my tiptoes, but I think Kanda was flat foot and as deep as I was. Personally, he looked like he was fine, but the difference was when I reached for his hand again, he took a hold of it in a death grip, my eyes nearly popping out of my head like one of the cats in a cartoon when someone yanks its tail.

My hand now loosing circulation, I say, "You can relax, Kanda. Nothing's going to happen."

The closest thing to a reply I got was a glare, but I could see the underlying fear, though his grip loosened slightly, very, very slightly.

oO_Oo_oO_Oo

The rest of the time didn't go much better, and I forced Kanda to come back to the condo. As soon as we were through the door, he made an excuse about chlorine hating his hair and practically darted into the bathroom, a click telling me he locked the door behind him.

**Author Note: Guys, I'm so sorry about the late update. For some reason, my brain went into "think about the chapters after this instead of focusing on the one you should be thinking about" mode, and I know I'm not the only one that has that happen. Anyway, next chapter should be out soon, and please, Please, PLEASE R/R!**


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